Classroom Awkwardness

Today was uneventful which I’m happy for. Honestly, I can only take so many hits to the head without it starting to have an impact. I’m pretty sure it has started already but I’m trying to be optimistic by ignoring the signs. While there weren’t many events of particular note, there were several moments of awkwardness.

The first occurred was in my Holocaust history class. When I signed up, I expected to be uncomfortable but today was my first taste. My professor is trying very hard to make us understand the importance of rhetoric. So today, he asked us to write an anti-Semitic speech based on the readings we’d done so far. We’re in groups for this exercise and of course, my group’s name is Number Two... Whatever. So we’re all looking at each other, none of us wanting to pen anti-Semitic anything. The end result of our staring was a long game of rock, paper, scissors to determine who the unlucky fellow would be. IT WASN’T ME! But then we had to think and say things that a) all of us agree and believe are wrong and b) that are taboo. It was actually very difficult. Finally, one guy stepped up and threw out a sentence. We went around in a circle, each of us giving one sentence filled with the most ludicrous falsehoods we could think of. Thankfully, time ran out when it came to me! I had nothing. We went around the class and we read our speeches. I hate admitting this, but it was hysterical. Simply knowing that none of us were serious turned horrible language and something not funny, into something amusing. I think it’s part of a reaction to the awkwardness. What else is there to do but laugh? But I do think that in writing and trying to think up these words, it really emphasized that at one point, people truly thought and said these things. To them it wasn’t some classroom exercise everyone knew was fake.

Heavy huh? Well, after that I went to my next class, history of sexuality. Now, I hate participating in class. Hate it. I like speaking up about as much as cats like baths. (My cat literally grabs me in an attempt not to go in the water.) However, participation is worth 40% of my grade. CRAZY! So today, I sucked it up and I spoke. What did I say you may ask? “The ancient Greeks preferred small penises for aesthetic purposes. It looked better. Large penises were attributed to barbarians. So... small was... great!” I think I threw the word penis out there a few more times and there was stuttering but that’s about how it went. I later went on to “spill the beans” as my professor said, by speaking about female nudity and sexuality in Sparta. When he came back to my point in the second half of the class, I wasn’t paying attention. I was drawing on my wallet. Everyone looks at me, I’m drawing stars on my wallet. Just like the small penis, it was great.

The penis moment was only topped by the virginity talk I participated in last year in my Shakespeare class. I was arguing that the main character of Measure for Measure would essentially lose her life if she gave up her virginity to save her brother. She was becoming a nun in a strict order forbidding talking. Pretty sure an illegitimate sexual relationship would (pardon the pun) screw her over. So I’m terrified talking about this and the closing of my argument was: “When it’s gone, it’s gone.” To which my professor cleverly replied: “So they tell me.” Ahahaha, giggles all around. Ack... I was red to begin with. I was probably near purple after that.

I have one class left tonight and Lord knows what will happen there. I’m a little afraid. I hope all goes well!

Lauren.