My Second Paper Today

I barely slept last night. How I’m still awake now at 11:30 is kind of a mystery to me. I didn’t even nap. Homework had to get done! So, off today’s list, I finished one history paper, wrote the intro to another and read my research. I also made a fantastically vague plan for the essay I have to write during my midterm tomorrow in English. I’ll go over that in the morning. I’m quitting early tonight (though I’ll probably regret it). I had a dizzy spell a minute ago. I think it’s a sign.

Actually, I’m really interested in my paper on Reading Lolita in Tehran. My professor suggested we either look at a passage from our books (we could choose from three books) or look at a recurring idea/theme in our books. I decided to go with the passage. It’s near the end of the book but all along I’d been thinking and processing the book along the lines of this passage:

It is said that the personal is political. That is not true, of course. At the core of the fight for political rights is the desire to protect ourselves, to prevent the political from intruding on our individual lives. Personal and political are interdependent but not one and the same thing. The realm of imagination is a bridge between them, constantly refashioning one in terms of the other. Plato’s philosopher-king knew this and so did the blind censor, so it was perhaps not surprising that the Islamic Republic’s first task had been to blur the lines and boundaries between the personal and the political, thereby destroying them both. -- Reading Lolita in Tehran.

And just so we're super clear, that’s from Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi. Not me. I’ve never been to Tehran nor have I read Lolita. Though I think I’ll look into it this summer. It sounds interesting.

Anyway, I decided to look at that passage with regards to veiling. I know, I know... the veil again. I find we pick on the veil a lot. I don’t think I ever really had an opinion about it until well... now because I know more about it. But that’s not really my point. I thought the way she talked about the veil was really interesting. I felt like there was a kind of constant back and forth going on over it. Which is what I’m focussing on. I won’t put all my thoughts up here in case some of my classmates get the bright idea to rip off my idea. HIST 3805 students that means you!

The only downer is that I somehow have to write pretty much all of it tomorrow and study for a midterm. How do I get into these situations? I have a fun little tidbit though. While writing my intro, I was attempting to put my selected passage into a block quote. Do you think I could find the magical button that would allow me to do so? No. I at last relented and asked Word for help. This popped up.

Three possible articles: "Fun with Dingbats" (is he addressing me? Did Word seriously just call me a dingbat? And it's not nice to have fun at my expense!), "Style basics in Word" and "Crabby Demystifies Word Terms" (I’m assuming he's crabby because he made the mistake of using Word’s help function in an attempt to demystify the terms). Needless to say, it was all useless and I just moved the slidey thingy on the ruler. So there. Nanipoo to Word. If that's the only way to do it, please don't tell me. I feel victorious.

Lauren.

Big Bang Goes my Brain

Reading Week is over. That means the week from Hell is about to begin. Somehow everything is due this week. Which is why I’ve been locked in my increasingly foul smelling bedroom. I keep opening the window to circulate air but my mom starts bitching about it being cold. Why can’t I win!? (shakes fist with fury)

I didn’t manage everything on my unbelievably impossible homework list. Shocker! But I did finish Reading Lolita in Tehran. I highly recommend it. Though I am a bit curious about what happened to Nassrin when she got to England. I’m about two thirds of the way through my document analysis for history. I only stopped because I don’t think I’m making sense anymore. I’ll find out tomorrow. I wrote my article about texting and cell phones in class. It’s in the form of a public health awareness ad. That made me giggle. I did the extra credit psych assignment. It was kind of neat. We had to choose a kid’s book and explain how we could use it to teach every subject. I chose The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. For math, I suggested calculating the distance the pants travel. Didn’t see that coming did you? I finished the pride blog, I sent off the info packet. I’m a little sad now though. As it turns out, I’m not magic after all. Oh well, in five days it will all be better. By Friday most of my stuff for this year will be handed in. I’ll essentiall be done until exams. Isn’t that a refreshing thought?

I still feel icky though. Can someone sing me Soft Kitty? I’m brain-implodey-sick!



Thanks guys. I feel better now. And I love Walle! Did anyone sing along?

Unfortunately the impossible homework crusade will continue throughout the week. Stay tuned to see me completely lose my mind. I’ve already advised my unnamed professor to look for my mind in the gutter. Long story short, she suggested I check out the Hoare bookstore while I was in Ottawa. She told me it was called Hoare, it was on Sussex Street and it had a cat for a logo. I instantly thought a similarly named place would make a great set for a porno. No I’m not planning to write a porno. I really don’t have the time. I also don’t know anyone I would want to see ‘acting’ in it. All topics I’ll address at a later date when I’m not so tired.

Night everyone!

Lauren.

Writing and Arithmetic in Practice

Okay, so my math last time was overly hopeful. But I’ve checked. NOW I only have 7 weeks left of school. Seven stinkin’ weeks. That’s 49 days minus 14 for weekends and maybe one or two more for Easter leaving me with a total of 33 days and that’s just over a month, which is about four weeks and only slightly over 28 days. But I have every Thursday off... so that’s another seven days out of class. I believe that makes my grand total of approximate remaining class days... 21. Twenty one stinkin’ days stand between me and a stupid piece of paper and two stupid letters. Isn’t it ridiculous to be putting myself through this for a piece of paper and two letters? Gah. Our society is ridiculous. Stupid paper and letters don’t make me any smarter... just better read than I was initially.

So... I guess it’s obvious that I’m hating my life a little bit right now. Stupid homework. I think now is a good time to invent some new words.

Mectomy: Me- ectomy. The result of attending university and being forced to read and write until you no longer want to do anything you did for fun. May also result in forgetting how to have fun.

Shing: Original form of Ching, a variant of Ka-Ching. When there is a lack of money and ability to afford not only the “Ka-“ but also the higher ranked letter ‘C’.

Combstab: the not at all humorous attempt at murder by comb. Though I suppose that may actually happen in prison scenarios in which case it truly isn’t humorous.

