Well. I have to say I was in super productivity mode today. I researched, I wrote, I edited, I emailed, I watched Canada win the Gold Medal Game by a ridiculously slim margin (sudden death overtime goal), I did some other stuff too but I don’t really remember. Oh! I organized my short little presentation thingy for when I get to introduce Shakespeare for my placement. Now, I am tired!
Rochester: GUYS! GET OUT HERE QUICK!
Freud: Vhat iss ze matter Rochester? Do you not know vhat time it iss?
Rochester: There’s steam coming out Lauren’s ears!
Freud: Zhat happens all ze time. No need to pan- Iss her head svelling? Zhat iss not normal. Go get Maggie, see if she can tell us vhat is going on!
Magda [throwing open the closet door]: What! Woah... I thought she’d get over that.
Mr. Plunk: It looks like she’s going to blow!
Cooper: DOWN! [tackles everyone to the floor using ninja reflexes right before Lauren’s head explodes, splattering brains everywhere]
Rochester: EW!!!! IT’S ON ME! IT’S TOUCHING ME!!!!!
Magda: Your concern for Lauren’s well-being is touching. Dr. Freud, can you fix this? You’re the only brain specialist we have!
Freud: Don’t you already know if I can fix it?
Magda: Focus please! We can continue arguing later!
Freud: Yes, I sink I can help. I jast need my tools.
TEN MINUTES LATER – Lauren’s splattered brain has been recovered –
Freud [standing over Lauren]: Yes, zat’s it Rochester, shove it all in zhere.
Rochester: This doesn’t seem very scientific. Or medical. Or safe.
Freud: Are you finished pointing out ze obvious? Now, hand me ze popsicle stick. [jiggles popsicle stick in Lauren’s squishy brain matter] Excellent, Maggie, I need chewing gum. Preferably ze pink bubbly kind.
Magda: You are not putting gum in Lauren’s brain!
Freud [rolling his eyes]: Ze gum iss for me... Twit. Now, pass me ze toossbrash. Good. And ze thumb tack, I need zat next. Now go get me a stapler and ze sree hole punch. [staples Lauren’s head closed, cracks open the hole punch and throws the confetti] She iss done!
Magda [scowling]: Yeah, yeah, yeah cause she’s a cake. I need a test before I believe you Frankenstein. [Turning to Lauren] How do you feel?
Lauren: Oh, hey Maggie, I feel great
Holy crap is it really that late?
I should really get to bed.
Ugh, what the hell is up with my head?
I feel like Everest came crashing down in there
And what the heck is this shit in my hair?
Magda: Great, you brought back her Seuss-itis.
Freud: Easily cured vith a vaccine. Lauren, don’t go anyvhere. [scampers off]
Night everyone, this was really fun. Yeah, yeah, I ripped of Grey's... but you gotta love the word play?
Lauren.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Two Tales
This entry has two parts. In the first I’m going to tell you all a story that happened two years ago. I was inspired to tell this story in part because of one of Kathryn’s posts but also because of the snowy weather we’ve had here over the last few days.
In case anyone is curious about how Kathryn from http://www.theinternalmakeover.com/ fits into this. I commented on her post about freezerdoodle a few days ago.
So two years ago, my friend Lisanne organized for some girls to get together. Four of us in total. We went sliding and watched a couple of movies. It was fun. At no point did we drink anything alcoholic. I’m gonna get that out of the way now.
Around two in the morning, we’re in our PJs and one the girls needs to leave. Lisanne goes upstairs to be the good hostess. Me and the other girl roll out our sleeping bags and such. Not fifteen minutes later, Lisanne comes downstairs. Still in our PJs we head outside in the middle of winter and sure enough, somehow, Jess had backed her car into the snow bank. All she had to do was back straight out, probably only let her foot off the brake and let the car roll out of the driveway.
But she was stuck. So Lisanne dug her car out of the snow bank. Problem 2: no traction. In true bad joke fashion, Jess got into her car and the remaining three of us lined up behind her car.
A lesbian, a ballerina and a sex therapist (what she was going to school for at the time), start pushing a car. But the car won’t move. Why? Because Jess who can’t drive still had the car in park. Take two. A lesbian, a ballerina and a sex therapist start pushing a car. But the car still won’t move. Why? Because now, Jess, who clearly can’t drive has the car in reverse. Thank God there was still no traction or there would be three dead chicks behind the car. By attempt four the car was in the proper gear, we finally got enough sand under the tires for traction and Jess took off. We were all freezing and wet from the snow.
For some reason Kathryn thought I was talking about imaginary people...
Part two of this post happened today. I had one of those conversations with Helen. I was supposed to go in to pick up my pay check because my bosses are leaving for Egypt tomorrow. Given that we would have to be in the building, I suggested to my parents that we order something.
Lauren: Hey Helen, it’s Lauren.
Helen: Hi Lauren, are you coming in today?
Lauren: Yeah, but I wanted to place an order too. [Helen laughing] Okay, my parents want three dinner for one C.
Helen: Three dinner for one C?
Lauren: Yeah, but my mom wanted to know if she could have the breast instead of the balls. (referring of course to chicken)
Mom: Breasts are better than balls anyway.
Lauren: I thought I was the only one!
Helen [laughing]: Alright, it’ll be ready in about half an hour.
This is but one of many conversations I’ve had with people from work. Sometimes I can’t believe that these conversations happen. I had a similar conversations with Ed regarding Rocky Mountain Oysters. If anyone can guess what Rocky Mountain Oysters are I will gladly tell the story. I just want to see if anyone out there knows what it is.
Lauren.
In case anyone is curious about how Kathryn from http://www.theinternalmakeover.com/ fits into this. I commented on her post about freezerdoodle a few days ago.
So two years ago, my friend Lisanne organized for some girls to get together. Four of us in total. We went sliding and watched a couple of movies. It was fun. At no point did we drink anything alcoholic. I’m gonna get that out of the way now.
Around two in the morning, we’re in our PJs and one the girls needs to leave. Lisanne goes upstairs to be the good hostess. Me and the other girl roll out our sleeping bags and such. Not fifteen minutes later, Lisanne comes downstairs. Still in our PJs we head outside in the middle of winter and sure enough, somehow, Jess had backed her car into the snow bank. All she had to do was back straight out, probably only let her foot off the brake and let the car roll out of the driveway.
But she was stuck. So Lisanne dug her car out of the snow bank. Problem 2: no traction. In true bad joke fashion, Jess got into her car and the remaining three of us lined up behind her car.
A lesbian, a ballerina and a sex therapist (what she was going to school for at the time), start pushing a car. But the car won’t move. Why? Because Jess who can’t drive still had the car in park. Take two. A lesbian, a ballerina and a sex therapist start pushing a car. But the car still won’t move. Why? Because now, Jess, who clearly can’t drive has the car in reverse. Thank God there was still no traction or there would be three dead chicks behind the car. By attempt four the car was in the proper gear, we finally got enough sand under the tires for traction and Jess took off. We were all freezing and wet from the snow.
For some reason Kathryn thought I was talking about imaginary people...
Part two of this post happened today. I had one of those conversations with Helen. I was supposed to go in to pick up my pay check because my bosses are leaving for Egypt tomorrow. Given that we would have to be in the building, I suggested to my parents that we order something.
Lauren: Hey Helen, it’s Lauren.
Helen: Hi Lauren, are you coming in today?
Lauren: Yeah, but I wanted to place an order too. [Helen laughing] Okay, my parents want three dinner for one C.
Helen: Three dinner for one C?
Lauren: Yeah, but my mom wanted to know if she could have the breast instead of the balls. (referring of course to chicken)
Mom: Breasts are better than balls anyway.
Lauren: I thought I was the only one!
Helen [laughing]: Alright, it’ll be ready in about half an hour.
This is but one of many conversations I’ve had with people from work. Sometimes I can’t believe that these conversations happen. I had a similar conversations with Ed regarding Rocky Mountain Oysters. If anyone can guess what Rocky Mountain Oysters are I will gladly tell the story. I just want to see if anyone out there knows what it is.
Lauren.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Mash up of today
I had a very unproductive, rather boring day. But on the upside, I finished writing the script for the feminist comic I hope to share with you all in a little bit. I also cleaned my room. AKA, I’ve been stressing and I went on a cleaning rampage again.
I’m officially on holiday from work. Ed and Helen are going to Egypt for a few weeks so the restaurant is closed. I’m hoping to get a whack-load of homework done in my new downtime. I don’t think it could come at a better time. March Madness approaches. That sounds like fun, but it’s not. Essays, midterms and finals oh my! These are the things that make students want to die. Did I mention that I now have to write an essay from the point of view of a fascist Holland national. After that I think my group has to debate with the group assigned to be non-fascist Holland residents. What are residents of Holland called? Dutch? I get mixed up.
Oh, I was supposed to mention two things. One which everyone can help with. Another which only people from Ontario or who are interested in politics will likely care about.
The first is that our floundering Pride group is in need of a slogan for t-shirts. Apparently “My gay marriage won’t affect your straight divorce” didn’t go over so well. I think it’s funny. Reminds me of an episode of the L Word. So, suggestions welcome if you got ‘em. And let’s remember, I’m pro-gay.
The second item is really ironic. Our school is having a new library built. Now, Mike Harris was a big contributor. So, according to my source (yes I have sources, many in fact) a potential name for the library is “The Mike Harris Educational Library”. I can’t think of anyone who’s screwed education over more than Mike Harris. Except maybe in the horrible Star Wars Episode 3 when Anakin kills all the students at the Jedi training building. Okay, that’s probably an exaggeration... hey, I just studied melodrama. In short, putting the name Mike Harris in front of Education is like... the biggest oxymoron ever.
I’m in a writing mood at the moment so I’m going to keep the blog short and do my creative writing assignment.
Night everyone!
Lauren.
I’m officially on holiday from work. Ed and Helen are going to Egypt for a few weeks so the restaurant is closed. I’m hoping to get a whack-load of homework done in my new downtime. I don’t think it could come at a better time. March Madness approaches. That sounds like fun, but it’s not. Essays, midterms and finals oh my! These are the things that make students want to die. Did I mention that I now have to write an essay from the point of view of a fascist Holland national. After that I think my group has to debate with the group assigned to be non-fascist Holland residents. What are residents of Holland called? Dutch? I get mixed up.
Oh, I was supposed to mention two things. One which everyone can help with. Another which only people from Ontario or who are interested in politics will likely care about.
The first is that our floundering Pride group is in need of a slogan for t-shirts. Apparently “My gay marriage won’t affect your straight divorce” didn’t go over so well. I think it’s funny. Reminds me of an episode of the L Word. So, suggestions welcome if you got ‘em. And let’s remember, I’m pro-gay.
The second item is really ironic. Our school is having a new library built. Now, Mike Harris was a big contributor. So, according to my source (yes I have sources, many in fact) a potential name for the library is “The Mike Harris Educational Library”. I can’t think of anyone who’s screwed education over more than Mike Harris. Except maybe in the horrible Star Wars Episode 3 when Anakin kills all the students at the Jedi training building. Okay, that’s probably an exaggeration... hey, I just studied melodrama. In short, putting the name Mike Harris in front of Education is like... the biggest oxymoron ever.
I’m in a writing mood at the moment so I’m going to keep the blog short and do my creative writing assignment.
Night everyone!
Lauren.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Olympics Night
Not a whole lot to report today. I can’t write a post like yesterday’s because this time I was way too busy watching (and also shouting uselessly at) the action. Canada versus the USA for GOLD! I’m talking women’s hockey here. Given my haste in posting, I was unable to find pictures that illustrate the result. So we’re all going to have to bring out our imaginations and do a little math.
This is the 2010 Women’s Hockey team.
This is the 2010 Women’s Hockey team.
This is what they looked like at the end of the third period.
This is why.
Damn straight! (Can I say that?) I was right, it was an awesome game. Both teams were totally kick ass with Canada being slightly more kick assy. Only two goals in the first period. Goalies were pretty damn awesome. And that’s putting it lightly.
I then watched the men’s aerial skiing. Steve O from my hometown was competing. No medal for Canada there but considering that the entirety of the event takes place in two jumps that last three seconds each, I think (for whatever my opinion is worth) that being in the top 12 is pretty amazing. I know that’s not the point of the Olympics or whatever, but come on... it’s ridiculous to pin the ‘hopes’ of an entire nation on six seconds. Most stressful six seconds EVER! Perspective people.
That’s the part of the Olympics that I hate. When the announcers are like “Oh, a disappointing day for Canada.” Uh... WTF? I don’t know about the thirty million other people out there, but I’m not disappointed. I don’t even know the dude. Nor do I actively watch this sport. I’m only watching now because it’s on and it’s cool. I think what you (crazy announcer man/woman meant to say was “Disappointing day for –insert name of individual or team- ” because we overweight, lazy TV viewers have absolutely no stake whatsoever in the results. Unless there was gambling involved but that’s another story. So there. TAKE IT EASY ON THE HOPES AND DREAMS OF THE NATION ALRIGHT!
I almost forgot with all the ranting... Steve O finished 8th! Woot! (Again, this is an older photo)
Aside from that, I was used as a smell checker today. One of the teachers I was doing my placement with sent me into the class she had to vacate in order to see if it still smelled horrible. I was suspicious given that there had been five unsupervised boys in the room and she told me to check if it stank when I was less than three feet through the door. In the end, it didn’t smell. So thanks a lot. This is what I did on the last day of my placement. The thing is, I’m going to keep going. It won’t go toward my course, but I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity. The one teacher offered to let me teach a little. So... I’m doing a kind of review/intro to the Shakespeare unit. It’s only a ten minute thing, but hey! Why not? Experience is experience and everyone has to start somewhere. Another reason I wanted to stay is that I’m having a ridiculous amount of fun. And I think that’s due largely to the teacher who was kind enough to host me. Note to self, must think up appropriate thank you, most likely including gift...
