Light Bulb Moment

I slept until noon today. Totally by accident. My mom came home for lunch and woke me up. I’m actually glad she did because I probably would have slept longer. I didn’t do much in the time I was awake. I read a bit and did my laundry. Which is good because I am desperately in need of pants and I’ll be expected to say something potentially intelligent about Cry the Beloved Country in seminar tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll be able to manage. I still feel very floopy.

I don’t want to babble on for very long. I’m getting tired again (colds are weird). I thought of this post randomly. Like so many other things in my life. Maybe those cold meds are stronger than I thought. You’ll soon see what I mean.

This is the light fixture in my room. No laughing. It’s only five-ish years younger than me. I don’t particularly like it. It sounds like a jet taking off and it collects dust like nobody’s business. However, it’s the one I have and it works. Have you noticed that I have three different light bulbs yet? One is that soft yellowish light, one is that blinding white light and the other is dead.

I find that my light bulbs burn out rather quickly and for some reason, never all at the same time. A one point, I know it was my dad, I guess he walked by, noticed and decided to replace a light for me. Which resulted in me having three different bulbs once another finally crapped out.

Why haven’t I fixed it? I’m lazy for one. I keep forgetting. And it’s kind of weird, but they all serve a purpose the way they currently are. The happy, welcoming yellow light is facing my bedroom door, not blinding me when I first come in. The scary white light is over my desk where happiness should be forgotten for the sake of a well thought out essay. Or at least as thought out as I get them. And finally, the light over my bed is dead. I only sleep in my bed so why do I need a light pointed at it? If I’m reading, I have a lamp. Which incidentally, also died tonight. Maybe that’s what got me thinking about this.

See, makes perfect sense. Are you afraid? I’m afraid. These are the things I sit back and think about. I now propose a toast! To no one ever questioning why I’m in therapy again. Cheers!

Lauren.

It Begins With Ugh.

Today can only be described as craptastic. I woke up with a sore throat and a pounding headache then promptly went back to sleep. I awoke with the same symptoms again around ten o’clock when I decided I’d best get moving. The shower I took next was the best part of my day.

Before leaving for school, I took some cold medication. Can anyone remember the last time I did this? If not, the last time I took cold meds with my regular meds, I was a little floopy. Otherwise put, mildly high. Still, the headache alone made it worth it. I don’t remember much about Islamic Civilizations. I know we talked about Christians and Jews. I think I was mostly tuning in and out because I’ve had that particular lecture about six or seven times in my academic career on top of going to Catholic school since I was four and living in a Catholic family all of my life. I’ve got it. Trust me. I now keep a Bible on my bookshelf. No, seriously, I do. I’ve used it as a reference text at least a dozen times in various papers.

After that, I went up to my Vic Brit seminar. Luckily, my prof didn’t call on me for anything. I didn’t manage to read that 38 page essay. I did read the other one, but I didn’t really have much to say about it. So I sat there. I was really out of it though. She’d ask a question and stare expectantly at the class and I would just stare right back at her trying to remember what the question was. At that point I figured I should probably go home and forgo the three hour psych class. I was however highly amused by my prof’s eyebrows. She kind of twitches them with this goofy smirk on her face. It was very hard not to just giggle like a lunatic. But I didn’t. I can at least say that for myself. She let us leave an hour early.

I would just be finishing class now. God that’s disgusting. I feel like I’ve been home eight hours but it’s only been three. I definitely wouldn’t have made it through psych.

Aside from all that, something else did occur which I am... how shall I phrase this... fantastically pissed about. That’s not strong enough. I’m just so angry I don’t actually know the correct way to explain the churning rage trying to escape my body whenever I think about this incident. Which is why my family has been trying to distract me. I haven’t addressed the person in question yet so I don’t really want to say much about it. We’ll just say lines were not only crossed but spit on.

So. Not a very good day. However, I do want to end on a positive note. Even though my faith in human goodness dropped some more today, I was able to look outside this morning and smile. No, it wasn’t sunny after yesterday’s downpour. I kind of prefer this anyway.

While humans can be confusing, frustrating, deceitful, anger-causing, dirt bags (none of you lovely blog people of course) it’s kind of nice to look outside and just see something for what it is. Simplicity is beautiful. I’ll argue it to the very end.

Lauren.

Cold Caught Parking

I feel like death. And I took some night time cold medication so I don’t know how much longer I have left in terms of my ability to be coherent. Today, the weather sucked. It was awful, just pouring rain and freezing cold. Because I had things to do afterward, I managed to get my parents to lend me the car. The problem? People are assholes.

This is my school campus. It probably looks bigger than it is...

Pretty right? Oh yeah... so friggin’ pretty. AND WITH HORRENDOUS VISITOR PARKING! Which is where I have to park because I don’t have the car often enough to merit spending an arm and a leg on a pass. But of course, because it was raining and icky and visitor parking is the closest lot to the school, EVERYONE who could fit their mode of transportation in there, did. Meaning, I had no place to park. I made my way to the next lot up, one of the farthest away and parked at the very back, praying that the weather and the distance would dissuade any security guards from actually coming out. I’m one of those people who always, without fail, gets caught when I do something I shouldn’t. That tiny building on the left hand side seemingly in the middle of nowhere is the gym. Just for a point of reference.

I have illustrated my ordeal. The GREEN line is my journey by car, the blue section is visitor parking and the pink section is where I parked. The RED line is the hike it took to get from the lot to the school. Due to construction, represented by black empty squares (not a coincidence) the trek was even longer. Rather than cutting across the gym (the smaller grey rectangle), a place I’ve only been to write exams, I had to walk around it. My pant legs were soaked and I was late for class. Woo.

It’s also noteworthy that while all this was happening Shania Twain’s UP! was playing on the radio. F@#$ YOU SHANIA! is what I distinctly remember saying. I suppose it was a plus that I didn’t get a ticket. I got a cold instead thanks to an already weakened immune system. Bleh. By the way, I have nothing against Shania Twain except when her songs play and create an ironic situation that is aggravating to me.

Other than that adventure and the cold, the day was alright. Not especially productive, but good. Before I pass out or start feeling loopy(er) I’m going to get back to my Victoria’s Britain readings. Okay, the short one... there’s no way I’m finishing the 38 pager tonight.

For those of you who don’t know the song UP!, here are the lyrics. Goodnight.

It's 'bout as bad as it could be

Seems everybody's buggin' me

Like nothing wants to go my way--yeah, it just ain't been my day

Nothin's comin' easily

Even my skin is acting weird

I wish that I could grow a beard

Then I could cover up my spots

not play connect the dots

I just wanna disappear

[Chorus:]

Up--up--up--

Can only go up from here

Up--up--up--Upwhere the clouds gonna clear

Up--up--up--There's no way but up from here

Even something as simple as

Forgettin' to fill up on gas

There ain't no explanation why--things like that can make you cry

Just gotta learn to have a laugh

[Repeat Chorus]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...

When everything is goin' wrong

Don't worry, it won't last for long

Yeah, it's all gonna come around

Don't go let it get you down

You gotta keep on holding on

It's 'bout as bad as it could be

Seems everybody's buggin' me

Like nothing wants to go my way--yeah, it just ain't been my day

Nothin's comin' easily

[Repeat Chorus]

Oh-- I'm going up [4x]

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...

Like I said... F@#$ YOU! Shania.

Lauren.

Lessons Learned

I don’t really feel up to writing an especially long post tonight so I guess I’ll skip the long-ass intro and get to the point. I maintain that something new can be learned every day. So, the following are things I learned today.

Washing your hair in the bath tub is hard, particularly when you have really long hair. Like me! Clearly the shower was invented for a reason. Because clumsy people like me turn something as simple as washing hair into an epic battle between good and evil.

So, how long is my hair? Well... what shall I use as a measure? It comes down about to the middle of my back when it’s wet. You wouldn’t know it’s that long seeing it dry. My hair is that curly. Anyway, I was kneeling under the faucet in the tub, trying to wash my hair, because it gets gross if I don’t, and due to the length, the tips were essentially going down the drain. It’s a minor detail, one I wasn’t actually very concerned about. (Until I started writing this and thinking about it. My hair could have wrapped around the drain thingy and I would have been stuck. How embarrassing would that be? “MOM! I’M STUCK IN THE TUB! BRING SCISSORS!”) My principal concern was trying not to bash my head into the faucet. With all my energy focused on not hurting myself, I forgot why I was taking a bath in the first place. The shower curtain was in the wash. So, I managed to get shampoo and conditioner halfway across the bathroom due to the lack of barrier. Our bathroom’s not actually that big so it’s not quite the accomplishment I’m making it out to be. When I finally realized, ‘oh crap, maybe I should watch what I’m doing’, I was reminded that opening your eyes with shampoo and conditioner in your hair while you’re facing downward is not a good idea. Gravity works against you and soap stings when it gets in your eyes. In the end though, my hair and my eyes were thoroughly cleaned. And that’s the important thing.