And that’s unfortunately the kind of day it’s been. Prayers for a better day tomorrow. And yes, this post did require restraint and several drafts.

Lauren.

To Borrow My Books

I feel icky today. I have a headache that will not go away. Before Jenny get’s worried, “It’s not a tumour”. I spent the majority of today reading Reading Lolita in Tehran. I have about 100 pages left. I think I’ll have to get up early tomorrow because my other history homework also has to get done. Yeah... can’t wait for this year to be over. Of course, if my dad could hear me, he would say “Don’t wish your days away”. I suppose he has a point, but I’m really over the bullshit of this year.

Anyway, I once talked about my horror of cotton balls. But while hanging out with Dana recently, she suggested that I tell you all about my books. I admit to having an extreme case of OCD over my books. I don’t lend them to just anyone and the few people I will lend them to have to first agree to my conditions.

1. No folding down of page corners
2. No eating/drinking near the books
3. No reading in humid locations
4. No storage in direct sunlight
5. No bending the spine
6. Hands must be clean while handling the book
7. Only light cardboard or paper bookmarks
8. Must NOT write in the book

I’m sure I could think of more but those are the usual rules. The hope is to get people good and paranoid so they either take really good care of my books or they’re too terrified of me to borrow them. It's what my parents do to me when I ask to drive their car.

I don’t remember this, but according to Dana, I once came across a book she’d virtually destroyed. We were just hanging out when I found the poor book and apparently I set about fixing it. I know I did that in high school. We were given terribly cheap copies of East of Eden (fabulous book) that in spite of minimal use, were falling apart. The cover of my copy came off, some pages came out. Drove me nuts. I spent a very special ten minutes with a roll of tape and a pair of scissors.

And voila! Yet another of my quirks. Thus far all of my books have been returned in perfect condition. Only one book was never returned and I’m not currently in contact with that person. Most people just don’t bother. That’s what libraries are for. I don't think I'm being unreasonable. (I have a big smile on my face as I say that)

Lauren.

April and the Grinch?

Finished my Pride work, little over halfway through Reading Lolita... kinda boring day. I’m liking the book though. It’s really interesting and I find myself laughing at parts that I maybe shouldn’t be laughing at. I mean come on! Picturing a female prof being chased through the university where she works by an apparently really fat security guard simply because she won’t veil herself? It’s kind of funny. The mental picture is anyway. I haven’t read all the books Nafisi is talking about but I think this summer I might pick them up.

But on to Grey’s. Apparently this episode was demonstrating what results from lack of communication. I didn’t completely hate the episode but I still maintain that there’s too much going on for me to actually get invested in the characters. Though I was happy to see a break from Stupid Bailey. I checked with my cousin while I was in Ottawa, she wasn’t thrilled with Stupid Bailey either. I’m glad to see Lexi moving on and I’m glad it’s with Avery. I actually really like him. What else... April is going to go out with the Grinch? I didn’t see that coming. Although strangely enough, it kind of makes sense. She’s super sweet, sickeningly so, and he’s just so hateful, he had to have a mushy center. I don’t think Grey’s has ever had a villain and even then, the best villains make you feel some sort of ambivalence. OH! The shooter guy... Mr. Clark. Sorry, forgot. In any case, Cindy Lou Who tames the Grinch’s grinchy ways does she not?

I have a feeling that I’m going to get really annoyed with the... damn, what did I call it... Calariark triangle. I feel bad for all of them. It’s a very twisty and messed up relationship. As much as I don’t think it’s particularly fair, I think Mark is going to have to back off OR Arizona is going to have to leave. I think their situation should be a very good reason not to randomly sleep with your friends. As for Christina and Owen, when are they going to break up? I’ve been waiting and waiting and it’s just not happening. It seems that at every turn they are less and less suited for one another. Christina is so inflexible and Owen is far too quick to give in. Gotta have a messy ending sometime soon. I think they laid the foundation for that tonight. I somehow don’t think Christina was just threatening Owen at the end.

I’m not going to lie. April dating Dr. Cranky-Pants has me intrigued. We’ll see if that lasts.

Lauren.

The Fourth Year List

This is more a reminder for me (mainly to make me feel guilty) than anything else. In the next four days I must at least attempt the following:

1. Plan English paper
2. Plan history paper
3. Write different history paper
4. Finish Reading Lolita in Tehran
5. Write paper on Reading Lolita in Tehran
6. Study for English midterm
7. Study for psych test
8. Take massive chunk out of Dombey and Son
9. Write extra credit psych thingy
10. Finish Pride blog
11. Prepare info packet for potential Pride/Student Counselling Program
12. Write article about texting/cell phones in class

I think that’s it... after that I’ll have to put up the website for the English Studies Journal. Did I mention I hate fourth year? And that I really hate March in spite of it being my birthday month? In case I haven’t: I hate fourth year and I really hate March. About a month and a bit left before I graduate. But whatever will I do with all the power the letters B and A will allow me to wield? Oh! So much power! What to do, what to do?

With my English/history degree I will:

1. I will invent a peanut butter that people with peanut allergies can enjoy because peanut butter is too delicious to be a life threatening substance.
2. I will read books for pleasure
3. I will make line dancing an Olympic sport
4. I will change the phrase “Say Cheese!” to “Say Bran!” because it’s healthier
5. I will also solve world hunger, poverty, and of course, bring about world peace
   

I figure it’ll only take me the four months between grad and the beginning of teacher’s college to accomplish those last five goals. I mean, I’ll only have free time right? As for now, I think I should dig into that list. Blog tonight, maybe info packet tonight. I shall put a smile on my face and move forward. One way or another it’s all going to happen. Except maybe four of the last five goals I listed. Though, I do have a feeling that if people were fed, had homes and had healthcare that world peace would come about naturally.

Lauren.