Well, that’s all for today. A good day I have to say. Oh, and Rochester so got it for scattering those crumbs.
Lauren.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Good Ol' Hockey Game
Today was far less dramatic than anticipated. Although, I was nominated for Pride treasurer which was a highly unexpected turn of events. I’m told it’s more of a title than a position at this point (we’ve had some serious issues getting Pride started because, well let’s face it, admin (both school and student) can be lovely, warm and accepting people). I’m up against two other people and... well, I’ve never been nominated for anything before so this is new.
I am currently watching the Canada/Russia hockey game. I’ve only been watching since about ten minutes into the second period. I was in class. My dad is a very loud spectator. He’s kind of scaring me with his random outbursts. They’re kind of two sided which is nice, but they still come out of nowhere and they are very loud.
Maggie: He’s just very into the game. It’s good that he gets excited about things.
Lauren: I know. It’s just... I’m concentrating and then HFLADHFKLAHFKAJSDF! That’s what it sounds like to me for about a second after he’s said it.
Maggie [laughing]: At least it’s better than the other night. You weren’t even watching the game and you knew exactly what was happening.
Dad: WHAT ARE THEY DOING? WRESTLING OR PLAYING HOCKEY!
Maggie: And he’s anti-violence.
Lauren: This is true. If he were in the Miss Universe pageant he could claim that he’s a believer in world peace.
Mom: Oh look at that eye roller thing for dark circles. That’s really Preparation H. ‘For the little baggies under his eyes’.
Dad: What?
Mom: It’s called something else but it’s really Preparation H.
Dad: It’s so he doesn’t have a shitty outlook on life.
Lauren: Oy...
Rochester: Your parents are entertaining. It’s kind of like Archie and Edith Bunker with the back and forth going on here. Only more modern and less... offensive.
Lauren: Really? I dunno.
Dad: FRIGGIN’ CANADA HAS A PENALTY! But the goalie is excellent tonight!
Maggie: What were we talking about?
Lauren: I have no idea. My mom is going on about steak. Apparently I missed some good steak.
Mom: BON! He’s picking a fight!
Lauren: Oh, there we go, the French comes out. Maybe now’s a good time to wrap up.
Rochester: What are you talking about! They’re awesome!
Mom: AH! Quit spitting! Cochon!
Lauren: And they aren’t even watching Survivor... The drama is incredible! [Pause while watching the game] Rochester! Stop watching my parents! Turn around and watch the damn TV.
Rochester: But they can’t even see me!
Lauren: I can see you. Turn around or go back to my room.
Rochester: I pity the woman you marry... and any of your future offspring. [sulkily stalks off]
Maggie: You know he’s scattering crumbs in your bed now right.
Lauren: Damn... I forgot he’s crafty. ROCHESTER!
Have a good night everyone! Oh, by the way, Canada won the game. In case you were curious.
My parents have approved this message.
Lauren.
I am currently watching the Canada/Russia hockey game. I’ve only been watching since about ten minutes into the second period. I was in class. My dad is a very loud spectator. He’s kind of scaring me with his random outbursts. They’re kind of two sided which is nice, but they still come out of nowhere and they are very loud.
Maggie: He’s just very into the game. It’s good that he gets excited about things.
Lauren: I know. It’s just... I’m concentrating and then HFLADHFKLAHFKAJSDF! That’s what it sounds like to me for about a second after he’s said it.
Maggie [laughing]: At least it’s better than the other night. You weren’t even watching the game and you knew exactly what was happening.
Dad: WHAT ARE THEY DOING? WRESTLING OR PLAYING HOCKEY!
Maggie: And he’s anti-violence.
Lauren: This is true. If he were in the Miss Universe pageant he could claim that he’s a believer in world peace.
Mom: Oh look at that eye roller thing for dark circles. That’s really Preparation H. ‘For the little baggies under his eyes’.
Dad: What?
Mom: It’s called something else but it’s really Preparation H.
Dad: It’s so he doesn’t have a shitty outlook on life.
Lauren: Oy...
Rochester: Your parents are entertaining. It’s kind of like Archie and Edith Bunker with the back and forth going on here. Only more modern and less... offensive.
Lauren: Really? I dunno.
Dad: FRIGGIN’ CANADA HAS A PENALTY! But the goalie is excellent tonight!
Maggie: What were we talking about?
Lauren: I have no idea. My mom is going on about steak. Apparently I missed some good steak.
Mom: BON! He’s picking a fight!
Lauren: Oh, there we go, the French comes out. Maybe now’s a good time to wrap up.
Rochester: What are you talking about! They’re awesome!
Mom: AH! Quit spitting! Cochon!
Lauren: And they aren’t even watching Survivor... The drama is incredible! [Pause while watching the game] Rochester! Stop watching my parents! Turn around and watch the damn TV.
Rochester: But they can’t even see me!
Lauren: I can see you. Turn around or go back to my room.
Rochester: I pity the woman you marry... and any of your future offspring. [sulkily stalks off]
Maggie: You know he’s scattering crumbs in your bed now right.
Lauren: Damn... I forgot he’s crafty. ROCHESTER!
Have a good night everyone! Oh, by the way, Canada won the game. In case you were curious.
My parents have approved this message.
Lauren.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Boring Gobbledigook
Today was a good day. Even though I failed another stupid quiz in my 19th Century Lit class (what else is new). I was delighted that I’d actually managed to guess some answers. And some of the questions I got wrong, I was shockingly close to being right. After that, I came home, worked on the feminist superhero comic with SARAH. It was entertaining. I’m trying to think of a female equivalent to ballsy. If you go with ovariesy is sounds a lot like you’re ordering eggs and that leads to a whole other topic. Maybe I will use it... that’s kind of funny.
I then went to work. It was a good day. I got to make spring rolls all night. As weird as this may sound, I kind of like repetitive work. Gives me time to think. Also given the facts that the pathetic Canadian men’s hockey team was playing Germany tonight coupled with the constant snow, the restaurant was pretty dead. So I got to chat and hang out with Helen and Ed. Ed and I are on the same page regarding Alice in Wonderland. NOT GOING TO SEE IT. Sweeny Todd was enough to turn me off Tim Burton movies. With Helen we talked about all kinds of stuff. I don’t think I could narrow it down. I asked her if she wanted to come with me to Stratford this summer for the Shakespeare Festival. So far it’s looking unlikely. I mean Stratford in Ontario in Canada by the way not the original Stratford in England. There are a few plays I want to see but my stinky family doesn’t want to see them... ugh. Must find or make friends with someone who owns a vehicle. Then, must convince said friend to come with me, for stealing vehicles is a felony. I still have time...
Aside from that, it was a boring day and frankly, I’m too tired to talk to imaginary people at the moment. I have class tomorrow after all.
I should have an interesting post tomorrow. I’m anticipating drama. If there’s no drama I have sociology and she’ll be reading us another book. And if that’s a bust... I’ll talk about... Thursday’s hockey game. CANADA vs US! Again. Only I’m of the opinion that women’s hockey is far superior to men’s. Should be a good game. Canadians who read my blog! I’m calling you out! Watch that game! 3:00 or 3:30! I can’t remember.
Americans can watch too... I won’t force anyone else to watch because I personally don’t much care to watch events in which I don’t have a favourite, but I’ll just throw out that it will surely be kick ass.
Lauren.
I then went to work. It was a good day. I got to make spring rolls all night. As weird as this may sound, I kind of like repetitive work. Gives me time to think. Also given the facts that the pathetic Canadian men’s hockey team was playing Germany tonight coupled with the constant snow, the restaurant was pretty dead. So I got to chat and hang out with Helen and Ed. Ed and I are on the same page regarding Alice in Wonderland. NOT GOING TO SEE IT. Sweeny Todd was enough to turn me off Tim Burton movies. With Helen we talked about all kinds of stuff. I don’t think I could narrow it down. I asked her if she wanted to come with me to Stratford this summer for the Shakespeare Festival. So far it’s looking unlikely. I mean Stratford in Ontario in Canada by the way not the original Stratford in England. There are a few plays I want to see but my stinky family doesn’t want to see them... ugh. Must find or make friends with someone who owns a vehicle. Then, must convince said friend to come with me, for stealing vehicles is a felony. I still have time...
Aside from that, it was a boring day and frankly, I’m too tired to talk to imaginary people at the moment. I have class tomorrow after all.
I should have an interesting post tomorrow. I’m anticipating drama. If there’s no drama I have sociology and she’ll be reading us another book. And if that’s a bust... I’ll talk about... Thursday’s hockey game. CANADA vs US! Again. Only I’m of the opinion that women’s hockey is far superior to men’s. Should be a good game. Canadians who read my blog! I’m calling you out! Watch that game! 3:00 or 3:30! I can’t remember.
Americans can watch too... I won’t force anyone else to watch because I personally don’t much care to watch events in which I don’t have a favourite, but I’ll just throw out that it will surely be kick ass.
Lauren.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Rochester's Softer Side
Rochester peers out from under the desk, already in his striped pyjamas. He walks the short distance from the desk to the bed and climbs up, plopping himself officiously against the wall.
Rochester: Are you feeling alright?
Lauren [continuing to type]: Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?
Rochester: There’s smoke coming out your ears? [Lauren glances up confused]
Lauren: I beg your pardon?
Rochester: I guess it’s blocking your hearing. [shouting] YOU HAVE SMOKE COMING OUT YOUR EARS!
Lauren: Oh shit... my brain is overheating again.
Rochester [concerned]: What did you do today?
Lauren: The usual. Holocaust history at 10. Chatted with Linda for a bit. Hung out in the WC. Attempted to save the WC paper and write a feminist comic. Fascism class at 3:30. Nap at 3:45. Worked on feminist comic while eating supper and then Creative Writing at 6:30.
Rochester: I think it’s all the Nazis... you should really only take one class involving them at a time. Clearly it stresses you out.
Lauren: And it couldn’t be the three thousand other things on my plate? But I suppose you are right. I do get moody on Mondays and Wednesdays.
Rochester: Why did you take those classes if you knew they were going to bother you this badly.
Lauren: I didn’t know they would bother me this badly. I thought I was properly insulated in my scholarship bubble. Bubble popped. Besides, as much as I hate it, I love it. It’s like the most documented evil in the world’s history. It’s the boundary between human and animal, civilized and evil, it’s a reversal of everything we are taught and believe in. It’s that little black part we all have inside ourselves magnified a thousand times. How can you not find that fascinating, intriguing, horrible? How can you not want to know?
Rochester: You’re crazy you know that?
Lauren [laughing]: So I’m told. I’m just curious. People are so complex, I like trying to understand what I’ll never understand.
Rochester: Like I said. Weird.
Lauren: Well thanks for listening. It gets kind weird having all these horrible thought and facts rolling around in my head and not having anyone to bounce ideas and thoughts off of. It feels like the more I learn, the less capable I am of making sense of the event itself. [Pause] But what brings you up here?
Rochester: Feeling kind of bored. Freud’s with Cooper, Mr. Plunk is sulking, Maggie’s busy.
Lauren: Wanna read one of my trashy online books with me?
Rochester: Okay, but can I eat my snack? I’m a bit hungry since your sister stopped at Wendy’s a while ago.
Lauren: Is it crumbly?
Rochester: I’ll go get a plate.
Lauren: You do that. By the time you get back I’ll have the book uploaded and this post posted.
Well everyone, these are my thoughts for today. You probably don’t want to hear me ramble about my issues with the subject matter I’m currently learning but sometimes I just have to get it out. It’s like having a million questions but never being able to resolve them. It just builds. I suppose it was more on my mind tonight because A) I had the class today, but also because I got an email from one of my former profs asking how things were going. I told her I was thinking about going to grad school. Two years ago I would have been going for my masters in English. But this year there was a definite switch and I want to go for my masters in history. Maybe I should drop in on my Holocaust history prof for a chat tomorrow.
Oh, here comes Rochester, dang he’s fast. Night everyone!
Lauren.
Rochester: Are you feeling alright?
Lauren [continuing to type]: Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?
Rochester: There’s smoke coming out your ears? [Lauren glances up confused]
Lauren: I beg your pardon?
Rochester: I guess it’s blocking your hearing. [shouting] YOU HAVE SMOKE COMING OUT YOUR EARS!
Lauren: Oh shit... my brain is overheating again.
Rochester [concerned]: What did you do today?
Lauren: The usual. Holocaust history at 10. Chatted with Linda for a bit. Hung out in the WC. Attempted to save the WC paper and write a feminist comic. Fascism class at 3:30. Nap at 3:45. Worked on feminist comic while eating supper and then Creative Writing at 6:30.
Rochester: I think it’s all the Nazis... you should really only take one class involving them at a time. Clearly it stresses you out.
Lauren: And it couldn’t be the three thousand other things on my plate? But I suppose you are right. I do get moody on Mondays and Wednesdays.
Rochester: Why did you take those classes if you knew they were going to bother you this badly.
Lauren: I didn’t know they would bother me this badly. I thought I was properly insulated in my scholarship bubble. Bubble popped. Besides, as much as I hate it, I love it. It’s like the most documented evil in the world’s history. It’s the boundary between human and animal, civilized and evil, it’s a reversal of everything we are taught and believe in. It’s that little black part we all have inside ourselves magnified a thousand times. How can you not find that fascinating, intriguing, horrible? How can you not want to know?
Rochester: You’re crazy you know that?
Lauren [laughing]: So I’m told. I’m just curious. People are so complex, I like trying to understand what I’ll never understand.