Lesson learned: Wait for the damn curtain next time.

My second discovery is far less dramatic. I went to therapy today and Angela was back! It’s apparently been six months. As it turns out, having your own therapist back is very much like pulling on your favourite comfy sweatshirt. It’s ugly but it makes you feel ridiculously comfortable and happy anyway. When I say ugly, I’m talking about the issues I have to deal with. Not Angela. It’s been said she looks a lot like Joan Jett. I’m actually inclined to agree. She says ‘Hey’ to everyone out there and laughed pretty hard when I told her some of you, I won’t name names, hoorayed her coming back.

Lesson learned: Old sweatshirts and therapists are comparable.

Lauren.

The Eleventh Commandment

Today was a typical Fall day. It was nice out, but freaking cold. Well, that’s probably an exaggeration. It was chilly. In such weather, I find it next to impossible to haul, and I mean haul, my ass out of bed. I mean, warm, comfy, trapped between the worlds of sleep and reality versus, cold and unavoidable reality. I like the first one better. However, I had plans and those plans forced me to break the Eleventh Commandment that exists but no one really talks about.

What? You haven’t heard of it? Well, I would be remiss in my bloggy duties if I didn’t inform you about the Eleventh Commandment.

11) Thou shalt not wake before the hour of nine on the Seventh Day. Waking devices shall be disabled as their shrill noises on the Day of Rest are an abomination.

So, you’ve all learned something new. It must’ve been hell disabling a rooster back in the day. I slept through my alarm. But thinking up, I mean, remembering, that commandment got me to thinking. Why is it that Catholics go to Church on Sunday? If God’s resting, why are we going out of our way to pray? Wouldn’t He turn his pager off? Or unhook his phone and appear offline on MSN and Facebook? Can you do that on Facebook? I don’t know... I don’t have one.

And now that I’ve covered the weather and blasphemy, on to the rest of my day! I had to get up early to package all those boobs. Because even though they were clearly wearing bras, health and safety regulations stipulate that they have to be individually wrapped. Once I finished that, and it took much longer than anticipated, I pretty much had to run out the door for a Pride meeting at the President’s house. Yes, I’m in touch with the President. The first thing I said when I got there and the VP/secretary/fiancée of the president opened the door was: “Why the @#$% did we choose this time?”. They were still in PJs.

But that wasn’t the weird part. I was introduced to their other roomies and then everyone scattered, leaving the three of us to go over the constitution we have to write. Eventually, our fearless leader abandoned us for the kitchen where she commenced making breakfast with two of her roomies. They’re currently six people living in the house. By the time breakfast, brunch really, was cooked, we were pretty much done with the constitution. The kitchen three set the table and laid out the food and we all proceeded to eat together, at the table, and talk. THEY HAD BACON! I GOT TO EAT BACON! (It’s contraband since my parents’ diet.) It was great! It felt like I’d walked onto the set of Friends with all the banter going on. Except the pervier, late night version of Friends. Either way, I loved it and didn’t want to come home, but I had to leave eventually. After all, I had homework.

Believe it or not, I had to watch District 9 for homework. Yup, for my Representing Apartheid course. I didn’t really want to watch it (I’m not really an alien movie kinda gal), but it turned out not being too bad. My professor’s description was pretty accurate though... things did indeed go splat. Is it wrong that I thought it was cool rather than gross?

Anyway, one point I wanted to address because the comment made me smile. About my boob cookies, my grandma was all for putting nipples on them. When I called her she thought we’d be making rounded cookies with “a nut or a raisin or even a chocolate chip” for a nipple. Sometimes that woman surprises me. And it’s getting harder to surprise me.

Lauren.

Boob Cookies!

I am pleased to report that day one of year two is one of the few and exceptionally rare days when I will say I had a fantastic day. And I’m not being sarcastic! What did I do? I made booby cookies.

Are you having a “Say what?” moment? If so, you are not the only one. Well, as I mentioned yesterday, we’re having a fundraiser for breast cancer (October is breast cancer month!). I don’t know who’s idea it was, but it was decided that we (the WC) would be selling cookies and cupcakes that were shaped or looked like boobs. Most people at the WC opted for cupcakes. I decided that I would do cookies. And I’m glad I did!

I got up at a decent hour and went straight to work. My mission: to make sugar cookies. Originally the plan was to quadruple the recipe. When I saw what triple the recipe looked like in my biggest bowl I decided that would be plenty. A wise move if ever I made one. Plus, I probably nearly broke the damn spoon trying to stir it all. Nine cups of flour! NINE! And the recipe specifically told me to use a wooden spoon... Clearly tripling was not the intention otherwise, the woman who wrote the book is related to Popeye.

Still, I got the dough ready and then I had a thought. I still had to bake, decorate and pack those suckers. For about a week I’ve wanted to visit my grandmother. I haven’t because my grandfather got his personality back when he left the hospital. So I called my grandma and asked if she’d like to come over, and since I had the car, I offered to come pick her up. Well! She jumped on that! I figured out part of the reason as soon as I got to her place. My suspicions of my grandfather’s personality being back in full force were correct. He was polite, but clearly in a foul mood. I kind of hope he was pissed I was stealing my grandma for the day.

We got straight to work! I’m such a slave driver! My grandma rolled out that dough, she cut those circles and I spent my time sticking them together and rotating the use of the oven. And might I add, I have never heard so many boob jokes in my life. The cookies turned out awesome! But the real fun came with the decorating. I explained what I was thinking to my grandma who eagerly took to the concept. She did the icing and I did the finer details. This was the result.


Never have I had so much fun baking. It was so great just being there with my grandma, hanging out, talking (in French and English) and doing something we both enjoy. Plus! My grandma had some totally brilliant ideas I never would have thought of. The unexpected food hero of the day:

Yeah! I know! Completely forgot we had them. But rather than using water and food colouring, my grandma suggested we add the syrup from the cherries to the icing sugar. It colours the icing and flavours it at the same time! Never would have occurred to me.

I talked a lot about the cookies, because that’s what we did today. But at the same time, I truly appreciated the time with my grandma. I know that I’ll look back ten or twenty or thirty years from now and remember today and remember her. And that’s a gift I wasn’t expecting.

So, through and through, hooray for boob cookies! When else am I going to be able to say, ‘I have never touched so many boobs in one day’? I ate a few boobs too... they were good.

(there are 52 cookies for a total of 104 single cookies)

Lauren.

365 DAYS OF BLOGGAGE!

FIVE!

FOUR!

THREE!

TWO!

ONE!

HAPPY BLOG BIRTHDAY!


Lauren: Was that supposed to be the “ball dropping”?

Rochester: Don’t look at me... Maggie was in charge of planning. I was just told to show up.

Magda: Sorry Lauren... turns out you have a really lousy budget. It’s the best I could do.

Lauren: Oh, well, it was great anyway! But who was the guy?

Magda: No idea really...

Rochester: So... you just picked up some random guy?

Magda: Not random... I met him when Lauren was at physio.

Lauren: Great... while I’m being tortured this is what you do. Thanks Maggie.

Magda: Says the woman who thought it was great a minute ago...


So yeah, I actually managed to write something every day for a full year. I don’t meet to be as surprised as I am, but I hadn’t been able to keep a journal for more than a week prior to this. And go figure I have nothing to really talk about! OH! Let’s do a recap!

DECEMBER 12—Freud’s first appearance! (AWWWWWWW!)

That’s when my brain froze! And after that we battled Dr. Seuss together and had that Gwen Stefani moment. And when he operated on me after my brain exploded! And of course we did that makeover! I still think he looked great even if he changed back the second he was able. Such great memories.

MARCH 28—Princess P. discovers that she is not the only Princess P.

YES! Princess Procrastination has a sister! Princess Productivity! And while rarely seen, Princess Productivity does in fact exist! Meanwhile Professor Task and Lady Iron-Fist are still at large. Get on that Princess P! What kind of superhero are you!?

FEBRUARY 15—I bake... and bake... and bake. For Christmas no less!

Who’da thought I could actually bake so much so fast. Not to mention bake well on top of it all! Two straight days went into that table! I still cart out that picture all the time.

DECEMBER 15—I discover the identity of Satan!

He’s a taxi driver. Shocking I know. But fortunately, there’s another taxi driver in town whose licence plate reads: Thank you for Jesus Christ. So at least there’s someone not afraid to stand... or drive... up to him!

NOVEMBER 4—I discover that I am in fact in the proper century.