Drunken Glee

Nothing of interest to report today. The head of the English department sent out a crapload of emails which was a lot of fun. I continued in my crusade to prove that Charlotte Bronte’s Shirley is a lesbian. At least four other scholars agree with me. I got another random and still unexplained spike of views from the Netherlands. That’s about all I did today. On to Glee then?

Drunken Glee... I don’t know that I have a whole lot to say. I didn’t really like this episode. It seemed kind of... pointless. There was a story to tell but I think it got away from the writers. The end felt forced, like there was too much story for an hour show and they just had to shut it down. And I don’t know if it was just me but was the Glee to commercial ratio equal?

The one part that made me laugh was when Figgins called Ke$ha “Ke-dollar sign-ha”. Other than that, meh. I don’t usually comment on fashion, not being very knowledgeable in that area, but good God, Rachel’s dress was awful. More so than usual. I think it was the worst one. Maybe. For once I can’t say that I hate Finn. Not much to say about him. The “drunk breakdown” was amusing. I somehow think I would be either an angry drunk or a really emotional drunk. I won’t be finding out any time soon but when I find out, I will let you know. Okay, I lied. Quinn cursing Puck with “I used to have abs!” also amused me.

So, why did I not like this episode? Drinking to get drunk or to excess annoys me. I guess I just don’t get it. Social drinking, sure, that’s lovely. Getting so drunk you do shit that will come back to bite you in the ass (or the wallet if dry cleaning is required) just seems dumb and counter productive to me. How is drunk calling Sue or projecting purple vomit considered fun?

Actually, I just thought of something. Did anyone else notice that Brittany and Santana were the only ones to throw up the purple stuff? And that Santana was doing a body shot off Brittany? Should we be suspecting something going on between them?

Anyway, I think what annoyed me most was that the drunk Glee debacle started because Rachel wanted a story so she could write a song. The song about her headband wasn’t the greatest, but just because you don’t drink and you don’t party doesn’t mean you don’t have a story to tell. I don't drink and I have stories coming from all over the place. Also, going back to Glee, Rachel is sober when her grand revelation occures. Oh, the difficulties of deciphering one's sexuality.

Because people seem to be checking in to my blog to find out what songs were sung on Glee, here's the list. If you want the Headband song, you are on your own I'm afraid.

Blame It
Don't You Want Me
One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer
(gleethemusic.com)

Lauren.

I Need a Timmie's!

Today’s trip home was far more eventful than anticipated. The first two hours were tense. We left my uncle’s place sometime near ten thirty. My mom got me up “after nine”. We drove through Orleans, eyes peeled for a Timmies. Sabrina (the GPS) kept leading us away from them. They were all on the wrong side of the road. I was thirsty dammit! We got stuck on the highway and there was not a single Timmie’s to be seen. Finally we decided to piss off Sabrina and deviate from her carefully laid course. The important part of this story is that I got my coffee.

At about the half way mark, we stopped for lunch. Good times. Until it was time to go and my mom and I made our way to the bathroom. There were precisely three stalls in the restaurant’s washroom. Two were taken when we came in and one wasn’t flushed. So we waited. I was rather impatient. Finally, one of the women came out. She promptly announced that the toilet didn’t flush. She happily left. Two toilets out of commission. We continued waiting. A line was building. Another woman decided to try her luck with the first unflushed toilet. After about five minutes of holding the handle down, she came out of the stall confirming that the toilet would not flush. Not that she cared, she was able to pee. We still don’t know what the hell was going on with the woman in the other stall but it didn’t seem like she’d be coming out any time soon. My mom decided we could not afford to wait.

Given my experiences with my family, being trapped in a car and needing to pee, I did not want to leave. A few years ago, we were coming back from Toronto and my dad would not stop. The experience has not been forgotten. Anyway, he was much kinder this time. We pissed Sabrina off again by heading into the town, once more looking for a Timmie’s. Could we find one? No. But we did find a lot of bumpy side roads. We got good and lost before at last we found a Tim Horton’s restaurant. My dad jumped in line for coffee. I ran for the bathroom. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to say this, but I was very impressed by the flush power of those toilets. If I’d been a five year old, I would have disappeared.

We eventually got back onto the highway. While I listened and read along to one of my audio books, my parents played an ABBA CD. I like ABBA. They have catchy, happy tunes. Thing is, I think the CD replayed three times before it was turned off. What are we watching on TV right now? Mamma Mia of course. I proclaim February 21st ABBA soundtrack day. Even if I find the bartender in the Meryl Streep version of Mamma Mia really, REALLY creepy.

Glad to be home though. The last hour of the trip is always the longest. I was really antsy to get out of the car. I don’t have an excuse for not doing my homework now thought. One question remains: Why is there never a Timmie’s when you need one?

Lauren.

Visiting Day 2

Another lovely day. I don’t know why, but I was up and wide awake at eight o’clock this morning. That hasn’t happened in... a really long time. As it turned out, we were to go for lunch at Uncle #2’s. The drive to this uncle’s place wasn’t really long.

I don’t think I’ve ever been in a house that big before. I always get an odd feeling visiting that particular uncle. On some level I feel like we click, but I’m never entirely comfortable. It was still nice though. Uncle #2 showed me his library (yes, an actual room dedicated to books and reading them) and we talked history. Aunt #2 made a friggin’ massive, amazing lunch. She made these pesto noodle thingies with olive oil. I don’t know what she did to them, but they were delicious. I could have eaten the whole plate but that would have been incredibly rude. My cousin eventually showed up with his new fiancée. Not that he had an old one, but I think he just proposed on Valentine’s Day. I missed the grand intro and ring inspection because I was busy peeing. Go figure. It was a nice visit though. I think I’m just awkward because I don’t really know them that well. Most of my interaction with them has happened in the last five years.

