History Class Phenomenon

You are going to be disappointed in me. Remember that whole dating sabbatical thing? Did I forget to mention that I met someone really interesting lately? I have no sticking power when it comes to this. Seriously. I can swear off shrimp. I used to love them, can’t eat it anymore. I can swear off Twilight. I can swear off movies with Eddie Murphy. My God that man is annoying. Women not so much... and it’s ironic because I am the worst at dating. The last two people I’ve had... a thing... for have been straight or dating a guy. Hence the sabbatical. I think this also proves the non-existence of gaydar, that or that I wasn’t given one upon my exit from the closet. Maybe I took a wrong turn and missed the booth where they were handing them out. Maybe I got a straight-dar instead! I always tend to stand in the wrong line! It would explain so much!

Even so, today while I was talking to my friend Zoe, I realized a rather peculiar similarity between these three women. The first one is that I met all of them in one of my history classes. This did not occur in the same year by the way, it’s over a span of four years now. The history class similarity led me to ask another question: What the hell?

Prof: And SA soldiers were posted outside of Jewish stores. However, the boycott on Jewish products was largely unsuccessful because it was inconvenient to...

Lauren’s Mind: Hmmm... she is really interesting. Hey Brain, did you know she speaks three languages?

Lauren’s Brain: Hey Mind! Get out of the gutter and pay attention! You’ve already missed the date of the boycott and now you don’t know what else the Nazis pulled on the Jews prior to 1938. I have to control all of Lauren’s stupid impulses. Don’t go making my job harder!

Lauren’s Mind: I wonder where she’s from... Oh right, uh... boycott.

Doesn’t make sense and it’s quite horrible isn’t it? Same thing happened with the French Revolution although I know that started in 1789 as well as the battle of Ypres in 1915. Some stuff gets through. I don’t know what it is about mass murder, beheadings and battles where toxic gases were used for the first time, but seems that I always find some girl to think about. This is also three different classes. Of course, the last two girls ended up being more than “some girl”.

Lauren’s Theories to Explain History Class Phenomenon:

• Admin places all women attractive to Lauren in her history classes.
  
• All women attractive to Lauren have an interest in history
  
• Lauren gaps out in history
  
• Strange gas is released in Lauren’s history classes turning all her thoughts toward women
  
• Lauren is just weird

That’s all I’ve got. I guess my type is History Nerd? Other similarities are that they’re all older than me except for one who was two months younger. They’re all brunettes with similar a skin tone and all three are very clever and witty. I could go on but if I say much more I’ll start to gush and then I’ll want to throw up.

So... weird right? I’m not the only one thinking this is weird am I? I mean, my other major is English and I’ve never really been interested in an English major. I smell a conspiracy! Actually... I smell soap. I just got out of the shower.

If you choose to answer my questions, keep it clean people. Or use creative euphemisms. I like euphemisms. Euphemism is a cool word.

Lauren.

My New Addiction

I, Lauren Daily, have killed Lara Croft well over one hundred times. Yeah. Ya heard... er, read. My sister got the Lara Croft game for the Wii and since she’s been out of town, I’ve, ahem, taken advantage? While I’ve progressed quite well if I say so (I’m a mediocre gamer at best, which I think is a good thing), I have discovered several interesting facts about one Lara Croft.

• Fact 1: Boobs are so big that wet suit cannot close for fear of zipper catching or bursting.
• Fact 2: When thrown from considerable heights, Lara will bounce upon landing.
• Fact 3: Has beasty super human strength and perfect balance. (How with knockers that big is quite the mystery. Perhaps Kathryn (and her detective abilities can solve it.)
• Fact 4: While objectifying women for sales purposes is clearly questionable, she’s kinda hot
• Fact 5: I am not actually attracted to Lara Croft. Or Angelina Jolie for that matter. She’s pretty... just... not my type.
• Fact 6: Has superhuman healing abilities and proves that reincarnation happens in seconds
• Fact 7: Lara is a borderline poacher. (So far I’ve had her kill four or five tigers.)

These are the observations I’ve made thus far.

One of my friends (Dana) stopped in before returning to Ottawa. She watched while I played and obsessed. We’d giggle when Lara bounced to her death, sometimes we’d cringe and then giggle, other times we would diagnose the fatal injury. For sure there was a broken leg, a broken back and rather impressive skidding face plant. My favourite was the skidding face plant. Actually, when I had her fall on the kraken was pretty awesome too. I was supposed to be killing it... I fell.

So, while being controlled by Lauren, Lara Croft is about as far away from being graceful and agile as it’s possible for a programmed character to be. Amazing how I transferred that part of myself to her isn’t it?

Anyway, I must depart. My train enters Essay Land early tomorrow. Holocaust History and the Nazi Doctors, first stop! Then maybe I’ll take a break and face plant Lara a few more times for kicks... I said maybe... I’m going to try not to procrastinate.

Lauren

The Good Kind of Embarrassment

I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t get embarrassed very easily. I’m pretty goofy and comfortable enough with myself that I can play off most incidents as “Well, what else do you expect from me?” Like, my fly being down, not embarrassing in the least. Being locked in bathrooms, not really embarrassing. ripping up stairs is more painful than embarrassing. Anything slapstick I get over very quickly. Social interactions gone awry take a bit longer. All in all, I’m pretty good. Obviously, I do still get royally embarrassed from time to time. These are the incidents that I will not describe because I’m too busy trying to wipe out the memory.

Have you guessed that it’s time for the La Senza story? One of my truly embarrassing moments was bra shopping with my mom. It made me so self conscious that I managed (thank you catalogues!) to avoid a repeat of the experience for... over seven years. This year however, I went shopping with Helen (my boss) and after a comment I made, she thought I could use some good bras.

Naturally, we would have to run into my friend Brandyn who is a security guard at the mall. We told him where we were off too and he accompanied us, knowing I was on the edge of my comfort zone. It’s a game between us to see who can outsmart and torment the other. Finally at the store, he left and Helen took over again. The first thing she did was explain my various bra issues to the specialist on hand. This woman is looking at me, nodding, trying to make me feel comfortable and probably wondering at the nature of the relationship between a 52 year old Chinese woman and a 20 year old white girl. Next, we had me measured which was torture for two reasons: I don’t like being touched and it was recalling shopping memories I’d worked hard to suppress.

With the knowledge of my size and particular bra needs, Helen attacked the racks looking for bras that were suitable. The fitting woman also helped. Then came the trying on. I’m a pretty plain kinda person who doesn’t care for embellishments and who is not used to being in... lingerie type wear. On top of all my other issues, I now had really gorgeous bras that I would have preferred seeing on the woman at the counter rather than myself. So I’m in the changing room and next thing I know, Helen is in the stall next to mine, trying on lingerie of her own. I was getting horrible images of her and Ed that I really did not need. Plus, she was shouting out instructions to make sure the bras were fitting properly. (Bend over, jump, straps, hooks... blah blah blah.)

They all fit with the exception of one. I was relieved that it was over. HORRIBLY MISTAKEN! Helen insisted that one needed to have the matching panties when one bought bras. After another ten or so minutes spent hunting down really cute panties, again, that I would have preferred seeing on the woman at the counter rather than myself, we walked up to the counter to pay.

You’ve probably guessed that the woman at the counter is pretty much gorgeous. While she packed everything away, Helen and I chatted. She let me use her discount card (which was awesome) and quite frankly I walked out of there feeling like I’d stolen my purchases. Which I didn’t.

I don’t think my face changed colour the entire time we were in there. It was red the whole time. The nervous giggling barely stopped either. Still, it’s one of those moments that were insanely fun. I was embarrassed and so awkward but for whatever reason, it was funny and I don’t think I will ever forget that experience. In a good way. It was a good experience.

We ran into Brandyn later and I WON our little game. But that’s another story.

Lauren.

Christmas Event 4

My internet is down due to a parental building project gone awry. Hopefully, I can get this up before tomorrow actually arrives.

In other news, today was the final day of Christmas! THANK GOD! It was the last dinner and for the first time in YEARS! I was not criticised for anything to my face. Behind my back I really don’t care because I can’t hear it. It was actually pretty pleasant. I hung out with my two younger cousins and one older cousin. We played cards. Later I played with my mom and one of my aunts standing by. My grandma is looking like herself and she finally got to eat solid food. I know from experience that not being able to eat at Christmas is the pits. I’m really happy about that. Her tests all came back okay from what I understand, so of course they have to run more. But the important thing is that she’s looking good and she’s out of the hospital.

In an interesting twist of tradition, my grandma made everyone sing an old French drinking song. It’s one of my faves (ironic because I don’t drink) but I was surprised at the number of people who sang. Even my dad gave it a go. He doesn’t speak French so I was quite proud of him. In case you’re interested it’s “Les chevaliers de la table ronde” (The Knights of the Round Table). Basically it’s about loving wine and at the end, about how men are pigs. There’s an added verse about the moral of the moral being that women love men who are pigs. Not true in my particular case, but when I look around me, I can’t always disagree. (Sorry to any men who haven’t admitted to reading my blog. If you exist.) For the sake of being PC (politically correct, not conservative) I will state that I have met many women who fall under the category of pigs as well.

I was also clever enough to wear a sweater with a hood. It protected my ears from my grandfather’s surprise attacks. He hasn’t always been... very pleasant, but in the past few years, he’s mellowed considerably. This year... he actually licked my ear. –shivers- I don’t want to talk more about it... I’m still a little scarred. I haven’t even let a girl do that. Darn sneaking up behind me and pulling stunts like that... Anyway, my ears were touched by no one but me tonight and that was only in self defence.