If I lived in another century, I may have spent a few days needle pointing (which I actually used to do) that good ol’, super informative sex-chart so I could hang it on my wall and always know when I could have sex and still be allowed into Heaven later. Of course, I’d probably be married to a man... Oh gross.

OCTOBER 21—The greatest mystery of life is solved!

After locking myself in the bathroom again, Kathryn comes to my aid and explains a rather crucial bit of information:

"Um. Lauren? Sweetie?The problem that you're having with the bathroom stall doors not opening?You have to PULL 'em to open...not PUSH.They open inward.We've talked about this.....(She's tired!)"

Hasn't happened since.


The memories! The memories! Oh, it’s just too much! These dates were all chosen at random by the way. I was looking through the tags I used... yeah, I sound insane. But I love it! At this point, I would LOVE to thank everyone who’s read, commented, laughed at, wondered at or questioned me about this blog. It’s been an awesome experience.

Are you worried I’m leaving?

So not. Back tomorrow. I’m baking a massive batch of cookies for a breast cancer fundraiser at school. I shall see you all 144 cookies from now!

Lauren.

Fuzzle-phobia

I like the idea of inheritable traits. Most people tell me I look like my mom. My love of history I think I get from my dad. My temper I apparently come by honestly from both sides. Most people are reluctant to believe I have a temper, but had they known me when I was twelve, their opinions would be very different. I could go on but there’s really only one more trait that I want to elaborate on. Any guesses what it is? If you guessed my taste in socks, you were right!

As far as I know, my dad has had the same socks for twenty years. I think they were originally black but now they’re more a bluish grey. When they get holes, he darns them. That’s only if he gets to them before my mom does. She likes to make the holes bigger so my dad can’t fix them. She hates his socks. HATES THEM! Why? Fuzzles.

Even after twenty years, my dad’s socks still release fuzzles. You could walk into my parents’ room now (which I don’t recommend... they’re sleeping!) and know which side of the bed was my dad’s just by looking at the carpet. You can actually see where he sits on their bed to take off his socks because the floor below is covered in little black balls of fluff. They drive my mom crazy. I don’t know why at this point. Originally I thought it was because the carpet (which is a light beige) would always be covered in dark fuzzles after she vacuumed. Now, I think she’s equally frustrated by how his socks are still managing to produce fuzzles. By all laws of logic, there should be nothing left to them let alone enough for fuzzle-forming.

My theory is that the fuzzles are actually alive and breeding. Now this is where the heredity thing comes in. When I bought new work socks, I guess I picked up the same brand as my dad. My socks are also fuzzle-producers.

When I got home from running my errands today, I sat down to fold my laundry. My dad was watching TV and reading something for me. Once I finished and started loading up my basket, my dad started freaking out. He’d just finished vacuuming the light beige carpet of our living room. The light beige carpet that was now covered in dark black fuzzles. He instantly put down my laptop and started picking up the fuzzles by hand. I couldn’t help but smile. So, there, I inherit my taste in socks from my dad. My socks inherit their fuzzle-making capabilities from my dad’s socks. The circle of life is complete once more.

In other news! I know I announced this before... well, I apologize but I suck at math. Tomorrow IS! my 365th post. One whole year of daily bloggage! I’ll write more about it then, but I had a lovely chat with a former prof today and he gave me an idea. You all remember Dr. P. right? Media studies, part of the reason I started blogging... Let’s all say ‘hi’ to Dr. P.! Alright, so we started talking and he mentioned that I’m pretty open on my blog. Which I am. But that got me to wondering if perhaps YOU my lovely readers, had any questions about anything I’ve written or maybe haven’t written. It’s cool if you don’t. I’m just curious.

Lauren.

Wednesdays

Things that happened today:

Went to my Islamic Civ class. My prof was a tad late but I think he might have been lost... so I couldn't really be annoyed much less angry. He nearly walked by our class and kind of stared in, looking confused before finally deciding that our faces were in fact familiar and that he was actually supposed to be there.

Once that ended, I hurried up to what I will be calling my "Vic Brit" seminar (Victoria's Britain). I hadn't done the readings (which can lead to serious embarrassment at this level) because this program our school uses called Blackboard kept changing my password. Then when I actually managed to get on, the article in question wasn't there. Luckily, or not, we were watching Howard's End in class so it ended up not really mattering. I will have to read it for next week though. Fortune smiles upon me! OW! The beams from Her smile are burning my long neglected skin! I'm melting! Melting!

Following that I ran to the small cafeteria seriously in need of hydration. Even my spit was dry. Going four and a half hours without water, not a good idea. With my ice tea in hand (I had to buy the glass bottle which is a few cents more for a little bit less, which irritates me) I hurried to my psych class. Thus far I find the name of the class more amusing than the class itself. Then again, I'm hardly in the mood to put in another three hours once I've done four and a half straight. In case you're curious, the class code is PSYC 2020. No irony there.

So here I am, sitting in the library at nine o'clock. Turns out class let out a bit early so I have to wait for my ride. At least the library is warm. I spent most of today trying to retain body heat. After Vic Brit I was so cold I started wondering if it would be at all possible to invent a garment that one could wear to keep their nose warm. I acknowledge it would look supremely ridiculous, but having a cold nose is very uncomfortable. I’m going to have to start bringing a sweater. And maybe a scarf and some mittens.

I also booked an appointment with Angela. Yup, she's coming back! At least I think she is... she's had a few... false starts shall we say? I’ve been out of therapy a few weeks... I need to go back. I didn't realize until later this morning, but I'd actually been having panic attacks throughout most of yesterday. Which explains my mood. How can I not realize you may ask. Well... I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary, I was taking my medication and sometimes, when I get really caught up in it, it's very hard to catch the signs. Last night, I was really tired but my brain wouldn't shut off, I was very emotional for no obvious reason and I couldn't sleep. Panic attack. It was probably around midnight when I finally clued in. Stuffed Animal to the rescue! I know it probably sounds silly, but it is calming to hold something soft. Kind of like being given a blanket to keep from going into shock. Which should also explain my... obsession with being "snuggly warm" when I sleep.

Now you know. I have to say, not fond of Wednesdays... I must away now. I have some Advil at home with my name on them. No... my name isn’t Advil.

Lauren.

Thunder at Five

I’m kind of feeling crappy today. There are a combination of factors responsible for my mood but the main culprit I think is lack of sleep. There was an awful thunderstorm last night. Seriously, people overseas had to have heard the thunder. Everyone at school today had the following conversation:

“Did you hear the thunder last night?”
“I know! At like five this morning right!”

No one disputed the time. We all agreed it was at its worst at five. Does that not say something about thunder at five AM!?

Anyway, the storm picked up about an hour after I managed to get home from school. While I was grateful it waited for me to be sheltered, I was temporarily terrified that the weather would knock out my TV signal and that I would miss Glee! Because that would have been awful. Don’t look at me that way... I was looking forward to it all day... Thankfully, the storm didn’t last long and I got to watch. So, thoughts on Glee:

I have mixed feelings. Perhaps because I’m tired. I’ve always had a tough time dealing with some of the bullying aspects of the show (life long victims of bullying raise your hand. I raise two!) Sue’s actions don’t irk me as much. I think because she’s SO over the top. When you have characters like Will and Rachel doing it, who know how it feels and who should know better, I’m a lot less comfortable.

I loved the music though (my main reason for watching) and it was great having something to watch again! I’m also looking forward to seeing where some of these storylines go. There are a lot of unhappy people in Glee. I still want to see Rachel kick Jesse’s ass but I suppose her new rival is someone named Sunshine? It was Sunshine right? I do take back my desire to see Will and Sue team up... I didn’t like the result. I was wrong. There. I admit it. I was wrong!

For tonight, I don’t have anything more to say. Tomorrow is a long day and I need a long sleep.

Lauren.

DUCK AND COVER!

Mr Plunk: Lauren, what are you doing?

Lauren: I'm hiding, now shush! I don't know what will happen if they find me!

Mr Plunk: I'll get back to your paranoia in a minute. First, how the heck did you fit under here?

Lauren sighing, clearly frustrated: You are a former sock puppet that I randomly decided to give legs to and you're asking me how I fit under my bed?

Mr Plunk: You know, answering a question with another question is just annoying.

Lauren: Then don't ask stupid questions!

Mr Plunk: It isn't a stupid question. There's barely any room under here when it's just me and Cooper. Adding a third person REGARDLESS of who they are, does in fact take up a considerable amount whatever space is left. LAUREN ROLLS HER EYES. Who are you hiding from anyway?

Lauren: The cast of Glee!

Mr Plunk deadpans: I think they have more important things to be working on don't you?

