Presents from Turkey!

Sleepy. First day back at work. It was a good night though. I put together some chairs from Ikea. Four steps to build a chair. Woot! The only thing that sucked was that it was freaking hot in the kitchen! That and it’s spider season and the restaurant hasn’t been sprayed yet. Bleh... and EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Anyway, Ed and Helen (my bosses) went on vacation, meaning I was also on vacation, explaining the lack of work posts and complaining. While I stayed home, they went on a Mediterranean cruise. How similar our lives are! They were in France, Spain, Italy, Greece and Turkey. They got back a few days ago and brought presents! Guess what I got!?!

Helen brought me back this lovely little change purse from Turkey. She even matched it to my purse! How awesome is that! But inside, she also got me the Evil Eye! She actually bought me two because she wanted to make extra sure to ward off the evil spirits. See how well she knows me? I just looked at her, laughed and told her she could not have better timing. Tomorrow, I have to go to my grandpa’s 80th birthday and my whole family is going to be there. Drama central! Not to mention I usually get crapped on in some way, shape or form. So I’m gonna wear my Evil Eyes! I can use all the help I can get. Besides, now I'll have six eyes to keep track of what's going on. I wear glasses... in case anyone didn't know or remember that.

Tell me I’m not a history nerd. When Helen called me and told me my gift was from Istanbul I got all excited. Like stupid excited just because it was from Istanbul. She didn’t tell me what the gift was, she didn’t even give me a hint. I live vicariously through them. Just a bit.

I think that’s also further proof that my town is way too small for me.

Since I’m really beat, I'm going to leave it at that. Night all! Wish me luck tomorrow.

Lauren.

The Buffer is Back

I’m about to say something I never thought I would say. My parents have been out of town for nearly a week and a half, leaving me alone here with my sister, and I am so glad they’re back. I realize now that they act as something of a buffer zone. My sister and I are... well, nothing alike. We don’t look alike. We don’t think alike. We don’t value the same things to the same degrees. I’m a neat-freak, she is not. I’m quiet and analytical and she’s very loud and outgoing. So it’s been a trying week and a half. Probably for both of us.

In any case, with the buffer zone back in place, I was able to just chill for a second and read. In other words, I finished the book I was talking about yesterday. And now I shall reveal the book, the author and my thoughts. Because I know you’ve all been dying to know.

I was reading “My Name is Memory” by Ann Brashares. Like I said, she’s one of my favourite modern authors (I say modern because the other half of my books were written about 200 years ago). She wrote The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants books as well as some other fictional novels. I’ve read them all but one and she has this curious, wonderful way of writing that makes me completely lose track of time. I once sat on my bed after dinner, it was sunny out and when I finally looked up from my book, it was midnight. Another time, I was reading another of her works before bed. I couldn’t sleep that night so I turned my lamp on and picked the book up again. I read until passed three in the morning without meaning to.

This book however, I don’t really know how I feel about it. In the Travelling Pants books and in “The Last Summer (of Me and You)” I loved that she had these female characters that I thought were absolutely fantastic. They all have brushes with romance and all that but they were very clearly their own person. They found out who they were and then they got into relationships that truly worked. Often they’d get back together with “the old flame” but they were self aware the second time around. It was different with “My Name is Memory”.

I’ve noticed this trend lately. I noticed it in Twilight (in spite of thoroughly disliking Twilight I did read the books) and I noticed it in this latest book. There are two characters in this case, Daniel and Lucy, who are so madly in love with one another that they can’t function properly without the other. They reach this kind of awareness but it’s as a couple not individuals. Most of Lucy’s identity by the halfway point of the book is entirely based on Daniel. Daniel does reach some self knowledge but he gains it through Lucy. Sounding anything like Bella and Edward? Call me a feminist, a utilitarian, an anti-romantic, whatever, but that notion of all encompassing love makes no sense to me. When is obsession ever healthy? And when has it ever been a good idea to forget your own likes, dislikes, needs and happiness in order to be with another person... or vampire. I don’t get it.

Anyway, for that reason I had a problem with this book. The concept was really interesting. It’s all about past lives. Daniel remembers all of his past lives dating back to around 500 AD when he falls in love with Sophia (Lucy’s first incarnation). He spends about 1500 years trying to get together with her, always being thwarted by death, distance and a malicious soul. Twisty right? I don’t know. This one kinda fell short of expectations for me. Still interesting, it still had that style I love, but the story was... missing something. Still had some really wonderful scenes and ideas that made it good read.

So, that’s what I think of that. And if you are going to call me anything please don’t actually call me an anti-romantic. Many have made that mistake and it’s pretty much entirely false.

Lauren.

Inside Physio (The Crazy)

I don’t know why exactly, but I’m exhausted. I went to physio again. Good times. As always I had to soak my foot in a hot tub-like contraption. It’s in a room all on its own with only the tub, a high chair and glass doors. Today I decided I wanted to listen to my music while sitting with one leg in the hot water. So I grabbed my MP3 and started dancing about in the chair, as much as one can dance when restricted in a chair, for about ten minutes. No one said anything which I find suspicious. Normally they’re quite prepared to make fun of me. Talk about a missed opportunity. And if that wasn’t bad enough, when I walked out of the room, I ran into the door. The receptionist witnessed that. But no one else did and she seems to like me so it’s like it never happened. I only nailed my left arm on the door. It’s not like I hit it face on...

After that, I managed to coax one of the therapists and one of the patients into throwing things at one another. Then my therapist started batting a curtain at me, trying to hit me in the face. It was lovely. We tested out a compression sock too. I put it on sideways. Apparently that’s why it was uncomfortable. They have to think I’m an absolute moron. But it keeps me entertained. When my therapist put it on for me (I’m so Cinderella) he asked me to walk around and test it out. I decided that walking wasn’t enough to test it, so I started skipping around the main area. Again, no one said anything. I had fun though.

I got home what felt like hours and hours later, because I had to take the bus, to find my sister sill pissed at me. I was a bit surprised but I’m not really sure why. We ignored one another and I finished up Chapter 10. The evil plot has been exposed! Mwahahaha!

Anyway, I’m going back to reading my book. I know I said I’d have it read in a week, but I haven’t felt much like reading lately. It’s okay so far. I think the end is going to determine if I like the book or not. So far I’m on the fence. When I finish it I’ll let you know why and what the book is. I’ll admit, it is a love story, but so far I think there is something seriously lacking. God willing I never fall into that trap because it pisses me off. Royally.

Lauren.

Bad Breath and Revenge!

The weather here is absolutely craptastic. Sometime around six tonight the wind knocked out our satellite. That means no TV for Lauren. Yippee! On the upside, it was the kick in the pants I needed to get back to writing. I ended up rewriting part of chapter nine. I was just not happy with the “jail break” scene. It was too easy. It may still be too easy but it’s much better than it was. I’m too lazy to fix it again now. I then started chapter ten in which I will be laying out the larger part of the evil plan to take over the world. That’s not exactly the plan... it’s on a smaller scale.

Other than that, I’ve been avoiding Freud all day. Wherever I am he seems to pop up just before me. It’s starting to creep me out. Even Meeko is alarmed. Of course, he slept through Freud’s little makeover so he isn’t being targeted for revenge. Even if he was being targetted, he has a secret weapon that I don’t. I think it’s due to his treats, but my God! Meeko has horrendous breath. I brush my teeth regularly and can’t say I share this similarity.

MEEKO GLARES.

Lauren: When you’re on one end of the couch cleaning yourself and I’m on the other watching TV and I can smell it your breath wafting over there is no way to deny it. PAUSE. Is there something dead in there?

MEEKO TURNS AWAY, HIS BUTT NOW POINTED AT LAUREN.

Lauren: Nice. Thank you. I have Freud making me absolutely paranoid and now you have your ass pointed at me. You know if you fart and open your mouth at the same time I might die. And then who’ll feed you? Think about it before you do it.

MEEKO YAWNS

Lauren: You totally don’t care do you? You’d probably eat me... starting with my feet.

Freud INTERRUPTING: So, you are paranoid? Zis iss a good sign.

Lauren: Why is that a good sign?