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukah, happy WIIYC in short. For me it was a mixed bag, but better than usual.

Lauren.

Christmas Event 3

Well, today I must admit was infinitely better than imagined. My grandma is now an outpatient which I think is good news. Today’s family reunion was not Hell on Earth. In fact, dare I say it, I had fun. This time it was my father’s side of the family. For all the things that annoy me about my family as a whole, what I like about my dad’s most is that they’re real. I feel like there’s so much less drama on that side. Maybe because it’s considerably smaller. Anyway, it was nice.

After that dinner, I went to see Sherlock Holmes with my parents. Of course we had to be seated in front of a bunch of immature, hormonal teenagers but thankfully, the bright shiny lights cast by the movie stunned them into silence. As to the movie itself, I rather liked it. I would watch it again. It just mystifies me why movies have to be so dang loud! I probably sound like an eighty year old, crotchety woman, but really I’d rather not be literally blown away.

Tomorrow is dinner two with my mother’s family. Drama will ensue. It always does. It’s the larger dinner with all the cousins, second cousins, great aunts and uncles. It probably sounds a lot bigger than it is, but the chance of larger numbers is what forces everyone to extend Christmas. On the upside, I get the gifts from my Godmother. She hadn’t wrapped them in time to give them to me yesterday. I already know what they are, not only did I pick them, I tried them on... but for the sake of formality, I shall wait.

The La Senza story has temporarily been postponed due to the fact that I’m really tired. But it’s fun... I promise you that.

Lauren.

Christmas Event 2

Another short post today. More of a thought really. I probably don’t see my Godfather more than three times a year. He stopped coming to my birthdays before I was ten. Our conversations are no longer than five minutes at a time and usually involve him demonstrating his superiority. Tonight, he came to Christmas dinner and it was the first time I’d been in a room with him for more than ten minutes more than likely... since last Christmas. When he overheard me speaking to my grandmother (who was thankfully let out of the hospital, more info further down) about my schooling, he asked me what my post-university plans were. I told him I would be taking a year off to finally start living my life. Not only did he disapprove of the plan, but he made a point of making me explain it before shooting it down in front of everyone else at the table. No one, including me, defended me. I felt about an inch high. I left the table shortly afterward for the solitary comfort of my basement. And then I got mad.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

So why do I, do we because we all do it, care so much about what relatively insignificant people say and think about us. And what makes me even madder, is that I’m mad at myself. Shouldn’t I be mad at him?

He’s a workaholic, a misogynist, from what I’ve observed a crappy husband and quite frankly, a jerk and a crappy uncle, I don’t know anything real about him. AND FOR SOME STUPID REASON, HE CAN HURT ME! It’s infuriating. If anything he should be a model of what NOT to become.

I guess my need for acceptance overpowered my reason and my intelligence. Why do I bother? Why do we bother? There is nothing wrong with me or my plans. Just like I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with anyone out there relating to this.

Off topic, my grandmother was let out of the hospital. They ran tests and she’ll be going back in for the results tomorrow. The fact that she was allowed to leave the hospital is very comforting. She looked pretty good. So, I feel a bit better about that.

Lauren.

Christmas Event 1

I don’t have very much to say today. I’ll be brief given the date. Work was fast and furious. Takeout orders were appearing as if from nowhere, but it all got done and it wasn’t that bad at all. I ate a lovely dinner with my family (that we made at work, so I partially cooked Christmas dinner), and then we opened presents. It was quite fun. My sister’s boyfriend got a didgeridoo and scared the living shit out of Meeko. It was actually hysterically funny because at the time, Meeko was attacking the discarded wrapping and tissue paper. We then played Trivial Pursuit on the Wii. We suck at trivia. My dad loved his gift. Even if it’s not here yet. By the way, it’s the complete series of M*A*S*H. I can’t wait for him to have it. He looked like he was five and getting the greatest toy in the world. I’m super pleased with my gifts too. My sister informed me that I now have slutty sheets. I just laughed as I don’t have anyone to get slutty with. I’m pretty sure that was the joke.

There is a downside though. When I got home from work, I found out that my grandma was taken to the hospital. She has internal bleeding somewhere and already had a transfusion. As far as I can understand it, possibilities include a bleeding ulcer or a tumour. I’m a bit worried and trying to wait it out calmly. My uncle told us that she was looking much better after the transfusion and that she’s disappointed about being in the hospital for Christmas. Who wouldn’t be? After my uncle’s visit, I feel a little better, but at the same time, she’s the only grandma I’ve got and the only one I’ve had. I never knew my other grandmother. For the first time in my life, we won’t be having brunch at my grandparents Christmas morning. I’m a bit sad at that.

I suppose today is an example of having to take the good with the bad. At least I know what I’ll be praying for tonight.

On a happier note, Merry Christmas everyone! The year is almost up, so start thinking of your resolutions for 2010.

Lauren.

Wrapping Up!

I spent today doing three things. The first was lifting heavy objects at work causing lower back pain... must lift properly! Who knew squid was so heavy? And no, I didn’t get to clean it. I had to make wontons... everyone orders Chinese on New Year’s so we’re starting to stock up on stuff. After that, I came home and wrapped gifts. Due to my sister leaving on Christmas with her boyfriend, we’re celebrating tomorrow. Off topic, but I’m going to attempt to get my parents out to see Sherlock Holmes on Boxing Day. Looks good!

As always the gift wrapping was... special. Artistic as I can be, I’m really a terrible gift wrapper. I do what I like to call “crappy wrapping” which is slightly worse than my actual wrapping but intentional. It usually involves news paper and masking tape. I like to recycle... stop looking at me like that. This year I made an effort. It looks far better than usual. Attempt two does anyway. I had to wrap my mom’s twice. It looked like a five year old did it the first time and I’m sure that’s disgracing all five year olds. And I know it’s probably not the most fashionable, like it should really matter if you’re tearing it to pieces, but I like ribbon! I think I inherited that from Meeko. It’s shiny! I tried very hard not to go overboard but... it’s just so fun!

Not that bad right?

I am kind of sad though. I bought my dad’s present on ebay and it hasn’t even shipped yet. I did get him a bottle of wine though, just so he’d have something on the day. He’s really going to like his gift though. When I asked him what he wanted he was positive he wouldn’t get this so I had to fight the urge to burst out laughing in his face. Which he would have perceived as being rude or as giving away the surprise. I can’t wait for it to get here! Are you all curious? I can’t tell you yet... I don’t know if my dad has access to a computer at work. Not that he reads my blog, but to be safe.

As to my sister’s gift, it was more... challenging. I had to think like a girl. Most of my concerns center around remembering to take my meds, to concentrate on the task at hand, doing school work, chewing with my mouth closed and performing CBT throughout the day. It’s Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, everyone does it but relatively few people realize it has a name. It’s essentially talking to yourself. Like when I’m panicking it helps to calm me down and place my anxiety in perspective. But back to my sister, she wanted night gowns for her trip (like I don’t know what that means. Really: Skiing trip in Quebec + boyfriend = need for “night gowns”.). Honestly, I was way too uncomfortable for that so I opted for a gift certificate. Remind me to tell the story of the last time I went to La Senza. I’m sure you’d all love it. That will be my Boxing Day story. Because I didn’t want her to know how much I spent on her, I also bought her a necklace and a hair dewy.

Right! The third thing I did today! I watched reruns of Sabrina the Teenage Witch on Youtube. It’s still funny. I can remember when I was younger and I would laugh my face off. I’d don’t laugh my face off anymore, but the memories are good. I do have to say though, their imitation of Grease left something to be desired.

Anyway, in advance of tomorrow, Merry Whatever-It-Is-You-Celebrate! WIIYC for short. I think it would be pronounced something like Merry Wick... Weird, Mary Wickes is a real person. And in White Christmas.

Lauren.

Sort-Of-Families

Ever feel like God is messing with you. I feel like that sometimes. Today for instance, I was supposed to be off because I wasn’t supposed to work yesterday because technically, the restaurant isn’t even supposed to be opened. That’s a lot of supposed tos that never happened. I was called in today due to someone deciding that they would not. While I was annoyed, it was a good shift and I feel like I’m back in my boss’ good graces. I finally feel like things are back to normal. It was actually one of the first days in a while that I’ve enjoyed my shift.

Some of you must be raising your eyebrows, wondering why I care so much about a part time job in a field so far from what I want to do. A highly demanding job at that. But you know the line “I’ve always depended upon the kindness of strangers”? Well, I very much depend on the kindness of strangers and usually end up incorporating those strangers into my own little family.

In high school, I depended a lot on my teachers. I had a lot of really good ones who helped me as much as they helped me with school stuff. Some took me aside and talked to me when they saw that I was stressed. Others pretty much let me do what I needed to. My art teacher let me work on my history paper rather than go to her class. One of them, I think this is fair to say, saved my life... So, she’s pretty darn important.

When I got to university, I met my therapist and at this point, we’re more like friends than counsellor/student. I’ve been seeing her three years so I suppose it’s to be expected. Particularly given our similarities. I’ve also met some really great profs who care, who are fun and interesting. I NEVER would have drawn a cat on my Shakespeare professor’s exam. But I did for Web Identities. Neither would I email my Intro Sociology professor. But I do email my former Children’s Lit prof.

As to work, I went to eat there on my birthday with my Godmother about two years ago. It was my first time even hearing about the restaurant. Maybe a week later, I got a call asking me if I wanted a job. Helen has never seen my resume, she has never done a job interview. She pretty much literally hired me off the street. Which she does not do. She’ll tell you. And since then, she’s always been there for me, the first to offer a hug when I’m upset, we even go shopping and out to lunch. Ed feeds me, jokes around with me, he teaches me a lot and puts up with my silliness and on occasion, my attitude. Paul drives me home whenever we work together.