Lauren: If I did would I be hiding under here having this conversation with you? They are following me! SHHHHH! They're coming!



Mr Plunk whispering: You mean you weren't being paranoid?

Lauren: Clearly not. Why do you think they're following me? I can't sing. I really can't dance...

Mr Plunk: I know... Freud's even better than you.

Lauren: Well that was uncalled for!

Cooper: Yet true.

Lauren glares at Mr Plunk: Did you teach him that? GRINS AT COOPER. Good job Cooper! TURNS MENACINGLY TO MR PLUNK If it was Freud I'll kick him.

Mr Plunk: I didn't do it. Maybe he picked it up.

Cooper: Yet true!

Lauren: Okay, well clearly the Glee Squad has moved on because if they didn't hear any of that... well... LAUREN CRAWLS OUT FROM UNDER THE BED. Whew! It is tight down there!

Freud: Oh good! Zhere you are! I heard you vere havink anozer delusion.

Lauren: It's not a delusion! The Glee cast is following me!

Freud: Ah. Yes. And how do you feel about that!

LAUREN GRABS FREUD AND SHOVES HIM UNDER THE BED. SHE SLIDS IN NEXT TO HIM JUST IN TIME TO AVOID THE GLEE SQUAD RUNNING BY AGAIN.



Freud: Vas zat ze cast of Glee!? LAUREN NODS. You should heve told me zey vere comink! SMOOTHS DOWN HAIR.

Lauren: I didn't know you were that big a fan... AND YOU SAID THEY WERE A DELUSION!

Freud: Of course I am a fan! Do not be ridiculous! Zey sing songs zat make me happy! AND VHENE DO YOU LISTEN TO ME ANYVAY!

Lauren: Really, they make you happy? They haven't done a Gwen Stefani episode as far as I know. FREUD GLARES.

Alright, I don't know why, but the cast of Glee is in fact following me. I woke up this morning, (half an hour after my alarm went off) to All the Single Ladies which was closely followed by Bad Romance. I nearly screamed in terror and well, now I'm hiding under my bed... WHAT DO THEY WANT WITH ME?

Freud: Maybe it has somesing to do vith your predictions? Or perhaps ze amount of Rachel/Quinn fanfictions you heve been reading.

Lauren extremely embarrassed: Maybe...

We’ll see tomorrow.

While the Scooby-Glee Squad was my idea, I had SARAH’S much more skilled hands do the... ahem... adjustments for me. Seeing that picture makes me ridiculously happy.

Lauren.

Blatant Exaggerations. Maybe...

I did absolutely nothing of interest today. Seriously. It was quite sad. In an attempt to write something... decent, I’m going to describe what I did in a manner that makes it sound better than it was.

I got into a time machine I’ve secretly been working on and travelled back to mid-nineteenth century South Africa to explore Dutch colonization. Why? So I could make a kick-ass slideshow when I returned to Canada in 2010. (translation: I sat in bed doing research and chatting on MSN with my partner. Afterward I added her slides to our Powerpoint presentation. All of this was done wearing my pyjamas.)

While eating an incredibly complicated meal cooked by my personal chef, we’ll call him Gordon, I watched a life changing movie that had I been suicidal, would have made me want to live! Live I say! (translation: I was eating macaroni and cheese that my mom made while watching You’ve Got Mail. I was still in pyjamas.)

I then flew to England on a first class jet to watch all of its greatest actors perform the greatest play known to man, for me and me alone. (translation: I watched a two hour long movie on youtube about I’m not exactly sure what, starring Emma Thompson, Helena Bonham-Carter, Anthony Hopkins and Vanessa Redgrave. It was for my history seminar. Howard’s End anyone?)

Naturally after all that I transported a thirteen year old girl to another world where she will fulfill her destiny and become one of the greatest at the job she does! (translation: I was working on my novel again. Got to the part where Sophie leaves Earth for the alternate world. I’m not telling what her job is.)

By then I was simply exhausted so I got my assistant who is always by my side but never in the way, to send off emails and such confirming my attendance at various appointments tomorrow. (translation: after waiting as long as I could, I made some last minute decisions as to what I would and would not be able to do tomorrow while somehow managing to keep all of my promises. I think.)

And now dear reader, I am going to sip brandy whilst sitting comfortably in my chair next to the fireplace and read a great classic. When I grow sufficiently weary, I shall away to bed. (translation: I’m still in pyjamas, I’m in bed and I’m going to do some school reading. Although apparently it is a classic. The brandy will be water when I decide to finally get up. I’m already weary, but I have to read... so when I pass out, I hope not to drool in my book.)

Good night everyone! As you can see, I had an eventful day!

Lauren.

What I Want

Okay. The best part about this week is that it’s almost over. No, I didn’t have a bad week. It’s more because of what next week is. TV WEEK! All my shows start up again! Of course I’m going to have to exercise some restraint given that I’m in school... but I won’t have to watch repeats! So, for the few TV shows that I will be watching without fail, this is what I want to see.

Grey’s Anatomy

Callie-Arizona: Gotta keep that goodness going in my humble opinion. Seriously, I have to live vicariously through something. I choose that.

Sloan-Lexie: Alright, I like them. She’s a twit and he’s a twit. It works.

Teddy-Owen-Christina: It has to end. It’s pissing me off. One or all of you, go away. Well, I do like Christina... the other two... go away!

Avery Dude: I’m intrigued... more of Avery-Dude.

Alex: For the love of GOD! NO MORE IZZIE!

Glee

I don’t have a whole lot of stuff I want to see given that I picked Glee up a little late. But there is some stuff. I wouldn’t mind if anything I’ve been reading in fanfiction happened to occur. I’ll let you know if that happens. That’s how likely it is. But I will say this:

Jessie: I want to see some serious destruction at the hands of Rachel. I hate that guy. I don’t even know what it is, but his face just... ugh. So kickable! No offence intended to the actual actor...

Kurt: I would like to see Kurt get a boyfriend. I don’t think there are enough gay couples in popular TV. Gay kids need someone to relate to. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I think there are way more lesbian couples on TV. I think the boys need a chance.

Sue: More fantastic Sue moments. She’s awful but so funny. OH! I would love to see Sue and Will’s interests align. Just to see what would happen.

Brittany and Santana: The fanfiction I’ve been reading has made me curious. What is up with those two? And as to Brittany, I would like to see more of her. She makes me laugh, but how dumb can she really be? I don’t know... is she really that dumb?


And there you have it. What I would like to see on TV. And I know it’s only two TV shows but they’re the ones that I won’t miss no matter what. Even if I have to attack someone with a stick. Chances of any of this happening... I don’t know. Probably slim. But wouldn’t it be nice? If not my ideas then whatever yours may happen to be. We’ll see soon enough. Tuesday is the premier of Glee and Thursday the premier of Grey’s.

Lauren.

Random Thoughts

I don’t have very much to say today. I haven’t done much. Went to class, actually spoke and said something intelligent. So, for lack of better things to say, random thoughts.

Sometimes things happen that prove you were right to do the things you did. Yes, it is a clear thought. I had to go back to work today to pick up my last pay check. I know, it took a while. Anyway, I walked in and well... it was really, really awkward. Inexplicably awkward. It wasn’t like I’d randomly stopped in. I told my boss I’d be there tonight. By the time I left any minor regrets I’d felt for leaving vanished.

I experienced my first bit of irritation with school today. Yes. It took a week. Only five days to irritate me. What happened? Well, I have to do a mini-presentation, only ten minutes, with a partner, on Dutch controlled South Africa. Really not that complicated. Except that everything I’ve found is pretty Eurocentric and centers around the Boer War. I pulled out my first year history books and raided the index to find that out.

I bought some books today, wandering the books store again. I hate the bookstore at school. It’s small, unorganized, the books you need are rarely on the shelves, the system barely makes sense and then there’s the absolutely ridiculous mark up to look forward to at the end. But I now have all my books! Yay! I can do all my readings! Something to look forward to!

Meetings start next week. WC meetings. Probably Pride meetings. Our Voice (the magazine) is being launched. New stuff, new year, the go, go, go begins!

I’m watching That 70s show. It’s one of the Halloween episodes. Fez is wearing heels that Pam Anderson would wear and is still managing to walk around. I am impressed and a little envious. I could leave the corset and fishnets though... PS, my favourite character is Red. My favourite line: “When I die, I want to be buried face down so everyone can kiss my ass.” My mother thinks that’s charming.

And these are my thoughts. Now, I have some emails to send, my room to tidy, my school work to organize and eventually, sleep. Sleep is good. I like sleep. It’s like my little reward for getting through another day. That sounds really sad... but I will argue that snugly warmth, comfort and a feeling of being well rested are indeed rewards. I’ll argue dammit!