Freud: Because I heve no intention of tellink you vhen I vill strike. Vhen I vill exact my revenge and humiliate you. Ze date, ze time and ze method vill be unknown to you until it iss too late! Mwahahahaha!

Lauren: The evil laugh is a bit much don’t you think? Seriously, it’s not that bad. Most of the dye has come out.

Freud: Oh, it iss zat bad. I hed to see ozer clients like zis. Vith ze green in my beard and ze Mohawk on my head. Zey vere less zan impressed.

Lauren: Just tell them you were trying to gain the trust of a patient who escaped from a hair styling academy. There is no need to get me back.

Freud: Zhere iss a need. And ze need vill be filled. I hope you are ready vhen it happens.


Well... that didn’t help me at all. So long as he doesn’t team up with Rochester I think I’ll be fine. Who am I kidding? Rochester can’t resist a prank! Meeko, I’m sticking with you. Where you go I go. And if they come at me, just keep hissing, that’ll propel your bad breath, knock them out and give us time to run away. Do we have a deal?

MEEKO YAWNS AND GOES TO SLEEP, LEAVING THE SURROUNDING AIR SMELLING AWFUL.

Oh good. So long as we agree.

Lauren.

If You Can Make Sense of This

I left my house today! Amazing no? Yup, up to the school library I trekked with my co-editor. We worked on the zine for about five hours. We got a lot of the formatting issues out of the way, we worked on cost, the accompanying Facebook Group and even wrote out questions for the interview portion. My butt was kinda numb and I was really hot by the time we decided to call it quits for the day.

Oddly enough, I also managed to find an idea for a post while there. Unfortunately the idea isn’t coming out quite the way I want. Which is annoying me to no end. Still, I’ll try a third time and see if I can get it out.

I’ve talked about this girl before, but I’m gonna bring her up again. I’ve been in classes with her since starting at university. I know her name, first and last, but we’ve never had a conversation. I can’t remember what her voice sounds like. The extent of our interaction is smiling at one another as we pass in the halls. Coming up on four years of that. While I was in the library, she walked in and saw me. We smiled, as always, and continued what we were doing. When she left, I looked up from my computer and smiled. She looked over and smiled. I then went back to work. Four years of seeing each other once, twice, even three times a week and all we do is smile.

I think the last post I wrote involving her was about how weird our... relationship is. I still think it’s weird. But it got me to thinking about how we have all kinds of different relationships with all kinds of different people. These relationships all have strange, usually unspoken boundaries and all fulfill some need we have as people. Relationships sort of just... happen don’t they? I have a feeling my explanation sucks in the land of academia and if any of my profs are reading this, I suspect they’ve mentally corrected me by now. Have you? You have haven’t you.

Anyway, that’s about all I had to say. Most of my ordered, logical thoughts went to the magazine. That means my disordered thoughts went to my blog. In conclusion, I don’t understand people and maybe in year four I’ll finally talk to this girl rather than only smile at her.

Lauren.

I Opened the Fridge And...

Since my parents are out of town, I’ve been forced to cook for myself. All three meals! Which explains all the cooking. It’s not merely out of boredom. Like yesterday, I wasn’t up to eating or cooking meat. I swear, once I leave here, I’m practically going to become a vegetarian. Not that that’s a bad thing. Cooking meat is just... more effort for me. Anyway, I was looking through my mom’s cookbooks and I found a recipe for quiche. It was simple, it looked good. I was game.

Since I’ve been here alone for about four days, I’m very aware of which ingredients are lying about. So I began making the piecrust. Once that was done, I started assembling the other ingredients, lining them up on the counter so I don’t forget anything (a habit I developed after forgetting to put flour in a batch of cookies in my earlier years). Finally I got to the eggs which I’m told are needed in a quiche and this is what I came across.

My sister got there first. And oddly enough, I think my sister also made quiche. Talk about your weird moments. In spite of the fact that I’ve been hanging out in a room just off the kitchen for the last few days, I had no idea what she was making.

Turns out she’s kind of pissed with me. Pft... what else is new. So I had to come up with something else. I ended up doing fish and chips. Yay. Now, what did I do with the piecrust? I made a blueberry pie. We have a crapload of frozen fruit and truth be told, I was sick of seeing it. So I ate it. Mwahaha! I think I also discovered why blueberry pies have tops. Mine was kind of runny. Minus the nutmeg, it was good.

Unfortunately that’s about all I have the energy to talk about. Quiche mysteries. I’m sorry. Tomorrow I’m actually leaving the house so I may have more to talk about then. Another ‘zine meeting. We’re going to work out a new format! I’m a little excited. Even if my co-editor is making me get up early.

Lauren.

A Day of Beauty

I had a very boring day. I mostly cleaned, watched TV and cooked supper. I just can’t bring myself to put you through reading about that.

Freud: Don’t forget, you also spent much time sitting doing nothing, reading and taking zat bubble bath.

Lauren: I’m going to be really mad if you tell me you were “observing” me during my bath.

Freud: Please... you are not my type.

Lauren: Great. Now I don’t know whether to be relieved or insulted or still angry that you haven’t denied being there.

Freud: It iss not my fault. You were sinking and vhen you sink, I am there. I vas on ze ozer side of ze curtain if zat makes you feel better.

Lauren: No... it doesn’t. Unless you flushed yourself down the toilet while you were hanging out.

Freud: If I vould heve, I vould be drippink all over your clean floors.

Lauren: You have a point.

Freud: Vhat vas it you vere sinking about? You vere very concentrated.

Lauren: How is it you can know that I’m thinking but not know what I’m thinking?

Freud: Does is really matter? I do not know, I can see you. It iss simply ze vay sings are.

Lauren: I don’t want to talk about it. Really. Thinking about it is draining enough. Get it, draining, cause I was in the bath.

Freud ROLLING HIS EYES: And your ability to tell a decent joke apparently vent right along vith ze dirty vater. Honestly, vhy do you keep me around if you don’t vant to speak vith me?

Lauren: I like annoying you? You amuse me.

Freud: I amuse you? How exactly do I manage zis?

Lauren SHRUGGING: Depends on the day. THINKING. For instance, since I’m bored out of my skull today, I’ve decided we’re going to give you a beauty makeover! Maggie! Quick come help me! Cooper tie him down! IMAGINARY FRIENDS DO LAUREN’S BIDDING WHILE FREUD STRUGGLES AGAINST THEM.

60 MINUTES LATER...

Lauren: You look awesome. Thanks for letting us do this. And the new glasses, very Sally Jessie Raphael.

Freud: I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT AND I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT CONSENT TO YOUR SILLY ALTERATIONS! GET RID OF ZESE RIDICULOUS EAR RINGS! AND GET ZAT RING OUT OF MY NOSE!

Rochester: I like it. Kind of looks like there’s a booger that won’t go away. And the bling... it adds a little something something.

Magda: So... if Freud were trying to be...hip this is what he’d look like? I like it. Cooper can you hold him down a second longer while I get my camera?

Cooper: HOLDING DOWN!

Lauren: Thanks Cooper, you’re such a great sport. COOPER BLUSHES AND SMILES

Magda: Alright everyone, I think this is as good a time as any for a group photo! Everyone jump in around Grumbly McGrumblerson. EVERYONE CROWDS AROUND FREUD.

Freud: ABSOLUTELY NOT! NOT VHEN I LOOK LIKE ZIS! YOU ARE NOT MY ONLY PATIENT LAUREN! DOES ZIS DYE COME OUT! bright flash of light I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU ALL!

Lauren: Well that’s a very strong statement. Do you want to talk about it?


Hehehe! He’s pretty pissed. We didn’t pierce him, the rings will come out and he will be unharmed. The dye on the other hand will be there a bit longer. And the Mohawk... well, those extensions were very difficult to put on so he will be keeping it for a while.

Freud: LAUREN I VILL GET YOU FOR ZIS!

I’d better go...

Lauren.