It’s kind of the same with blogging actually. I don’t know any of you (some exceptions) but I do value your opinions and comments and that you find me worth reading. You guys always make me smile.

I complain about my own family a lot, but I tend to develop sort-of-families of my own that fill in the blanks. Even when I feel like God is messing with me, I know He’s given me a lot too. Many of these people have come into my life by means that are so coincidental that there’s no way it’s coincidental. Whether it’s God, the Universe, whatever, I think that if you’re a good person, good things will come your way. As a matter of fact, Helen told me something similar tonight: “Whenever you do a good deed, it’s like putting money away in a piggy bank. Then when you find yourself in trouble, those you’ve helped will help you in return.” I don’t know if that’s a Chinese saying or if that was just Helen... then again, she’s Chinese so... does that make it irrelevant?

That’s why I care so much about work, blogging and teaching. They’re reciprocal in many ways. Think about it... family is more than biology. I should remember that more often.

Lauren.

I Have Favourites!

I’m the kind of person who finds it next to impossible to choose a favourite song, book or movie. I love movies, books and music but I have to be in a particular mood to enjoy them. So... a book, movie or song will suit my mood and be my favourite in the circumstance, but I won’t have a single, unique favourite.

That’s how I normally feel. Today I think I found my favourite movie. I bought it a few years ago and it’s now disappeared into The Abyss (my sister’s room). Given that I hadn’t seen it in a while, I went and found it online. Well! I certainly remember now why I liked it so much. Want to know what it is yet? It’s The Holiday with Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Cameron Diaz and Jack Black. It’s a happy movie. It’s funny, it’s sad, it’s relatable, it’s a coming into oneself story. Given that most days I don’t know who I’m going to be, it’s kind of nice to watch a movie where the characters don’t know themselves either. And it has a happy ending! My happy ending whore is satisfied. Seriously, I do not understand people who love dramas with sad endings. Is there not enough sadness in life? Who needs sadness in fantasy!? Crazy. I feel like sad endings are such a waste of time (exceptions include accurate portrayals of real life events). I can’t think of an example right now, but they exist dammit! I like feeling uplifted is the point I suppose I’m making. Spiritually or emotionally, not physically. Although, that would be impressive too... I’m quite heavy, and wriggly, and I tend to attack people who touch me without permission or cause. That’s beside the point.

But now I can say that at the very least, I have a favourite movie. There are tons that I love! God don’t get me started. It’s just, The Holiday makes me happy in a way that others don’t.

Favourite book is kind of hard. I’ve read a lot. Not as much as I would like, like I’ll ever read that much in my lifetime, but I’d like to think that I’m well read for my age and current circumstance. Circumstance being a student and that I don’t have the time or will to read for fun. Anyway, I’ve read a lot of books that I’ve loved! Harry Potter? Yes, I’m one of those (and yes, I do declare that Harry Potter kicks Twilight’s pasty ass). Great Expectations, The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, Anna Karenina, East of Eden, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Anne of Green Gables. Bet you can’t guess why I’m in 19th century lit. There are just so many and they’re all so magical. Incidentally, Anne of Green Gables is the only book I can recall that made me cry. So good! I honestly don’t know that I could choose a favourite. Lately I’ve been leaning toward The Princess and the Goblin. It’s such an innocent, sweet, intelligent and thought provoking story. It is a kid’s story, but I got so much more out of it at twenty than I did as a kid although, I enjoyed it then too.

I don’t have a favourite song. There are those I like more than others but... no favourite. Music depends entirely on my mood so I doubt I’ll ever have a favourite.

So that’s what I thought of today. Anybody want to share their faves?

Lauren

News I've Not Mentioned

What to say, what to say? What amusing set of tales can I come up with today? I did very little. I had “KitKat” over and we played video games. For me it was the issue of Peach versus Baby Mario (stupid little jerk) and for her it appeared to be a battle of wills between Luigi and King Boo (I like to call him King Poo. Because I’m that mature.) I kicked her ass at Mario Kart and she kicked mine at Mario Party. So I think it was quite fair.

I’ve been leaving a lot of stuff out of my blog lately that I would have written about but for the stunning amount of crappy things that are happening lately. The first of which is finals. My final for Web Identities (the one Satan almost made me late for) went well. I ended up having a blank page so while I waited for the next section to begin, I drew a cat with a subliminal message and explanation that I didn’t like blank pages. Particularly not in the middle of the book. I was later reminded that my prof does not like cats. Uh... think of it as a cat/dog mix? A doat? To make a coat? After that was sociology and that one scares me. I thought it was ridiculously easy. I was finished in under an hour. Everyone was still writing like lunatics. I read over my exam. Everything made sense. I read through the questions another three times. I counted the questions. And just to make sure I wasn’t delusional, I did all that again. I dunno. My sister is in the same class and it took her almost an hour longer than me. Freaks me out.

In any case, finals mean an end and a beginning. Next semester I get to take a creative writing class. I’ve sort of been looking forward to it all year. I’m hoping it’ll be fun and not turn into my worst nightmare. Trying to stay positive!

I was told that I no longer really need therapy. That made me feel pretty darn good. I still like going though so Angela, you are not rid of me! Kind of weird knowing that I’m able to work out my problems on my own. I’ve been in therapy about six years and really needed it up until around now. I’m just too lazy to close my file. Besides, it’s a safe place where I can say things that need to be said before I actually have to say them. I vent and gain perspective.

I finished my Christmas shopping and I think I found stuff that my giftees will actually like. This year, I also decided that I would bake for my co-workers. So I have to get started on that soon. I’ll take pictures to let you all know how that venture is going. My sarcasm has gotten me into a bit of a pickle. Let’s just say it involves gingerbread and the Eiffel Tower. Should be fun.

I’ve decided to implement a new policy inspired by my co-worker Dylan. I wasn’t a fan of it at first, but it grew on me. I will no longer do work favours without being paid a minimum of ten dollars. Dylan gave me thirty for taking his shift. I like it. I’m going to apply that elsewhere in life. I’m aware that takes away the favour part. That’s the point.

What else can I say... is there any other news? Uh... I’m on a serious dating hiatus. I always say that but I’m truly not looking right now. I think if I managed to sort out my own silly issues it would be a much more worthwhile accomplishment and use of my time. Making my straight friends uncomfortable is just not doing it for me anymore. Not that it ever did...

So, tomorrow I am the only staff member going in to work. Not happy about it. But according to my parents, I should use it as an opportunity to calmly and rationally discuss my point of view and feelings. We’ll see...

Lauren.

Hamburger with Penny on the Side

I’m going to call today a hamburger day. It started off good, got bad in the middle, had more bad piled on top and then ended well. Well may be an overstatement, but it ended interestingly and I felt better.

I slept well which did me a world of good. But at around... ten o’clock, my mom came and got me. I was temporarily afraid that Helen was calling, but it was my Godmother. She was coming over to take me shopping for Christmas. We had lunch, we shopped, I finished my shopping, she got her gifts for me and we finished off the day with a huge, fresh cinnamon bun and a hot chocolate. Well, hot chocolate for me, she had coffee like most grown-ups... I had fun though. And I really, really did not want to go back in to work. I ended up convincing my Godmother to drop me off at the last minute, forgoing my usual need for punctuality.

Then I got to work and my day fell off a cliff. It did not go downhill, that’s far too gradual. First thing when I came in, I had to clean the meat saw. It’s a band saw that shreds ribs for us. Today I decided that it was a she and that her name would be Penny. I don’t know why, just felt right. So I spent the first half hour, forty five minutes of my shift trying to get all the meat off this machine. It’s somewhat like asking a caveman to build an airplane with a stone club and blueprints obtained from hallucinations due to ergot poisoning. All this time, Ed is shouting at me like a five year old “Lauren, are you done yet? I have other things for you to do!” Cleaning Penny is more than just cleaning the machine. I have to then clean the dishwashing area including counters, walls and floor because the meat flies everywhere.

After that, Ed kept throwing sixty tasks at me, always back tracking, asking me to do this over that and then turning around and asking me why that wasn’t done and then barking at me for not paying attention to this. Confused? So am I most of the time. At one point, he asked me to bring him the plates for the dinner we’d organized. I didn’t know which ones were for that particular course so I was asking my co-worker. I’d been cleaning Penny at the time. In any case, Ed yelled at me to pay attention, at which point, I turned, and snapped “I AM!” He was not impressed and shouted “Why don’t you just go back to doing the shrimp then”. Even less impressed, I shouted back “FINE!” like the five year old that I am. Apparently afterward, he muttered something about my attitude and that I should go home. I’m glad I didn’t hear that part because I would have picked up my stuff and left. That’s the point I’m at with work right now. After the kitchen closed everything between us seemed to be fine. He asked me what my problem was and I politely told him (I’m not being sarcastic, I was polite but still clearly pissed off). He seemed to accept my answers as valid excuses for my behaviour.

That was the ramming into the ground part of my day. When I finally got home, sometime around midnight, I sat with my sister and later my mom. Neither of them could sleep so they watched me playing Mario Kart on the Wii while we all talked about the uber shittiness that is dealing with people and having to work. It was strange, spontaneous and kind of nice. I feel much calmer now. The urge to throw things has subsided.

Aside from being the only staff member called in to work on Monday (we’ll see if I don’t get fired after Ed talks to Helen) I’m better now. Only a few more days to get through before I get some time off. If anyone out there wants to sponsor me to live so that I don’t have to work, I would so be up for that. What? I have to pay my dues? Dang...