Lauren.

Mission Nearly Almost Impossible

For a week I’ve been trying to get into the laundry room to do my laundry. For a week I’ve been thwarted! Thwarted I say! First my mom was doing laundry, then my sister was doing laundry... I could not get to the washing machine.

Today, after physio (which was once again painful and embarrassing), my dad had to disappear for some reason. My sister was at class. My mom was at work. The only one here was Meeko and he was not going to be using the washing machine or the dryer. Unless of course he has a zipper somewhere on his body that I haven't noticed yet.

Lauren: Meeko, do you have a zipper somewhere on your... uh... person?

Meeko: Mow...

Lauren: Don’t look at me like that... you’re always sleeping on the washer and you do have a particular smell.

Meeko turns away.

Lauren: Fine. Be that way I just won’t let you sleep on my bed anymore. Meh!

Meeko: snort, yawn.

Rochester: Lauren, I think you should see this.

Lauren: Why did I need to see that?

Rochester: It’s proof obviously.

Lauren: Proof of what? That’s not Meeko.

Rochester: I could have been...

Lauren: Sure... why not. So, should Meeko ever enter the washing machine, should I not notice and should I turn it on and should I stop it quickly, he would look like this.

Rochester: Isn’t that point enough?

Lauren: Yeah... okay. I’m tired enough to accept it.

Rochester: SUCCESS IS MINE! Scampers off merrily.

Anyway, no one was home. That means I had no time to waste. I ran upstairs (scaring the crap out of Meeko who was actually sleeping on my bed and nowhere near the washing machine). The few clothes that were on my floor I tossed into my laundry basket. There was almost a month’s worth of laundry in there. I dragged it downstairs with some difficulty and ninja-like (you know, with various kicks, flips and dives all performed flawlessly while shouting things like HEEYA! across the laundry room floor) staked my claim to the laundry room tonight.

Of course... I forgot the load containing my sheets in the washer. So that’ll be interesting.

Lauren.

Classes, Classes, Classes

I have now experienced all of my classes. I’ve been blabbing on about them for the last week and I just realized that I never told you what I was even taking. How rude is that? Do you all feel in the dark? The darkness shall come to an end!

Representing Apartheid: Which is my English seminar. I’m kind of excited because I’ve never taken a class in history or in English that deals with Africa specifically. And while this class is probably going to represent a huge part of my workload, I’m excited to start learning mainly because I know next to nothing. The little I do know about South Africa, Apartheid and the history that goes along with that is really only enough to fuel my interest. So here’s to learnin’!

Islamic Civilization: Clearly a history class and again, me just being... broad in my historical outlook. I like perspectives. And so far I’m really liking the class. Plus, I think the class is very timely. I’m very sick of hearing about Islam on North American news. It’s kind of awful how narrowly they represent the whole area. And again, I haven’t really looked into Islamic history so it’ll mostly be all new! I’ve only done mythology in the area so I’m going to enjoy going from distant past to near present.

Victoria’s Britain: I’m more of a twentieth century kinda gal when it comes to history, but in terms of English, I love the nineteenth century. So it blends my interests. Besides, after last year, I just could not handle the war and genocide course. I still cringe when I hear certain Holocaust related words. This prof seems like she’s going to be... really interesting? She’s arranged for us to watch a few movies and she has a particular interest in Victorian porn... so... yeah. I’m curious about how that’s going to go over... These are the things I learn about.

Developmental Psychology for Educators: I have to take this class. It’s a requirement. The prof seems to have a sense of humour which is always appreciated. And hey, who knows, I ended up really enjoying my sociology class last year, which I only took because it was a requirement.

So, when I start complaining, which is pretty much inevitable, you’ll either understand or be able to remind me of my initial enthusiasm. Or both! I am nervous as hell about my workload, because I am bound a determined to bring up my grades this year. Not that they’re bad, I just want them higher for when I apply to grad school. I also want to finish my novel. Ambition is never lacking here... Remind me that I’m insane when I turn into a giant ball of stress when late November comes around.

Lauren.

A Riddle for You All

Aside from me telling you over the course of a week, how can you tell that I’m back at school? I shall give you a hint but you’ll have to read on.

Lately I’ve had a really messed up sleep schedule. I don’t know why, but I either can’t fall asleep until early in the morning or I wake up and can’t go back to sleep. It’s rather annoying. Last night it was the latter. I woke up around four and after tossing and turning and muttering a highly unladylike expletive, (hey, at least I muttered), I decided to get up. Not fully up! Just half up. I grabbed my laptop and started cruising through all the online novels and stuff that I read. I got through two new chapters of Glee fanfiction because I’m that much of a Gleek. I got through a chapter of SVU fanfiction, because I like the author. I also got through a chapter of original fiction. DAMN works in progress! Once I’d finished with that I decided it would be wise to set my alarm. It was coming up to six o’clock after all and I did have to get up for school. About five minutes after I turned my lamp off, I turned it back on, deciding that simply deciding to set my alarm wasn’t enough. I’d have to actually do it. Sleep came after that.

So, for the next part, let’s imagine I look like this. Just because it’ll make me feel better. Are you imagining?


Now, you may be asking: Lauren? Why did I have to imagine that you were Salma Hayek when clearly you look nothing like her?

Because when I woke up, to some God awful pop song that I hate, I’d slept through the actual alarm. It was eight minutes after 9:00 and hot Salma-me looked more like this:

To my credit, I was wearing pyjamas. I know that was important for all of you so I just thought I would mention it.

After that, I went down to the kitchen to cook some breakfast. I decided on eggs. For whatever reason, the pan smelled like soap when it heated up. My toast got stuck in the toaster and I had to fish it out with a knife and a minor amount of violence. The toaster WAS UNPLUGGED! That breakfast didn't go away all day.

A while later I set out for the bus stop, which remember, is about a fifteen minute walk away. My foot cramped up and about a minute after I got to the stop, my sister came walking toward me, offering to drive me the rest of the way. In the end, I was only a few minutes ahead of the bus. Once in class, I discovered that I was totally, the world is flat kind of wrong about this year being easier than last.

Now, back to my initial question: How do you know I’m back in school?

a. Increase in clumsy/bad luck moments
b. No longer sleeping normally
c. Subsequent delusions of looking like Salma Hayek.

Yup... I’m back in school.

Lauren.

First Day Back

The first day of school is over. It’s actually been over for quite some time, but I’m writing about it now. It went very much like any other first day. The professor stood at the front of the class, made the usual intro speech, took attendance, talked about the various assignments we’d have to do, all that fun stuff. I think I once again spoke too soon about the workload. Oh well... what else is new? For one of the assignments we have a choice of three books. I looked them all up online. As always, the one my prof said would be most difficult to do the report/essay/assignment on, is the one that peeked my interest the most. At least it’s the shortest book? The other book that made me take a second look is over 600 pages long. Now, I’m ambitious and I don’t mind working hard, but I haven’t made it this far because I’m stupid. So, for reasons of volume, I’m ignoring the existence of the second book. The third didn’t spark anything... I think we all know which book I’m choosing (she says like the choice hasn’t already been made). I’m starting to think I have a masochistic attraction to challenges. Once that was uncovered, I skipped off to the WC, met with a bunch of the old members, hung out for a bit and came home with my sister.

Tomorrow I’m attending my first fourth year class. I’m a bit nervous. Not only because it’s my first fourth year class, but because it’s the fourth year class I kind of pushed my way into. We shall see how it goes. I don’t expect it to be awful... at least I hope it’s not.

Otherwise, I made a decision a while ago that I didn’t want to work this school year. Instead, I’ll be directing my “free time” toward finishing and publishing my novel. I almost got through Chapter 2 today. Oddly enough I haven’t added very much to this one. It makes sense though. Most of the additions I’ve been making have to do with my main character’s parents. I was originally going to glance over their relationship but I’ve since decided against it. More fun this way. Besides, the mom is also a main character. Didn’t see a mother/son duo coming did ya?

Oh right, and since my mom was annoyed with me for posting her incident of silliness, I shall now post one of my acts of stupidity. At least, the most recent one I can remember. During my all-nighter bake-a-thon, Amanda came upstairs looking for something to drink. I was pulling the cheesecake out of the oven, so I obviously wasn’t paying attention to her. She’d grabbed a glass from the cupboard when I was trying not to spill the cake. Out of nowhere she asked:

“Can I drink from your tap?” I looked up at her. I was closing the oven door.

“No! I’ll get you a glass.” She looked at me like I was insane. And then I realized she already had a glass in her hand. I suddenly understood her question. She was asking if we had some pitcher of water in the fridge or some other fandangle contraption for water purification. “Oh, yeah, tap water is alright.”

