Animurderess... Almost

Ding dong!

Marmellglarmfla. Rolling over. Two minutes elapse.

Ding Dong! I sit up in bed, glare at my closed door and slide out of bed. I slip into a comfy pair of jeans, try to comb through my hair with my fingers. Finally I open the door. My sister’s friend is standing there all smiley.

“Hi!” he says, in his usually cheery way. He is a very polite guy after all.

“Hey,” I respond, giving him one more indicator that I just got up. I don’t think he shrank away from my horrid breath.

“Sorry I woke you up. Uh, are they here?” Are they here? Really? Of course they’re here.

“Yeah, they’re just being useless,” I grumble, closing the door behind him and walking away. “I’ll get them for you.” I bang on my sister’s bedroom door. “Your friend is here!”

“What?” I hear yelled from the other side of the door.

“Your friend is here,” I repeat, opening the door, glaring at my sister and her boyfriend, lounging in bed, watching a movie. I then leave and return to my room, but only to find an elastic with which I tie my hair and to grab my laptop. Once again, I’m awake for someone else’s business.

As I’m heading toward the living room, one of the only rooms my sister has not befouled with her slobbish habits, I notice that some of the dishes have been done. My sister had obviously been awake a while and washed only the dishes she’d used in the last few days. I roll my eyes and smirk, not knowing why I expected anything different. That is how my day began.

Anyway, thanks largely to the comments on yesterday’s post, I feel like telling you the following story. I was eighteen at the time and it was days before my high school graduation. I don’t remember why we chose that weekend, but my best friend decided she was going to take me trout fishing. She had a cabin a few hours away from town. We left right after one of my late night soccer games so it was pitch black. We almost hit a moose and I spotted another one that my friend saw fit to stalk with her truck. I got pissed and told her to get back on the road. They’re huge alright! I didn’t feel like having a moose charging at me. The next day we caught about twelve trout (which I’m fairly certain is illegal) all of which my friend killed, gutted and cooked. As we drove back toward her cabin, we nearly hit a rabbit. The fish was really good. On the day we were to leave, a bear cub ran out in front of her truck. She didn’t hit it. A little farther down the road, a partridge decided to stand in the middle road and lead us toward the highway. After about ten minutes of crawling behind a really dumb partridge, I got annoyed and in a very uncharacteristic move, asked my friend if she could just hit it. She’d done everything but hit it to get it out of the way. Luckily for the partridge, she refused and it waddled off. We didn’t see any other animals on the drive home. Thank God.

Note the vacant expression. Nothin' goin' on in there.

There’s a lot more to that story but I thought you would enjoy the various animal sightings, deaths and near deaths of various Canadian animals. The partridge I saw yesterday almost walked out in front of my sister’s car. I don’t know how they aren’t extinct yet.

Also, I actually really do love animals. And I wasn’t driving during any of this. Just so you know.

Lauren.