Morning everyone!

Lauren.

Lauren Sleepy... Jingles and Lola too.

It’s very late and I’m very sleepy. Today I think I developed a type of Multi Personality Disorder that allows me to actually physically be three or four people. I don’t know how I could have managed all that I did without being split into different Laurens.

Work was hellish. There were about twenty orders to fill at the exact same time, with more coming in by the minute. My boss yelled at me for ruining the pesto, which I actually didn’t. My feet are twice their size right now, which is scary because they’re 11 ½ normally. All this after Christmas shopping and getting up at eight thirty in the morning.

If you think you know where this is going, you probably do. I was totally and completely off the wall today. Along with Paul, I sang “ding fries are done”, made up countless songs off the top of my head, danced and skipped at random, perfected my evil/maniacal laugh, made Abbey swear off talking to me about five times, told a really stupid joke, made salespeople uncomfortable when I was overly enthusiastic about everything they said, suggested my mom take out old people at Walmart because their senility would keep them from prosecuting, laughed until I choked then laughed some more and of course, had lengthy and elaborate conversations with inanimate objects. Today I spoke to the batter at work. I worked with him a lot today. And probably will tomorrow.

I also played a game that ended in me being frustrated. It’s somewhat like when Oedipus defeats the Sphinx by answering it’s question (yeah, I took two years of Classical studies). I was asking questions and trying (in vain) to get my boss to say yes. She eventually asked “Can we compromise?” I wanted to answer, “Do I have another option?” which is sarcastic. Our conversation on the matter of my getting time off pretty much ended on the note of “And if I say no?” What am I really going to say? Raise my hands dramatically and proclaim that I quit? I don’t think so. I just stated that I would be highly annoyed but would show up anyway. I’ll just be more difficult that’s all.

Anyway, before I collapse or pass out, I think I’m going to go. Goodbye Lola, goodbye Jingles! You guys were a great help today.
Lauren, Lola, Jingles (they’re all me by the way, Lauren that is. At least, I think I’m Lauren...)

Frozen!

Hello citizens of Blogville,

Lauren has esked me to join her today on her blog. I am of course Sigmund Freud.

Zis is ze brain. Note ze differing hemispheres. Today ve vill be speaking primarily about ze frontal lobe, located... vell, in ze front of ze brain. Ze aspect of ze frontal lobe ve vill be concentrating our attention on, is memory.

Ze next picture is of Canada which is currently experiencing a phenomenon known to many in ze Norzern Hemisphere as Vinter.

Zese two factors come together to create a razer interesting effect.

Okay, this is Lauren now. Thanks Sigmund. Today, while walking to the bus stop, it was FREEZING COLD. I was in my full winter get up. Coat, mitts, toque, all of it. Of course, the wind is what’s really cold and naturally, it’s blowing right at me.

The most uncomfortable thing was this strange feeling that started just between my eyebrows. It felt like my brain was frozen. It wasn’t like brain freeze. It was like that little piece of my brain was just frozen. It was weird.

Even though this happened before the brain freezing incident, I’ve been thinking about my ex best friend a lot lately. It’s to the point where just about everything reminds me of her. Damn Christmas nostalgia! So I’m thinking of emailing her just to... wish her a Merry Christmas. I don’t know if I want to open up that can of worms again but... Gah! Stupid frozen frontal lobe!

------

Freud: Lauren, how long have you be experiencing zese feelings?

Lauren: I dunno. I miss her like... everyday... it’s just worse lately.

Freud: I vould like for you to come to my office so ve can study your brain and past in more depth.
Lauren: Yeah... I’m busy. And I have a therapist already. Thanks though... and, I don’t know if you realize this, but you’re dead.
Freud: Ah yes... zhen ve should also explore your delusions.
Lauren: But I had therapy today already!

------

He won’t win. I don’t really like Freud. Too many of his theories have been applied to me...

Also, nothing against anyone with a German, Austrian... whatever Freud's accent is... I don't remember. I like accents. I think they're cool! I wish I had one... I do realize that to others I do, but that's not the same.

Lauren.

The Elusive Ball

You know how Spiderman has “Spidey-senses?” Yeah... I have something similar. Helen-senses. No one every phones for me except Helen. Most twenty somethings apparently fear phone interactions. I bet that was the feeling when individual numbers appeared and rotating dials hit the road.

“But when I spin my finger, nothing happens!”
“No, no, you have to push each number now.”
“Push each number? Individually? Who do they think I am? All that ridiculous poking! They call that a time saver?”

But my point before going off on that tangent (it looked funny in my mind and I wanted to share) was that most of my dealings take place via MSN or email. That’s why when the phone rings I can somehow tell who it is before anyone can call me to the phone. Even before I check the call display. I get this feeling... like I’m not going to like what’s about to happen.

As was the case today. I got called in to work every day (Sunday excluded) until Christmas. Yay for Christmas break! Then, all hell will break loose on the 31st and 1st. If it’s anything like last year, I’ll celebrate midnight at the corner of Mulligan street, in Paul’s car as he heads back uptown to drop me off.

I know the adult world means that I’ll be working every day, but I won’t be exhausting myself at school at the same time. I have two papers to write for school due within the first week back. If the anti double duty thing makes sense to anyone else out there, please come find my parents and explain it to them. They’re labouring under the delusion that they work harder than me. I had to practically electro shock my father so that he would wake up enough to hear the comment in the first place. By the way, aside from the scoff, I got little other response. Again, this is all leading to a point and is not just me complaining... again.

Ever just want to have a crystal ball? Just so you could see five minutes of your future and in that five minutes find out if everything is worth it? I’ve never given up on anything and I don’t think I’ll start, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to just say “Screw it, I want to have fun.” As immature as I can act, I am horrifyingly responsible. Always have been. I just want to know that in the so called “long run” that all the stuff that’s driving me to the brink of insanity now (I’m already on meds) really is going to help me later. Is it going to bring me closer to the stuff that really matters? Like, a family?

It is a lot to ask an inanimate object to answer in five minutes of less. Then again, who doesn’t expect the moon nowadays?

Lauren.

I FOUND HIM!

Once upon a time, in a magical, imaginary land, there lived a sweet, funny, charming girl named Lauren. When she was a little girl, her grandmother would watch her and her sister, telling them stories. Between her grandmother and her catholic school, Lauren had learned much about the Devil. She could remember her grandmother talking about it.

“Lauren,” she’d say, “you have to be careful. The Devil is evil and will try to tempt you. Never talk to him.”

“But who is the Devil? How will I know it’s him?” Lauren asked.

“The Devil is a tempter, he’s everywhere,” she paused. “Just, don’t talk to anyone... that should keep you safe. And pray. Pray to God Lauren, He’ll help you.”

Lauren heeded her grandmother’s warning and though she went through many trials, the Devil never harmed her and as far as she knew, she’d never even met Him. Several years later, today in fact, Lauren chanced upon the very creature her grandmother had warned her about all those years ago. He was not red, did not have a pointy tail and had no cloven feet or even horns. He looked nothing like what her grandmother or her school had taught her.

Much to her shock and dismay, Satan turned out to be... a taxi driver. Trying to be organized, Lauren had called for a cab at 12:15. Her exam was at one o’clock and she figured that she would have plenty of time to get to school and still be early. After all, it was only a seven minute drive. While she waited, she sat with her sister in the living room watching Hannah Montana while anxiously glancing out the front window, desperate for her fat, balding knight with Wendy’s fries between his knees to arrive. Alas, nearly half an hour later he was nowhere in sight and Lauren was in a complete state of panic. Somewhat angrily, she dialled the cab company and complained sternly to the woman who assured her that a cab was on its way. After another few minutes sitting and panicking, sitting and panicking, sitting and watching Jackson destroy Miley’s bear because of a wasp and panicking, her fat, balding knight with Wendy’s fries between his knees arrived. Lauren rushed out the door.

She hastily told him where she was going, stating that she needed to get to her exam. Thankfully, Sir Knight seemed understanding. He drove fairly quickly, assuring her that they would make it on time. Rather than watching the clock, Lauren watched the price of the cab climb at four second intervals. She was fortunate enough to glance up when she did. Sir Knight was about to go down a busy street, lined with four street lights and a roundabout. There was no time for such folly when there was a perfectly good highway available. Lauren was on to his game. Lesser knights had tried to bamboozle her before. If he continued on his course, he could extract another five dollars from her and make her late. If he took the highway, she’d not only be on time, but he would lose that five dollars. Thinking quickly, Lauren demanded that he take the highway. Pleasantly, the Knight turned. She could see the irritation behind his dark sunglasses.

Finally they made it to the university and Lauren paid him 11,20$ for the seven minute car ride. While she acknowledged that it was a total rip off, she also concluded that she’d gained valuable study time and managed to save five dollars from a scheming Satan. To demonstrate her frustration, Lauren paid in cash and did not tip. She knew it probably wasn’t his fault that she was almost late, but it very well could have been if she hadn’t stopped looking at the meter just in time.

Lauren did make it to her exam that day. She was a little short of breath but she knew she’d learned a valuable lesson. Satan is a cab driver.

(Obviously not all cab drivers are scheming maniacs. Also, I don’t remember having that particular conversation about Satan with my grandma. The praying yes... the Devil, that was just for effect.)

Hope you enjoyed my fairytale.

Lauren.

Put Down Your Pitchforks!

