The Humpty/Movie Mystery

What is up with religious movies? Today I was privileged enough to see the end of Ben-Hur. I also got the opportunity to run away when my mom threatened to put on The Ten Commandments. We’re talking the old versions here. No Disney animated nonsense, no remakes, the old movies where blood looked like red paint and Jesus was always backlit. My mom also threatened me with The Robe. I shivered in fear.

I have no problem with religion. I have a problem with these movies. They’re so corntastic I want to cry, or laugh, or make fun of them. No one appreciates a crying-laughing-interrupter while watching a movie. And these suckers are long! No wait, I meant they’re looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong... Three hours watching someone suffer until they find God in the last ten minutes?

I remember in eighth grade, we had an idiot for a religion teacher. She tried to make us watch The Ten Commandments. Religion class was less than an hour a week. Needless to say the movie just kept going and going and going and I don’t think we ever made it to the end. What happens again? Something about rules and walking in the desert... Moses was in there at some point...

How my mother could even consider marathoning them is beyond me. I just don’t see what she does in them. But that’s probably our very different beliefs regarding religion coming in to play.

Other than that, I bake a cake for tomorrow. It didn’t quite go as planned. I’m calling this cake the Beginner’s Luck cake. Every time I’ve made this cake (first time excluded) I’ve run into problems. This time, the damn thing wouldn’t come out of the pan. I lined it and greased it but no, it wanted to stay in there. By the time we got it out, it was a little bit destroyed. The upside is that there’s a glaze so no one will know. Except for me and my mom... we ate the parts that broke off and couldn’t be replaced... shhh! It’s cake not Humpty Dumpty! You can’t put it all back together again! That and it’s really good cake.

Speaking of Humpty Dumpty, why is he depicted as an egg? Someone mentioned this to or near me once. I don’t think it says in the rhyme that he’s an egg, just that he’s on the wall and has a great fall. It doesn’t really make sense. If he were an egg, they’d be able to fix his exterior shell but his insides would just be a runny mess. How do you put that back together? With a straw and careful siphoning?



And if he was a hardboiled egg, he’d probably only be cracked and able to fix himself without assistance. Or perhaps it would be the equivalent of breaking your arm or something. Unless he’s really a decorative egg made of... something breakable. Then there wouldn’t be ooze inside and he could be put back together! Was he crafted by Faberge? I think it's worth considering.



I must investigate this further. Should anyone have any information they would like to share regarding this mystery, I would love to hear it.

By the way, my cake called for six of Humpty’s countrymen. I’m a monster!

Lauren