As to my shopping goals! Alas! They kind of tanked. There were indeed many larger Chapters stores here. We ended up at the one that didn’t have the book I was looking for. The clerk guy told us the store on Rideau had a copy but it wasn’t the right edition and there was no way I was going back the way we came. By that point I was at the end of my rope. Stuck in tiny car, trying to find parking in the downtown, on a Sunday before a holiday, after spending the majority of the day being social, listening to my dad making offensive remarks about drivers... Gah! He wanted to see the ice sculptures. Thing is, it rained a few days ago. I have no idea what could be left of them. I was quite happy when we got back to the home base.

The rest of the night was spent playing card games and this really neat word game called Funglish. It’s kind of like charades but with words. Like you’re given a topic and using these word tiles, you have to get everyone to guess your topic. I suck at it, but I could see how it could be really fun to have in a classroom.

Now for the answer to my riddle!

If you’re a dedicated student and travelling during your Reading Week, how might others come to know that you are in your fourth year of university?

The brown bag is the one that has my clothes in it. The black bag has my homework. God I’m sad.

We head back to the Middle of Nowhere tomorrow. Early apparently. Why must everything be done so early!? Home will still be there two hours later.

Lauren.

Trip to Ottawa

I had a problem with my uncle’s wireless Internet last night. This post was written on time but technical difficulties prevented me from posting it.

Today was a long day. Good but long. I didn’t sleep well last night and I was up pretty early this morning. We travelled from the Middle of Nowhere to Ottawa today. Well, we aren’t in the city but close enough. The downer of having gotten rid of the van? It’s really hard to sleep in the car. First it’s really small, and second, you feel everything! Did I snowflake fall onto the hood just now? I swear I felt the car rock.

The drive was uneventful but really messy as you will be able to see by the state of our car. We got to my uncle’s in good time and perfect shape. I was a little worried with the rain from the other day but all went according to plan. I’m also crediting our GPS navigator for the success of the trip. I decided to name her Sabrina. Oddly enough, everyone went along with it. Usually people question me for a while and give in or just brush off my silliness. But not this time. Eerie.

Once Sabrina confirmed that we’d arrived, though we could tell because there was a big-ass house in front of us and my uncle came outside, we unloaded the car of my things and spent most of the remainder of the day catching up. Tomorrow we’re visiting with another uncle and I hope to go shopping. For books. I’m going out on a limb here, but I think the Chapters in the nation’s capital will be a little bit bigger and wider ranging topic-wise than the one in my home town. If it’s not there are serious problems that need to be addressed. Also of note, my aunt fed us Turkish food from some restaurant apparently run by, and I quote “a lot of Chinese people” which to me further underlined the principles of globalization and multiculturalism. The food was really good. I’d eat it again. Although, my stomach is not liking it so much now. Stupid stomach! Why is it that people who love food are born with sensiti

ve stomachs? It’s unfair.

The room I’ve been assigned is technically my cousin’s but she apparently sleeps upstairs. My aunt offered me one of the dogs as a means of defence against the boogy men of their basement, but I declined. He’s cute and everything, but he smells (a reason I prefer cats) and doesn’t seem to realize that I like my space (particularly while sleeping) without him in it.

Tonight (or today I suppose) I leave you with a riddle. Ready?

If you’re a dedicated student and travelling during your Reading Week, how might others come to know that you are in your fourth year of university?

The answer isn’t: you tell them. It’s not that easy...

I’ll give you a hint:


If you solve the riddle, be sure to let me know. I’m curious remember? Anyway, that’s all for tonight. Wish me luck finding my book!

Lauren.

Word Domination Rescue?

Pretty quiet day. I think I’ve decided to do something stupid. We’ll see in a few weeks. I mentioned my idea about Shirley being a lesbian to my prof and he seemed to hate that idea too. Tonight, while looking up an entirely different topic, I came across some secondary sources that agreed with me. I have to go through them, but if I have enough good ones, I’m gonna write it. Why? Because it’s one of my last papers, I like the idea and I’m just that stubborn. If I’m going to get a crap grade, might as well be for a paper I like.

Aside from that, I did very little. I’ve been procrastinating. I’m heading to Ottawa tomorrow morning and I still haven’t packed. I should really do that. I don’t think there should be a problem, but if I don’t post for a few days, that’s why. Anyway, here’s part two of my kidnapping adventure.

---------------

Where ever she was, it was dark and it smelled funny. Of course, she'd finally gotten some good news and now a band of lunatics saw fit to kidnap her. What did they want anyway? It's not like she had all that much money... Lauren sat on the squishy floor, bored. Were they going to feed her at least? She was getting hungry. They'd kidnapped while she was heading out for lunch.

Lauren banging on the wall: HEY! I'm hungry! Can I get some food in here?

Strange Voice 1: No. Not yet.

Lauren: Why am I in the dark?

Strange Voice 2: Because whenever villains reveal their evil plots, that's when they’re defeated.

Lauren: Very true, however I was being literal. And why am I in this cramped little space. I don't like it!

Strange Voice 3: God she's annoying.

Lauren: I could be worse! Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O! And on his farm he had some chickens E-I-E-I-O! With a cluck, cluck here and a cluck, cluck there Old Man Mac chopped off their heads and made some chicken nuggets! Which I like! Can I have chicken nuggets?!

Strange Voice 1: Absolutely not!

Lauren continued to sing but food never came. She sat in the dark being as annoying as possible. Her captors never relented.

Lauren: I'm bored! Knock Knock!

Strange Voice 4: Who's there!

Lauren: I dunno! I'm stuck in the dark! Why don't you check?

Strange Voice 4: Okay. SEVERAL MOMENTS LATER. No one there.

Hours went by and still nothing. She was going to die. Die alone. Just when she had lost all hope, the door she'd been pounding on for the last few days at last slid open. The sun hurt her eyes.

Lauren: I'm... Free! Hey! Rochester! What are you doing here?

Rochester: You aren't free. And you were only in there an hour.

Lauren: YOU locked me in the closet? You suck! Do you know how hard it was to come out the first time?