I don’t know what to talk about today. I feel as though I’m being pulled in many directions. I didn’t do much today, mostly slept. You’re probably thinking I do that a lot. Well, I do. I tend not to sleep well during the school year so I’m catching up. That and yesterday actually took more out of me than I thought. I guess today, being that it’s ten days before Christmas Eve, I could probably talk about that.

I can almost hear the gasps and see the frowns as I say “I hate Christmas”. There’s a whole chorus of “Well aren’t you just a barrel of cheer” ringing around me every time I say it. And yesterday, I was compared to a certain charming green fellow. Not for the first time. So, I think I’m going to use my massive web audience to defend myself in the hopes that at least five of you will get it.

I’m not close to anyone in my family. Not one aunt, uncle or cousin. And that’s pretty bad considering I have nearly 20 cousins on my mom’s side alone. I don’t usually see the ones on my dad’s side. I think they’re myths. Anyway, it makes for an entire evening spent around the following topics: school, why I’m not doing better in school (I have a 74.86 average, double majoring at university), boyfriends that I don’t have, my general inability to be a teacher, my cold demeanour, weight and work. Every year. Not always the same order. I’ve considered taping the answers and replaying them but that would apparently be rude. Plus, in get togethers, everyone kind of pairs off, I don’t fit.

I also dislike Christmas because people like to hug and kiss and be in my space. This is part of the cold demeanour thing. I DO NOT LIKE TO BE TOUCHED. I have to trust people. I don’t trust easily due to the amount of times I’ve had to pick myself up off the floor after someone I trusted stabbed me in the back. Only certain people can get away with touching me and the only person in my family that qualifies is my grandmother. So I’m generally thought to be cold and unfeeling which is always good for my esteem.

I don’t like wracking my brains thinking up gifts to give. It takes me nearly a month to get my parents and sister to tell me what they want (so I don’t get them something they’ll return) and even then I get screwed over (more on that point after Christmas). Last year I implemented what I called “The Default Gift”. Last year it was Smarties in a hurricane glass, a toothbrush and something personal, like socks, nail polish or rum. I gave that to people who didn’t tell me what they wanted. So far, everyone is getting one.

I don’t like seeing couples everywhere. They seem to come out in droves during Christmas and as immature as it is, it only reminds me that I’m still alone. The whole boyfriend thing just rubs salt in the wound. It’s a double shot when people ask about my boyfriend because not only does it mean that I can’t trust them enough to tell them the truth (which does hurt me), I don’t have an equivalent someone. As if I needed the reminder.

I do like the food. Thankfully, most people have gotten off my back about eating too much of this or that and not exercising enough.

It’s not that I hate Christmas, I just hate my Christmas. I hate what it means I have to go through and I jealously watch functional families as they enjoy it. I can’t wait for the day when I’ll be able to start my own family and learn to love it all again.

So, for the last time, I am not a Grinch. Uplifting wasn’t it? I do like the Grinch movie with Jim Carrey though.

(Kathryn, check out my comments for yesterday)

Lauren.

Here's the Fire, Pass it On

Okay, well, you guys made this really easy. No, I did not flambé. Everyone knows to keep me away from fire, let alone allow me to start one and play with it. It’s the clumsy in me that makes them leery. So, no flambéing. I was hoping to have more build up here but alas, only one of you commented. Thanks Breeze! Now, what did I do that involved fire? I went to watch my friend run the friggin’ Olympic torch! For one, I love the winter Olympics, two, I’m really patriotic and three, she let me hold it! –does crazy happy dance-

That's Lisanne. Not me.

It was about a two and halfish hour drive, with five of us crammed into a Toyota. When we finally all crawled out at one point to pee, it reminded me of the little clown cars and how twenty clowns somehow manage to walk out. Needless to say, those of us who weren’t particularly close before are considerably closer now. Many “You’re touching my ass!” jokes were exchanged as seatbelts were being put on.

The five of us made up a pretty interesting group. There was my friend Lisanne, her boyfriend Dan, Lisanne’s friend from the WC who will be known as Snow White and Lisanne’s mom who will be known as Cocoa Pops. I’ll leave you to imagine the reasoning behind these names. People were looking at us funny and that in itself was funny. Conversation was a very interesting aspect of the car ride. All kinds of topics, all leading back to sex, were being discussed between Snow and Cocoa which were admittedly hilarious, but probably even funnier was Dan. He was wedged between me and Snow in the backseat and was trying his hardest to shut them out. He kept muttering “tree, tree, sign, poll, poll, poll, poll.” There were a lot of polls. Taking pity on him, I played a very lame game of I Spy. It lasted two rounds. I spy with my little eye, something that is white. SNOW! I spy with my little eye, something that is green. TREES! That was about it until we hit Pembroke and could add yellow for CORNFIELD! Although, the cornfield was more white than yellow due to the snow. We only got slightly lost but quickly found our way again, then spent the next hour or so waiting on a bridge for Lisanne to run by with the torch and pass it on.

I’m not a very outwardly emotional person, it’s just hard for me, so when she reads this, I hope she sees how cool I thought it was and how proud I was. Aside from a mild anxiety attack on the way home, it was a complete pleasure spending my day actually being a part of history. A small, pretty insignificant part, but a part no less. My friend was part of Vancouver 2010 and I was right there! And the panic attack was claustrophobia from being stuck in the car. Luckily I was able to nap and by the time I woke up, we were within about half an hour from home.

That was a really awesome moment to see.

That was my day. It was long and I’m really tired but I’m so glad that I went. Screw studying for exams, I got support my friend and hold the friggin’ torch. I’m never going to be able to do that again.

Happy Lauren.

Bananas and Sexy Shirts

To be honest, today was rather uneventful. I slept for a good part of the day which was nice due to my activities yesterday. After which I went to work. It was a busy night but I mostly spent it peeling and deveining shrimp. If you’ve just stopped in and don’t fully understand what that means, check out my past blogs... I tend to do that particular activity frequently. I did however do something new kitchen wise.

We had reservations for a table of 12 and 18, both eating off a specially made menu. So, the dessert was different than what we usually have. Ever had a spring roll? We used the wrapper from that, sliced a banana vertically in half, added some cinnamon and a ginger by-product, wrapped it up like a spring roll and deep fried it. The “banana roll” was served with caramel on top and some whipped cream. Now, I only have three letters: O-M-G. So good. If you love food you really must work in a restaurant. Anyway, I ended up making twenty eight of them. I’m aware that 12 and 18 don’t add up to 28... some people didn’t show. That’s why we had extras! Gotta love and hate the no-show.

Speaking of banana rolls... I should mention. I had help for most of the endeavour. Her name is Abby and she’s the newest person to join our team. She’s actually doing really well. Like, REALLY well. Most people either quit or get fired after two shifts or less. It’s very clique like at work. But back to my point, we were preparing these rolls and naturally, if you get two relatively kooky, immature, twenty somethings together, goofiness is going to happen. Particularly if you’re letting us work with bananas. I mean, really, it’s too easy. Plus, Abby has a habit of saying things that sound incredibly dirty without meaning to. My new favourite pastime is pointing out that fact. So, with all the phallic and dirty jokes (which I just made sound infinitely cleaner by saying ‘phallic’), we decided that we could host a side-show. This is the part where I’m supposed to mention Abby’s awesomeness and her shirt. Yeah, I know that sounds suspicious. She’s wanted this on my blog for the last few days and I’ve been forgetting. So, here it is.

The uniform shirts for serving staff are a tangerine colour with a grey tie. Not only is the shirt incredible, visible and altogether stupendous, Abby looks amazing and jaw-droppingly hot in it. It compliments everything. EVERYTHING! Oh, and to further emphasize this, the awesomeness of the shirt is only surpassed by the awesomeness of its wearer. Abby is amazing. I heart Abby for she is just that great. (Abby, does this meet with your satisfaction? Have I made you uncomfortable yet? It’s what I was going for.)

I should probably add that I’m just being silly. I don’t think of Abby that way. And even if I did, I’m off straight girls. Wow that sounds wrong... I could make it sound worse though...

And now for a guessing game! Even though I’m pretty sure the smallest amount of people look at my blog on Saturdays, I want everyone reading to participate. I’m watching you... participate! Tomorrow I get to do something that I think is really cool. I want to see if you can guess. I’ll give you a hint. The hint is: It involves fire.

See you all tomorrow and if anyone manages to guess, you will receive not only the proof of your genius, but be able to carry with you the knowledge that YOU ARE A WINNER. (This translates to: there’s no real prize but participate anyway because it will make Lauren happy.)

Happy Lauren.

My Real Education

I am tired. I would go so far as to say freaking tired. I started off my day with a full serving of teenage hormones, followed by teenage hormones, lunch and two more periods of teenage hormones. After that I went to work. But I have to say, today was... surprising? I don’t really know which word to use. If you think of a better descriptive one, please let me know.

This year, I have to take a Sociology for Education class. It’s actually really interesting. Now, I’m a book person. It’s always a shock for me to see things in real life. I’m usually off in Lauren Land, it’s not a place based in reality. Anyway, all sorts of theories and factors came crashing down upon me as I observed a full day at my old high school. Much to my terror, my host teacher provided me with a very complete demonstration of what it’s like to teach more... challenging classes. Most of these kids have some form of learning problem. I think I was told of one kid with autism who had no filter. Honestly, I could not tell who that kid was. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I was expecting to be able to pick out someone who couldn’t control what or how they said things.

That classroom was so loud and rambunctious. It was truly amazing. And I’ve had this teacher as a teacher. He’s very good at what he does. Every third word uttered by these kids was a profanity. Every five minutes they interrupted the lesson and started arguing amongst themselves. They rarely sat in their seats. I had a monster headache within half an hour. The most mind-blowing incident was when one of the kids actually told the teaching assistant to suck his c*ck. Yeah, a fifteen year old kid. I still don’t have the nerve to tell someone the female equivalent of that. I must be naive...