Rochester: Like I said. Weird.
Lauren: Well thanks for listening. It gets kind weird having all these horrible thought and facts rolling around in my head and not having anyone to bounce ideas and thoughts off of. It feels like the more I learn, the less capable I am of making sense of the event itself. [Pause] But what brings you up here?
Rochester: Feeling kind of bored. Freud’s with Cooper, Mr. Plunk is sulking, Maggie’s busy.
Lauren: Wanna read one of my trashy online books with me?
Rochester: Okay, but can I eat my snack? I’m a bit hungry since your sister stopped at Wendy’s a while ago.
Lauren: Is it crumbly?
Rochester: I’ll go get a plate.
Lauren: You do that. By the time you get back I’ll have the book uploaded and this post posted.
Well everyone, these are my thoughts for today. You probably don’t want to hear me ramble about my issues with the subject matter I’m currently learning but sometimes I just have to get it out. It’s like having a million questions but never being able to resolve them. It just builds. I suppose it was more on my mind tonight because A) I had the class today, but also because I got an email from one of my former profs asking how things were going. I told her I was thinking about going to grad school. Two years ago I would have been going for my masters in English. But this year there was a definite switch and I want to go for my masters in history. Maybe I should drop in on my Holocaust history prof for a chat tomorrow.
Oh, here comes Rochester, dang he’s fast. Night everyone!
Lauren.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Homework Sprint
It’s the last minute homework push! As of this instant I am awaiting comments on my “In Your Own Voice” piece for creative writing. Poor Charlotte... I should have given her something more uplifting to proof. I basically wrote the story as if I was drunk at a bar, blabbering about my best friend. Then! OH! THE TWIST! Turns out, I’m the completely sober bartender. Didn’t see that coming. Now I have to decide if I want to read it in class. Part of this less than pleasant assignment is that I get to present it. Yay. Oh well... slipped an “f” word in there for some good old fashion shock value.
Next up, I must revise the fables from two weeks ago so I have something to comment on. It’s only going to take another hour and a half or so. After that, I may or may not bathe. Probably not. I did that earlier today. I think I’ll save that for tomorrow morning. It’ll help get me through a twelve hour day.
Once that’s done I am going to continue reading the genius work of Mr. Primo Levi. I am right here, right now going to recommend this book to everyone reading my blog. This man was an Italian Jew sent to Auschwitz. His book is about his stay there. It is honestly the most bizarre, creepy, eye opening book I have ever read. It’s so full of detail, small things that are really huge to a prisoner, but his tone is kind of... detached in a way which I think makes it as addicting as it is. I couldn’t put it down last night. I don’t know if that’s sick and twisted or not, but reading this book is like sitting with this guy by the fireplace as he’s telling it and watching it happen to him from above all at the same time. It’s cruel, disturbing and I don’t know whether or not to be ashamed when I say it’s fascinating. Just how the smallest things have an impact. He described how when they were in their Block for the night, when the bucket they urinated in was full, the last man to use it would have to empty it. It was so full that the guy carrying it to the latrine would spill it on his feet. These men were made to sleep two in one bunk. You did not want to be the bed partner of the guy who took out the bucket as you would have his feet next to your head for the rest of the night. I never would have thought of that... so small... Anyway, the book is called Survival in Auschwitz. It’s brilliant. Read it. I think I’m going to buy the book that follows this one and describes being liberated from the camp. It might answer a question I've had since beginning this class. How do you live afterward?
I won’t have it finished by tomorrow like I should have, but at least I’ll have something to say tomorrow in class. It’s just mind blowing.
In other news, I feel a little better today. I got some much needed sleep and did not get called in to work. It’s a small miracle. And while my imaginary friends can’t help me with my homework, they did help me clean my room. Nothing like cleaning to de-stress. Are you noticing that I clean my room a lot? I get messy when I’m stressing or over tired. But I must depart.
Sorry this entry kind of sucked. I have to get back to work though. Tomorrow I have to help create a feminist super hero. Don’t laugh. It’s harder than it sounds. I’m of course working with SARAH and the WC on this one. I’m the writer, she’s the drawer. I meant draw-er not drawer, like those things in nightstands or dresser. Artist would have been a better word choice. We have the first bit planned out which is kick ass! She’s seriously going to be awesome.
Oh I forgot.
Lauren: Go on... say it. (AWKWARD PAUSE) You’re never shy. Get your ass out here and say it.
Mr. Plunk: Hi Kathryn.
Lauren: Was that really so bad?
Mr. Plunk: No...
Well... Kathryn... I think Mr. Plunk may like you. Don’t know how you feel about it but... hey... I don’t control the duck.
I’m just kidding of course! Night everyone!
Lauren.
Next up, I must revise the fables from two weeks ago so I have something to comment on. It’s only going to take another hour and a half or so. After that, I may or may not bathe. Probably not. I did that earlier today. I think I’ll save that for tomorrow morning. It’ll help get me through a twelve hour day.
Once that’s done I am going to continue reading the genius work of Mr. Primo Levi. I am right here, right now going to recommend this book to everyone reading my blog. This man was an Italian Jew sent to Auschwitz. His book is about his stay there. It is honestly the most bizarre, creepy, eye opening book I have ever read. It’s so full of detail, small things that are really huge to a prisoner, but his tone is kind of... detached in a way which I think makes it as addicting as it is. I couldn’t put it down last night. I don’t know if that’s sick and twisted or not, but reading this book is like sitting with this guy by the fireplace as he’s telling it and watching it happen to him from above all at the same time. It’s cruel, disturbing and I don’t know whether or not to be ashamed when I say it’s fascinating. Just how the smallest things have an impact. He described how when they were in their Block for the night, when the bucket they urinated in was full, the last man to use it would have to empty it. It was so full that the guy carrying it to the latrine would spill it on his feet. These men were made to sleep two in one bunk. You did not want to be the bed partner of the guy who took out the bucket as you would have his feet next to your head for the rest of the night. I never would have thought of that... so small... Anyway, the book is called Survival in Auschwitz. It’s brilliant. Read it. I think I’m going to buy the book that follows this one and describes being liberated from the camp. It might answer a question I've had since beginning this class. How do you live afterward?
I won’t have it finished by tomorrow like I should have, but at least I’ll have something to say tomorrow in class. It’s just mind blowing.
In other news, I feel a little better today. I got some much needed sleep and did not get called in to work. It’s a small miracle. And while my imaginary friends can’t help me with my homework, they did help me clean my room. Nothing like cleaning to de-stress. Are you noticing that I clean my room a lot? I get messy when I’m stressing or over tired. But I must depart.
Sorry this entry kind of sucked. I have to get back to work though. Tomorrow I have to help create a feminist super hero. Don’t laugh. It’s harder than it sounds. I’m of course working with SARAH and the WC on this one. I’m the writer, she’s the drawer. I meant draw-er not drawer, like those things in nightstands or dresser. Artist would have been a better word choice. We have the first bit planned out which is kick ass! She’s seriously going to be awesome.
Oh I forgot.
Lauren: Go on... say it. (AWKWARD PAUSE) You’re never shy. Get your ass out here and say it.
Mr. Plunk: Hi Kathryn.
Lauren: Was that really so bad?
Mr. Plunk: No...
Well... Kathryn... I think Mr. Plunk may like you. Don’t know how you feel about it but... hey... I don’t control the duck.
I’m just kidding of course! Night everyone!
Lauren.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
The 'Ick' in Fantastic
I’ve been on Reading Week the past seven days. Thus far, I haven’t done very much reading. Between my placement and work and other appointments, I didn’t actually have a whole lot of time or energy left for homework. I was hoping to get at least a chunk out of the way this weekend so that I would only be slightly less behind than usual but that didn’t work out either. I woke up this morning not feeling my best. I had a headache most of today, I felt nauseous and sleepy, so for the most part I was pretty darn lazy. When I finally started doing my homework, my sister came home, with her boyfriend, and as usual, made her presence known as loudly as possible. I put in earplugs (which Helen gave me), got through two or three chapters and passed out. I just woke up again, still feeling nauseous.
I am hoping that I don’t work tomorrow because that would really screw me over. Weird how work comes before, hope I feel better tomorrow. Anyway, I think I’m going to try reading a little more now that I’m awake again. I think I may have to start investing in audio-books for school. I may actually be able to get through them.
I don’t have much to say other than that. Maybe with some sleep and rest tomorrow will be better. If not better, at least more productive. In case the universe is listening, I meant productive toward school work. Not toward work work. I was plenty productive there. Need to spread it out a bit. Why can’t Reading Week be two weeks? Even better, why can’t I be three people?
Lauren.
I am hoping that I don’t work tomorrow because that would really screw me over. Weird how work comes before, hope I feel better tomorrow. Anyway, I think I’m going to try reading a little more now that I’m awake again. I think I may have to start investing in audio-books for school. I may actually be able to get through them.
I don’t have much to say other than that. Maybe with some sleep and rest tomorrow will be better. If not better, at least more productive. In case the universe is listening, I meant productive toward school work. Not toward work work. I was plenty productive there. Need to spread it out a bit. Why can’t Reading Week be two weeks? Even better, why can’t I be three people?
Lauren.
If Only They Thought Like Pirates
I feel a little bit dead right now. Are you thinking “Lauren, how can you be a little bit dead”? Well, I’ll tell you. Don’t I always tell you? Being a little bit dead is when you see a little spec of light and instead of being drawn to it, you say “Eff that, I can feel my feet throbbing in my head. I’m not walking all the way over there”.
I think I mentioned this yesterday, but it’s Feast time again. For those who don’t know, a Feast is a seven, possibly eight (I temporarily forget) meal that we serve to the entire restaurant all at the exact same time. It’s intense. Today, I was the bartender. Are any of you seeing a little irony building here? Yeah... I don’t drink, I never have, I have no interest in drinking. Not beer, not cocktails, not wine. Although I have to admit, some wines do smell very good. So picture a clumsy girl, with her shirt falling out of her pants and her pants falling off her ass, attempting to figure out which booze is which (I'm the girl... shhhhh!). I got gin all by myself! I had a more difficult time with the rum. It’s not like Jack Sparrow cares! I’d have figured it out eventually... so I have to actually read the labels... carefully... It’s not like I never would have figured out that they are in fact different. One of them is goldish, the other is darker goldish and the other is clear.
I also learned how to make a Caesar. Woot me! Surprisingly, that didn’t take as long as I thought it would to sink in. I still remember how to do it. For the most part though, people order beer and wine. I know all the beers and wines we serve so I don’t frequently have problems. And customers never see how much I flounder otherwise because the servers bring their orders to me. I don’t talk to customers. Unless they want to know where the bathroom is...
Even so, there was still an obscene amount of flailing about on my part. Oh! And the reason my shirt kept falling out of my pants is because I have a long torso... go figure. I’m not extremely tall but I’m built like a tall person. So the shirt was a bit too short to actually keep tucked in. I guess you could add, “who was stuffing her shirt down her pants” to the sentence “Picture a clumsy girl, with her shirt falling out of her pants and her pants falling off her ass, attempting to figure out which booze is which”. That shirt did however have one upside. I was a little bit pleased with myself when I had to button the shirt aroung my 'bust area'. I was slow alright (coming up on 19), cut me some slack.
I have to say though, I LOVE working at the bar. It’s really fun!
That’s about all I have to say. I’m tired.
Lauren.
I think I mentioned this yesterday, but it’s Feast time again. For those who don’t know, a Feast is a seven, possibly eight (I temporarily forget) meal that we serve to the entire restaurant all at the exact same time. It’s intense. Today, I was the bartender. Are any of you seeing a little irony building here? Yeah... I don’t drink, I never have, I have no interest in drinking. Not beer, not cocktails, not wine. Although I have to admit, some wines do smell very good. So picture a clumsy girl, with her shirt falling out of her pants and her pants falling off her ass, attempting to figure out which booze is which (I'm the girl... shhhhh!). I got gin all by myself! I had a more difficult time with the rum. It’s not like Jack Sparrow cares! I’d have figured it out eventually... so I have to actually read the labels... carefully... It’s not like I never would have figured out that they are in fact different. One of them is goldish, the other is darker goldish and the other is clear.
I also learned how to make a Caesar. Woot me! Surprisingly, that didn’t take as long as I thought it would to sink in. I still remember how to do it. For the most part though, people order beer and wine. I know all the beers and wines we serve so I don’t frequently have problems. And customers never see how much I flounder otherwise because the servers bring their orders to me. I don’t talk to customers. Unless they want to know where the bathroom is...
Even so, there was still an obscene amount of flailing about on my part. Oh! And the reason my shirt kept falling out of my pants is because I have a long torso... go figure. I’m not extremely tall but I’m built like a tall person. So the shirt was a bit too short to actually keep tucked in. I guess you could add, “who was stuffing her shirt down her pants” to the sentence “Picture a clumsy girl, with her shirt falling out of her pants and her pants falling off her ass, attempting to figure out which booze is which”. That shirt did however have one upside. I was a little bit pleased with myself when I had to button the shirt aroung my 'bust area'. I was slow alright (coming up on 19), cut me some slack.
I have to say though, I LOVE working at the bar. It’s really fun!
That’s about all I have to say. I’m tired.
Lauren.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Lauren Sleepy!
Okay, a rather tiring day for me today. I’m thinking that I might point form this and go from there. I’ll mention now that it’s been a neutral day in terms of how I feel about it.
