BEd Frustration and a bit of Glee

I’ve written tonight’s post twice. The first one apparently wasn’t very nice. I didn’t really have a very good or very eventful day. I don’t have anyone I really talk to. It has to come out somewhere. I do have a journal outside of my blog where I talk about things that I won’t talk about on here, but venting to an inanimate object that hopefully, no other human will see just isn’t as satisfying.

Why have I been in a crappy mood lately… well, there are biological reasons, there are emotional reasons, there are intellectual reasons. Where to begin? I think stating “biological reasons” is fairly self-explanatory so we’ll skip that but emotionally, I’m bored. When I’m bored I get frustrated. When I’m frustrated I get impatient. When I’m impatient I get anxious. When I’m anxious it becomes more difficult to control my temper. Normally (thanks to medication and nearly a decade of therapy) I’m pretty even-tempered. Very few people who know me now know what I can be like when I’m anxious, angry and feeling vulnerable. Not good. If you ever find me in that state, just… don’t make eye contact and back away slowly… no sudden moves. 

In terms of “intellectual reasons”, I like being challenged, I enjoy thinking, I liked writing essays and doing research and reading books and arguing. Granted, I wasn’t always able to finish those books or write the best essays, but I was thinking, my brain was being exercised, I was sharing ideas. Now I’m expected to jump through hoops without asking questions. I was never very good at jumping through hoops. I like having opinions, I like working my way, I like working things out for myself, I like thinking. I’m rarely given the option anymore. Being in class is literally me sitting on my ass for two hours at a time listening to people talking AT me. For people who demand that we do a dance, stand on our heads and juggle flaming rings to keep our students attention, the profs I’ve been exposed to do not practice what they preach.

So overall, I’m frustrated and disappointed because I expected so much more from my teacher’s college experience. Do I recommend this experience? Sure, if you want to twiddle your thumbs all day and neglect your mind.

Also, teacher’s college completely ruined last night’s episode of Glee for me. Not that I liked the episode anyway. When Artie brings up Rachel and Blaine’s virginity being an issue, I don’t think any teacher would have accepted that and walked away. Precisely for the reasons that followed. Moreover, I don’t think Coach Beist telling Artie about her crush on What’s-His-Name would ever be considered appropriate. Other than that, the Irish kid is still weird. I felt bad for Finn but I still don’t like him. He fed Rachel meat! And what is wrong with being a virgin in high school? I don’t get it… then again, I’m terribly old fashioned. Which is a quality I rather like about myself. I did however appreciate the sexual perspectives circle with Santana, Quinn and Tina. At least there was that.

And that’s today. Tomorrow’s a long day but it’s one days closer to Friday.

Lauren.