I followed most of these students to their history class. Again, I’d had this teacher when I was in high school and she was one of the most laid back, chill, fun teachers I had. Ever. Watching her at the front of a class, voice raised just to be heard, starting over every two minutes. She didn’t get through a one page handout in the forty minutes I was watching. She’s a very sarcastic lady and in a fit of what was probably sheer irritation, she explained the origin of the Christmas tree as coming from Hitler’s ancestors...

After talking with my former teachers, they were just so stressed and tired and discouraged. It might have a lot to do with the time of year, but wow it looked tough. Not only that, I was thinking it must be really hard for these kids. They’re always grouped together so if one actually does want to learn, his or her environment is never one conducive to learning. The kids must be as frustrated as the teachers trying their hardest to get through to them.

I’ve been in bad classes before as a student. So that’s not what shocked me. That was somewhat familiar. I just don’t remember it, even at the height of its awfulness, ever being that bad. Maybe it’s because I’m impartial now. I’m neither a student, nor a teacher. I can understand the work of a teacher to a degree, but I’m not too far removed from that student position either. It was an experience.

I'd also like to mention that they seemed like good kids individually. I saw one who liked to write and draw and was very good at it. Another one liked to read and was pretty quiet when left alone. There was another one, he was passionate about hockey. So, I know they aren't bad kids. Just... not enthusiastic about being cooped up and forced to learn stuff they can't see as being useful.

Other awkward moments of today include: eating in the teacher’s lounge, with my former teachers that I cannot, will not, call by their first names. At work, a customer was talking to herself and said that she was her best influence and that she always had something nice to say about herself. What I’d give to be that optimistic. After telling Helen (my boss) the goings on during my placement, she suggested using an electric whip. I don’t think she was fully serious.

But off to bed with me!

Lauren.

Dabbling in Assertiveness

Today was a good day. I slept a blissful, uninterrupted sleep. I watched a movie. And then I went to work. It started out kind of rough because it’s Christmas party season. Another reason from me to hate Christmas. But once I got down to dishwashing I was quite happy. I started working as a dishwasher and I love it. I work in the kitchen now and while time seems to go by faster, I don’t like it nearly as much. In dishwashing, I could organize things my way, do them at my pace. I was kind of my own boss. I actually really miss it, but I need to be in the kitchen so that’s where I am.

Actually, that’s how I came up with the following topic. It was the combination of Christmas relativephobia, dishwashing and always doing what I’m told. It may come as a surprise but I’m not a very assertive person. For the most part, I take people’s crap just because it’s easier than confronting them and getting into an argument. It certainly takes less time. In the end though, I don’t feel that great about myself. Of course there are dozens of things that I would LOVE to say, but I’m not a stirring the pot kind of girl. I’m sure most of you can relate to this in some way. You know those moments when people get up in your face and the only comprehensive sound coming out of your mouth is “uh”. Or when someone totally gets under your skin and you want to tell them off so badly but for the sake of being polite you bite your tongue.

My entire life is made up of these moments but once in a blue moon, much more often recently, I don’t hold back. And let me tell you, the initial guilt your feel subsides and is replaced with an insane amount of pride. There are two examples that I’d like to share. I don’t know that I’ll come off in the best light, but my God, it felt good. And yes, I was in the shit house after both instances.

The first involves my sister. She’s a very girly girl, very popular, very social. I’m the complete opposite. I’m still feminine, but I guess the difference between us is best characterised by... her non-existent fear of cleavage and my somewhat Amish dress code. We don’t get along often and most of the time, have very different opinions. One day, my friend decided that she wanted to cheer me up, so we went out shopping and she bought hair dye. I was going to be a redhead. I was actually excited. When we got back to my place, my sister went through my stuff, found the hair dye and asked me “When did you become such a girl?” I was offended on several levels. The first was the implication that I wasn’t a girl. Second was the tone she used, mocking and condescending. Third was that my friend was there and it was pretty embarrassing. So, I responded “When I started wanting to f@ck them”. Crass and beneath me I know... but awesome! She told my mom and my mom yelled at me.

The second incident involves my mother. We were having an argument about cab fare. I was asking if she could give me money for a ride home (because they were going to be out of town) so I wouldn’t have to take a bus in a sketchy part of town at ten, eleven o’clock at night. She started yelling at me that I should be more independent, forgetting that I make 9.75$ an hour. It’s 3.90$ to start the cab and by the time I get to work, I’ve lost an hour and a half of work. When she refused to pay, I got angry and retreated to my room. I don’t think I slammed the door. Anyway, not five minutes later, she called up to me asking where a certain movie was. I replied, “Why don’t you be independent and find it yourself?” I was in big trouble for that one, but I did get cab money out of it. I was most pissed off because I do most things myself, I rely on my parents very little.

So, I probably came off as being totally disrespectful, but honestly, it was worth it. I felt so good after. Not even my therapist reprimanded me. She thought it was funny and about time I started being assertive. And that’s today’s lesson everyone, be assertive. It’s fun!

Lauren.

Let Heaven and Nature Sing... I'm FREE!

Given that you’ve all patiently endured my less than chipper mood the last few weeks, I feel it’s only fair that you be the first to know... I’M FREE!!!!! Yes, I survived until Christmas break without any severe emotional breakdowns. I was close but in the end, I prevailed! In the last four weeks, I’ve written five papers, done one presentation, led two class discussions, one online and the other in class as well as write a midterm. And that’s only school. So, I think I’m pretty dang awesome. And now that the stress has evaporated completely, I hardly know what to do with myself. God I missed that feeling! Though I have to write two papers over break, I am totally done with three classes. I know what you’re thinking... Oh no! Will we never hear about History of Sexuality or Web Identities Prof again? Uh... definitely not history of sexuality, except maybe when I get my paper back and bitch about it. Web Identities... I dunno, I didn’t take the second part of the course, one of my friends did however, so we’ll see.

You know those scenes in movies where the main character is so ecstatic at his sudden wealth that he just throws money into the air and rolls around in it? I totally feel like that. Less the money to throw around.

I did however learn a very important lesson today. People will call me on my sarcasm. Once again, I found SARAH and who’da thought, but she actually shows up with a bell. She wanted to tie it around my neck but I wore it as a bracelet. After arguing over the colour, I said pink, she said purple, so we settled on fuchsia, we all realized how friggin’ annoying bells are. It doesn’t help that I’m French and a hand talker. On top of which, you may have noticed, but I take great pleasure in being annoying. So while walking to my last History of Sexuality class (I could hear the Hallelujah choir, along with my bell) I very stupidly mimicked that kid from It’s a Wonderful Life. “Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings!” My friend wanted to kill me. And let me tell you, there are a whole whack of new angels in the world today. I’ve also never watched all of that movie... can’t get into it. Give me Bing Crosby... that’s my Christmas spirit.

Tomorrow I think I’m going to sleep for twelve hours because it feels like I’ve lost about that much. I can’t wait to sleep in! I can’t wait to not have to do anything! I’m going to veg out and watch movies! WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY! I’m so excited!

In honour of my last History of Sexuality class, I feel the need to share with you one last random, bizarre and relatively useless bit of information. It’s useless to anyone not involved in the History of Sexuality, Religious or probably legal studies but anyway... Today’s topic of discussion was the word “fattall” in a Scottish man’s diary. It’s from the Enlightenment and I really didn’t feel the need to be this enlightened. Guess what “fattall” allegedly stands in for. It starts with “master” and ends in “bation”. Yeah dude recorded when he was feeling lonely. So while not really listening, I was imagining what it would be like for someone to mistakenly walk into our class mid discussion.

"I’m a twenty year old guy, and I think it does stand in for masturbation. Like, he sounds like a college guy, he’s young, he’s reading porn and hey, I know what I’d do.” –person randomly frozen in doorway walks backwards and closes door wondering WHAT. THE. HELL.-

That actually is pretty close to what one guy said in class today. How I’ll miss these talks in the New Year. To think I decided to take European Fascism instead. Hopefully by then I learn how to spell fascism without spellcheck.

So, hopefully postings will be much happier for the next little while. I’m sorry if I’ve worried you!

Lauren, also recently known as Jingles (yeah that spread) or Stinky in the case of Clandestiny.

I'm Still a Cat

Okay, so due to my lack of time again today, this blog will attempt to dazzle you with images. Yes... look at the pictures... you do not notice Lauren’s crappy writing... you only see the images...

So, I have to say that today if I were a cat, I would look something like this little guy.

Yeah, surprised! Because as it turns out, more people are amenable to calling me by cat names than I thought. In fact, while on MSN last night (it was a short break from homework) one of my friends, you know her as Acinorev or Veronica told me the following:

“well i am off to do some reading then bed
good luck on your essay jingles and ttyl
bye”

Hahahaha! It was quite funny. When I got to school I ran into SARAH. Not literally thank goodness, but I did come across her. She wants to buy me a cat collar with a bell. This led to a moment best described by this little guy:

It is indeed confusion. She wants to get me the bell so that I truly can be Jingles. That had better be her reason for getting me a collar. Anyway, obviously my neck is quite a bit larger than a cat’s so we eventually decided that I would wear it was a bracelet. (I will be single forever...)

When I got home, I started reading comments about yesterday’s blog and a certain someone’s... Clandestiny... made me look more like this kitty.