RE: Stag and Doe

Today was my cousin’s stag and doe party. I think the name is misleading. I’m changing it to “Give Me Money Party”. Seriously, I was at the door with my aunt and another cousin’s wife, let’s just say I wish my Tupperware overfloweth with cash instead of mouldy food left in the back of the fridge too long. Actually, that gives me an idea:

CALLING ALL GREEDY, MORALLY DEFICIENT (NOT BANKRUPT) SINGLE MEN BETWEEN THE AGES OF 21 AND 26! I WANT YOU! TO PRETEND TO BE MY FIANCE IN ORDER TO HAVE A "STAG AND DOE" AT WHICH WE SHALL COLLECT GROSS SUMS OF CASH MONEY. NO, YOU WILL NOT HAVE TO MARRY ME. I WILL RUN OUT ON YOU AT THE WEDDING AFTER DRAMATICALLY ANNOUNCING MY TAWDRY AFFAIR WITH ONE OF MY BRAIDESMAIDS. CASH TO BE SPLIT 50/50.

No? It would be wrong. So wrong. But I like cash. Oh this is difficult! Send in your applications anyway. I’ll decide later what’s more important. Cash or conscience...

Anyway, it was an interesting evening. My aunt kept asking me if it was better than being at home alone. It was, but after the third or fourth time, I just told her that I had Meeko at home. That’s when my cousin’s wife piped up and said very seriously: “You can pet me!” I do not know where my head went in that moment because I snapped out an answer so fast I don’t think I realized she was joking. She was all like “I can be your kitty!” Meanwhile I’m thinking, “Holy crap this is weird..." and "Ewwww,” because of course, I’m not straight and she's my cousin's wife. I simply ended up telling her “No thank you” and that what she’d just told me was among the weirder things people had said to me. I also threatened to put it on my blog. So tada! Lauren carries out her threats! Some of them.

In the end, I had a massive headache and I just wanted to go home. So my aunt got one of her friends to drive me. Turns out her friend is the mother of a girl I went to high school with. So we chitchatted. She’s a very nice lady. Another plus of tonight is that I can scratch one more thing off the list of things I haven’t done. Though I have yet to go clubbing, I went country clubbing. Yup, the party was at the Country Club. Prior to tonight I was unaware my city had a country club, in spite of the fact that it’s apparently been there since 1921 and is about a five minute drive from my house. The things you don’t know when you don’t pay attention, have no interest in golf and aren’t part of the upper crust of society... my my.

I am tired and going to bed. Hopefully I do not have a repeat of the dream I had last night. Ever wake up thinking “WTF was that?”? Yeah, this one kind of tops my Lord Voldemort/pregnancy dream. Still never found out who got me pregnant.

Until tomorrow!

Lauren.

I Shall Kiev!

I got bored today. You know what that means right? Cooking. Normally, I would have baked something. I’m very drawn to cakes lately. I’m not sure why. Either way, I went through the cupboards and decided that there was nothing that particularly sparked my interest. Not a whole lot in there for dessert making. Besides, you can’t eat cake for dinner. I mean, you could... it’s just, that would be weird. So into the fridge I went. I found a pack of four chicken breasts. My sister took them out a day or two ago. So, chicken it was.

It took a little research to find something I wanted to try. I was pretty sick of the usual things we eat so finally I came across a recipe that didn’t seem too complicated, required minimal ingredients and I had all the ingredients. Curious yet? I picked Chicken Kiev. Note for the future, read prep time before starting. Anyway, it didn’t take long before I realized I had a problem. I didn’t have any toothpicks. I finished the first step because the butter/parsley mix had to go in the freezer. At the corner store, it took a while for the people to understand what I was looking for. The ‘tooth’ part was getting through, but the pick part required miming. In the end I got the toothpicks and hurried home.

Back in the kitchen, I prepared the other steps. I beat the crap out of the chicken breasts, with a rolling pin for lack of a mallet, and discovered that I would never be able to bludgeon anyone. Not that I ever wanted to. I got the breading ready, did some dishes and waited for the butter/parsley mix to be firm. Finally I was able to put everything together. I was alright until then. It required some effort to fold over the breast and pin it closed with the toothpicks while keeping all the filling inside. Looked pretty crazy with the toothpicks sticking out. I had to put the breaded breasts in the fridge for an hour, during which time I made my salad. When the hour was up, it was time to fry. I’ll admit it, I was freaked out. But I did it. The house now smells, the oil could have been better and I accidentally overcooked two of the breasts. I’m going to blame my minor screw ups on lack of a thermometer and oil that was probably a bit too degraded.

In the end, I think it turned out pretty good. The chicken was a bit dry, still good though. The salad was a testament to my laziness (lettuce, celery and cucumber) but it finished up the meal so... yeah. All of my goals were accomplished. I cooked the chicken, I had a good dinner and I killed a few hours. Sounds all around good to me. Next time I try to make chicken Kiev it will be better. I think I’ll use more butter while I’m at it.

Lauren.

Flurry of Activity

Well, a busy, busy day for me. And if not busy at the very least productive. I went to physio, no pain but a nother serious work out. Actually, I got a different therapist doing the back of my leg today. She was really nice and didn’t really hurt me at all. It was almost relaxing. At one point she came around the table to face me so she could ask if I was okay and if she was working my leg too hard. I guess I was too quiet. I did all the usual stuff. But there was a rather surprising difference. There were more women than men and the two men who were there, kept their shirts ON! YAY! They didn’t however look to be the types who would have braidable hair on their backs (I’m NOT exaggerating). Either way, I was happy not to find out. It seems rather odd doesn’t it? None of the women take their shirts off. Not that I particularly want to see that either (with perhaps the very odd exception, because you wouldn’t have believed me otherwise) but their shoulder and back therapy seems to go just fine with the extra garment. I think it’s a wise and probably more sanitary trend that should be adopted immediately.

I spent about two hours of the day riding the bus. In all honesty, I probably could have walked to physio in about the same time. Regardless, when I got home, I did nothing, but a little while ago, I got courageous and decided to clean my closet. Naturally I discovered some things. Things that I will now share.

When removing closet doors, make sure ceiling fan is turned off. Not doing so can be damaging. (Nothing happened but I realized what could in the process of doing it and of course nearly forgot when I was putting the door back on.)

Apparently my family and friends think I have an odour problem or that I need to work on my hygiene. I’m kidding. But seriously, every Christmas I get oodles of soaps and shampoos and I put them away and forget about them. Which is MADNESS! because there is really nice stuff in there!

I discovered this soap which my friend gave me a while ago for Christmas. I think it’s just too great to use. Although, I suppose I could use it and keep the box... I don't remember if I did the checking with her or if she did it for me. (the side reads: HORMONAL, and the back has a warning not to bring sharp objects into the bathroom)

I also found a bunch of high school art projects. How I miss art. That wasn’t sarcasm, I do. I just don’t have the motivation. Just to make sense of what the picture is, we had to create a business so I created what translates to “The Minou Collection” which was kind of an inside joke. The collage on the right is supposed to be a poster. It's asking "which one are you?" The small picture in the right corner is the logo with a lot of crap done to it and the bottom picture is one of Meeko that I did with pencils. The project is a bit beaten up...

I found other stuff too but I’m not going to tell you what. Random odds and ends. But I’m also pretty sure there’s a cricket in there. I kept hearing it chirp when I was in the closet (ha!) working but I couldn’t hear it when I came out (double ha!). If it is in there, I hope I never find it. Grasshoppers I can handle. Crickets are disgusting.

Lauren.

100 x 3 = This Post

Wow. Uh, so today marks post number 300. I... can’t believe I’ve lasted this long. I can’t believe some of you have followed me this long, not that I don’t appreciate everyone who reads my daily silliness... or not so silliness depending on the day.

First an update. I’m not sore. At all. Aside from my ankle I mean. That’s actually quite sore. But exercise sore. Does that mean physio is working? I dunno... I have to go back tomorrow. Woot. Maybe I won’t shave to demonstrate my displeasure. Not like the men worry themselves over shaving the hairy shirts they have under their shirts. Seriously, every time I go in there and see a hairy man, I keep thinking: Oh thank God I’m a lesbian! So... sorry to hairy men, but... if I have to shave my legs, my underarms, maybe some other things, you should be able to solve the back situation. Just saying.

Well, that was brief. I don’t have much to say today. It was a rather quiet day involving therapy, some writing and Glee. I also played with a puppy! All of these events are separate. How insane would it be if they happened all at once?