PLACEMENT:
I’m with the same teacher for one period but the class has changed. Yesterday I felt much more productive. I was sent out to help the students with their argumentative essay research. One kid chose to argue that Michael Jackson was the greatest entertainer. I had to either help him or persuade him to do another subject. I apparently helped. The other girl was doing her essay on gay marriage. YAY ME for having a neutral reaction and actually helping! She said she was for it in ways but against it in others. I think that’s where a lot of people find themselves, and I think it's pretty understandable. Also, I had to seek out another teacher to spend the rest of the afternoon with. I wound up barging in on another teacher I had in high school. She helped me out quite a bit while I was there. So it’s been nice hanging out in her class.
Today, I didn’t get to do very much. I basically sat and listened to a reading of Romeo and Juliet, not my favourite play. Then I listened to a reading of Death of a Salesman. Another one I didn’t really like when I read it. Maybe this time around I’ll like them...
FEAST:
Yup, time for another Feast, this time it’s for Chinese New Year. Oh goodness! I was dishwashing this time, my first time dishwashing a Feast in nearly a year. I’m still in the dog house for walking out of the kitchen the other night. Apparently Helen doesn’t want me and Ed working side by side yet. As far as I'm concerned what happened the 13th is over and done with. Plus, tonight I did the most disgusting thing I've ever done at work. I had to clean the meat grinder. EW! It was full of smooshed shrimp. Kind of made me think of brains that smelled like dead fish... seriously revolting.
I do have to say though, halfway through the night I was really hungry and it was getting really hard to throw out all that food. God it smelled good! The noodles smelled so garlicky delicious. I WANT THEM! Oh, and the ice cream was lovely as well.
IMAGINARY FRIENDS:
They’re all making themselves scarce today. Of course Maggie’s been scarce for a while now. Rochester is back in his clothes, thank goodness. Freud is plotting. Cooper and Mr Plunk are doing... whatever they usually do... and Meeko is sitting with me, very attentively watching Grey’s.
My dad told me that Meeko was sleeping on my mom (she had a blanket) until he heard me come through the gate. He jumped off my mom and met me at the door. He then proceeded to meow like a lunatic and jump into the laundry tub. Yeah, my cat prefers water directly from the tap. He hates his dish.
Anyway, tomorrow I do another few hours at my placement. Kind of curious what will happen. I don’t work again until Sunday so I have a lot of homework to do in the next two days. I had so many lofty goals for this week! Fingers crossed... pft!
Gah! I have the Olympics theme song stuck in my head. Darn you Nikki Yanofsky! Is anyone else enjoying shy Bailey on Grey’s? I LOVE SHY BAILEY! GO BAILEY!
Lauren.
PLACEMENT:
I’m with the same teacher for one period but the class has changed. Yesterday I felt much more productive. I was sent out to help the students with their argumentative essay research. One kid chose to argue that Michael Jackson was the greatest entertainer. I had to either help him or persuade him to do another subject. I apparently helped. The other girl was doing her essay on gay marriage. YAY ME for having a neutral reaction and actually helping! She said she was for it in ways but against it in others. I think that’s where a lot of people find themselves, and I think it's pretty understandable. Also, I had to seek out another teacher to spend the rest of the afternoon with. I wound up barging in on another teacher I had in high school. She helped me out quite a bit while I was there. So it’s been nice hanging out in her class.
Today, I didn’t get to do very much. I basically sat and listened to a reading of Romeo and Juliet, not my favourite play. Then I listened to a reading of Death of a Salesman. Another one I didn’t really like when I read it. Maybe this time around I’ll like them...
FEAST:
Yup, time for another Feast, this time it’s for Chinese New Year. Oh goodness! I was dishwashing this time, my first time dishwashing a Feast in nearly a year. I’m still in the dog house for walking out of the kitchen the other night. Apparently Helen doesn’t want me and Ed working side by side yet. As far as I'm concerned what happened the 13th is over and done with. Plus, tonight I did the most disgusting thing I've ever done at work. I had to clean the meat grinder. EW! It was full of smooshed shrimp. Kind of made me think of brains that smelled like dead fish... seriously revolting.
I do have to say though, halfway through the night I was really hungry and it was getting really hard to throw out all that food. God it smelled good! The noodles smelled so garlicky delicious. I WANT THEM! Oh, and the ice cream was lovely as well.
IMAGINARY FRIENDS:
They’re all making themselves scarce today. Of course Maggie’s been scarce for a while now. Rochester is back in his clothes, thank goodness. Freud is plotting. Cooper and Mr Plunk are doing... whatever they usually do... and Meeko is sitting with me, very attentively watching Grey’s.
My dad told me that Meeko was sleeping on my mom (she had a blanket) until he heard me come through the gate. He jumped off my mom and met me at the door. He then proceeded to meow like a lunatic and jump into the laundry tub. Yeah, my cat prefers water directly from the tap. He hates his dish.
Anyway, tomorrow I do another few hours at my placement. Kind of curious what will happen. I don’t work again until Sunday so I have a lot of homework to do in the next two days. I had so many lofty goals for this week! Fingers crossed... pft!
Gah! I have the Olympics theme song stuck in my head. Darn you Nikki Yanofsky! Is anyone else enjoying shy Bailey on Grey’s? I LOVE SHY BAILEY! GO BAILEY!
Lauren.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Uh... Okay...
Hey Blogville! I know you probably really don’t want to hear about the Sound of Music again, but that’s what I’m watching at the moment. We’re singing about our favourite things. OH NO! THE CAPTAIN! – Lauren jumps out the window, tucks and rolls, knocks Rolph off his bike and rides away into the storm-
Well, now that I’ve hit Vienna (thank goodness for rubber tires) and have made it to a lovely internet cafe back in 2010, I have rather strange news. Strange news you say. Stranger than attacking characters from a 1964 movie? Maybe... I dunno. Or would I have been in 1930 something? Whatever, it’s unimportant.
Apparently there are people out there on the internet creating a list of Canadian blogs by queer individuals. For whatever reason, I seem to have qualified. I wonder if it has anything to do with being Canadian and gay at the same time... Oh the questions I’m forced to ponder. Maybe Maria will provide me with answers in song!
WTF? So do la fa mi do re? The hell am I going to use that for?
Mr Plunk: I think you’re a little obsessed with this movie.
Lauren: How did you get down here? I thought Cooper was fully intent on staying under my bed?
Mr. Plunk: SIGHS he’s under the cedar chest. It’s why Meeko keeps looking down and waking up randomly.
Well, now that I’ve hit Vienna (thank goodness for rubber tires) and have made it to a lovely internet cafe back in 2010, I have rather strange news. Strange news you say. Stranger than attacking characters from a 1964 movie? Maybe... I dunno. Or would I have been in 1930 something? Whatever, it’s unimportant.
Apparently there are people out there on the internet creating a list of Canadian blogs by queer individuals. For whatever reason, I seem to have qualified. I wonder if it has anything to do with being Canadian and gay at the same time... Oh the questions I’m forced to ponder. Maybe Maria will provide me with answers in song!
WTF? So do la fa mi do re? The hell am I going to use that for?
Mr Plunk: I think you’re a little obsessed with this movie.
Lauren: How did you get down here? I thought Cooper was fully intent on staying under my bed?
Mr. Plunk: SIGHS he’s under the cedar chest. It’s why Meeko keeps looking down and waking up randomly.
Lauren: He can fit under there! That gap is like an inch and a half tall!
Cooper: NOT COMING OUT Bones are like rubber. Very flexible!
Lauren: Maybe I should get Freud to talk to Cooper. Just so he can start talking in complete sentences.
Mr Plunk: FROWNING No! Freud must never come close to my precious!
Lauren: Okay Gollum... but he’s gonna find out.
Freud: Lauren, vhy mast you vatch zis movie?
Lauren: What is with everyone hating The Sound of Music!? It’s like THE musical!
Freud: It reminds me of ze time jast before I died.
Lauren: Oh... well... uh... Cooper is hiding under the cedar chest if you want to join him. I doubt you’d be able to see the movie from there.
Freud: Yes, I can see Mr. Ploonk. (TO LAUREN) I vould very mach like to see if I could get Cooper to rid himself of zis puppet.
Lauren: I mentioned that a minute ago... the puppet went all Gollum on me. You know, from Lord of the Rings. My Precious!
Freud: Stop. I vill find a vay. Zis vill be a lovely challenge to occupy my day vhile you are busy wreaking havoc in your day. Ze down time really iss qvite dull.
Lauren: Thanks a lot... hey, uh, where’s Magda? I haven’t seen her in a while. Guys, have you seen her?
Freud: Who cares? She iss a nuisance to me. Sinks she knows everysing...
Cooper: No. Dunno.
Mr. Plunk: In the closet?
Lauren: Maybe I should visit her soon. She must be getting lonely in there. And she’s been working a lot lately. MAKING TO TURN THE DOORKNOB OF THE DOOR LEADING TO HER ROOM.
Rochester: Don’t come in! I’m naked!
Lauren: Okay, disturbing... I’ll be back later. Much later. After Freud teaches me to repress that image. And then the memory of that image. If he knows how to unrepress he can tell me how to do the opposite.
Meeko: SNORE! SNORT! YAWN! SNORE!
To sum up, I’m watching The Sound of Music for the millionth time, still singing along. I am also now on a list of fellow queer Canadian bloggers. In My Imagination, Freud is going to attempt to give Cooper therapy without Mr. Plunk noticing. I’m curious how that’ll work out. Magda is MIA and Rochester has apparently taken up a nudist lifestyle. I’m starting to feel normal by comparison. That scares me.
Well, good night everyone!
Lauren.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Under The "A"
Today I explored the A section of my rolodex. I don’t actually have a rolodex but if I did I would have explored the A section. It was a day of movie watching and failed volunteerism. What I mean by failed volunteerism is that I was supposed to help with the WC’s Bath Tub Project. The Bath Tub Project is a drive where hygienic products are collected for local shelters. Today we were supposed to be bagging the products. We were supposed to meet at 1:00. I got a slow start this morning so I ended up grabbing a cab. When I got to the WC at 1:15, they’d finished. Confused? So was I. They started at 12:00 because everything was set up. Worst 11.00$ I ever spent.
But on the upside, a lovely soul named Amanda offered to give me a ride home. She ended up staying over for a bit as we tried to find a movie for her date tonight. After discovering how many movies my family owns that I haven’t seen, she stayed over a little longer to watch a movie with me. It was fun, nice not to be by myself.
Later Abby from work came over to watch The L Word. We got through most of one disc and apparently she’s now addicted. YAY! It really is fantastic. The best part is that she already hates Jenny. It’ll save sooooo much time later if she continues to watch it.
My parents were surprised that I had people over. I guess I’m more of a recluse than I thought. Then again, I’m taking the time to consider the source.
About yesterday’s blog, I should probably mention that my parents and family have made some progress. It’s just very small. I think they’re still in denial because I’ve yet to bring a girl home. PS to Amanda, they asked who you were... you know... who you were. Should I clarify that she’s a straight friend? Anyway, a quiet day.
Oh, I forgot. I was supposed to mention Ian. He’s the men’s issues rep at the WC. He now has a kick ass pair of boots, a very nifty hat that would probably look goofy on anyone but him and actually, very nice hair. There you go Ian. I believe that’s your third mention on my blog.
Thanks to those who read and commented on my rant yesterday by the way.
Lauren
But on the upside, a lovely soul named Amanda offered to give me a ride home. She ended up staying over for a bit as we tried to find a movie for her date tonight. After discovering how many movies my family owns that I haven’t seen, she stayed over a little longer to watch a movie with me. It was fun, nice not to be by myself.
Later Abby from work came over to watch The L Word. We got through most of one disc and apparently she’s now addicted. YAY! It really is fantastic. The best part is that she already hates Jenny. It’ll save sooooo much time later if she continues to watch it.
My parents were surprised that I had people over. I guess I’m more of a recluse than I thought. Then again, I’m taking the time to consider the source.
About yesterday’s blog, I should probably mention that my parents and family have made some progress. It’s just very small. I think they’re still in denial because I’ve yet to bring a girl home. PS to Amanda, they asked who you were... you know... who you were. Should I clarify that she’s a straight friend? Anyway, a quiet day.
Oh, I forgot. I was supposed to mention Ian. He’s the men’s issues rep at the WC. He now has a kick ass pair of boots, a very nifty hat that would probably look goofy on anyone but him and actually, very nice hair. There you go Ian. I believe that’s your third mention on my blog.
Thanks to those who read and commented on my rant yesterday by the way.
Lauren
Monday, February 15, 2010
About Being Gay
I did nothing today. I slept late, I ate, I watched the Olympics for a bit and watched a movie I spent two weeks hunting down online. I just finished watching it and it was not easy keeping the freaking player working. I think there should be an award for finding non-mainstream movies more than ten years old online. I also think I should win it. My local Blockbuster skimps on gay/lesbian movies unless someone like... Piper Perabo or Lena Heady star in them. (Imagine Me and You was a really cute movie by the way.)
In light of my most recent search I’m feeling a little annoyed and frustrated. So... this entry will probably be more of a rant than anything. Feel free to stop reading. I won’t be offended. I may question my sanity later, but I do that on a fairly regular basis anyway.
Part of me realizes that telling my parents that I’m not straight, not “average”, was shocking to them. I understand that. I understand that it wasn’t in their plans for me. I understand that it takes whatever plans they did have for me and throws them out the window and into the gutter. I understand that they might think they don’t know me anymore because of this one huge change. I realize all of this. I know all of this. And while I can’t fully understand it, I can see where it’s coming from.
On the other hand, I haven’t changed. Me, in my experience, in my life, did not change. I never dated guys. I was always this way. It wasn’t a huge shock to me and looking back, it’s laughable how totally freaking gay I was all along. And the only thing that changes in “the plan” is who I’ll be with. I can still get married (and be recognized as such. Thank you Canada). I can still have kids. They may not biologically be mine, but why does that have to matter? I can still be a happy, successful individual with a family.