Magda: Yeah, yeah... we know... boohoo.

Lauren: You're in on this too!

Freud: Ve are all in on zis. Zis is an intervention. You did not seem to take us seriously vhen ve esked you not to put us in a box in ze beck of your mind. Vell! Ve found a vay of escaping and now you vill suffer ze same treatment!

Mr. Plunk: We agreed not to disclose the plan! Cooper deal with him!

Cooper drop kicks Freud.

Lauren: We really have to work on him not doing everything we tell him.

Magda: That's what I was saying!

Rochester: This isn't about Maggie! Focus! While you've been off on your world domination kick, we've been stuck in your head. It's cramped in there. Spring cleaning, you should try it. We deserve to be let out every now and then!

Lauren: Uh... did you guys kidnap me because you missed me?

Mr. Plunk: I missed the air time.

Lauren: Awww! You guys! That's so sweet. But you have to understand, I can't spend all my time with you.

All: We know...

All of a sudden the ground, the walls, the windows, shake and maniacal laughter is heard. Now what was happening?

VOLDEMORT AND HIS COHORTS HAVE AT LAST ARRIVED! WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT! FIND OUT IN THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF... LAUREN HAD A BORING DAY AND HAD NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT SO SHE'S CONTINUING TO POST GIBBERISH ABOUT HER IMAGINARY FRIENDS. THE TITLE IS STILL BEING WORKED OUT.

Lauren.

Losing Interest in Grey's

It’s been raining all day. Got to love shitty weather right before you’re planning on going out of town. But other than that, I’ve had a rather uneventful day. Did some homework, laundry, filed down my claws, oh! I got a pie!

According to my unnamed professor, one must not return a baking tin empty. So in response to my cake, she made me a pie. It was full of delicious chocolaty goodness that I look forward to experiencing again tomorrow. Go figure, we also happen to share a love of all things chocolate. Also, this pie was friggin’ huge. I hadn’t seen a pie pan that deep before. Although, now I’m wondering, does that mean that I now have to make her a pie so as not to return an empty dish? This is a potentially dangerous cycle.

I forgot yesterday when I got kidnapped that today was Grey’s night and I would be bitching/blogging about that. The continuation will likely be posted tomorrow. Needless to say, I survived the ordeal. I hope no one considers that bad news.

As to tonight’s episode of Grey’s... I don’t know. It was good but I think I might be losing interest in the show as a whole. While many things are going on in a single episode, it feels like those little things are dragging out. Lexi is pissed at Mark again. But now apparently she’s going after Avery. I’m actually glad to see that for some reason. Maybe because it’s something new? I also just like Avery so more of him is fine by me. Besides, they seem determined to keep Mark as a... member of the awkward threesome that has become the Arizona/Callie/Mark plot line. Their couple name, I don’t know if there is one, shall now be... Calariark because it sounds like a disease and I think that sums up my feelings satisfactorily. I’m getting annoyed with slutty Bailey. The reason I liked her was because she was bad-ass not stupid-ass like the drama loving and causing rest of the cast. She was the grounding factor. That nurse needs to get his man-bits caught in something. He’s pissing me off. Meredith and Derek are still trying for a baby. Applause. I will take a moment to say thank you for only wanting to stick a non-euphemistic NEEDLE in her ass. Anyone who watched the show knows what I’m talking about. Once again we see that Karev is not a complete asshole. In fact he may have found his match in the new hot blonde doctor whose name I still don’t know. And why can’t Christina be Callie’s kid’s godmother? I don’t understand that. My godmother has other godchildren. My mom has four godchildren. It really doesn’t seem like that big a deal to me. But that’s kind of off point.

I wonder if one of the problems of Grey’s is that they just have too many characters and too many storylines to fit in a one hour weekly program. Perhaps they need to refocus on a few main characters in order for me to really get back into it.

That’s my Grey’s rant. Can’t wait for tomorrow! Last day of class for a week! Of course, I probably won’t be doing anything but working, but it’s four days I don’t have to see school.

Lauren.

World Domination Stall

Back in Lauren's super secret headquarters, the world domination team was hard at work. After conquering fifty countries, progress had slowed significantly. Today was the day appointed for their meeting and everyone knew that their leader would not be pleased. Salem was so nervous that he made no attempts at harassing Voldemort’s ever worsening allergies. For his part, Voldemort couldn't even bring himself to think of killing Harry Potter though Brain's suggestion that his relationship with Harry might be more along the lines of a twisted bromance was indeed disturbing him. For their part, Pinky and Brain were busy trying to get their names reordered. Brain was clearly the brain of their operation. On top of which, Brain and Pinky was alphabetically pleasing.

The time for their meeting came and went without a sign of Lauren.

Salem: Should we text her or something?

Voldemort: How? She doesn't have a cell phone.

Pinky: Call her!

Voldemort resisting the urge to cast a very nasty spell: She doesn't have a phone!

Brain: We could email her.

Voldemort: And just hope she's close to a computer? Idiots!

Salem: And what do you propose we do? Send smoke signals?

Voldemort: I could just throw up the Dark Mark.

Salem: And how's that going to put us in touch with LAUREN?

Voldemort: It wouldn't but I've been itching to conjure one for weeks!

Just when another argument was about to break out, they heard a loud thud and a crack against the window. They all turned. Another volley of eggs hit the pane. WHO DARED EGG THEIR HEADQUARTERS! This was so undignified. They all charged to the window, peering down at the ragtag assembly throwing eggs. One of the party pointed upward with a rather frightening sneer.

Voldemort: HA! Smoke signals. Not so stupid now am I Salem?

Salem: But what does it mean?

Brain staring at the clouds: They've kidnapped Lauren and they have no intention of returning her. Their message was just a way of distracting us so the ground team could also toilet paper our facility before speeding off... They didn't TP our building. BRAIN LOOKS DOWN. THEY TPed OUR BUILDING!