Before I sign off for today, I just wanted to say a very quick thank you that in no way conveys how truly happy I am that you (whoever you may be) have taken the time to follow me, read my blog and comment. Some days it totally turns my day around to know there are people out there who are... on my side? And you guys seem to actually appreciate the little voices in my head, which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Lauren.

Progress

If there was ever any doubt, there isn’t anymore. Physio is a giant conspiracy to get me to exercise. I don’t know who’s behind it or how they got to the random triage doctor-dude I saw when I went to the hospital, but THEY did. I was on the exercise bike long enough for my ass to go numb. I’m guessing somewhere over twenty minute. It wasn’t so bad, I was chitchatting with another patient. Only I could now consider Holocaust history chitchat. After that they led me to a step machine. Yay! Steps! It wasn’t so bad either but then THEY FORGOT ME THERE! It felt like I was climbing for about twenty minutes. Apparently my therapist thought I would give up sooner. My only question is: “Why would I stop doing something that is supposed to help me when I’m placing my trust in you, the supposed professional, who is extracting forty dollars from my wallet twice a week?” I am kind of pleasantly surprised that I was able to last that long though. Because I am not in shape. At all. In any way. I rarely purposely exercise.

All that physio-fun occurred after about three hours spent working on the Women’s Centre magazine. Did I mention I’m an editor? I have a partner this time around! We basically remade the entire magazine. I’m so excited about it! We’re hopefully meeting next Tuesday to keep working on it. If all goes according to plan (major finger crossing) the magazine is going to be kick ass this year.

I think it’s reasonable that I’m tired and sore. I don’t want to know what my legs are going to feel like tomorrow. But at least it’s only exercise pain. No other physio related pain. Woohoo! And I can actually balance on my foot for 30 seconds at a time now! I couldn’t do ten seconds before.

Hurrah for progress!

Lauren.

Brad Garret, Shirts, The Bachelorette and the Lesbian in the Middle

Well, today turned out to be interesting and a little bit awkward.

First I’ll get to the interesting part. My godmother came to get me today and the first thing we did was go out for dinner. Unfortunately we were completely unaware that children eat free on Mondays. Anyway, we quickly discovered what was going on and then I saw a guy who could probably be a Brad Garrett look-a-like. Guess what Brad’s job was. If you guessed to go around to all the tables with children and perform card tricks, tell lame jokes and make balloon animals/weapons/motorcycles, you would be correct! I give him credit for the motorcycle. That was a little impressive. I also discovered that apparently the way to get a waitress to talk to you is to comment on her shirt. Seriously, the only time I’ve ever mentioned chicken goo and had someone look at me knowingly and practically scream “I KNOW RIGHT?” I think it’s just mean to have white uniform shirts for servers in a pasta restaurant.

But now on to the awkward parts of today.

My aunt asked me what’s new, so I told her about sitting at the WC and Pride table for NSO. Once I explained what all of those acronyms meant and explained the purpose of NSO, she asked me if people ever assumed I’m gay because I sit at the Pride table. (I haven’t told her I’m gay. Though I suspect you’ve figured that out.) Anyway, I answered that they probably did but that I didn’t care. Because I don’t.

Later, when our dinner arrived, my godmother asked me how I got roped into working so many NSO days. I explained that I was one of two of the Pride executives to live in town. Finally, something seemed to dawn on my aunt. She paused and then asked: “It’s not Pride as in gay.” My response, yeah it is. She grimaced and I was just about to ask her what that face was about when the waitress appeared. And no, it wasn’t at that moment that the waitress and I started talking and she completely ignored my aunt who was paying her. Hehe.

Back at her place I had to engage in a who’s the most attractive guy left on the Bachelorette discussion. There were only three and while I feel nothing for any of them below the waist, or anywhere else for that matter, if Roberto was a girl, I would totally go for him. Fortunately, she got too wrapped up in the drama and my comments to really continue with the discussion.

There was another incident with my mother after that as well. I don’t remember her exact words but they suggested that Pride may not be necessary anymore. I of course disagree. Am I angry at her reaction? Yeah. I got an email from my professor today telling me “you can count on me to support you in your battles, my friend”. My parents have yet to say a sentence that uses four of these words together let alone all of them in that order.

Holy crap! My sexuality really did come out (hehe) a lot today. Anyway, food for thought?

Lauren.

Planning a Jail Break

I spent today writing and doing some research. Today’s mission was figuring out how to bust someone out of prison. Given that I’ve never had to bust anyone out of prison or been in prison, I had no idea how to approach such a task. Of course, I wanted it to be something relatively simple, that someone inexperienced in such matters would think of. But at the same time, I wanted it to be something kind of funny and makeshift and quick.

All of these requirements leave out a lot of the more obvious solutions such as things that explode, elaborate plots requiring blueprints and bashing the guard over the head. Neither could I use a bench to apply the perfect amount of leverage to lift the door free of its hinges. I don’t really know how, but I got the idea that perhaps my character could use a wire to cut the bars on an outer window enabling her trapped partner to escape. When I mentioned this to my dad he told me such a thing existed but that he didn’t know the correct name for it. WELL! OFF TO GOOGLE I WENT! It took me a friggin’ eternity, sifting through a seemingly endless array of plumbing, metal working, welding websites... blah blah blah. Finally, I got the bright idea to google “wire saw”. Why I didn’t think of calling it a saw before that point... is a mystery.

This random search resulted in research on piano wires, which I discovered can be sharpened and used for carving purposes. I looked at compact pipe cutters which probably wouldn't work. I checked out hacksaws. I figured at the very least I could make a few adjustments to the hacksaw design in order to make it work in my situation. But now I’m back to the wire saw idea. I just have to figure out where she’ll get the wire... I’ll come up with something. She’s in a port city... she’ll get it at the shipyard! Maybe. And yes, I'm aware that the saws pictured below probably wouldn't be able to cut through metal. But the saw in my book will be able to. If for no other reason than I said so.

And voila! Jail break! Oh, by the way, about my post from yesterday, I commented on another blog today and was confronted with another human verification test. The word I got back was EXPOO. I just stared at it, kind of smirked and continued on with what I was doing. Too easy. Just... too easy. Avoiding the obvious definitions...

Expoo: abbreviation of the word exposition, said with a strange accent.

I don’t know which accent. If anyone does know which accent makes expo sound like expoo, feel free to let me know. I am curious. Well, off I go.

Lauren.

Prove That You're Human!

An uneventful day has passed. I’m glad to have spent the majority of it alone. I watched this terrible movie with what’s her name... Hilary Duff. I know. I should have known... However, it was fantastic to make fun of. I don’t even know the title. Something about a briefcase? My favourite part was when she was questioning why this guy wasn’t asking her out. To solve the problem, she burst into his office and! Stands there. Seriously. She’s just standing there. He asks how she is, and she mentally wonders what the hell is wrong with him. After staring him down and standing for several moments, he finally looks up from his work and asks her out. Like it was inevitable! It was then that I realized, I’ve been over complicating the entire process! I’ve just looked it up. The movie is called Beauty and the Briefcase. If you fancy a laugh at something less than spectacular, I highly recommend it. I would have found it much more entertaining if she’d transformed into a briefcase.

Other than that, I did a little reading, a little writing. Moving along in my novel. To be honest, I was still feeling a little crappy from what I wrote about yesterday. So, I showered, because I needed to (my damn physio ‘X’s and circles won’t come off!) and I got dressed (at 6:00 pm) and I did something I enjoy, reading. I must say, doing that little bit did wonders. That however is not what I wanted to talk about. Since I’ve been depressing you for... three days now? I wanted to write about something that genuinely amuses me. Of course, this will also prove how strange I am, but I refuse to believe that other people don’t do it as well. Plus, after nearly three hundred posts, I’m fairly confident you all know how strange I can be.

I comment on the majority of blogs I read and I always find those little “prove you are in fact a human” boxes to be fantastically fun. I think of the randomly generated letters as words. For example:

Graferl: A giraffe capable of rolling up its neck into a tight coil when threatened. It unfurls its neck once the danger has passed and continues to eat leaves located near the tops of trees.