Unimpressed. Nah! I’m kidding, I laughed. And I actually call my cat Stinky so maybe I’ll stop doing that. We can’t have the same name too... that’s just weird.

Notice that as a cat I magically change my fur? Yeah... cats have zippers. You just have to look real close.

Not at all related, but in my search for a confused cat, I came across this and couldn’t help but laugh. Hope it makes you all smile too.

I probably will respond to Jingles now... Single. For. Ever. Meh, I'll have a cool cat name and the spaying or neutering won't be as damaging to my esteem.

Lauren.

Getting There!

I’m going to apologize now for this blog.

If I were a cat, this is what I would look like now. (I think he's just sleeping.)

I hope I would be that cute. Is it wrong that I was thinking, “Someone should go scratch his belly”? I don’t know that I would like my belly scratched. Removed perhaps... kidding!

Anyway... today I read about three hundred pages (it took me all day) about homosexuality in the medieval and early modern period. Yeah... I don’t care. My paper is due Wednesday and I’ve yet to start it. Stressed? A bit... But it will get done for I am the magical, mystical Lauren Daily. Poof! I'm a kitty! Meow!

When I die and hopefully get reincarnated as a cat, I want my name to be something that carries no expectations. I don’t want to be named Champ. Tinkles is fine with me. That way I know what’s expected of me. Or Jingles if I get to wear a bell, then all I have to do is move occasionally. Even Stinky would be good as long as I don’t have to smell myself. And if I were to be named Stinky, I could have a theme song. Smelly Cat! And finally I will know what they’re feeding me. Friends fans? Yes?

Anyway, goodnight everyone. While clearly waning, mental faculties still intact!

Lauren.

Feast of Champions Wrap Up

Goooooooooooood morning Blogville! It’s 1:18 in the AM and I’m acting like an overly energetic radio douche that wakes you on that dreaded Monday Morning! Yes, I am still awake. I just got in from work. Well, that’s a lie, I decided to shower before even touching my bed (trust me, work grime gets nowhere near my comfy sleeping area).

Today was the closing of the Feast, the last of the four days, the sprint at the end of the marathon, it was Sunday. And now it’s technically Monday but no matter. We all remember what a Feast is? Four nights, eight courses, ninety or more people all served at the same time. Tonight we were actually short staffed and overbooked for typical Sunday Feast. So it was a scramble. But the scramble inspired this post. I shall now detail how we survive these four days of extreme stress.

MEDS! We all take some form of painkiller before coming in to work. I personally bring some extra strength Tylenol with me as well. Actually, I found this hysterical. We had ibuprofen on the counter in the kitchen. It was for a different purpose but funny nonetheless. And no, we were not drugging people with ibuprofen.

ENERGY DRINKS! Paul brings a Redbull that he drinks over the course of the evening. Helen usually drinks some form of alcohol when she stresses. Matt was downing green tea martini mix. Alma has ginger ale or water (she has ulcers). Ed has Powerade or tea. I drink nearly frozen it’s so cold water. It helps.

DOUBLE CHECKING! We have to count everything, plates, food, everything. Everyone gets two dumplings, everyone gets two shrimp (they’re big). So it involves a lot of double and triple checking. Messing up can be really bad, particularly when you don’t have enough of something and it takes a while to cook.

HIDING! For when it’s the end of the night, when you just want to go home and you choose to hide in the basement or the walk-in for just a little longer than necessary in order to cling to the last remnants of your sanity. Lack of sleep tends to take it away. It also involves making yourself scarce when the dishwasher (formerly me) asks: “Can you help me sort the cutlery?” Gah I hate that. The cutlery bin is filled with about as much garbage and food as it is cutlery. Gum anyone?

Aside from all the stress, I don’t mind Feasts. It’s pretty easy once you have everything organized. It’s the organizing that takes like... a week. But you just make a bunch of one thing, plate it on the right plate, send it out, start on the next one. It pleases my linear thinking abilities. And that’s all you really have to worry about aside from cleaning which doesn’t take too long.

I don’t know if this will make you hungry or not, but this is what we were serving this weekend.

It was the Feast of Champions (the staff are the real champions) so basically, all the favourite dishes throughout the year. There’s usually a salad.

1. Thai coconut lemongrass soup (random aside, lemongrass smells really good)
   
2. Chili garlic vegetarian dumpling
   
3. Crispy tiger shrimp and Thai-lime sauce (that I helped clean... you know what I’m saying)
   
4. Five spice pork loin with Sake black bean sauce and Jasmine rice (Freaking amazing!)
   
5. Green tea soba noodle watercress pesto (which I know how to make but didn’t)
   
6. Basa fish with pineapple Malaysia curry (which is more sweet than spicy I find)
   
7. Coriander marinated beef and sweet pea in S&S garlic sauce
   
8. Philippine mango lime sorbet (We decorated it with kumquats! I was obscenely excited about that.)

Tada! That’s a Feast! Anyone hungry? OH! Does anyone know why beef doesn’t turn brown when you cook it in a deep fryer? My suspicion is that it’s because it cooks from the outside in but it’s got me all curious. It just stays red.

Lauren.

Solution A or... Solution B

Today I spent the majority of the day trying to motivate myself to work on my last two assignments. Both are for my history of sexuality class. The mantra has changed to “five more days Lauren, five more days”. I mostly failed. I finished one article and got halfway through another. The sinning masturbators of Enlightenment era Scotland just annoyed me more than it peaked my intellectual curiosity. I also finished my essay plan but that by no means gets me much closer to writing the actual essay. At this point I’m feeling rather tired and discouraged. I have no energy left but I have to find some to just give it that final push. I will not have suffered in vain! This is where my actual motto: “It’ll get done”, comes in to play. Somehow I always get everything done. Don’t know how but I do.

I don’t really know what to write about today. I’ve been in a pretty crappy mood. For the last little while I’ve been contemplating my life and whether or not to make certain changes. I don’t want to be too specific since I don’t know who is reading my blog, but I’ve realized that something has to give. If my next semester is going to be anything like this one, well, my mental health is more important to me.

As far as I can see it, I have two potential solutions.

Solution A: would increase my immediate level of stress but would in the long run, probably eliminate a longstanding stress that affects me on a daily basis and tends to fester for long periods of time.

Solution B: would decrease my stress immediately but very likely increase it in the long run. And even if I do keep it, it’s short term stress that only lasts at most a day at a time. Except for now obviously... cause I’m thinking about it all the time.

It feels like a lesser of two evils kind of situation to me. Like... the former leader of the Liberal party was a total knob, but I could not bring myself to vote Conservative (for obvious reasons). And the NDP leader reminds me too much of a rabbit. It doesn’t help that their party colour is orange. His tie looks like a carrot. As to voting for obscure parties I say this: “GET USED TO IT, YOU’RE PART OF OUR DAMN COUNTRY!” and “I LIKE THE COLOUR GREEN!” And that was your random and fascinating lesson in Canadian politics. I know you’re fascinated. Go on, admit it. Okay, if Bonnie read it, she’s possibly raised an eyebrow by now. The rest of you are either laughing at the fact I’m essentially having a conversation with myself about nothing, or, you’re also raising your eyebrows thinking: “Wow, Lauren really has lost it.”

They even have similar colouring... kinda creepy isn't it?

As far as I’m aware my mental faculties are fully intact. Check in with me this coming Thursday to know for sure. I think I’m going to do some laundry, change my sheets and go watch the Sound of Music. Who can be sad watching Maria prance about happily all the while bringing together a family and thwarting scheming Nazis? No one I tell you. That movie has it all. Let’s have a collective YAY! for Julie Andrews. Yeah... I’m a fan... I often wonder if she’s ever sad that she can’t sing anymore. If I had her talent I think I would be.

But that’s another rant for another day. Not tomorrow though. I’m sure I’ll be ranting about the close of the Feast. As of Friday there were 95 guests expected.

Goodnight all!

Lauren.

Friday Feast

If anything I say in the following, I don’t know how many words, makes sense, there is a God and he is interested in organized thought. I just now got home from work. It was a Feast night. I don’t know if I’ve quite explained this before, so let’s see if I can do a one sentence recap. It’s an eight course meal, served to the entire restaurant at the same time, which occurs every season plus one and lasts a period of four days. It’s a run on sentence but it does the job. Tonight there were 103 people in the restaurant.

Anyway, this time, Helen decided that she wanted me to bartend, help serve when necessary and be Water Girl. I don’t usually help out in the front. I’m rather shy and prefer to avoid people when possible. Plus, being clumsy is not a helpful trait when waitressing. Particularly not when a large portion of the diners like to gesture emphatically with their hands while speaking. Add in a klutz with a scalding bowl of soup and you have a recipe for disaster. Fortunately I didn’t scald anyone.

Actually, the only real incident that got on Helen’s nerves was when she came up to the bar and ordered a rye and Pepsi (we don’t have Coke so we pretend). So, sounds pretty simple right? Now, here’s a little Lauren secret. I don’t drink. I never have. I have not had a beer, a cooler, tropical drink, nothing. So when I’m sifting through the bottles and I come across whiskey, I obviously didn’t realize that whiskey is apparently rye. GAH! She got all snippy with me so I snottily reminded her that I don’t drink and that put an end to that.

While table and floor watering, I ran into some very interesting people. Not literally ran into them... well some of them I did, but mostly I just came across them. There was a really nice French man who seemed absolutely thrilled when I addressed him in French. I rarely speak to customers in French because they all assume I’m English. I’m not going to respond in French to a question asked in English... that’s just weird.

Another fun table was a middle aged couple. The one guy just kept downing his water while the woman he was with never touched hers. I accidentally called him a camel but they found it funny so at least there was that.