Pinky: We should save Lauren.

Brain: Or take over her operation. We're at 62 countries. It would be ridiculous to just walk away.

Voldemort: Agreed. But we can't just let them get away with vandalizing our base!

Salem: We can just go after them, wreck their building and leave Lauren.

Pinky: NARF!

Salem: Does that mean yes? Or does it mean I can eat you?

Brain exasperated: Probably a little of both. Let's roll!

Determined to go out and vandalize their as of yet unknown rival's base of operations, Lauren's former world domination team made their way to the garage. As it turned out, Lauren's parents had taken the car to work that day. Drat! Thinking quickly Voldemort ran to the broom closet, grabbed his broom and made a few adjustments to accommodate his companions. For Pinky and Brain he attached a cage to the underside of the broom, if someone started firing at them from the ground, he preferred to lose his least valuable team members. For Salem he added a plank so he could sit more comfortably. And since they would need to carry vandalism supplies of their own, he attached a brightly coloured basket with a delightful daisy on the front. Truth be told, the daisy was his favourite part, it made him happy. He couldn't remember if it had been a gift from Harry...

Salem: We're going to die.

Voldemort: Get on the broom. We have a base to vandalise and a boss to leave behind.

WHO HAS TAKEN LAUREN? WHAT DO THEY WANT WITH HER? WILL THE WORLD DOMINATION TEAM HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART AND SAVE HER? FIND OUT TOMORROW IN THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF... LAUREN'S BEEN KIDNAPPED BY STRANGERS AND PROBABLY WON'T BE RESCUED BECAUSE HER ONLY HOPE IS A RAGTAG BUNCH OF VILLAINS SHE ASSEMBLED AT RANDOM! WHEN YOU COME BACK, THE TITLE WILL LIKELY BE SHORTER.

Lauren.

Glee Anthems

I’ll just get the stuff I learned today out of the way quickly before moving on to Glee. I’ve always known this, it’s become a principal learned in class and today it was underscored. Teach with the awareness of how you felt when you were taught. Hmmm... what was my mantra again? I’m now repeatedly chanting “six weeks”.

But on to Glee!

Still not really liking Finn but not hating him either. Yay for his support of Rachel (after the fact, yet again) but serious boo for trying to turn Quinn. I hope she stays away from him... that storyline may make me vomit. I still kind of wanted Sam to punch Finn in the face. Yay Sam for finally pulling his head out of his butt. A gum ball? Really? Good God it’s amazing what Quinn’s boyfriends will bring themselves to believe. I would really like to see Quinn figuring out who she is. Good time for character development here TV People! Samtana begins though. And how could we not expect it after last week’s look across the restaurant. I’m curious where that will go. Sam’s kind of a nice guy, Santana is outwardly a bitch. Will there now be a softer side of Santana?

Oh Rachel! I know how you feel! Actually, I was watching Glee with my sister tonight and she absolutely hated Rachel. I was instantly irritated as she’s probably my favourite character. Outside that whole sending some poor girl to a crack house business in episode 1. I loved the Diva-Off. “Where’s the hate!” I like the Mercedes/Rachel friendship. It’s about time Rachel has a friend besides Finn.

Lauren and Puck. She’s crafty that Lauren. I’m strangely amused watching her and Puck. I kind of want to equate it that “it’s a disaster but you just can’t look away”. My inner pessimist sees Puck... “pucking” up just when Lauren makes herself vulnerable. Then I will be angry.

Sue... crafty. She is awful but you still have to somehow admire her dedication to making others miserable. She has a talent. It’s impressive and alarming.

As to the music, I am not a Bieber fan. I was hoping the rumours were LIES! I think I might be too old to understand the appeal of Justin Bieber. For whatever reason, it didn’t annoy me as much hearing the cast sing his songs, but I still prefer their other music. Any of the other music. Ironically enough though, considering this episode was about anthems, I found the following anthem on youtube completely by accident.



It made me laugh. And look! I finally figured out how to upload youtube videos! How long did that take? Just to showcase this particular new knowledge, I decided to also upload another video. I think this one would be my anthem...



Can we really dispute it after I hurt my ankle falling off a sidewalk this summer, burned my finger because I was too stupid to put down a hotpot and whacked my hand against my night table about five seconds after seeing this video?

That’s all for today!

Lauren.

BEST DAY EVER!

I was again anticipating having to come up with something particular for Valentine’s Day. You know... something that doesn’t sound too cynical or jaded but obviously, I’m not in a position to write anything especially warm and fuzzy either. Last year I baked for the people at work. Since that wasn’t an option this year, I was truly stumped. And then I got possibly the best news of my life to date. I’m not pregnant and no, I did not meet the love of my life. Though, that would have made for an epic day.

Remember that 73 hour writing contest I participated in back in November? Results are out. I’m in the top seven and I’m the student winner. Pretty cool right? So... what do I get for this accomplishment?

I FRIGGIN’ GET PUBLISHED!

As of November 2011 I will be a published writer!

Here’s the dealy. Making the top seven is just making the short list. The competition for first is still going (final results come out March 26th). But as it is, because I’m the student winner, I get 50 copies of my novella and I get 100% of the profit from the sales. Which is cool. On top of which, it’s an opportunity to participate in the publishing process AND it’s going to look kick ass on my grad school application. Mostly because I say so.

Now, what did I do today? Well, I found out about being in the top seven and being the student winner at about tenish this morning. Translation: When I went to school I was kind of a menace. I scared the shit out of the one you know as Kitkat. She innocently came into the WC only to be faced with me screaming: I’M GOING TO BE PUBLISHED! in her face. That happened to about a dozen people. I only stopped because I had to go home. One of the more memorable ambushes was on a girl from my English seminar. I think I kind of made her uncomfortable because we don’t really know one another. She was very sweet in spite of that though. And because we all know I wasn’t just screaming at people, I’ll admit that there was also awkward dancing, jumping about and yes, squealing girlishly.