Impie: When someone implies something unpleasant and is subsequently punished by receiving a pie in the face.

Pimmu: 1) A cross between a chimp and an emu. Created by scientists in the late 1980s. Pimmus run very quickly due to their long, muscular, bird-like legs. They can also climb trees with remarkable agility thanks to their monkey ancestry. 2) A drink made from a combination of liqueur and essence of emu.

Ficro: A fictional type of Velcro used by the always fabulous Princesses Procrastination and Productivity. Princess Procrastination is known to use the Ficro to shut up her enemies when she doesn’t feel like interrogating them straight away. Princess Productivity on the other hand, has been known to Ficro Princess Procrastination to chairs in order to force her to work. Is a noun and a verb.


And these are the things I find amusing. Please don’t judge me. I actually wrote these down and saved them. I found the last two on a piece of scrap paper in my pants pocket. Not the pants I’m wearing today either. The pair I wore Thursday during physio and NSO that I threw in my laundry basket. Now you know I love you guys. Seriously.

Lauren.

Pros of Blankie

I am currently watching 90210. I don’t know why I’m still watching it but it is getting on my nerves. Aside from wanting to throw a hammer at the majority of the blondes on screen, I also want to clothesline the guy in the Tim Horton’s commercial who shouts awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer for what feels like twenty minutes but is probably less than one.

Anyway, I kind of want to go back to my blanket. It’s nice in there. All warm and snugly and safe. Don’t tell me I don’t understand psychology. In case you’re wondering what the hell is going on, I’m fine... I just got hit with another one of those “emotional bullets” yesterday and, well, I haven’t quite gotten over it yet. I wish those things came with a warning. I’d be able to drastically shorten my brooding time if I could book therapy around when they were going to occur. What bugs me about this bullet is that the person who sent it my way was being incredibly supportive and kind. Confused? I got an email the other day from someone I appreciate and admire. She said some things that I would give anything to hear from my family but that I never will. And it hurts, and I’m angry, and I feel trapped and frustrated all at the same time. Someone who has no obligation whatsoever to be in my life or have an interest in it actually is and does.

So, that’s what’s up with me. Therapy on Wednesday. Thank God. I’ll be able to vent and sort and all will be made well again. I’ve made a cake today and that helped. No, I wasn’t able to turn the oven on, it’s still too hot. But I do have a recipe for making a cake in a cup. Not the best cake in the world, I mean, what do you expect when it’s baked in a microwave, but making it did calm me down a bit. Yay for baking and chocolate!

Lauren.

Wrapped Up

Momentous occasions of today:

I graduated from only ‘X’s, to exes within circles at physio. My foot is scribbled with them. Apparently it’s not a good thing. Whatever. The ‘X’s and circles lead to the only treatments that don’t hurt (ultra sound and laser).

I got a new exercise to do. Standing on my injured foot and lifting myself onto my tip toes. It makes you feel really dumb when it becomes impossibly difficult. Which it very quickly did.

I got to school and had to do NSO all by myself. It’s not a story I feel particularly up to telling at the moment. I signed up a few people and got very few death glares. But NSO is over! Thank God because I swear I couldn’t do another day.

I’m practically passed out as I type this. I barely slept last night, got up early this morning, got a work out for a physio session that involved much pain, followed by NSO. That I’m still awake and coherent is a small miracle.


All in all, it was an exhausting, frustrating, head ache causing day. I would write more but I’m trying not to type things I’ll regret. Because that would be bad? I may actually go to bed before ten o’clock for the first time in years. It’s sounding pretty damn good. In spite of the heat and humidity I'm wrapped up in a wool blanket. Ever have one of those days were you just want to be wrapped up in something soft and warm? You do... admit it.

Hopefully with some sleep everything will be better.

Lauren.

Nothing

I spent today writing. That essentially translates to: I don’t have anything of interest to write for a blog. Tomorrow I’ll be stopping by school. I was supposed to do another NSO session but it seems someone else is taking it for me. It’s probably for the best, they’re more... chatty than I am.

I still have some errands to run while I’m there though. As of now, I’m not registered for the courses I need to graduate. I’m sure you can see why I might need to inquire about that. The last thing I want is to be stuck here another year. I can’t do it. Other than that, I need to stop off at the library. I also think I’m going to take advantage of the quiet in the Women’s Centre and get some writing done. I’m actually getting somewhere with my novel and loving almost every minute. Of course I’m not so much loving the hand pain from writing everything by hand. But with the good must come the bad yes?

Anyway, I have to be up early tomorrow. Sleep required.

Lauren.

A Sonnet Kind of Day

Let’s see if I can summarize today in sonnet form. Because I am that tired and that bored.

July 13th In Verse

I woke up and within minutes, yelled at my cat
He was up on the counter, eating Taylor’s cereal
Then I watched TV, and sat and sat
Until I left for physio, a source for blog material
Unfortunately until the end, physio was uneventful
I ran into a cousin, who threatened the staff
As a result I made friends and everyone was wonderful
I hope I never again have to suffer a cold bath
After feeling up my foot and causing some pain
They marked me up for ultrasounds and lasering
The woman next to me talked of the never coming rain
While they worked on her hip, she pretended to be farting
After that I got a ride home, hung out online and was quite lazy
I blame the heat, it makes me sick and hazy

Ah f*ck... I need another quatrain... Martha Stewart Living! I’m too tired. Who am I kidding... hang on a second...

(A few minutes later)

So there you have it. Fourteen lines for about fourteen hours of day. In case you need clarification on any of these points, I have provided that for you below.

Taylor: My sister’s boyfriend. My cat jumped up on the stool and with his front paws on the counter and his face in the bowl, proceeded to finish what Taylor left behind. Thankfully, Taylor was finished.

My cousin: Terry is... twenty three I think. He’s been going to physio since he was sixteenish. So he threatened the staff to be nice to me. He has the kind of relationship with the staff that involves bringing in coffee.

Hip lady: An older woman. Her butt was pretty much right in the physiotherapist’s space, so she made random farting noises. We hung out at the bus stop later until my sister happened to drive by and pick me up.

Cold bath: Rather than wrap my foot in ice today, they dumped the ice in a bucket and filled it with water. I was made to put my foot in it until it hurt. When it hurt, I was to put my foot in warm water for a little, then put it back in the ice water. My big toe was blue... poor toe.

That’s all I really have to say about today. Uneventful right? My mom says “Hmmmm...” followed by “Get a job.” Apparently I have to be out with people more.

Lauren.

Why I'm Boring

I’m getting lazy and uncreative on here aren’t I? The reason probably sounds lame, but I just don’t do a whole lot in the summer. I hate the sun (and it hates me back with far more burning power), a lot of the people I hang out with during the year go back to where they came from originally, I often want to be alone in preparation for September when I feel like I’m surrounded by people. In essence, I bask in my drastic reduction of responsibility. All I really HAVE to do is get to work on time and go to a few scattered appointments here and there. Doesn’t really make for interesting post material. Most of the time, I’m talking to myself or my cat. No, he doesn’t answer back. I’m not a very... active person when I don’t need to be. However, I wrote a lot today! Chapter 4 is DONE! And I’ve already started Chapter 5. But I doubt anyone out there really wants to hear about how I wrote. I don’t really want to divulge much yet either. Maybe later when I’m farther in.

So... now that I’ve explained why I’m boring and shown you I’m a bit paranoid... what to say?

Freud: Please involve us. We’re dying here...

Rochester: If I get any more bored, I’m going to become physically fused to the sofa. Please let me do something! Anything!

Lauren: I dunno... do you want to fold my laundry?

Rochester and Freud attack Lauren’s clean laundry.

Rochester: SHE ASKED ME!

Freud: I HEVE SENIORITY!

Rochester: NO FRIGGIN’ KIDDING! WHAT ARE YOU 1000?

Freud: OLD ENOUGH TO REALIZE THAT YOU SHOULDN’T FOLD PANTS THAT WAY! THEY CREASE!

Rochester: LIKE LAUREN CARES! HAVE YOU SEEN HER LATELY!

Lauren: Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!

Freud: You’ve been vearing nossing but zose over sized jeans and pyjama pants for veeks!