I told my mom the same story and she looked just as baffled and confused by Amanda’s question as I did when I heard it. So I don’t feel so bad. We giggled over it later. Apple, tree.

Lauren.

Moments of...

My final act of summer? I finished the second draft of Chapter 1. And as expected, I added quite a bit to it. The handwritten chapter was nine pages single spaced, probably about one hundred words to a page. The second draft was seven and a half pages single spaced but at about five hundred and fifty words a page. I had fun. I’m now debating having a chapter by chapter editor or just finishing it. I didn’t want to print it chapter by chapter because it gets expensive. My plan was to finish it and have it printed at Staples. It would be so much cheaper. I’m probably still going to go the Staples route, but I’m a comment whore and I would like the feedback given how different this project is. Damn those buts!

So what’s going on in the land of Lauren? Not a whole lot. I have a few things to get ready before school tomorrow, but other than that? Not a lot. This time last year I had no clue what I was in for. I knew it was going to be a tough year, but I had no idea how tough. I think that came out in what I wrote here. This year I’m not so sure what to expect. Last year I would spend full days at school camped out in the WC, the library or various lounges. I was busy from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. This year, my schedule seems too empty. I have one class a day, one and a half hours of school, with the exception of Wednesday when I’m there about six hours and Thursday when I have no class at all. Does that seem weird to anyone else?

You know what? I’m just going to stop questioning and take what I’ve been given. If I actually have been given what I think I’ve been given. I shall find out tomorrow.

So, fun story of today. You know how I have those lovely moments of sheer stupidity? Like when I got stuck in all those bathrooms last year. Or my first date. Or my various car accidents. Well, those moments of stupidity are genetic. My mom has them too. Like today.



A while ago I was watching a movie with my sister, The World Unseen (pain in the ass to get the DVD by the way...). She thought it was interesting looking so I went and got her the book out of my bookshelf. Because I bought the book after the movie came out, the cover had the same image on it as the cover of the DVD case.

The book

The movie

You see the difference right?

The DVD and the book are roughly the same size. The book is thicker though. I left both on the coffee table for a few days so today, my mom decided she was sick of seeing them. She picked up the DVD case and my book and proceeded to try putting the DVD case into my book thinking the book was a sleeve. She failed. I mean, the book is solid. I heard a “What the hell!” before my name was shouted. I came downstairs. My mom gave me both and laughingly told me what she’d tried to do. I’ve been making fun of her since. Apple, tree. Seriously people.

My poor mom...

Lauren.

Slow Day Baking

If I die in the near future, like by the end of the month, my mom did it. I baked again today... I know, I’m an awful person baking all kinds of delicious things in a house filled with weight-conscious dieters. Our fridge has half a cheese cake taking up half the top shelf. The counter is now playing host to a batch of marbled brownies... My bad. But man they are good. And shockingly simple to make. I found out today why brownies are so damn dense. Seriously, that batter was like stirring... a really thick glue. A delicious, chocolaty glue that I happily cleaned away. I’ll let you imagine how.


I’m not allowed to bake for a good while now. Which is okay. I guess. I can apparently bake again for Thanksgiving. That about a month away. Give or take. God willing I don’t have to bake for an army. Or bake something gross. Like some form of Thanksgiving fruitcake.

I don’t have a whole lot to report today. I mean, other than baking, I did a bit of writing. At the moment my foot is crammed in a bucket of hot water. I have huge feet so it’s a bit of a challenge finding an adequate water holding device I can stick my foot in. Whatever, this one works. I do after all have flexible toes.

A slow day, but I won’t be having many more of those. A little less than two days to go.

Lauren.

I Needn't Juggle

Where! Where has my summer gone! It is the final Friday of freedom, the last weekday of liberty, the end of “free time”. Monday I start school again. People have been asking me if I’m excited to go back... I’m not entirely sure. Being around people more frequently is a plus. If I keep going the way I am, pretty soon I’ll have a hut built by the edge of the university’s fake pond. They’ll call me the Hermit and the Hermit I shall be. At least I’ll be able to steal their wireless internet. The downside of school is obvious, aside from potentially becoming the Hermit I mean. I’m not really looking forward to the stress.

This year I have a reduced course load. Thanks to a stroke of brilliance I had back at the end of second year (I took a six credit summer course), I only have to take 24 credits of classes instead of the usual 30. Then again, that summer work may have had something to do with my augmented stress level last year... hmmm. The 2010-2011 year I’m sure will be better. My schedule is soooooo much freer. I’m not working. AND! Best of all in my opinion, none of my school books are bricks of Bible paper filled with fine print! YAY! They also cost me less than last year. I suppose I am excited. Slightly. I mean, it is my last year... for my BA.

Another awesome thing about this year that I mentioned is that I’m not working. I’ve just started realizing these things now, but I’ll have Christmas Eve off for the first time in two years. On New Year’s Eve, I won’t be elbow deep in sink backup. On Valentine’s Day I’ll sit at home like I used to instead of freaking out over a massive influx of hungry customers. Oh! What other holidays will I be able to enjoy fully?! I CAN MAKE PLANS AND NOT HAVE TO BACK OUT OF THEM AT THE LAST MINUTE! I haven’t been able to do that in years. YEARS! I used to schedule all social outings on Sundays and Mondays just because I knew I wouldn’t be able to be called in. This week was the first week in probably about two and a half years that I was not working on Tuesday. I haven’t had Chinese food in two weeks! Not an eggroll, nor spring roll, nor piece of chicken in ball form. It feels very odd but also really nice. I can go to the movies ON cheap night (aka Tuesday)! Because seriously, ten bucks for a ticket, ridiculous. Particularly considering the quality of the movies coming out lately. Entertainment tax... what if I’m not entertained, can I claim that as a deduction? Sounds like a... breach of contract? to me!

I feel as though a whole world of possibilities has been opened! Yes, I realize I’m exaggerating a little. Meh, maybe this year won’t be so bad after all.

My apologies for today's double post.

Lauren.

TBC -- complete

Well, I know, I'm late. Again. Unfortunately, anyone reading this within the next few hours will be sorely disappointed. It's now quarter to one o'clock in the morning. I have to be quick. I hate being rude and I have guests. I'm hosting a girl's night, all-nighter, bake-a-thon. We're in the process of finishing a cheese cake and eating some cookies while watching movies. I'll add on to this post later in the day.

Apologies! (it will be better in a matter of hours)

----

Okay, I'm back. It's now ten to eleven o'clock in the morning. My friends are off to work and I've finished tidying.

The cheesecake was an interesting experience. I never made one before yesterday. It required a trip to the grocery store and the purchasing of five 8oz boxes of cream cheese. Amanda was kind of freaking out because for whatever insane reason, she's concerned about her weight. She was calmed slightly when we suggested the light cream cheese. She freaked out again when I bought butter for the cookies we were also making. Although I think it was more over the price... I'd grabbed organic butter without realizing. By the time I got to the cash, I was too damn lazy to go back. I now temporarily own million dollar butter.

When we got back to my house, we began the baking. It was fun. Full of mistakes (forgetting to add one of the boxes of cream cheese, greasing the wax paper to the pan, forgetting to set the timer) and jokes and talking. Then Amanda got a call from her boyfriend. Apparently he was spending the night with a friend playing videogames and was shocked that women actually get together to bake and chat. I personally think we had the better evening.

We passed out sometimes around three this morning all of us camped out in my basement in true sleepover style. I haven't done that since I was in eighth grade. Anyway, I got the recliner my dad usually sits in and OH MY GOD! I have no idea how he falls asleep in that thing! It's so uncomfortable! Meeko of course came by to investigate. I was terrified Amanda or Sarah would wake up with him inches from their faces and scare the shit out of them. He didn't. Shortly after that, I got out of the recliner and curled up on our thinly carpetted cement floor. Everyone was sleeping and I didn't want to wake Sarah up to tell her to push over on the air matress. Oddly enough, the floor was more comfortable than the recliner for sleeping. Though it was a challenge to find a place I wouldn't get trampled should someone get up in the night.

That brings us to this morning where we finally ate our cheesecake for breakfast. It had to sit for like... four hours, so we weren't able to eat it last night. Lemon cheesecake makes for a very unusual morning meal. I think I might have a nap now... Lauren sleepy.

Lauren.

On Writing

Today was very productive for me. But I don’t really want to talk about that. It’s boring anyway. How much more can I really say about physio? Or buying my books for school. Well... a fair bit about the second one... But I’ve gotten a few really interesting comments about writing. So I want to talk about that! Because that’s what makes me happiest in the whole world. Seriously.