It has begun! First the novella! The world will soon follow!

At least now I get to say that on Valentine’s Day 2011 I started doing what I want to do with my life. There’s another writing award coming up in May. I’ve already gotten started on that one. Crossing my fingers!

Best day ever!

Lauren.

Outing Shirley

I don’t think that I’ve made a secret of the fact that I’m an embarrassingly slow reader. That unfortunate trait results in me quickly falling behind on my readings which then becomes extremely problematic. For instance, I rarely finish a novel on the day I should. Articles and poetry I can do, but novels are just too long for me. Since one of my courses is based pretty heavily around novels, this was kind of bound to happen, but I majorly effed up on a paper. I focused on the first part and my prof really didn’t like that. Though, to be fair, he never said we had to look at the book in its entirety. I don’t know if I’ll actually bring that argument up with him or not. Probably not.

In any case, I spent the majority of today trying to catch up on my reading for this class. While I loved Jane Eyre, I’m not really liking Shirley. I find it long winded, rather fluffy and so far, fairly lacking in the plot department. There is a plot, but Charlotte Bronte seems to have forgotten about it with the whole Caroline, Shirley, Robert love triangle. Speaking of which, Shirley is the biggest Victorian lesbian I have ever read. That’s right! I’m outing her! That’s about the only thing amusing me at this point. I think you’d have to be whacked in the head with a two-by-four not to see it. Looking at it literally, she often adopts “male” character traits (remembering that it’s a Victorian novel and that gender roles are far less fluid than they are now). On top of which, she is creepily attached to and possessive of Caroline. She finds Robert to be the wedge between them because he is preventing her and Caroline from getting close, not because she wants to be with him. She freaks when Caroline talks of leaving her. It’s like this crazy, lesbian, stalker love story going on in the subtext. I’m really tempted to write a parody of it because how fun would that be?! No really, I would actually find that fun.

It reminds me of Twilight and the whole Edward/Bella drama. Shirley would be Edward, Caroline would be Bella. The only reason I’m committing the blasphemy of putting the two on the same level is because I tend to learn/remember by associating things to other things. To put in more clearly, I made a Glee, Simpsons and Fingersmith reference in my last history class and we were talking about Science versus the Séance in the nineteenth century.

In order to get through this sucker, I’m going to be playing out the secret lesbian subplot. Maybe if I find an opening I’ll just whip it out in seminar to see what other people think. Can you imagine?

Lauren in the middle of class: SHIRLEY IS A MASSIVE LESBIAN TOTALLY SCAMMING ON CAROLINE WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY SABOTAGING CAROLINE’S CHANCES WITH ROBERT! O-M- Friggin’-G! It’s like Edward and Bella but gayer! Discuss. Sits back, satisfied with the confusion she has caused.

I don't talk that way, obviously, but if I do say it that way, I’ll let you know how it turns out. Oh the things I find amusing.

Lauren

Just Stop Talking

Today has been a day of... strange conversations and misunderstandings. It didn’t just happen once either. I’m talking all day between all of us.

For instance:

We were at the front door getting ready to go out to dinner, all four of us.

Dad: That rug is pissing me off (as he kicks the rug at the door off the carpet)

Lauren: Don’t worry, just tip it to the left and no one will be the wiser.

Dad: What?

Mom laughing: She’s saying you’re wearing a rug.

Dad patting down his hair nervously: Does my hair look like I’m wearing a rug?

Lauren laughing: I was kidding.

Dad: I do not wear a rug! When I have to wear a rug I’ll just be bald!


When we got to the restaurant, things didn’t really change.

Lauren: So, I don’t know why, but in the freezer where I worked “pork butts” was written in the lid.

Mom: At home it says that?

Sister: No! At her work!

Dad: How can it be at her work when she hasn’t worked in a year?

Sister: She said where she worked.

Dad: Pork butt, that’s a big slab of pig.

Mom: That’s not at home.

Lauren: I said at work! I’m not talking anymore.


About forty minutes later, our food still hadn’t come and we were getting impatient.

Mom: The waitress told us that those thirty five synchronized swimmers came in all at once. (That's not even a joke... synchronized swimmers.)

Lauren: I hated it when people did that. Didn’t make reservations and then just showed up with a massive amount of people.

Sister: She said synchronized skaters not swimmers.

Mom: There’s no such thing as synchronized skaters.

Sister on the phone: Okay, so call me back and google synchronized skaters because my Mom is making fun of me.

Dad to me: Do you feel like you need a drink?

Lauren: I was tempted...


At last our food came, we ate, we left, we got home. While my dad was returning a phone call, I was waiting in the basement with Mom. We were going to watch a movie. I was amusing myself watching videos of kittens and that got my Mom to thinking.

Mom: You know, there was this cat when I lived on the hill—

Lauren laughing: Ah yeah, on the hill, is that a geographical location you're using to start your story?

Mom: Shut up.

Lauren: Picture it! Sicily!

Mom laughing: Asshole. I’m not telling you my story.


She hasn’t shared the story and is currently sleeping/snoring through the movie. It’ probably best that none of us talk. Too much has already been said.

Lauren.

Bills?

Not the greatest day. How do I know today was less than fantastic? Because the best part was getting my MasterCard bill. Although I did have a nice conversation with Katie in the WC and we did make some progress on the English Studies Journal I’m working on.

I don’t have much to say. I’m too tired, too frustrated and too discouraged with school at the moment to think of anything overly positive to talk about. As of now I’m watching Eraser, the movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Vanessa Williams. Not the best movie ever, but they blow shit up and it’s funny enough to amuse me. Meeko is sleeping against my leg and providing sufficient warmth to keep me comfortable. Plus it’s funny that his ears twitch when something on screen happens. His ears move but that’s about it. He’s so... unperturbed. I wish.