Lauren: I get dressed when I have to go somewhere...

Freud: Vell, you should really consider going places more often.

Rochester: He has a point you know. THOSE SOCKS ARE MINE! GIVE THEM TO ME!

Freud: ZEY ARE MINE! BECK AWAY YOU DIMINUTIVE LUCK HOGGING TROLL!

Rochester: I AM NOT A TROLL! TROLLS LIVE UNDER BRIDGES!

Freud: And you live under a desk. Ze margin of difference iss very slight in your case.

Rochester: OLD FART!

Freud: GIVE ME BECK THOSE PANTY HOSE!

Rochester: GLAD TO SEE YOU FINALLY ADMITTING TO SOMETHING!

Lauren : Pantyhose? WTF? The last time I wore pantyhose I ran around barefoot in a parking lot. Those things did not survive.

Magda: Oh, sorry. Those are mine. I threw some of my stuff in with your laundry.

Freud: GIVE ZEM BECK!

Lauren: Riiight... well, you two have fun... I’ll be... somewhere else.


Back to writing I think. It’s going to take a while for them to sort this one out and I’d rather not watch. Rochester’s small but he’s scrappy. And Freud... well, he just doesn’t know when to quit. Hmmm... anyone up for a wager?

Lauren.

Calling Science-y People!

Other than stunning my parents, I did very little today. Watched movies mostly and plotted out the imaginary journey two of my characters will be taking. Good times. The stunning, which I thought I would never be able to do again after coming out, occurred while I was chatting with my parents and I told them that I was coming up on 300 posts. My mom kind of looked at me, then my dad did, and then my mom asked: “Have you been writing every day?”

I answered her question but it was a definite face palm moment. Or a head desk moment. I can’t decide. We were in the living room at the time, there are no desks... I guess that makes it a face palm moment by default. What can I say? I love being noticed. Which makes it even more surprising that more of the things I say don’t have an impact... like the cute shoe store girl comment. I guess they just go in one ear and out the other... I’m going to find a team of scientists and devote resources and time to this newest head scratcher.

As to upcoming events, while being super busy helped get through last week, I’m glad I’m not as busy this week. Just two physio appointments and one more NSO session. I’m still hoping (somewhat unrealistically) to sign up a guy. Parents tend to physically steer their sons away. Thursday there will be gender studies students doing their tours so who knows!

Anyway, I’m off to continue a book I’ve recently bought... I know I wasn’t supposed to buy any more but one of my favourite authors came out with a new book. I don’t know how long ago but that doesn’t matter. I have it now. If it’s anything like her past work I’ll have it done by Friday. I wish I could write like that. I suppose I should stop wishing and keep practicing!

Off I go! Hope everyone had a great weekend.

Lauren.

Quiet Day Wasting Time

Today I spent my time divided between two things. The first is a game I found online. I eventually got pissed off with it because I couldn’t kill the giant laser throwing turtle. I personally don’t think it’s possible to defeat the aforementioned turtle. I’ve tried a bunch of different ways but the damn thing won’t die. It’s a fake cartoon turtle by the way. I like real turtles. I think they’re kind of neat.

After wasting several embarrassing hours on that fruitless venture, I sat down to write. I conquered Chapter 3! Eleven pages later, my hand is killing me. So, things I wondered about today:

Which steps are involved in getting from one world to the next?

If I were a twelve year old girl who’s never attacked another human in my life, which weapons would I choose to attack people?

How do I maintain a third person point of view when Chapter 3 onward is written by one of my main characters?

Oh the questions! I solved them all! Take that turtle that won’t die! I was finally productive!

Mom: She’s got a big butt!

Lauren: What? Oh. She’s a dancer mom!

Mom: So?

We’re currently watching the end of Maid in Manhattan on the W Network. Poor Jennifer Lopez. Well... not poor, she’s quite successful isn’t she? Still, every time we watch a movie with Jennifer Lopez, my mom comments on the size of her butt. Well... my butt is bigger and certainly does not look like hers. So... there.

Anyway, back to what I was originally talking about, I inserted like two lines of dialogue to solve my point of view problem. Let’s have a yay for quick, easy and effective fixes! Hopefully. I know I don’t think it’s stupid, but perhaps a reader will. I have to test it out. As for arming a twelve year old girl, I decided she’d feel comfortable enough to choose a staff. It’s a big stick that she’ll primarily be using for walking when not attacking people. The attacking will happen after a lot of walking. As to travelling between worlds, I kind of described it as a sensation similar to falling backward off a chair. You know, that moment right before the crash when gravity seems suspended? I had poor Sophie crash into a table and pass out upon re-entry. Sure it was lazy of me, but I’m thinking that the first time one travels from one world to the next that the experience would be rather unpleasant. She didn’t know what to expect and well... crashed into a table. They took care of her... She’s fine! I swear!

I’m having a friend over tomorrow so Chapter 4 will have to wait, but I am a little excited to get started. Have a mentioned how much fun I’m having writing this book? Probably... but that’s the first time today!

Lauren

Run, Run as Fast as You Can

Temperature dropped today. Thank God. I don’t think I could have tolerated sitting at school, in the hallway one more day in the heat we were suffering. Okay, the heat that I was suffering. Most other people seem to take some enjoyment in it.

I must say, physio hurt a lot less this time. Although at one point I felt oddly like a horse. I’m being called girl and honey and... I don’t know what else. It’s not just the name, it’s when and how they say it. It had the same tone and sound as when a rider would say “Whoa girl!” to halt a trotting horse. I’m not a horse. But wouldn’t I be the most talented horse ever! I can type!

Aside from that, I got some laser treatment performed. The spots to be lasered were marked with an X. The laser thingy consists of two circular rods. By the time it was over, my foot looked like the most messed up tic-tac-toe board ever. But it didn’t hurt. So I loved it! When I left the office, I’d been touched by three people, bringing the total up to four. I’m not fond of being touched, particularly not by strangers, so I’m pretty impressed with myself. I haven’t freaked out yet! It probably helps that they’re professionals. Or so they say...

Right after that, I hopped on a bus and made my way up to school for my third NSO session. I got zero menacing glares today! I also managed to sign up twelve people. It was still a little boring, but today I entertained myself watching the ground hog. He has a burrow just outside the windows so we see him quite a bit when there’s no snow. They look friggin’ funny when they run.

Sadly, I ran straight from school to the mall to return a pair of shoes I bought. They looked really pretty and were overall quite comfy. But they felt weird when I was walking in them. I was a bit upset because when and I mean WHEN! can I ever find a pair of shoes my size (if at all) that are 50$. Oh well... the upside is, the girl who works in the store is really cute. DOWN HORMONES! I might have (totally did) mentioned that little tidbit to my dad who reacted a lot better than I thought. Although, he didn't see her. I would be curious what he'd have said otherwise... she has a massive tattoo, pierced eyebrow... man can I pick 'em. Not that there's anything to worry about. I'm attracted to her so clearly she's straight.

Given that I have a massive headache right now that’s all I’m going to say. I’m glad it’s Friday.

Lauren.

What Happens When it Rains

You know those moments when you just stop, stare ahead and think, “Wow... there goes what’s left of my sanity”? I had that moment today. I bet you’ll never guess what I was doing! Oh alright, I’ll tell you. I was making myself lunch, quesadillas, and as I was making them I was singing about how I was making them to the tune of Don’t Cry for me Argentina. Evita Peron was turning in her grave, trying to get her hands up to her ears. Wait... did they waxify her? I don’t remember.

Meeko also ran away. Well, he didn’t run... he wanted to make sure I didn’t drop anything, but he turned his head, keeping his ears as far away from me as possible.

Apart from that little gem, it rained today! It just started suddenly, knocking out my TV just as I was half paying attention to the various things I should know in order to save my pet’s life. That Dr. Oz... he really does cover all the bases. I must admit, I was far more interested in signs of illness in animals than I was in “the secrets your teens don’t want you to know.” Well yes, that’s what the word secret implies. Turns out the secret was that 1 in 3 teenagers in high school are having sex and that most are being unsafe. My mind was totally blown. But really. THAT was a secret? I think the majority of parents are in denial if that’s a secret. Now there’s a statistic for ya. But I was talking about the rain... came suddenly, stopped suddenly and caused a lot more humidity. Mia Thermopolis hair here I come! Do I get a princess makeover too!?

