The Real Smelly-Pants

I watched She’s the Man with Amanda Bynes the other day. It’s a pretty hilarious parody of one of my favourite Shakespeare plays, The Twelfth Night. You know, the play with the whole “some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them”. The irony is that that’s said when the Fool is making fun of the pompous rule obsessed butler-guy and now we say it like it’s supposed to be inspirational. There was very little point to that spiel. The point is that in She’s the Man, Amanda Bynes is pretending to be her twin brother and can’t find the opportunity to shower in guy’s dorm where she’s living. When she’s talking to one of her friends she claims to smell so bad that she’s convulsing people. I now know what that feels like. I'm practically convulsing.

I’d planned to do my laundry Monday. I had about three weeks worth of it stockpiled. My laundry basked was overflowing. Our laundry machine broke down Sunday. Most of my clothes was already smelly and dirty. I’ve been surviving on pyjama pants, undershirts and a sweater in case I get cold. Thank God I have more underwear than I could ever wear... or so I thought. I smell. It’s nasty. I may shower, but the stench never leaves me completely. I am living under a constant cloud of stinky.

I was ecstatic today when my dad brought home the new laundry machine! Of course, I had to go outside in dirty PJ pants, an undershirt and shoes to help him unload it, but I won’t be stinky tomorrow! I’ll smell like summer breeze or ocean wave or nature is amazing... some stupid fragrance name. Can I get a job coming up with frangrance names? EVEN BETTER! CAN I GET A JOB NAMING PAINT COLOURS?! Anyway, I’m so excited! My clothes is washing as I type this. Detergent smells good.

Other than smelling like the wrong end of an inside out animal (it’s not quite that bad), I worked on my scheme. It hasn’t been going very well, but I stumbled upon something that might turn my whole project around. Fingers crossed! I’m kind of worried that I’m just being ambitious, idealistic and stubborn. Again. Not always a great combination. I have big ideas, I just lack the means to achieve them a lot of the time. It's pretty aggravating. But like I said, fingers crossed.

Lauren “Disgustingly-Stinky” Daily.