So I get it, but at the same time, I just can’t get it. Telling my parents was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. And I don’t think that’s recognized at all. I ended up writing them a letter and giving it to them to read while I was at work. I get made fun of for that all the time because it’s passive, but it had to be said, I wanted to give them time to react but at the same time, I didn’t want to look at them.
Even with the time I gave them, I didn’t get the response that I wanted. It wasn’t the worst case scenario, but it wasn’t welcoming or accepting either. It was cold and emotionless. I was asked if I’d been molested (which I have never been), I was told that “I was always kind of different”, I was asked not to turn into a stereotypical “dyke” (they didn’t use that word), I was asked if I was confused about my gender, I was asked if I would ever date a man or if that door was closed. These are just the more memorable questions. There are more.
I hope those of you who are reading this can see why these questions are not helpful. As far as I can tell, there is no reason, no cause and no real visual way of identifying a homosexual person. It is extremely hurtful to listen to the people who are supposed to love you no matter what try to find what went wrong. As if you aren’t right.
So, parents, if your kid comes out to you, recognize that it’s probably not easy and don’t look to your kid for answers about why. They won’t have them. What should you say?
“I love you.”
“You’re still the same person.”
Maybe even an “I don’t care” followed up with a big hug.
If you do care, you’re the one with the problem. Life is hard enough being “different” it would be great to have a place and people to come home to and actually feel at home.
How does this relate to my movie search? I can’t find a freakin’ gay/lesbian movie. A movie. Pretty small, irrelevant things can be obstacles.
Well that was uplifting. Sorry about the rant. I guess it had to come out, pun intended.
Lauren.
In light of my most recent search I’m feeling a little annoyed and frustrated. So... this entry will probably be more of a rant than anything. Feel free to stop reading. I won’t be offended. I may question my sanity later, but I do that on a fairly regular basis anyway.
Part of me realizes that telling my parents that I’m not straight, not “average”, was shocking to them. I understand that. I understand that it wasn’t in their plans for me. I understand that it takes whatever plans they did have for me and throws them out the window and into the gutter. I understand that they might think they don’t know me anymore because of this one huge change. I realize all of this. I know all of this. And while I can’t fully understand it, I can see where it’s coming from.
On the other hand, I haven’t changed. Me, in my experience, in my life, did not change. I never dated guys. I was always this way. It wasn’t a huge shock to me and looking back, it’s laughable how totally freaking gay I was all along. And the only thing that changes in “the plan” is who I’ll be with. I can still get married (and be recognized as such. Thank you Canada). I can still have kids. They may not biologically be mine, but why does that have to matter? I can still be a happy, successful individual with a family.
So I get it, but at the same time, I just can’t get it. Telling my parents was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. And I don’t think that’s recognized at all. I ended up writing them a letter and giving it to them to read while I was at work. I get made fun of for that all the time because it’s passive, but it had to be said, I wanted to give them time to react but at the same time, I didn’t want to look at them.
Even with the time I gave them, I didn’t get the response that I wanted. It wasn’t the worst case scenario, but it wasn’t welcoming or accepting either. It was cold and emotionless. I was asked if I’d been molested (which I have never been), I was told that “I was always kind of different”, I was asked not to turn into a stereotypical “dyke” (they didn’t use that word), I was asked if I was confused about my gender, I was asked if I would ever date a man or if that door was closed. These are just the more memorable questions. There are more.
I hope those of you who are reading this can see why these questions are not helpful. As far as I can tell, there is no reason, no cause and no real visual way of identifying a homosexual person. It is extremely hurtful to listen to the people who are supposed to love you no matter what try to find what went wrong. As if you aren’t right.
So, parents, if your kid comes out to you, recognize that it’s probably not easy and don’t look to your kid for answers about why. They won’t have them. What should you say?
“I love you.”
“You’re still the same person.”
Maybe even an “I don’t care” followed up with a big hug.
If you do care, you’re the one with the problem. Life is hard enough being “different” it would be great to have a place and people to come home to and actually feel at home.
How does this relate to my movie search? I can’t find a freakin’ gay/lesbian movie. A movie. Pretty small, irrelevant things can be obstacles.
Well that was uplifting. Sorry about the rant. I guess it had to come out, pun intended.
Lauren.
A Non-Traditional Valentine's Day
I don’t have much to say because a picture says a thousand words. You’ll very easily be able to see what I was up to today as you scroll down.
I will say that today was a zillion times better than yesterday and that our extremely late Christmas party was (as it was the year before) awesome. Great food, great people, lots of laughs. So the drama from yesterday was all water under the bridge as it were. I think that’s a must in restaurant work... but my boss did apologize which I very much appreciated and respected.
SO! On to pictures! This is what I’ve been up to the last two days. Watch out Martha! (totally kidding, I wrapped these on paper plates with plastic wrap and foil.)
I will say that today was a zillion times better than yesterday and that our extremely late Christmas party was (as it was the year before) awesome. Great food, great people, lots of laughs. So the drama from yesterday was all water under the bridge as it were. I think that’s a must in restaurant work... but my boss did apologize which I very much appreciated and respected.
SO! On to pictures! This is what I’ve been up to the last two days. Watch out Martha! (totally kidding, I wrapped these on paper plates with plastic wrap and foil.)
Here we have shortbreads, some cream cheese concotion, chocolate chip oatmeal pecan cookies, oatmeal raisin cookies, raspberry crumble muffin, gingerbreads and the gingerbread house
I made everything myself and no one is going to hear the end of it. At my sister's suggestion, I used almond slivers on the roof. The rest is licorice, jujubes, smarties and cinnamon hearts.
These are potentially the least healthy thing I have ever made. (Paul, I lied to you, these will ruin your Jamaica diet. He's going to Jamaica, it's not an actual diet.) The dough is entirely made of butter, cream cheese and flour... I'm a horrible person.
Dylan, the recipient of the gingerbread house told me he had no expectations. I told him I’d never made one before. He seemed pretty impressed. The cookies also went over pretty well. So overall, I’m really happy about it. Although I wish I could have tasted one of those muffins...
For the last little while I’ve been wondering what I would write today that wouldn’t make me sound bitter, but I think I did exactly what you’re supposed to do on Valentine’s Day. I spent it with people I love. It just so happens that I love many people at the moment and in a different way than has become associated with today. So, take that Hallmark!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Lauren.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Saving Grace
There’s always a saving grace. I wrote yesterday that I had an awful night. Tonight topped it. Since it was a Valentine’s Day event, everyone was in... a mood. I too was pretty cranky given that I got called in. As the night progressed, the stress mounted. My boss was yelling six things at me, expecting all of them to get done instantly and got mad at me when those six things weren’t done. When I’d do something too slowly (over five minutes) he would make a remark. When I messed up or didn’t do something perfectly he’d make a remark. His remarks were not friendly. Eventually, I got pissed and kicked the freezer door closed. Not a good move I admit. My boss ended up telling me that if I was going to have such a shitty attitude that I should go home. I got pissed and walked out.
I was so angry and frustrated that I started crying. And that ironically enough made me even angrier. I hate, hate, HATE crying in front of people but dammit if I didn’t do it in front of an entire restaurant. I spent the rest of the night washing the glasses behind the bar. Monotonous tasks are best when I get into that mood. To cap off my night, I phoned home only to find out that my ride was also out. I ended up hanging around work for another half hour or so waiting for Paul. I didn’t really mind.
So up until that point, the night pretty much sucked. Badly.
Then I checked my email and my friend Dana told me she was back in town. Not even two minutes later, she shows up on MSN. So while I was exhausted and feeling pretty shitty, I invited her over anyway (at like 11:30 at night) to help me with some baking. It was the best thing I did all day. She had me cheered up in no time flat. I forgot all about how crappy work had been, how stressful school was and how I felt regarding some other issues. I especially liked having her over because otherwise I would have been by myself and I really didn’t want to be.
And yes! I finally managed to get some baking done! The gingerbread house is now standing. It looks like a sloppy mess but for a girl who had no instructions, I think it kicks ass. Besides, I haven’t put the candy on it yet. I’m just claiming that it was paint balled. That’s why there are random icing splotches all over it. But I did everything myself. I made the cookies, I made the icing, I put the damn thing together and it is in fact hollow inside. I was also able to make some strange cookie that I’m not entirely sure if I like yet. It wasn’t bad... I just think it’s a bit too doughy. It would be good with a glass of milk... Oh well... next time I suppose. Tomorrow I still have three batches of cookies and a batch of muffins. I’m going to have to be up... earlier than usual.
Here’s hoping my icing holds. Lord knows I will never be an architect. I promise I will have pictures tomorrow to document this. The camera is currently locked away and I don’t feel like waking the key-holder.
Lauren.
I was so angry and frustrated that I started crying. And that ironically enough made me even angrier. I hate, hate, HATE crying in front of people but dammit if I didn’t do it in front of an entire restaurant. I spent the rest of the night washing the glasses behind the bar. Monotonous tasks are best when I get into that mood. To cap off my night, I phoned home only to find out that my ride was also out. I ended up hanging around work for another half hour or so waiting for Paul. I didn’t really mind.
So up until that point, the night pretty much sucked. Badly.
Then I checked my email and my friend Dana told me she was back in town. Not even two minutes later, she shows up on MSN. So while I was exhausted and feeling pretty shitty, I invited her over anyway (at like 11:30 at night) to help me with some baking. It was the best thing I did all day. She had me cheered up in no time flat. I forgot all about how crappy work had been, how stressful school was and how I felt regarding some other issues. I especially liked having her over because otherwise I would have been by myself and I really didn’t want to be.
And yes! I finally managed to get some baking done! The gingerbread house is now standing. It looks like a sloppy mess but for a girl who had no instructions, I think it kicks ass. Besides, I haven’t put the candy on it yet. I’m just claiming that it was paint balled. That’s why there are random icing splotches all over it. But I did everything myself. I made the cookies, I made the icing, I put the damn thing together and it is in fact hollow inside. I was also able to make some strange cookie that I’m not entirely sure if I like yet. It wasn’t bad... I just think it’s a bit too doughy. It would be good with a glass of milk... Oh well... next time I suppose. Tomorrow I still have three batches of cookies and a batch of muffins. I’m going to have to be up... earlier than usual.
Here’s hoping my icing holds. Lord knows I will never be an architect. I promise I will have pictures tomorrow to document this. The camera is currently locked away and I don’t feel like waking the key-holder.
Lauren.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Curious... Or am I Being Weird.
Hey there Land of Blog! It is I! Lauren. Holy crap did I have a well... crappy day. I’m glad to finally be home, showered and in my PJs. If I were a drinker I would surely have a large glass of wine beside me and a full bottle beside that. I was very rushed all day. I totally forgot I had class today. This class only meets four times throughout the year. Thankfully, I was able to get a ride and only be a few minutes late. After that I got home and attempted to do laundry so I wouldn’t have to go to work in a dirty uniform. Let’s just say I went to work in a dirty uniform. At work my bosses were less than pleasant and took their frustrations out on us. It was fun. I loved it. I in turn took my frustrations out on chicken wings. I had to cut them and used a cleaver for good measure. Then my boss decided to put me on call for tomorrow. Who the hell has ever heard of being on call for a part-time restaurant job!? Bleh... another reason to resent Valentine’s Day. Needless to say, I didn’t get around to baking today.
I did however make an interesting discovery.
Freud: A discovery! Vhat iss it?
Lauren: I’ve been going to the same school for three years now. Every year, there’s this one girl who is in at least one of my classes. I know her name and we smile at each other in the hallway, but I don’t think I have ever had a conversation with her.
Freud: Iss she verid or somesing?
Lauren: I don’t know Sigmund, I haven’t talked to her. I don’t think I’ve ever really heard her talk. We’ll just say that I haven’t noticed anything strange about her. Of course, I mean bad strange.
Freud: Vell maybe you should talk to her.
Lauren: Maybe... she’s cute too.
Freud: Ah. I see. Iss zhat vhat ziss iss about?
Lauren: No! Maybe... No! I mean, if I’m attracted to her that pretty much guarantees she’s straight. And I am not violating the Third Party Policy. Although, if I do make an ass out of myself... I don’t talk to her anyway. So it’s not like I have anything to lose. I probably won’t say anything.
Freud: Lauren... I don’t know vhat to tell you. It does seem strange how mach you are in contect vith zis girl and you heve never spoken.
Lauren: I know. This year she’s been in three of my classes. Last year she was in two. The year before that she was in three I think. Definitely two. I’m surprised at how much this is bugging me.
Freud: Zhen perheps you should do somesing about it. Talk to her.
Lauren: Why can’t a cute girl ever come talk to me? Why do I always have to ask them out or make the first move? Pft... I’m not moving. I want to be asked.
Freud: You vill die alone. Vell, not alone if you continue to imagine a variety of characters living in your bedroom.
Lauren: I could remove you.
Freud: You vouldn’t. Now, let me get beck to vatching ze opening ceremonies of ze Olympics. You jast... prepare to talk to Angela. She is more qualified for zis given zhat she iss not a figment of your imagination.
Why is my subconscious always right? I honestly think this is weird though. I mean, my school isn’t that big and generally, you get to know the people in your program. I don’t think I’ve had this many classes with a person that I still don’t know. Kind of curious isn’t it?
Am I just being weird again?
Lauren.
I did however make an interesting discovery.
Freud: A discovery! Vhat iss it?
Lauren: I’ve been going to the same school for three years now. Every year, there’s this one girl who is in at least one of my classes. I know her name and we smile at each other in the hallway, but I don’t think I have ever had a conversation with her.
