Please, don’t be angry with me, but I forgot to have my laptop open when I was watching Dancing with the Stars with my mom. To compensate, let’s try an interview with the Creepy Foremost Non-Dancing Dance Expert now.
Lauren: Okay, I’m going to ask you about each of the contestants and you give me your thoughts on them. Alright?
Lauren: You have no choice. Evan Lysacek.
Mom: He’s not manly! He needs hair on his chest to look like a man.
Lauren: WTF? He’s a figure skater. Anyway... Pam Anderson.
Mom: I can’t just comment like that! You blew the interview lady.
Lauren: Fine... how do you feel about Justin Bieber? (While watching Access Hollywood)
Mom: Bubblegum music.
Lauren: Well... fair enough.
Other than intelligent conversations with my mom, I went shopping with Helen and Abby. I surprised myself by actually browsing for bras. Of my own free will! And I thought one was actually pretty! I think I’m very slowly turning into a girl... scary... it’s taken 21 years.
After a while, I think Helen was worried I was getting bored so she sent me off to the bookshop next door. Love it there! Smell of books is amazing! Well, I was looking for a specific book but given that I live in Hetero Middle of Nowhere, I didn’t find it. Go figure. As a result, I was forced to buy two other books and then buy the one I wanted once I got home... Ugh.
Mr. Plunk: Lauren, when are you planning on reading all of these books?
Lauren: I will... someday. Look, some people like shoes, I like books! And it’s hard for me to even find shoes that fit let alone shoes I like.
Mr. Plunk: Would you mind leaving some on the floor?
Lauren: Yes, I very much would mind. Why?
Mr. Plunk: I’m getting bored. Cooper’s therapy with Freud is driving me crazy.
Lauren: Yeah... that’s bugging Maggie too actually. What’s he talk about?
Mr. Plunk: I don’t know. I stop paying attention after “hallo Cooper”. Lots of blah-bity blah.
Lauren: Which one do you want? Book I mean.
Mr. Plunk: I’ve never read Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants.
Lauren: Well, my sister has the first one... would you be okay starting with the second one? Bailey’s dies, Lena loves Kostos who’s Greek, Bridget fell for Eric at soccer camp and the one that’s played by America Ferrara gains a white step family. There. The book is better but that should be enough to get you through book 2. Anything else?
Mr. Plunk: Do you think you could keep Meeko from sleeping under here? He takes up a lot of room for a cat.
Lauren: How about I give you a stick and you can poke him?
Mr. Plunk EVILLY: Is it electrified?
Lauren: NO! Have you been talking to Rochester?
Mr. Plunk: Not really. He doesn’t come under the bed and I can’t leave if Cooper doesn’t. Hence the books.
Lauren: What if for one day I give you legs!
Mr. Plunk: What are you? A fairy godmother?
Lauren: As good as for you. Do you want the legs or not?
Mr. Plunk: Are you going to steal my voice in payment? PAUSES. This is just so you don’t have to put your books on the floor isn’t it?
Lauren: You’ll never know. Now choose!
Oh, what’s gonna happen! I totally know! Anyway, I have books that need reading! Night!