About “my process”, I’ve written novels by hand then typed them and I’ve just straight out typed some of them. For me typing is distracting. There are all sorts of applications, formatting, word counts, page counts, synonyms, sentence structure errors, all kinds of things that slow down writing. Sometimes it’s easier to just drop all the fancy crap and actually physically write. With handwriting, it’s easier to just get the ideas out and on paper. It isn’t perfect, but when you get to the end, the bones are all there, just waiting for you to add. That’s where my computer comes in. I type as I reread my handwritten novel. And while I type, I edit, I add, I embellish. That’s when I worry about synonyms and word counts and sentence structure. Another upside to handwriting, you’re less likely to get distracted by your email or games. So, I truly only have half of my current project written. It’s nowhere near finished. It’s the first draft. And I personally think that you need more than one draft for the work to be decent. Of course there is a limit. I usually have three drafts: the handwritten work, the typed work and the final work. I don’t consider handwriting as doing it twice, just doing it in stages. Sometimes an extra step is necessary.

The next thing I wanted to say is in story form! I started working on my very first novel when I was fourteen. I wrote and wrote and got to chapter three, but then I got stuck. The storyline wasn’t working. A year later, I picked it back up, did some major rewrites, wound up with I don’t even remember how many characters... got to chapter six, was still feeling good about it, but then this guy in my English class who could barely write an essay took apart the plot without blinking. I got frustrated and put it aside again. The next year, I took it up again, with even more major rewrites, I mean I changed pretty much everything. I handwrote the whole thing, typed up to chapter three and decided it was completely stupid. I HATED IT! A few months later, while probably still stoned on anaesthesia from having my wisdom teeth removed, I tried again. I picked a new perspective, changed some characters, worked in new characters, new problems, locations, solutions, villains, the works. I planned the crap out of this thing out of a fear that I would have to restart again. Seriously, I have a binder ready to crack with notes. I wrote it, I finished it, I loved it. It took four years and four attempts but I did it and it worked and it became my second novel. Between all that, I wrote another completely different novel, my actual first novel.

So if you’re stuck, don’t give up. Take a minute. Look at what you’re trying to do. Attack it from a different point of view. Novels as a whole are intimidating, break it up. Take your main character at his/her beginning stage and figure out where you want them to be at the end. Which major events happen to take that character from A to B? I find planning characters really helpful. If you know them like your best friend, they can help lead the action because you know what they would or wouldn’t do. Take it apart, there’s no reason why you HAVE to write a novel from chapter 1 and follow suit numerically. If you’re bored, write those dramatic, fun bits you’ve been dying to, then work them in. Writing takes time, sometimes a lot of time but it is worth it.

I could go on forever! But I won’t. This is long enough. YAY! for comments!

Lauren.

Done, Dun Dun!

It is complete! I don’t know why I didn’t finish it off the other night. Seriously. I only wrote another ten pages. But the first draft of my novel is done! YAY! I did it! I finished a novel before school started! Mwahahaha! I accomplished my goal! Success is mine! The only thing is, the ending is kind of a cliffhanger. I’m mean, whatever, but there is a second novel that follows and picks up right where this one leaves off. So... not that mean. Right?

I have one more thing to say on the subject of this thing being done:

I do have to report something that will terrify some and depress others. I’m sorry, but I really

do have to bring it up. Yesterday, it was rainy and cold all day. Like it has been for the last few days here. And then, my mom made a chicken pot pie and an apple crisp for supper. It smelled all apple-cinnamony in the house. I was wearing a sweater. DO YOU KNOW WHAT ALL THIS MEANS!?!?

Nothing really spectacular, just that Fall is coming. The next thing I’ll be seeing when I look out the window is this:

Which is nice. I mean, it's beautiful around my house in the Fall. The thing is, leaves of this colour signal the coming of views such as this:

Give it a few months... it's coming. HEY! Maybe I won't freeze my ass off this year now that I can drive!

Anyway, it is coming. We in “northern” Ontario know, the four seasons are called: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Construction. We’re at the end of Construction. Sorry to say. Almost Winter is upon us. Sorry Kathryn... I know how traumatized you were in the Still Winter season of last year.

Maybe I’ll go dig out my mittens... maybe.

Lauren.

10) Chick-flick-a-paloosa!

On my goodness. Today was a lazy day. I can’t say I’ve done anything interesting. Unless of course you consider watching a lot of chick flicks with your parents to be of particular interest. First it was The Prince and Me. Then Made of Honor. Then it was 27 Dresses. Then Ever After and now French Kiss. There seems to be a theme here... At this point I would prefer to see Arnold blow people to bits than watch another romantic comedy. I can only take so much of this romantic crap. Does that sound cynical at all?

Although, it seems that Meeko has developed a... less than desirable habit. Let’s just say it involves his butt and the carpet. I wasn’t awake for the first occurrence but I know it happened. Bursting through my lovely sleep-bubble was my mother voice shouting: “OH MY GOD! MEEKO!”

It looks something like this...

Fast forward a few hours, after dinner, Meeko is sitting at my feet in the basement. Next thing I know, my mother’s voice is bursting through my writing-bubble shouting: “MEEKO!” Meeko of course ran up the stairs attempting to take refuge in the living room. About two minutes later, my dad’s voice echoed around the house: “MEEKO!” Meeko then scampered off up the stairs toward our rooms. My dad told us he’d disappeared into my room. I haven’t checked the carpet as of yet. Hopefully he’s just sleeping in my chair. I’m just going to assume he has an itchy butt and leave it at that. This is what entertained me between chick flicks.

I have got to get out of the house. In other news, today marks the beginning of a countdown. I’m now at 346 posts. Almost a full year. Scary isn’t it? It seems milestoney but I don’t really know what the milestone means. Meh... figure that out later too.

I may be off to do some writing... I can’t take anymore TV.

Lauren.

First In Four!

The first thing I would like to say is that after getting Artie as a result on my Glee personality quiz, I seriously began questioning the accuracy of these online quizzes. So I went and I found... well, we’ll call it a second opinion. I have nothing against Artie except that he is cooler and way more coordinated than I am. Seriously, I’ve been in a wheelchair and it wasn’t long enough ago that I would forget the experience. Flailing and crashing do not begin to describe what I looked like. My second test makes much more sense.

I got Emma Pillsbury

Nice, but at times very complicated, you give advice to others, but your own life is in desperate need of some fixing because of your attraction to unavailable people. You are a tad obsessive when it comes to cleanliness, but overall you are a sweet and calm person.

MUCH MORE ME! I can be very complicated. I do give a crapload of relationship advice but have yet to be in a relationship. I am attracted to unavailable people. The first thing I think when I see someone is “I’m attracted to her, she must be straight”. I didn’t get that way by accident. And I’ve spent the last two years of my life working for a clean freak. It does wear off. AND! I bake. Pillsbury, baking, they go together. I’ve had I Could Have Danced All Night, stuck in my head since this discovery was made. Those are the only words I know.

With my faith in the Internet restored, I’m going to move on to other things. My hand is sore! More specifically my fingers... This is sounding dirty isn’t it? I WAS WRITING GUTTER-MINDED PEOPLE! I’m almost done my novel. Two chapters to go! I finished the story within a story today. That puts me at 178 hand written pages. That probably doesn’t seem that long for a novel, but it’s a first draft. When I go back through it and start typing it out, I’ll probably easily double the word count. This draft is more like the bones. I just wanted to get the ideas and the story out. I’ll add some meat to it soon enough.

My chapters have been really consistent in length, coming in at around 10 pages each. Which was really convenient for knowing where I was chapter wise. Page 20, chapter 2. Page 170, chapter 17. It wasn’t quite that precise, but close. The latest two chapters are about six and five pages respectively. Oh well... I just wanted to wrap it up. Seriously, if I put more crap in there... I dunno, I don’t even know if I could have added more. It’s good the way it is so I’m going to leave it alone. In the two final chapters, the two to come, I’m going to be tying up the frame. I get to go back to a character I left on the sidelines for eighteen chapters. Which is sad because I like him. He’s a cute kid. (They’re like real people to me.) Anyway, and then I’m setting up for the sequel in which he’ll play a much bigger role. YAY! Grayson gets a part and not a cameo!

I’m sorry, I just felt the need to bask in the almost completeness of my latest novel. I haven’t finished one since high school. FOUR YEARS AGO! And so with aching fingers (from writing) and stinging eyes, but a happy smile! I leave you for today.

Lauren.

The Internet Knows Me!

Alright, so today was productive in a way. I wrote about a chapter and a half of my fantasy novel. I’ve decided to up it from a children’s story to a young adult fiction. I decided that I couldn’t do quite as much with one of the characters as I wanted to if I kept it as a children’s story. I don’t have all that much to change so... I think that says a lot about the content. Anyway, the last three and a half chapters are all planned out. Just have to write them. I may yet finish this book before school starts!