Freud: Iss she verid or somesing?
Lauren: I don’t know Sigmund, I haven’t talked to her. I don’t think I’ve ever really heard her talk. We’ll just say that I haven’t noticed anything strange about her. Of course, I mean bad strange.
Freud: Vell maybe you should talk to her.
Lauren: Maybe... she’s cute too.
Freud: Ah. I see. Iss zhat vhat ziss iss about?
Lauren: No! Maybe... No! I mean, if I’m attracted to her that pretty much guarantees she’s straight. And I am not violating the Third Party Policy. Although, if I do make an ass out of myself... I don’t talk to her anyway. So it’s not like I have anything to lose. I probably won’t say anything.
Freud: Lauren... I don’t know vhat to tell you. It does seem strange how mach you are in contect vith zis girl and you heve never spoken.
Lauren: I know. This year she’s been in three of my classes. Last year she was in two. The year before that she was in three I think. Definitely two. I’m surprised at how much this is bugging me.
Freud: Zhen perheps you should do somesing about it. Talk to her.
Lauren: Why can’t a cute girl ever come talk to me? Why do I always have to ask them out or make the first move? Pft... I’m not moving. I want to be asked.
Freud: You vill die alone. Vell, not alone if you continue to imagine a variety of characters living in your bedroom.
Lauren: I could remove you.
Freud: You vouldn’t. Now, let me get beck to vatching ze opening ceremonies of ze Olympics. You jast... prepare to talk to Angela. She is more qualified for zis given zhat she iss not a figment of your imagination.
Why is my subconscious always right? I honestly think this is weird though. I mean, my school isn’t that big and generally, you get to know the people in your program. I don’t think I’ve had this many classes with a person that I still don’t know. Kind of curious isn’t it?
Am I just being weird again?
Lauren.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
MasterCard Resolution
GAH! I called MasterCard again today. There was a lot of pointless talk and I just lost my patience. I gave the phone to my mom and I made her deal with it because it was just getting stupid and to be honest, I had no clue what the hell was even going on anymore. So my FU to MasterCard stands. My mom was eventually able to resolve the issue... whatever it was.
Aside from that, I had some fun on ebay! I bought movies that my small town doesn’t stock! Yay! And a book! I haven’t bought a book since this summer! Not a for fun book anyway! So... double yay! Your plastic is evil MasterCard but it lets be buy things...
Today is my last day of school for a whole WEEK! Of course I have a trillion things to do, but I won’t have to do them while being at school! First thing on my list is to commence my baking marathon. Five recipes, three days. I begin tomorrow so you’ll have lovely pictures and probably many clumsy incidents related to you. Until then, I don’t really have much to say. I spent today doing absolutely nothing. I watched some movies, I wrote and of course, I watched Grey’s. I kind of like Lexie with blonde hair. Yeah... that’s about all I took away from that episode.
Well, back to attempting that “In my voice” assignment. It’s not coming out the way I want it too. At least I have a week.
Lauren.
Aside from that, I had some fun on ebay! I bought movies that my small town doesn’t stock! Yay! And a book! I haven’t bought a book since this summer! Not a for fun book anyway! So... double yay! Your plastic is evil MasterCard but it lets be buy things...
Today is my last day of school for a whole WEEK! Of course I have a trillion things to do, but I won’t have to do them while being at school! First thing on my list is to commence my baking marathon. Five recipes, three days. I begin tomorrow so you’ll have lovely pictures and probably many clumsy incidents related to you. Until then, I don’t really have much to say. I spent today doing absolutely nothing. I watched some movies, I wrote and of course, I watched Grey’s. I kind of like Lexie with blonde hair. Yeah... that’s about all I took away from that episode.
Well, back to attempting that “In my voice” assignment. It’s not coming out the way I want it too. At least I have a week.
Lauren.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
For Everything Else, There's Something Else
Alright, my frustration today can be summed up in three words: I HATE MASTERCARD!
My parents finally convinced me to get my own credit card. I think it might have something to do with me buying lesbian comedies with theirs. OH THE SHAME OF SEEING ONE’S BILL WITH LESBIAN MOVIES UPON IT! I’m kidding by the way...
So yesterday I called to activate my card.
- I was forced to talk to a person! A real person!
- Said person asked me for sensitive personal information. She made me answer my whole form again over the phone.
- I called again today, gave the dude my info again.
- Turns out my card wasn’t activated.
I had one question: WHO THE MOTHER F-ING HELL HAS MY F-ING INFORMATION! Clearly I'm very foul-mouthed. Although given this day and age I think it was a proportional response.
Thankfully, my mom works at the bank and she is PISSED. She’s making me write a very detailed letter that she will fax Mastercard before yelling at someone herself. I’m not usually one to relish someone getting in trouble or having my parents take care of stuff for me. But this annoyed me so much I’m glad she’s treating me like a customer.
Other than that my day was actually really good. I got a lot done and I think I did good on my midterm. In conclusion I would like to say the following to Mastercard: F U!
Those initials must suck if there’s a Florida University. Even U F is bad...
Lauren
My Day, Sung By Julie Andrews
I don’t have much to report today so this entry will be short. We’ll call it a highlight reel. No, your eyes do not decieve you. The Lauren Daily Experiment now has AV elements. (Bad ones but whatever! I'm a writer...) I expect you to sing along.
Other than that, I went to work. It was uneventful. I got the weekend off so I can bake! It’s our very late Christmas party and I’m making everyone presents. I mentioned this eons ago but it’s happening now!
Anyway, that’s all for me. Night!
Lauren and Julie Andrews
Other than that, I went to work. It was uneventful. I got the weekend off so I can bake! It’s our very late Christmas party and I’m making everyone presents. I mentioned this eons ago but it’s happening now!
Anyway, that’s all for me. Night!
Lauren and Julie Andrews
Monday, February 8, 2010
Longest Day of LIFE
Fellow Bloggers, this entry began at 2:16 in the morning. Knowing today would be a long day, I went to bed at 11:30ish after finishing yesterday’s entry. I tossed and turned for a while but eventually fell asleep. I knew Meeko was in my room due to the ridiculous volume of his kitty snoring. One of my last coherent thoughts was, “should I record that just so people know I’m not exaggerating?” But sleep won over and I was too lazy to get up. What felt like minutes after falling asleep, probably about an hour or so, I heard a gagging coughing sound. Twice. I knew what it was. Eventually I turned the light on to find kitty sick on my carpet, in two places, and a certain kitty looking quite guilty. I debated for several minutes over whether or not to ignore it and go back to sleep or clean it while it was fresh.
I’m sad to say clean while it’s fresh won. After asking my parents which cleaner to use (not because I’m that useless but because I know one of the seemingly kitty-barf approved ones bleaches the carpet) I forced myself to clean. I was kind of hoping my parents would be annoyed and clean it for me, but they chose sleep. It was a faint hope anyway. Once that was accomplished, I went to the kitchen to get a glass of milk. Since I have very mild sleep issues, my doctor claims milk helps. I ran in to Meeko there and of course he was eating. I promptly called him a jerk and asked if I threw up on the carpets when he was sleeping. His response was an indifferent chomping. Incidents such as these make me wonder if I should have children. I am going to have to marry a woman with a stomach of steal. If my future kids are anything like me, they’ll be thorough. Ugh...
It is now 2:30 and I am going back to bed, hopefully to sleep.
Now it is 11:00 pm and I’ve returned.
I’m going to be very honest and say that I don’t really feel like writing much right now. It’s been a long, long, long day. I was at school for twelve hours less fifteen minutes and I actually worked that whole time with the exception of an hour and a half. I came home and I just finished up a paper for tomorrow. So, I haven’t really relaxed since before 10:00 o’clock this morning.
Today did however have its upsides. I spent a fantastic hour and a half in the WC with five other girls. We were reminiscing about 90s boy bands. I led and still lead a sheltered life so I wasn’t able to sing along with them, but the looks on the faces of the people walking by were totally priceless. We covered everyone from the Backstreet Boys to O Town to Venga Boys and N’Sync. Might I just say, WOW horrible hair! But it was a fun trip down memory lane. And holy crap! A lot of those songs are quite dirty! Oh what young minds don’t comprehend.
Aside from that, I talked about Nazis in Holocaust history. I then talked about Nazis in fascism. I probably would have screamed if we’d talked about Nazis in creative writing. They really are not pleasant people to discuss for a class let alone all day. (I'm aware that my whining pales in comparison to people who actually had to live with them.)
On the subject of my creative writing class I have to write “In my Own Voice”. Meaning I can write about whatever but also that I should write about something that made me the person I am. Almost all of those events are hugely painful occurences that I’d rather not recount to strangers. Oh well... I’ll deal with it when I get there. And we may have to perform them... gag me.
Today was poopy... hoping for better tomorrow.
Lauren.
I’m sad to say clean while it’s fresh won. After asking my parents which cleaner to use (not because I’m that useless but because I know one of the seemingly kitty-barf approved ones bleaches the carpet) I forced myself to clean. I was kind of hoping my parents would be annoyed and clean it for me, but they chose sleep. It was a faint hope anyway. Once that was accomplished, I went to the kitchen to get a glass of milk. Since I have very mild sleep issues, my doctor claims milk helps. I ran in to Meeko there and of course he was eating. I promptly called him a jerk and asked if I threw up on the carpets when he was sleeping. His response was an indifferent chomping. Incidents such as these make me wonder if I should have children. I am going to have to marry a woman with a stomach of steal. If my future kids are anything like me, they’ll be thorough. Ugh...
It is now 2:30 and I am going back to bed, hopefully to sleep.
Now it is 11:00 pm and I’ve returned.
I’m going to be very honest and say that I don’t really feel like writing much right now. It’s been a long, long, long day. I was at school for twelve hours less fifteen minutes and I actually worked that whole time with the exception of an hour and a half. I came home and I just finished up a paper for tomorrow. So, I haven’t really relaxed since before 10:00 o’clock this morning.
Today did however have its upsides. I spent a fantastic hour and a half in the WC with five other girls. We were reminiscing about 90s boy bands. I led and still lead a sheltered life so I wasn’t able to sing along with them, but the looks on the faces of the people walking by were totally priceless. We covered everyone from the Backstreet Boys to O Town to Venga Boys and N’Sync. Might I just say, WOW horrible hair! But it was a fun trip down memory lane. And holy crap! A lot of those songs are quite dirty! Oh what young minds don’t comprehend.
Aside from that, I talked about Nazis in Holocaust history. I then talked about Nazis in fascism. I probably would have screamed if we’d talked about Nazis in creative writing. They really are not pleasant people to discuss for a class let alone all day. (I'm aware that my whining pales in comparison to people who actually had to live with them.)
On the subject of my creative writing class I have to write “In my Own Voice”. Meaning I can write about whatever but also that I should write about something that made me the person I am. Almost all of those events are hugely painful occurences that I’d rather not recount to strangers. Oh well... I’ll deal with it when I get there. And we may have to perform them... gag me.
Today was poopy... hoping for better tomorrow.
Lauren.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
THE WINNER!
I have spent the last few hours writing a fable for my creative writing class. It is really quite difficult to elaborate on a moral issue. I always felt like those things just crammed morality down your throat. Some of them I’m sure hit you over the head with the morality baton.
Because I know you’re fascinated by my homework, I’m going to tell you that it’s the story of a girl named Eleanor Ideal who is different, but knows that she can be an individual. Thank you Eleanor Roosevelt. I used one of her quotes to make up “the lesson”. Even though I find my moral compass rarely deviates from due North, I don’t feel comfortable making up a lesson. Don’t ask me why ‘cause I dunno.
This is what I borrowed from Eleanor Roosevelt:
“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.”
So that’s what that was about. It’s a thinly veiled version of my life and my family. Woot! Let’s see if the people in my class notice. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to fit in any cheerleaders to continue that theme. Darn... but I did add a girl who uses ‘like’ as many times as humanly possible. And no, I don’t have a problem with cheerleaders. They’re just insanely easy to make fun of.
Rochester: Put Kathryn out of her misery and tell everyone who won that sham of a game show.
Lauren: It was not a sham. And why do you keep interrupting me all the time?
Rochester: I’m a leprechaun, I’m short on patience.
Freud: Besides, you cannot expect us to believe zat you seriously hed any intension of letting a deranged troll or a slafe holder fleeing ze law live under your bed. Really... Eizer your subconscious mind is more addled zan I anticipated or you really are quvite strange.
Lauren: Fine... my new imaginary friend is Cooper. Like I would subject you all to reading backwards sentences. I’m not that mean.
Freud: Beckvards.
Lauren: Excuse me?
Freud: Beckvard. You said it wrong
Lauren: Beckvards?
Freud: Mach better!
Lauren: Anyway... I guess I’ll call Copper and share the great news. DIALS. Hey Cooper it’s Lauren. When can you move in?
Cooper: After.
Lauren: After what?
Cooper: After after.
Lauren, COVERING THE PHONE WITH HER HAND: Is he quoting Mr. Miagi at me? Cooper, where’s Mr. Plunk?
Cooper: Busy. Phone in his mouth.
Mr. Plunk: hhhh Lllen! Mmmm bu-ey aa ee oent!
Cooper: See. Hard to understand.
Lauren: Why not switch the phone hands?
Cooper: I’m right handed.
Lauren: Then why is Mr. Plunk on your right hand?
Copper: Okay bye bye! HANGS UP.
Wow... that was interesting. I have a feeling this is going to get very interesting.