Given the quiet and lack of functioning technology, I had plenty of time to write. By time, I mean lack of distractions to keep me from writing. Which is a good thing. I managed to rewrite chapter 2 to my satisfaction and explain the existence of a multi-world universe in a manner that was not confusing. Honestly, I’m a bit surprised with myself for that one. I didn’t think I’d be able to get the ideas on paper in a way that was half logical. It was one of those, it makes sense in my head, but will it make sense outside that twisted little space, moments. But it does. YAY!

Unfortunately, I have physio tomorrow morning at eight o’clock, then I have to sit another round of NSO and then... I have to head down to the mall and return a pair of shoes. Long day ahead and I’m willing to wager I won’t get enough sleep. It’ll make the death glares more entertaining.

Lauren.

I'm Melting! Meeeeelting!

Second day of NSO is over. I was really tired today. Stupid jam packed week. But on the upside, the table was much busier today. I was able to convince four people to sign up. We bribed them with Blockbuster gift baskets. They were all girls but that’s to be expected at my school. There aren’t that many guys to begin with. Even fewer who want to be perceived as gay.

I also got this insane death glare from some dad. I should have a hole in my head. I don’t but I should. Actually, my head probably should have imploded. He looked at me like I’d called him a fag just by sending a polite smile his way. Geez! I got a few more less than friendly looks after that and one mocking mother but none as bad as that first guy. As to the mother, her son looked thoroughly embarrassed. On the upside, I’m beside the security table and the guards like me. HA phobes!

When I wasn’t sitting at the table, I was hanging out in the Women’s Center. It was the strangest thing. It was another sickeningly hot day, but in the WC, I was freezing. Before leaving my house this morning, I debated bringing a sweater or a coat, mostly in case it rained. I opted not to. BIG MISTAKE! Still, I curled up on the WC couch and had a nap. How many times have I fallen asleep on that thing now? I dunno. But I was horrible company. Poor SARAH came up to school and hung out with me all day but I was so tired I wasn’t as social as I would be normally. I’ll be better on a better day.

I can’t wait for this week to end. No more running like a lunatic from place to place. Who am I kidding, I had to walk home today and I could barely walk let alone run. My legs died halfway home. But I made it! I took a cold shower and sat down about twenty minutes. Then my mom came home in my dad’s truck. She asked me to come outside, in the crazy heat, and help her sod part of the backyard. I got dirty and hot all over again. BLAST!

Other than death glares, heat and dirt, I rewrote chapter one of the children’s book. I didn’t like it. It’s much better now. I just have to get chapter two done again and all will be well with me.

Back to NSO Friday. Hopefully a better day.

Lauren.

Sadists...

Well, I am not a millionaire, not even a Monopoly millionaire. I saw two therapists today at physio. One was a 5’6”, long haired blonde woman somewhere in the neighbourhood of 40-50 years old. The other was a 5’4”, short haired brunette man probably in his thirties. Both were very fit.

The woman had a grip that would put a constrictor snake to shame. And holy crap did it hurt when she started working on my foot. Turns out my foot healed too well and now my tendons are super tight. So she’s trying to loosen them up. The only injury I remember causing me to cry is getting the pointy end of a football in my eye when I was in elementary school. In other words, I have a pretty high pain tolerance. This woman was rubbing my foot and my eyes were watering. She asked me if I was okay at one point. What I wanted to say was: WTF? DO I LOOK OKAY? What I said was: Yeah, kinda hurts though. I think she might have been surprised by the state of my foot.

After that, the dude arrived. He was digging his knuckle into my foot. That wasn’t so bad. It got so painful that the pain actually stopped. Until he moved. Then it started again. He then did ultra sound stuff which felt good because it didn’t feel like anything. After that I did some stretching exercises. One of them was to stand on my injured foot on a trampoline and balance. I can’t possibly explain how hard it was. Thank God there were bars there to keep me from falling over. Otherwise, I would have been on the floor. The last thing they made me do involved a really big elastic and moving my foot like a windshield wiper. Also a lot harder than it sounds. I got to ice my poor foot after that. Not that it helped. It’s swollen and bruised even now, about seven hours later. I go back on Friday. ...Yay?

Anyway, I went to work afterward. Busy night. I think I spent a fair amount of my time drinking water. Because well... there’s a lot of heat in the kitchen and in dishwashing and the temperature outside was over 30 degrees with the humidity, about 95 Fahrenheit for those of you in the States. Society ladies look away! I drank one massive glasses of water in fifteen minutes. After that I realized a glass would not be enough. I went behind the bar and got a pitcher. Rather than dirty a glass, I just put a straw in it. I drank two pitchers of water.

I must now go to bed. NSO tomorrow morning.

Lauren.

Millionaire by Tomorrow?

I am freaking tired. I've had a crazy sleep schedule lately and I messed it up last night trying to get enough sleep to function today. As a result, and as some of you may be aware, I was up at five o'clock this morning. Uber bleh!

I spent my day sitting at the Pride table for New Student Orientation. I think I was the most avoided table there. Because seriously, what seventeen/eighteen year old kid is going to want to approach a Pride table? And what parent wants to acknowledge that their kid may not be straight? I was also representing the Women's Center. As always, people feared the "feminazi". Feminazi I am not. So I sat there, bored out of my mind, between security guy and two library ladies. One of the library ladies entertained me. She had an iguana puppet that she took to playing with when she finally got bored. The following are the only two conversations I had.

Me to a scared and lost looking girl: Hey, have any questions?

Girl: No, I don't know where I'm going.

Me: Well, where are you trying to get to?

Girl: I don't know.


And the second.


Random Mom to her daughter: Hey, you want to check out the Women's Center?

Me: It's a great place to meet people and get involved.

Girl: No, I'm good.

Random Mom: See that, she knows she's a woman and she's good.

Me, giving a thumbs up: Good for you!


And I only have to do all of that three more times! Yay! Anyway, I have my first physio session tomorrow. While I'm having fun imagining a Callie Torez scenario, I'm betting a million Monopoly dollars that my physiotherapist is going to be... male, 63, balding and 5'1". At least he'll be closer to my ankle.

Until tomorrow. We'll see if I become a Monopoly Millionaire!

Lauren.

The Cat Sleeps and I Write

Let me just say one thing. I AM LOVING THE WRITING IN THE EMAIL THING! It’s kind of strange but it really does help take the pressure off and just... unblock your mind. That being said, I went on a writing tear today. I finally started writing my children’s novel. I’ve got about two chapters done. In one day. Of course that’s first draft and I’ve decided to write it by hand, but still. I really like my other novel, but I am loving this one. So far it’s just been easy and fun and just... joy. It’s hard to explain.

So other than being on my butt at my desk all day, I’ve done very little. But for your amusement, I have some photos that may interest you. I think it’s been a while since I’ve blogged about my cat’s silliness. This is the reality. Meeko will sleep anywhere there is a blanket. Don’t believe me? Even if you do, check out these pictures because some of them truly are strange.

Here, he’s sleeping on a cedar chest.

Here, he’s sleeping in the hall across from the bathroom. My sister was cleaning her room and was preparing to wash those blankets.

Here, he's sleeping on my computer chair.

Here, of course, he's sleeping on my bed.

And finally, here he is sleeping on top of my desk drawer. I pulled it out and put a pillow on it so I could type and recline my chair. Well, I put a blanket on it and Meeko made himself right at home.

I think he’ll sleep just about anywhere so long as he can be near people or be a part of the action. Plus, the desk one, I put him there. He stayed, but I put him there. It was done more out of curiosity than anything. My sister had just thrown him out of her room and dumped him in mine. I don’t mind. I like the company. He’s great to bounce ideas off of. Did I just sound like a lonely eighty year old woman?

Anyway, back to writing while the muse is with me!

Oh! And Happy Fourth of July to my American readers!

Lauren.