Otherwise, I was visiting Brahm at his blog where he divulged that while bored he took a quiz to find out which of the ladies on The View he was. I got curious so I went in search of this quiz.

In the process, I came across a Grey’s Anatomy Quiz. Which character are you? Turns out I’m Erica Hahn. WOOT! I actually really liked her. She had some amazing one-liners and of course, she got to date Callie (I’m not drooling! What are you talking about?) Regardless of what I think of her, this is what the quiz had to tell me:

“You're the best at what you do and with that comes a well-deserved amount of pride, but you're not quite as bold in going after what you want in your personal life. Go, grab some happiness for yourself already. You're not as prickly and unlikable as you might think, even if you go out of your way to cultivate the impression of someone who's completely unapproachable.”

I actually can’t argue with that... A few of my friends (three of them independently) have told me to get physio-girl’s email... like that’s going to happen.

Anyway, after finding that out about myself, I was curious who else I might be. So in search of quizzes I went!

I next turned to Glee. Which one of them would I be... Artie! Didn’t see that coming. Here is the reasoning:

“You are most like ARTIE ABRAMS Who is a member of Glee. He's a geeky guitarist who spends more time avoiding bullies than chasing girls. His interests include wheelies, beat-boxing, and playing Dance Dance Revolution with his hands.”

It’s so me! Okay... only the geek part and the playing DDR with my hands. Which is actually pretty fun and much less exhausting. Wait! I did spend a lot of time in high school avoiding bullies and girls! Especially girls.

Finally I did the Harry Potter quiz. As expected, I turned out being Hermione. But this is what they, whoever they may be, had to say:

“You’re book smart, moral and cool under pressure. You love learning and showing others what you know. You’re way more mature than those around you, and you always seem to know what’s best.”

Oh my goodness! It’s me! I do always know what’s best. For me at least. The maturity thing has actually always been a problem. It kind of puts me in the middle. I don’t fit in with people my age, but I don’t really fit in with people older than me either. It’s why I tend to crush on older women.

So insightful! In conclusion, I’m a mature, book smart, prickly, individual who is terrified of girls but nevertheless good at what I do in spite of lower body issues that render me incapable of walking like others. My new name will be Lauren Erica-Artie-Hermione Daily. All hyphenated. Or maybe... Lauren Eriartione Daily. Yes... that’s shorter.

Lauren Eriartione Daily.

Squirrel/Chipmunk Dad

I’ve resisted due to the temperature. I haven’t baked anything in the oven for quite some time. I don’t really remember the exact length of time, but if it means that much to you, it’s somewhere on here. I was bored and hungry and well, I just couldn’t take it anymore. So now there’s a devil’s food cake on the counter with slightly runny orange icing. I can now say that I know how to work a double boiler for the next time I make this cake. As to what it tastes like, in the words of my sister: “It tastes like a Terry’s Chocolate Orange!” I wasn’t able to figure out if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I asked but she was unclear. She ate it. I like it...

In other news, I think I’ve discovered something... disturbing? You know how squirrels and chipmunks have that adorable little habit of stuffing their faces and hiding their nuts away for the winter. I think my dad turned into a squirrel. While baking I came across several cans of peanuts scattered around the house and hidden in cupboards.

I found a can in the kitchen cupboard. That’s not wholly unexpected.

Then I went to get the cake platter in the hutch type thingy in the living room. There I found a second can.

Yesterday, there was also a can on a side table in the living room.

So here are my theories as to what’s causing this behaviour.

1) Someone is trying to domesticate him.

2) My dad feels bad for accidentally BBQing a family of chipmunks a few summers ago and is trying to put himself in their shoes. Figuratively... chipmunks don’t wear shoes. As far as I know.

3) He’s not a squirrel/chipmunk at all! Just paranoid someone will eat his nuts.

I should probably add that my mom caught me taking these pictures. We happened to be in the kitchen at the same time. She reached for the peanuts but I kind of shouted accidentally and finished taking my pictures. When I explained the pictures were for a blog, she asked what the hell I was blogging about. She then caught me in the hutch thing. I told her I was investigating my father’s squirrel-like tendencies. She was doubled over laughing. I think her laughter was a deflection strategy... I will resume my investigation tomorrow. Freud’s been on vacation, I’ll ask his opinion then.

Lauren

I Got Nothin' So I'm Stealin'

Okay, soaking your foot in hot water when it’s freaking hot outside, not the best plan. However, my foot feels better. About the only thing I did today was go to therapy. It was my first visit since my therapist got back from vacation. Needless to say, when she asked how I was and what my mood was like, I answered in list form. I won’t go over the list again. You know.

Because I have nothing I particularly want to say, I’m going to list some of my favourite quotes. Why? Because I can... why not?


“There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart’s desire. The other is to get it.” – George Bernard Shaw

I think I only like the way it’s worded because I think there’s always something else to strive for. I’m curious and ambitious. I don’t think my heart could ever run out of things to desire. Does that mean I avoid tragedy in a way?


“I’m looking for a blessing that’s not in disguise.” – Kitty O’Neill Collins.

Yeah... who isn’t? But that’s the mystery right?


“Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head figures it out.” – Michael Burke

I like this one. Like, when I went to Toronto this summer and my cousin took me around the U of T campus. At that point I wasn’t really sure if an MA was an option. But as we were walking around I just got this feeling and I knew I had to try. Feelings are weird.


“One’s real life is so often the life that one does not lead.” – Oscar Wilde

My mom either doesn’t understand this one or thinks it’s depressing. I don’t remember. Says a lot to me. Although, I’ve lived hiding various parts of my life so maybe that’s why I like it.


“Having it all doesn’t necessarily mean having it all at once.” – Stephanie Luetkehans

This one pisses me off but I like it anyway. Just another reminder that waiting isn’t always a bad thing even though sometimes it feels like one.


I like collecting quotes and stuff. It amuses me. And it makes me feel smart. Not that I can ever remember them to quote at people. Which is probably a good thing. I don’t know. I can however remember quotes from a crapload of movies and TV shows which I do quote at people.

Anyway, my favourite quote so far is the one in the top corner of my blog. Eleanor Roosevelt. If there’s one thing worth believe in, it’s definitely myself. At least I know for sure that I exist, that I can hear myself and that I can make things happen. Granted I don’t control the weather, but I can control other things... like... the ingredients required to make a cake. Mmmm cake... that would be really good right now...

Lauren.

Fun at Physio?

Finally! I swear, I have not felt this good since my doctor was accidentally overdosing me on my antidepressants. Actually, that high pales in comparison to this one because, well, it’s not drug induced and I’m not feeling the dizzy floopiness (totally a word) I did when I was accidentally overdosing. Yes, today was a good day! Mark that down in the books.

I went to physio and it was almost enjoyable. I did all my exercises fairly quickly. AND GET THIS! I WAS ABLE TO BALANCE ON MY FOOT FOR THE WHOLE SET WITHOUT NEARLY FALLING OR HAVING TO GRIP THE BARS! It’s good. Just trust me. Also, did I mention that my foot didn’t start hurting until about seven last night? That was three hours into my shift. My foot is actually getting better! In random news, I apparently have very flexible toes.

The pain of course did come. Which is why I said physio was almost enjoyable. I have never felt pain like I did today. I didn’t cry, but there was squirming, face making, bed gripping and a kind of giggled shout of pain. I ended up grumbling that the only thing I had left to experience in terms of pain was childbirth. I’m not sure if my therapist corrected me or not. She said something. She was working on the top of my leg, so my shin.

Which brings me to a new segment I’m calling: LAUREN’S TORTURE TIPS:
With full weight pressed on forearm, press down on victim’s (aka patient’s) shin and rub down repeatedly.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program. I went through that shin/forearm torture twice. I’m pretty sure my face was entertaining. The high point however was the really hot girl sitting next to me. And yes, I actually had a conversation with her. Tehe! (Damn my girlish giggle.) So yeah, I have another appointment same time next week. Because it’s easier to remember... don’t judge me! The only weird thing is that she has the same name as my sister. It could be weirder though.

Also in the good news category, my parents let me take the car to my appointment. No dumb bus! My mom kept making me promise that if I panicked I would stop and talk to myself to calm down. The hilarity is that I don’t panic at all when I’m driving alone. Go figure.

Well, to continue the happy, I am going back to writing. I’m having fun writing random scenes that have no relevance to any of the projects I’m working on. Good times. Unfortunately, with today being the first of September, I only have 12 days left of summer before school starts. Back to the books and the two inch stack of essays. Must enjoy remaining 12 days!

Lauren.