But that’s all I have time for today. I have class tomorrow morning, my fable to review and sleep to catch. Tomorrow’s a long day... Maybe I should imagine someone who can build a time machine! Then I can just skip all this boring crap of being at school from 10:00 until 9:30. God that would make my semester. Wish me luck at not falling asleep in fascism! I think my prof has noticed. I feel guilty. Man, I hope Coop doesn’t show up when I’m gone.
Lauren.
Because I know you’re fascinated by my homework, I’m going to tell you that it’s the story of a girl named Eleanor Ideal who is different, but knows that she can be an individual. Thank you Eleanor Roosevelt. I used one of her quotes to make up “the lesson”. Even though I find my moral compass rarely deviates from due North, I don’t feel comfortable making up a lesson. Don’t ask me why ‘cause I dunno.
This is what I borrowed from Eleanor Roosevelt:
“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.”
So that’s what that was about. It’s a thinly veiled version of my life and my family. Woot! Let’s see if the people in my class notice. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to fit in any cheerleaders to continue that theme. Darn... but I did add a girl who uses ‘like’ as many times as humanly possible. And no, I don’t have a problem with cheerleaders. They’re just insanely easy to make fun of.
Rochester: Put Kathryn out of her misery and tell everyone who won that sham of a game show.
Lauren: It was not a sham. And why do you keep interrupting me all the time?
Rochester: I’m a leprechaun, I’m short on patience.
Freud: Besides, you cannot expect us to believe zat you seriously hed any intension of letting a deranged troll or a slafe holder fleeing ze law live under your bed. Really... Eizer your subconscious mind is more addled zan I anticipated or you really are quvite strange.
Lauren: Fine... my new imaginary friend is Cooper. Like I would subject you all to reading backwards sentences. I’m not that mean.
Freud: Beckvards.
Lauren: Excuse me?
Freud: Beckvard. You said it wrong
Lauren: Beckvards?
Freud: Mach better!
Lauren: Anyway... I guess I’ll call Copper and share the great news. DIALS. Hey Cooper it’s Lauren. When can you move in?
Cooper: After.
Lauren: After what?
Cooper: After after.
Lauren, COVERING THE PHONE WITH HER HAND: Is he quoting Mr. Miagi at me? Cooper, where’s Mr. Plunk?
Cooper: Busy. Phone in his mouth.
Mr. Plunk: hhhh Lllen! Mmmm bu-ey aa ee oent!
Cooper: See. Hard to understand.
Lauren: Why not switch the phone hands?
Cooper: I’m right handed.
Lauren: Then why is Mr. Plunk on your right hand?
Copper: Okay bye bye! HANGS UP.
Wow... that was interesting. I have a feeling this is going to get very interesting.
But that’s all I have time for today. I have class tomorrow morning, my fable to review and sleep to catch. Tomorrow’s a long day... Maybe I should imagine someone who can build a time machine! Then I can just skip all this boring crap of being at school from 10:00 until 9:30. God that would make my semester. Wish me luck at not falling asleep in fascism! I think my prof has noticed. I feel guilty. Man, I hope Coop doesn’t show up when I’m gone.
Lauren.
Who's Gonna Live Under my Bed!
Hey there! Rochester has agreed to chill out for a few minutes today to let me write an intro. I have assembled everyone. Maggie is out of her closet, Rochester is glaring impatiently at me, Freud is in the corner and of course, Meeko is here too. He’s the cute judge. The panel has assembled and we’re all ready.
Rochester: So let them in!
Lauren rolls her eyes and opens the door, welcoming the contestants. In walks Cooper, dressed in ninja garb and with mitten on his hand. Jed, comes in next, wearing a suit. Nerual the Troll, wobbles in wearing a top hat. Lights start flashing and crazy game show sounds go nuts. Contestants take their seats and face the panel.
Lauren: Cooper, Jed, Nerual, welcome to “Who’s Gonna Live Under my Bed!”. We’re going to ask you a series of questions. You answer and the winner lives under my bed. Got it? So, introduce yourselves to the people.
Nerual: I naturally like living under things, Well I’m a troll. The humidity is starting to give me trench foot so I’m looking for something dryer Bridges have been more traditional.
Freud: Are all of your sentences backvards?
Nerual: Part they are, For the most.
Freud: Fescinatink! Lauren indicated that the next contestant should go.
Jed: I’m a landholding farmer. I’m currently seeking a quiet, discreet place to live.
Rochester snapping suspiciously: By landholding, do you mean slave owner? And by discreet do you mean hideout?
Jed: I’m not at the moment. And I would only need the space until my father settles the charges.
Magda: Lauren, would you mind if I dealt with this one? Lauren signals her okay. Mr. Jed. Go away. Jed leaves taking Lauren’s hope of a dust bunny farm with him. Alright, well, down to two. Mr. Cooper, it’s your turn.
Cooper: Hi. This is my friend. Raises right hand demonstrating duck sock puppet. He’s Mr. Plunk. He’s a duck. Say hi Mr. Plunk!
Mr. Plunk: Hello everyone. You’ll have to forgive Cooper. He suffered a brain injury a few years ago after being drop kicked one too many times in the head. I think this demonstrates the value of helmets in contact sports.
Lauren to Panel: Can I seriously have an imaginary friend who himself has an imaginary friend?
Freud: Lauren, everyvone already knows you are a little on ze screwy side. I don’t sink it vould faze zem.
Maggie: What cranky pants said.
Lauren: Okay. Well, on to the questions. Mr. Nerual, what do you think about cats?
Nerual: Good They taste? Oh wait! They’re long and stretchy, They make great scarves because.
Pannel marking giant X in check box. Meeko throws away sheet all together.
Cooper: WILL HE EAT MR PLUNK!?
Lauren: Uh... no. Next question: What are your hobbies?
Nerual: That go by my house Eating things! Then flossing. My teeth I’m very conscious about. Smiles, showing off shiny white fangs.
Panel marking giant X in check box. Meeko threatening to launch himself at Nerual. All agree that he has excellent dental hygiene.
Cooper: Trying to get memory back. Mr. Plunk teaches me.
Mr. Plunk: For whatever reason I’m much more articulate than he is. So I’m trying to help him out. Least I could do since he imagined me into being.
Lauren: Okay... Last question [muttering] because I’m afraid to ask any more: What’s your favourite colour?
Neraul: Red. I see most often It’s the one. It’s pretty. Lauren shakes head, forcing herself to believe Nerual is describing a sunset.
Cooper: Can only remember black.
Lauren: Mr Plunk?
Mr Plunk: I concur.
Lauren: Okay, thanks guys. We’ll let you know in a few days.
Characters leave.
Rochester: Where the hell did you find them?
Lauren: For once I’m using “Don’t ask don’t tell" to my advantage. We’ll go over this in the morning. I need some Advil and some sleep after that. Freud can you lock the door? I’m kind of afraid of Nerual.
Freud: Of course Lauren. Zat is a completely RATIONAL fear. Goodnight.
Three guesses who I picked. I bet you won’t need all of them either. Weren’t expecting an injured ninja with a sock puppet duck were you?
Lauren.
Rochester: So let them in!
Lauren rolls her eyes and opens the door, welcoming the contestants. In walks Cooper, dressed in ninja garb and with mitten on his hand. Jed, comes in next, wearing a suit. Nerual the Troll, wobbles in wearing a top hat. Lights start flashing and crazy game show sounds go nuts. Contestants take their seats and face the panel.
Lauren: Cooper, Jed, Nerual, welcome to “Who’s Gonna Live Under my Bed!”. We’re going to ask you a series of questions. You answer and the winner lives under my bed. Got it? So, introduce yourselves to the people.
Nerual: I naturally like living under things, Well I’m a troll. The humidity is starting to give me trench foot so I’m looking for something dryer Bridges have been more traditional.
Freud: Are all of your sentences backvards?
Nerual: Part they are, For the most.
Freud: Fescinatink! Lauren indicated that the next contestant should go.
Jed: I’m a landholding farmer. I’m currently seeking a quiet, discreet place to live.
Rochester snapping suspiciously: By landholding, do you mean slave owner? And by discreet do you mean hideout?
Jed: I’m not at the moment. And I would only need the space until my father settles the charges.
Magda: Lauren, would you mind if I dealt with this one? Lauren signals her okay. Mr. Jed. Go away. Jed leaves taking Lauren’s hope of a dust bunny farm with him. Alright, well, down to two. Mr. Cooper, it’s your turn.
Cooper: Hi. This is my friend. Raises right hand demonstrating duck sock puppet. He’s Mr. Plunk. He’s a duck. Say hi Mr. Plunk!
Mr. Plunk: Hello everyone. You’ll have to forgive Cooper. He suffered a brain injury a few years ago after being drop kicked one too many times in the head. I think this demonstrates the value of helmets in contact sports.
Lauren to Panel: Can I seriously have an imaginary friend who himself has an imaginary friend?
Freud: Lauren, everyvone already knows you are a little on ze screwy side. I don’t sink it vould faze zem.
Maggie: What cranky pants said.
Lauren: Okay. Well, on to the questions. Mr. Nerual, what do you think about cats?
Nerual: Good They taste? Oh wait! They’re long and stretchy, They make great scarves because.
Pannel marking giant X in check box. Meeko throws away sheet all together.
Cooper: WILL HE EAT MR PLUNK!?
Lauren: Uh... no. Next question: What are your hobbies?
Nerual: That go by my house Eating things! Then flossing. My teeth I’m very conscious about. Smiles, showing off shiny white fangs.
Panel marking giant X in check box. Meeko threatening to launch himself at Nerual. All agree that he has excellent dental hygiene.
Cooper: Trying to get memory back. Mr. Plunk teaches me.
Mr. Plunk: For whatever reason I’m much more articulate than he is. So I’m trying to help him out. Least I could do since he imagined me into being.
Lauren: Okay... Last question [muttering] because I’m afraid to ask any more: What’s your favourite colour?
Neraul: Red. I see most often It’s the one. It’s pretty. Lauren shakes head, forcing herself to believe Nerual is describing a sunset.
Cooper: Can only remember black.
Lauren: Mr Plunk?
Mr Plunk: I concur.
Lauren: Okay, thanks guys. We’ll let you know in a few days.
Characters leave.
Rochester: Where the hell did you find them?
Lauren: For once I’m using “Don’t ask don’t tell" to my advantage. We’ll go over this in the morning. I need some Advil and some sleep after that. Freud can you lock the door? I’m kind of afraid of Nerual.
Freud: Of course Lauren. Zat is a completely RATIONAL fear. Goodnight.
Three guesses who I picked. I bet you won’t need all of them either. Weren’t expecting an injured ninja with a sock puppet duck were you?
Lauren.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Getting Curious
Rochester: So who’s this new person moving in?
Lauren: Wow, didn’t even let me write an intro. Is it bugging you that much?
Rochester: Yes, it is, I can feel space being created in your imagination and it’s squishing me. So hurry it up already.
Lauren: Please... your personality alone should have been enough to smother everyone in there. Freud and Maggie aren’t behaving this way.
Rochester [muttering]: Not to your face...
Lauren: Yeah, I can hear you. By the way, where is Freud? And where’s Maggie? Why am I doing all the typing here?
Rochester: He's in the closet.
Lauren: I'm going to assume that you're not speaking metaphorically. Lauren walks over to closet and slides the door open, only to find Freud and Maggie yelling at one another.
Freud: Jast admit is! You do not know everysing!
Magda: For the last freaking time! I do know everything! I’m just choosing not to share everything with you!
Freud: Zhen vhy vill you not tell me who iss going to be living under ze bed!
Magda: Because Lauren hasn’t decided yet! I only know which option is most probable! Ask her yourself!
Freud: Talking to Lauren iss next to impossible. Her soughts are so erratic!
Lauren: You’re a therapist. I suggest you learn to deal with it.
Freud: Fine. Glares at Magda, but speaking to Lauren. Who iss being considered for ze vacancy under ze bed?
Lauren: Well, the best candidate so far is called Cooper. Very interesting character
Freud: And vhat does zis Cooper do? He’ss not veird iss he?
Lauren: Uh... Copper’s retired. And I don’t think I have a right to call other’s weird... you know... given our current situation.
Freud: Fair enough. And who are ze ozzer applicants?
Lauren: There’s a farmer named Jed. I figured he could farm the dust bunnies. Um... there’s of course Nerual, the somewhat incoherent, backward talking Troll. And then there’s uh... that’s it.
Rochester: A farmer named Jed. Are you sure he’s not a mountaineer that barely kept his family fed?
Lauren: Maybe. But he’s a candidate okay... so... open your mind.
Magda: Lauren, you can’t blog while you’re watching a movie. Why don’t you just wrap it up?
Lauren: Maybe you’re right. Besides, this movie is pretty entertaining.
Everyone Collectively: Yeah, it’s not bad.
Rochester: So when are we meeting all of these people/creatures?
Lauren: Probably tomorrow. I won’t have much to talk about I don’t think. We could do like a quiz show! And have everyone answer questions! LIKE A PANNEL! It’ll be super fun! Oh! I’m sort of excited now!
Everyone: Time to get Lauren to bed...
Night Blogville!
Lauren.
Lauren: Wow, didn’t even let me write an intro. Is it bugging you that much?
Rochester: Yes, it is, I can feel space being created in your imagination and it’s squishing me. So hurry it up already.
Lauren: Please... your personality alone should have been enough to smother everyone in there. Freud and Maggie aren’t behaving this way.
Rochester [muttering]: Not to your face...
Lauren: Yeah, I can hear you. By the way, where is Freud? And where’s Maggie? Why am I doing all the typing here?
Rochester: He's in the closet.
Lauren: I'm going to assume that you're not speaking metaphorically. Lauren walks over to closet and slides the door open, only to find Freud and Maggie yelling at one another.
Freud: Jast admit is! You do not know everysing!