Shoes a Couple Miles Old

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. So they say whoever they are. Some days I feel like that journey is never ending. Some days, most days, I feel like I’m walking against a wall, or walking on a treadmill, not moving forward. But some days I get to look back and see how far I’ve actually come.

I’ve been working at the restaurant for coming up on two and a half years. I’ve never been at one job for so long. And yes I have bad days and don’t always like what I’m doing or who I’m working with, but in the grand scheme of things, the bad days... aren’t usually the ones that matter most to me.

On my first day, they started me in the kitchen of all places, they had me cutting chicken. I could not cut it. I didn’t know how to hold the knife, how to place my hand. It was bad. For the first few months I was there, I was just waiting for Helen to come over and tell me I was fired. I honestly, truly sucked. My ability then is the current standard for lack of ability.

I can however say, two and a half years later, I am still there, I don’t know how, and I no longer suck. I think in the beginning I wanted to stay because it infuriated me that I wasn’t good enough. So I tried harder. As time went on, I learned that my meek, mild attitude wouldn’t do. I had to be louder and much more assertive. And while I was always alright with teamwork, you really find out what teamwork is in a kitchen. I couldn’t cook, but now I truly love it and I make a point of baking because I love that even more. I know how to prepare food, store food, serve food. I know how to use various appliances. It sounds silly, but the woks terrified me. To a certain degree they still do, but I know how to use them now and can, without a second thought.

Sometimes work drives me insane. Sometimes I really don’t want to be there. And sometimes I’m absolutely miserable to work with. When I sit back and think about it and see how much working at this restaurant has changed me, it’s really pretty amazing. Along with my new scars, I have new habits (I eat Chinese food at least twice a week now), new personality traits, new knowledge. I might not appreciate my job every day, usually my appreciation wavers from minute to minute, but I can’t deny that I like who I am now a lot better than who I was. Work has helped with that.

The history of my work shoes. From the store to my feet.

I don’t think I’ve walked the thousand miles yet, but if my shoes, which I bought a month after I started working there, are an indicator, I’m getting somewhere. While I would like to know more, I suppose for now, knowing I’m at least moving is enough.

PS: I just bought a new pair of shoes today. Mine were getting too dangerous.

Lauren.

In the Zone

When I was younger, in elementary school so... 12 at the most, I had a teacher who would let us read at the end of the day. I had her twice actually, for grade four and six. Anyway, she would leave us to our reading, whatever we wanted. I would get so involved with my book that I didn't hear the bell ring, my classmates put their books away, my classmates shuffling around or even leaving. I'd suddenly look up and find myself alone in the class wondering where everyone was. Finally I'd realize they were all catching the bus. It was then a rush to grab my things and run as fast as I could (not very fast) to my bus line. Somehow I never missed the bus. I don't know how. It happened more than once too.

When I got to middle and high school, I still had a book on my person at all times. I read a lot. Most of the time I finished my work early or got bored. I'd read, but I never got so involved that there was only my book. Forget having that happen in university.

Today I woke up, probably later than I should have, and I just jumped into my book. I read and read and when the phone rang, I brought my book with me, finished the call and moved to the living room where I read some more. It was so good! I didn't want to put it down and for once, my eyes didn't start burning. I got to the end of my book and sat staring ahead of me, thinking it over. It really was good.

But then I got curious. What time was it anyway? I had to work at some point today. Okay, I admit it, I actually got up because I was hungry and there was leftover chicken pot pie in the fridge. That's when I noticed it was ten minutes after three. I stared dumbly, then walked up to my room. My alarm clock was telling me the same thing. I had to be at work for four thirty. Well, I'd missed one bus and would probably miss the second. I still had to shower, get dressed, find my shoes (the left one always goes missing for some reason). It was pretty clear that I was not going to be able to catch the bus AND get to work on time. Instead, I took a cab.

I don't care. Finishing my book was worth it. It's been so long since I've been that involved and enjoyed reading that much. It was so very worth it. In case you're curious, I was reading Fingersmith by Sarah Waters. I might check out some more of her work.

Lauren.

CANADA DAY!

It’s Canada Day! Yay! We’ve now been a country for 143 years. I've only been living here for 21ish years, but I have to say, for the most part, I love it here.

Since the Queen was in Ottawa and I wasn’t, I watched her on TV. I didn’t watch very long because, well, with Canada being bilingual everything gets said twice and for whatever reason, when the French parts came on, they had some English chick speaking over whoever was talking. For me it was like hearing it three times. Also kind of funny, the Queen of England speaks French much better than our Prime Minister. Who in my opinion is a George-Bush-ass-kissing idiot. (I didn’t vote for him.) My parents sought to excuse his sad French saying that the Queen had longer to learn. Whatever... she lives in England, an English country. THE English country. That’s my stance on that.

Otherwise, I watched a little bit of The Barenaked Ladies on TV. I personally like them. One Week is a good song. My mom referred to them as “the naked people”. They were in fact clothed. I don’t think I would have watched otherwise. Their name is very misleading. They are neither naked nor female.

We also had fireworks. I was too lazy to drag my ass out to the waterfront so I watched them from my bedroom window. There are many pluses to this. For instance: it was freezing today, no mosquitoes or shadflies, no parking problems, no waiting outside. I just waited for the loud bang and looked out the window for about 15 minutes. I also didn’t want to go down to the waterfront because for over an hour of trouble, fifteen minutes of fireworks really isn’t enough. I urge our mayor to consider this.

What else... well, I baked a cake. My mom randomly came up to me today and told me I was making dessert. Since we really only had the basic ingredients, I made a really basic cake. Oddly, it was more challenging to make. It required the use of nearly every bowl in the kitchen. Most instructions ended in “place in separate bowl and let sit.” We my mother and I) then had to improvise the icing due to a miscommunication, store closures and an inability to read. My mother whipped up a semi-sweet chocolate substitute and told me to throw in cream cheese. I just let her take care of that. All went well. I iced my cake, we ate it, success!

I now have to ice all future cakes my mother makes. She hates doing it and I do it well... why does that sound like something Helen would say?

Lauren.

A New World

Shockingly enough, no baking occurred today. Instead, Dana read the chapters I’d written for the first novel I started working on this summer. Then we talked about my children’s novel. It was really great because I haven’t had anyone to bounce ideas off of in... I can barely remember how long. I’ve stayed away from the fantasy genre because I was terrified of creating an alternate world. I never knew where to start or how to do it. It is rather daunting don’t you think? Inventing a world, how it works, who lives in it. In my case, how to move from one world to the next. It’s been really fun though and a great, much needed exercise for all my creative muscles. The more I talked to Dana, the more my story solidified, the more everything made sense and seemed to fit together.

I think I’m almost done with creating the alternate world. I still have a few things to tackle, but I did most of the work today and last night. I’m usually... how best to say this... fantastically anal about everything when I write. That approach hasn’t been working so well as of late. So I’m trying to plan as little as possible. I usually know every detail. For this one, I think I’m only going to build a solid base and work up from there in a more... freestyle fashion.

Anyway, aside from helping me with my writing, Dana and I watched a bunch of movies, one of which I will not admit to watching. It involves a certain blonde former Disney Channel actress. If you can guess, all the better. But don’t laugh at me! When we got tired of watching movies we went to the mall for a bit. As always I found things there that astounded me. For instance, I can buy three complete razors for a little less than ten dollars but to buy the replacement blades would cost me a little less than twenty dollars. How it makes sense I don’t know. I also bought a movie, The Dark Knight. I know it’s not a recent movie but the price finally dropped down to thirteen dollars. I don’t need movies when they first come out. I’m quite happy waiting for the prices to come down. People call me cheap. I call me practical and smart.

Speaking of The Dark Knight (the most recent Batman movie, the one with Heath Ledger), there are a bunch of explosions and banging sounds and very noisy commotions. Not that I care. I think it’s a pretty great movie. What’s interesting is that we have surround sound. I know it’s working too. Now imagine noisy commotions coming at you from everywhere. Would you be able to sleep? Well, my sister is sitting our ancient Lazy-Boy totally passed out, snoring a little. I guess that says something about being on the go all day and being exhausted. Meeko is curled up on a blanket, also snoring, much louder than my sister might I add.

Well, I guess I should follow their example

Lauren.