My Godmother was also there with two absolutely off the wall friends and the daughter of another friend. These two ladies were totally just fantastic. I could write a blog about them alone. They pretty much sexually harassed Paul who I don’t think minded at all. They tried to pawn their bill off on some innocent stranger who was simply waiting in line to pay his own bill. One of them commented that the glass I’d washed wasn’t very clean looking. I took it down and her friend asked me for it. Even though my better judgement was telling me not to give her the glass, I did. I was curious! So she stuck her lipstick covered lips on the side of it and hung it back up in the rack. It was too funny. It probably doesn’t sound very funny the way I’m explaining it, but the whole time they were both very pleasant and seemed to know where the line was. Plus, I’m quite witty and sarcastic as well so I played along. They made my night.

So while I worked for a little over eight hours and only sat down at one o’clock this morning, the night went rather well. I even got tips this time! And got to keep them! It’s the first time that happens so I’m thrilled. I know twenty bucks doesn’t sound like a lot, but my coworkers were the ones that gave it to me from their tips and they didn’t have to. I was excited when I got ten dollars.

I’m tired now, so off to bed I go. More from the Feast on Sunday.

Lauren.

Quoting Maria

In my Holocaust history class last week we started talking about the Anschluss. Naturally, my prof had to tell us that The Sound of Music portrays it very differently. That made me want to watch The Sound of Music. And that’s kind of how I came up with today’s post. The Sound of Music got me thinking about my favourite things and since I complain a fair bit or yak about how I’m having a bad day quite frequently, I thought it would be a nice change to talk about things I do like.

I like fresh cheese bread with real butter. My parents haven’t bought it for a while but it’s so delicious. It’s all flaky and just slightly cheesy and FRESH! And actual butter as opposed to margarine is Heaven.

I love a freshly made bed. When she sheets are all crisp and still smell of fabric softener. And because they’re clean you can just snuggle into them all the more. I’ve never had a bad night’s sleep with clean bedding.

My purple cardigan aka my grandpa sweater. It’s warm, soft and it doesn’t cling. I wear it when I’m cranky and having a crappy day and I just feel happier and safer in it.

Fictionpress.com is another place I go. I don’t really have time to read physical books, but since these stories are online, are usually shorter and are being read as they’re being written, I can excuse spending a bit of time reading them. During the summer I read more physical books.

When I’m having a bad day, go in to work, work my butt off and when I come up to the front, Helen offers me a bottle of Aloe Green Tea. It’s my favourite drink. It’s chilled green tea with chunks of aloe in it.

Recently I’ve discovered the Women’s Center. I love hanging out in there. No one is particularly serious, everyone is really nice and it’s one of the few places where hanging out on your own planet is a good thing. Plus, it’s warm in there and they have a couch and hot chocolate. All of my Tuesday and Thursday classes are freezing cold for some reason.

Snow makes me happy. It’s all clean and fluffy and you can use it as a weapon... I mean, creative outlet... you know, snow people? I wasn’t talking about snowballs that I whip at people... It also makes everything look pretty.

Funny slogans can totally make my day. I don’t wear them, but I do love those t-shirts with ironic or sarcastic comments. One of my favourites is: “I killed Jenny”. L Word fans know what I’m talking about. The one we’re considering using for Pride also makes me giggle: “Don’t worry gay marriage won’t affect your straight divorce.” I also found a poster online that I couldn’t help but laugh at. I think I can post it without having to up my rating...

Music! There’s a song for every situation! Some of my favourite artists at the moment: Pink, Norah Jones, Sara Bareilles, Joan Jett, Gretchen Wilson, Alanis Morissette, Marie-Mai. There are others... I just can’t think of them at the moment.

BLOGGING! It’s my new found favourite things. I don’t think I need to explain why.

Anyway, these are some of the things that get me through and pick me up. Anyone feel like sharing their favourite things?

Lauren.

Random Snippets from Lauren Land

The first thing I want to mention today is a response I got from my nudist colony comment yesterday. I was informed that nudists prefer the term ‘clubs’ rather than ‘colony’. Which totally makes sense because seriously... colony? It sounds so much better as clubs. So thank you to Brian Taylor who corrected me. I also noticed that he uses the term naturist... I don’t know if that’s another faux-pas I’m making but I’ll throw it in there just in case I’m wrong. I mentioned I live in a small community right?

And now we all know.

For today’s news from Lauren Land, I wonder if I’m not on my own planet sometimes, I shall stitch together a random tapestry of the various goings on of the last few hours.

I feel I can’t write a random blog without talking about my History of Sexuality class. (ONE CLASS AWAY FROM BEING DONE!) We have this system where we sign up at the beginning of the year to lead the discussion for a class. I waited for the crowd to disappear so I got one of the last days. My topic? The existence or non-existence of Medieval lesbians and whether or not they can be termed lesbian. I told Helen and she just burst out laughing. Then she looked at me and asked if I was serious. Unfortunately I am. I think it was a strange twist of irony that I landed this topic.

Anyway, I did well on the first question, totally shut down this one girl’s argument and I was looking really smart. For once. She was arguing that to be a lesbian you had to engage in some form of action with a woman. I asked her “Well if that’s true, do virgins not have a sexuality?” (Yes, that’s a recycled comment but damn it worked well.) Question two I answered, totally bashing the author of an article I had to read. She wanted to use the term “lesbian-like” to incorporate more women into the history of sexuality as well as to challenge the heterosexual view we’re taught to have regarding history. Thing is, she went so broad that I argued a feminist man could be termed lesbian-like. Where I went totally off the deep end was when I referred to her as being stupid, moronic, useless, being insulting to current and past lesbians by associating unnecessary stigma to an already stigmatized label and again called her an idiot. It was about a million times less eloquent than that causing people to stare. I write for a reason.

Also during that class, I ended up coming out to the entire class by claiming that I didn’t appreciate being associated with prostitutes, those who subverted authority and the scary feminist. I’m friends with a number of feminists and I like them all... but the radical feminist prepared to burn her bra at a moment’s notice scares me a little. It’s probably just the fact that they tend to be more confrontational and I’m not good with confrontation. (This was part of the adding stigma rambling.) By the way, there is a spectrum. I will be shot if I lead you all to believe that every feminist is prepared to burn her bra. I know a few who appreciate their bras.

Incident three. I’d just gotten off the bus and was crossing at one of the major intersections of Middle of Nowhere. It’s basically the joining of the highway and a really busy street. Take a wild guess which song started playing on my MP3 player. I didn’t even know I had this song on there. If you guessed “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” you would be right. I laughed all the way across the highway but quickly changed the song. I’m not tempting fate...

And that was today. I was most pleased by what I learned about nudist clubs. I love knowledge like that. So thanks again!

Lauren.

Two of my Favourite Things

Today can be summed up with the expression “crunch time”. Two things due tomorrow, me working my big butt off to get them done. If only you could work your butt off that way. Or actually laugh your ass off. That would be awesome. Anyway, as you can probably imagine, I was freaking out a tad and my day wasn’t going very well.

To start off, didn’t sleep well. Next, I decided to not even do the quiz in 19th century lit today because I’m sick of coming up with crap answers that he doesn’t even laugh at... poo on him, Hulio was funny. Yup, with all my essays due (worth 30% or more of my grade) I neglected to read Frankenstein. I made the right choice in the end.

These events, while very minor, coupled with my usual stress and various other factors were extremely discouraging. Thankfully though there were two things that absolutely saved the day. No, it was not Princess Procrastination. Princess P. is on sabbatical until December 9th. The first thing was just looking out the window this morning. It had snowed last night and it was just absolutely beautiful. All of the trees were coated in fluffy white snow, the sky was the perfect mixture of blue and cloudy, everything looked so clean and bright and Christmassy. It felt like I was looking at the final scene of White Christmas. When I got to school, I went to hide in my usual corner of the library. It overlooks the pond and the forest behind it. By then the sun was fully up and the clouds had mostly cleared. It was still gorgeous. The snow was melting a bit, falling off the trees. The pond was slightly frozen over. It made me feel much better. I’m a winter girl in case you haven’t guessed. I love the snow and the cold. It’s so... fresh. Besides, like I always say, you can always put more clothes on, you can only take so much off before you get arrested. I suppose that wouldn’t apply in a nudist colony. And why is it called a nudist COLONY? I dunno... I think of people sailing across the ocean, destroying indigenous populations and killing various mammals for fur when I think of colonists. I doubt a colony of nudists would have been very threatening. Easy to kill... what with the lack of armour... or places to hide a weapon... hmmm...

That was random. The second thing was going to work. Ed made me a great supper. I got squid, basa fish, veggies, a bit of fried rice and a spring roll. That made my day right there. Honestly. And then talking to Helen, even though she was kind of criticizing me in an attempt to cheer me up, which worked mind you, was also nice. She had this analogy of me surrounding myself with banana peels and trying not to slip on them while I try to get things done. She’s recognized that I’m overwhelmed in a big way right now and she’s worried. It’s nice knowing that at least one person has noticed and actually cares enough to talk to me about it. They’re like a second set of parents. I feel like the white girl that was adopted into a Chinese family. Not that I’m complaining. I love them both and I appreciate them both far too much to explain in writing.
I also realized somewhere throughout the course of the day that I forgot the most important point in assessing whether or not you are spending too much time with your cat. So I will list it now as Forgotten Point 6.

6. Your sister’s boyfriend comes upstairs, sees you lying at one end of the couch with your cat at the other end, stops, points and says: “You two are laying in the same position!” before laughing and leaving.

Yes, that did happen.

Lauren.