Magda: For the last freaking time! I do know everything! I’m just choosing not to share everything with you!
Freud: Zhen vhy vill you not tell me who iss going to be living under ze bed!
Magda: Because Lauren hasn’t decided yet! I only know which option is most probable! Ask her yourself!
Freud: Talking to Lauren iss next to impossible. Her soughts are so erratic!
Lauren: You’re a therapist. I suggest you learn to deal with it.
Freud: Fine. Glares at Magda, but speaking to Lauren. Who iss being considered for ze vacancy under ze bed?
Lauren: Well, the best candidate so far is called Cooper. Very interesting character
Freud: And vhat does zis Cooper do? He’ss not veird iss he?
Lauren: Uh... Copper’s retired. And I don’t think I have a right to call other’s weird... you know... given our current situation.
Freud: Fair enough. And who are ze ozzer applicants?
Lauren: There’s a farmer named Jed. I figured he could farm the dust bunnies. Um... there’s of course Nerual, the somewhat incoherent, backward talking Troll. And then there’s uh... that’s it.
Rochester: A farmer named Jed. Are you sure he’s not a mountaineer that barely kept his family fed?
Lauren: Maybe. But he’s a candidate okay... so... open your mind.
Magda: Lauren, you can’t blog while you’re watching a movie. Why don’t you just wrap it up?
Lauren: Maybe you’re right. Besides, this movie is pretty entertaining.
Everyone Collectively: Yeah, it’s not bad.
Rochester: So when are we meeting all of these people/creatures?
Lauren: Probably tomorrow. I won’t have much to talk about I don’t think. We could do like a quiz show! And have everyone answer questions! LIKE A PANNEL! It’ll be super fun! Oh! I’m sort of excited now!
Everyone: Time to get Lauren to bed...
Night Blogville!
Lauren.
Session 2 -- NO MOORE!
This evening marks the second of six James Bond education sessions. Tonight the subject of my teachings was Roger Moore. I am not a fan. We watched The Man With the Golden Gun. Since I last saw these when I was between the ages of 11 and 14 I’ve pretty much forgotten the plots of the movies. Veronica hasn’t seen the older Bonds. So, we’re pretty much selecting movies at random. 
First I have to say that my little ole heart just glowed with pride when Veronica told me that she didn’t like Roger Moore as Bond because he lacked that “Bond-essence”. She’s totally right of course. Although, I think I have to give him major credit for his pickup lines. They work like magic I tell you! Magic! It’s like Joey and “How you doin’?” but taken to the next level. Next level meaning women almost instantly cast aside the little clothing they’re wearing.
For those of you who aren’t well versed in Bond, I must put forth my theory that Roger Moore is the biggest man-whore (also the sleaziest) of the Bonds. In this particular movie, he’s getting ready to have sex with the one girl, but then another one comes into the room! OH NO! WHAT’S A MAN-WHORE TO DO? He hides the first one under the covers and claims she’s actually pillows of course! Then when Girl #2 leaves the bedroom to strip (I honestly don’t get it, he’s going to see you naked in three seconds anyway!) he shoves Girl #1 in the closet. Does he kick Girl #2 out? Nah! He makes her feel better about betraying her ‘master’ in the only way Bond can and two hours later (HA!), he lets Girl #1 out of the closet. He didn’t even give her a Cosmo to read or you know... earplugs.
First I have to say that my little ole heart just glowed with pride when Veronica told me that she didn’t like Roger Moore as Bond because he lacked that “Bond-essence”. She’s totally right of course. Although, I think I have to give him major credit for his pickup lines. They work like magic I tell you! Magic! It’s like Joey and “How you doin’?” but taken to the next level. Next level meaning women almost instantly cast aside the little clothing they’re wearing.
For those of you who aren’t well versed in Bond, I must put forth my theory that Roger Moore is the biggest man-whore (also the sleaziest) of the Bonds. In this particular movie, he’s getting ready to have sex with the one girl, but then another one comes into the room! OH NO! WHAT’S A MAN-WHORE TO DO? He hides the first one under the covers and claims she’s actually pillows of course! Then when Girl #2 leaves the bedroom to strip (I honestly don’t get it, he’s going to see you naked in three seconds anyway!) he shoves Girl #1 in the closet. Does he kick Girl #2 out? Nah! He makes her feel better about betraying her ‘master’ in the only way Bond can and two hours later (HA!), he lets Girl #1 out of the closet. He didn’t even give her a Cosmo to read or you know... earplugs.
Girl #2, Man-Whore, Girl #1
Yes, they always look that puzzled.
But I must say, I admire Goodnight’s (Girl #1) sense of dignity. She only slept with Bond after he defeated the evil midget at the end. (I know the term is little people, they use the term midget.) Thank God she was able to hold out that long. I mean it’s not like she threw herself at him four times before that.
Other points of interest included the transformer car that goes from car to plane. Veronica thought that was just...horrible. I don’t think we noticed the varying degrees of Bond hairiness in this one... I didn’t and if Veronica did she never said anything. We did notice a particularly frightening comb-over but that was on some crazy cop from Louisiana who ends up “helping” Bond during a high speed chase. There weren’t many gadgets to mock in this one actually. The only one Q gives him is a fake nipple. Yup... Bond needed three nipples to get the job done in this movie. So... what does one really say to that?
In conclusion we agreed that Roger Moore is not our favourite Bond and that Sean Connery is much better (SO TRUE). We also agreed that Judy Dench makes a pretty kick ass M. Personally, I have a new least favourite Bond Girl. Goodnight now tops the list. Before it was Christmas Jones (Denise Richards) and her one line performance “I have to stop it!”. I happen to agree with her.
I haven’t decided which Bond I’ll suggest next. There's George Lazenby but since he was only in one movie that doesn’t give us much choice. It’s between him and Timothy Dalton who was only Bond twice.
I need a hobby.
Lauren.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
EWWWW! BOYS!
Today in my Sociology of Education class, we were discussing the differences caused by gender. I was smiling on the inside throughout this whole thing because I wrote a paper on that subject last semester and totally rocked it.
Naturally with this topic, we touched on single sex schools and classrooms and how they are beneficial, or not, to each sex. Can you picture all the questions now? I’ve actually been in a single sex classroom when I was in high school. It happened by accident because as is a trend among boys, they aren’t as fond of literature as girls. The only guy in the class had a tendency to skip. Anyway, it was my favourite class of the four years I was in high school. I liked the atmosphere a lot more and I felt like we went much more in depth into certain themes and whatnot in the book than I’d experienced in some of my other classes. To be fair, it was a small class too so that might have had something to do with why I enjoyed it so much.
So as these questions are floating around, I was finding that I could answer many of the questions.
Do single sex classrooms negatively affect socialization? As in, interacting with the opposite sex. I didn’t find it did. Although, outside that one class I was in contact with guys. So, I think a good argument can be made for single sex classrooms in “regular” schools.
My professor, based on points raised by kids in a video we were watching, wondered if non-heterosexual students would benefit equally from single sex classrooms. The point raised by the boy in the video was that they felt more able to make mistakes without worrying about girls laughing at them. I can answer this one too! I never had a problem with it. Because even though I swear being a lesbian is a paradox, I am generally more comfortable around women, whether I’m attracted to them or not. BIG NOT in the case of the class I’m speaking of.
It’s a question I find very interesting. And I’ve only been in a single sex classroom twice in the entire time I’ve been going to school. Both times were accidents. Plus at school now, the percentage of guys is pretty slim (20%). So... it’s not on purpose at all... it’s a math question.
Anyone out there have an experience they’d like to share?
The image has nothing to do with anything really. It was in my prof’s slides tonight and I thought it was funny. Mainly because I wrote a paper on Disney’s Cinderella that went along those lines... Jeez! What haven’t I written a paper on?
Lauren.
Naturally with this topic, we touched on single sex schools and classrooms and how they are beneficial, or not, to each sex. Can you picture all the questions now? I’ve actually been in a single sex classroom when I was in high school. It happened by accident because as is a trend among boys, they aren’t as fond of literature as girls. The only guy in the class had a tendency to skip. Anyway, it was my favourite class of the four years I was in high school. I liked the atmosphere a lot more and I felt like we went much more in depth into certain themes and whatnot in the book than I’d experienced in some of my other classes. To be fair, it was a small class too so that might have had something to do with why I enjoyed it so much.
So as these questions are floating around, I was finding that I could answer many of the questions.
Do single sex classrooms negatively affect socialization? As in, interacting with the opposite sex. I didn’t find it did. Although, outside that one class I was in contact with guys. So, I think a good argument can be made for single sex classrooms in “regular” schools.
My professor, based on points raised by kids in a video we were watching, wondered if non-heterosexual students would benefit equally from single sex classrooms. The point raised by the boy in the video was that they felt more able to make mistakes without worrying about girls laughing at them. I can answer this one too! I never had a problem with it. Because even though I swear being a lesbian is a paradox, I am generally more comfortable around women, whether I’m attracted to them or not. BIG NOT in the case of the class I’m speaking of.
It’s a question I find very interesting. And I’ve only been in a single sex classroom twice in the entire time I’ve been going to school. Both times were accidents. Plus at school now, the percentage of guys is pretty slim (20%). So... it’s not on purpose at all... it’s a math question.
Anyone out there have an experience they’d like to share?
The image has nothing to do with anything really. It was in my prof’s slides tonight and I thought it was funny. Mainly because I wrote a paper on Disney’s Cinderella that went along those lines... Jeez! What haven’t I written a paper on?
Lauren.
Better Late Then Never?
Once again I’m a little short on things to say. Thankfully, I’ve at last remembered that the ever so wonderful (I’m not being sarcastic) Elfie over at I Have a Bed Made of Buttermilk Pancakes, has given me an award. I wasn’t being a jerk about it. Not intentionally. I’ve just been very scatterbrained lately.
So yay! Award! Thanks Elfie/Chrissy!
I’m feeling kind of lazy and well, it simply must be said that everyone who blogs expresses their creativity and therefore, we are all creative bloggers. By way of this logic, I think you should all just grab at this one. I nominate everyone! Awards all around. Yes, I stole this idea from Smileyfreak. But only because I liked it!
So... seven things about me... that makes 21 secrets you know now! Hmmm...
So yay! Award! Thanks Elfie/Chrissy!
I’m feeling kind of lazy and well, it simply must be said that everyone who blogs expresses their creativity and therefore, we are all creative bloggers. By way of this logic, I think you should all just grab at this one. I nominate everyone! Awards all around. Yes, I stole this idea from Smileyfreak. But only because I liked it!
So... seven things about me... that makes 21 secrets you know now! Hmmm...
- I want to go to Poland some day.
- I read Anna Karenina in 16 days (but cannot finish a 200 page novel for class... so embarrassing)
- Small dogs freak me out.
- My favourite ever Christmas gift was a box of Kleenex.
- I once fell out of the shower which actually was pretty embarrassing.
- I occasionally listen to Cher and mimic her voice. It’s really fun.
- My perfume is Nautica’s Bermuda Blue. It smells good.
And now you know. Are you at a point where you’re just shaking your head and thinking “Oh Lauren...” I find people are getting to that point more quickly these days.
Anyway, I’m off for the night. But you should all know that I think I’ve found someone to live under my bed! I think you’ll all be pleasantly surprised. I should still go through a few formalities first before announcing it though. Oh! And I am still thinking about serializing my manic episodes. So... stay tuned for that?
Lauren.
Monday, February 1, 2010
It's a Theme!
Well, I’m getting the impression that you all like the conversations I have with imaginary people. I kind of like the idea of a sitcom. OH! A soap opera! Now that would entertain me. OH! A mix of both! Okay now I just don’t know!!!! I’ll have to think this over! My creative energy is just humming! Hence all the exclamation marks. Plus I’m a little jazzed on chocolate. I had a caramel apple with chocolate on it today (It was to support getting rid of poverty! And it was a gift!), then I had chocolate milk and a chocolate covered donut as a snack in my creative writing class. The one girl was absolutely terrified at the thought of me ingesting sugar. I’m a bit... hyper? in that class. I feel like I’m in my element. So sue me. Are you detecting a pattern yet?
Oddly enough, the people in my creative writing class seem to be particularly amused with my Iliad inspired cheerleaders. It’s quite ridiculous I must say. But I’m having way too much fun with them. I don’t however think I’ll be able to write a fable involving cheerleaders.
I AM NOT A ONE TRICK PONY I TELLS YA! I just seem to establish themes in my writing...
Anyway, I don’t have much to blather on about tonight but I will ask a question. Would you be interested in seeing my imaginary characters come to be in a more organized set of situations? Such as creating a continuing storyline that I would put up and add to a certain amount of times per week? It would actually take some pressure off... I’ve been contemplating something along those lines for a bit, but since those who comment like it... I’m wondering.
So let me hear your wonderful thoughts. I’m curious. Thank God I’m not a cat.
Lauren.
Oddly enough, the people in my creative writing class seem to be particularly amused with my Iliad inspired cheerleaders. It’s quite ridiculous I must say. But I’m having way too much fun with them. I don’t however think I’ll be able to write a fable involving cheerleaders.
I AM NOT A ONE TRICK PONY I TELLS YA! I just seem to establish themes in my writing...
Anyway, I don’t have much to blather on about tonight but I will ask a question. Would you be interested in seeing my imaginary characters come to be in a more organized set of situations? Such as creating a continuing storyline that I would put up and add to a certain amount of times per week? It would actually take some pressure off... I’ve been contemplating something along those lines for a bit, but since those who comment like it... I’m wondering.
So let me hear your wonderful thoughts. I’m curious. Thank God I’m not a cat.
Lauren.
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