Plans for tonight include: moping, chocolate, TV violence and gore. Plans for tomorrow: pull up my socks and get some homework done. Can never mope too long.

Lauren.

Manners Please and Thank You

I just realized something about myself. I don’t like the word ‘please’. Thank you I have no problem with. It's 'please' that I very rarely force myself to say.

I don’t typically need help from other people. When I do ask for something, I’m usually denied and fed some horrible excuse. That or I’m asking for something in order to complete a task for someone else. I think I’ve gotten too cynical to say ‘please’ and mean it. Kind of like, why should I extend you that extra courtesy if you’re going to screw me over anyway? Saying thank you on the other hand, expresses my pleasure at being helped as well as my surprise. Maybe this is one of those circular questions. Like if I said ‘please’ more, people would be more inclined to help me? I somehow doubt that though.

I met with my unnamed professor today. Remember how I said she was bringing me some stuff for a paper? She brought about six articles, including her own masters dissertation and a book I was asking about. People don’t usually volunteer to do stuff like that for me. I’m used to compromising or practically begging or just going out and doing things for myself. It catches me off guard when someone just helps me because they can. I was so surprised and thrilled that I think I forgot to say thank you. I sent her an email in case but that’s not the same.

Maybe this is what’s happening to manners. Too many pessimists? I usually have very good manners. ‘Please’ seems to be the exception. I know it’s not because of a lack of education... Yes, we’ve gotten to the part of the blog where I show my true colours in real world interactions.

My friend Veronica came up last weekend. We decided to bake a cake. At this point my mom was still in the kitchen attempting to finish what she was doing in order to get out of my way. Unfortunately, I don’t deal very well with having my kitchen rhythms interrupted. Working in restaurants has warped my brain. In any case, I asked my mom for something and neglected to say ‘please’. Veronica, who was sitting at the breakfast counter, jumped on that right away and coaxingly chanted “Please?”. Of course, my remark to that was a very witty: “You are so a kindergarten teacher” (which she is). I believe that’s when she began telling a story about how she was always on her five year olds to say “please”. Me? As bad as a five year old? What?

I think Veronica is one of the few people who don’t let me have the last word. Which I have to admit, is something I like about her. I’m a pain in the ass. It’s nice to know that there are people willing to dish it back.

There we have it, my thoughts on manners. I don’t have much to say about Grey’s. Though I did laugh at the idea of a “vagina vote”. I think it was more the mental image of a vagina raising its hand for or against something. But that crazy will have to be explained in another post.

Lauren.

Long Day and Pride Question

Not a whole lot to say today. I'm really tired. Why? I dunno. Lots of stuff going on, lots of reading, lots of work... lots of people and lots of politics. Gotta love that combination.

I think I might have fallen asleep in class... I'm not sure. I remember hearing my prof talking, I don't seem to have any gaps in my notes... but I just don't remember a section of class. Oddly enough, it's in the same room I took all those catnaps in last year. My notes look nothing like those from when I was passing out last year so I suspect that if I did fall asleep, it wasn't for long.

Aside from that, during my very short one hour break, I was working on the Pride Blog. The page I'm working on now is an info/advice page for parents and friends of LGBTQ kids. I asked my parents what they thought when I came out, how they felt, what they were worried about, what they wanted to know (which was kind of awkward) but I got some pretty good answers from them. Some that surprised me. In a good way. Apparently my dad suspected I might be gay since I was a little kid. I also emailed a close friend and asked her the same questions. I'm a little leery translating what they've told me into advice for other parents. I just don't feel detached enough. But I did ask if the school counsellors could go through it with me and tell me how good the info is and what I might need to add or take out. I think one of the major problems with coming out is that parents or friends are surprised and don't really know what the "right thing" to say or do is. So they might say or do the wrong thing completely by accident. Which is part of the point of the page. At the same time, I'm hoping gay kids will read it as well and see that some of the reactions they might get may not be as bad as they feel them to be. See why I want help on this? If anyone has a story or suggestions, let me know! I would really appreciate it!

Thankfully, my last class was short. My brain was almost completely shut down. Still, I'm glad I went. As it turns out, Jenny's birthday is two days before mine so we decided to do something. At the moment, bowling is on the table. I'm not an especially good bowler, but I get to throw something at something else. Sounds great to me.

Once securely ensconced in my chair, I put on My Cousin Vinny. It's funny and it perfectly illustrates that bullshit baffles brains. Which is completely true. Then again, I believe bullshit is an art. Only those who are good artists get away with it. I'm an artist when I need to be. How else would I get through four years of English/History studies?

I'm off to bed.

Lauren.

Glee Saved Me

I think I missed it by a day... I don't know, but before I start actually blogging I want to say the following: 500 POSTS! 500 days of bloggage! Good God I have to get a girlfriend. But now on to what starts out as kind of a stinky day but gets infinitely better because of GLEE!

HOLY FRIGGIN’ HELL! Or maybe not Hell in this case. It’s about -30 degrees here with the wind chill. In American that’s about -22 degrees. I will now turn to Ollie Williams to explain what this means for those fortunate enough not to know.

Thanks Ollie!

I had a dentist appointment at eight o’clock in the morning. It was awful and I have no idea why I would schedule an appointment that early. I was unconscious until I opened the front door and my face froze. I imagine it was something like Dippin’ Dots. FLASH FREEZE! Since I refuse to take the car up to school in this weather (like I could find a parking space anyway) I had to take the bus home from the dentists. It was so cold that my eyes started watering and then my tears froze.

While waiting in the "shelter" for the bus, I made an amazing discovery. Glee can do anything! It was a Christmas miracle! Basically, I was just listening to Glee on my MP3 player and was soon forced to dance, thereby preventing hypothermia from setting in.

And now that I’m on the topic of Glee, how about tonight’s episode? Where do I even start?

I suppose we’ll start with Finn. I’m back to not liking him. In the last episode he was a leader. In this one... he was a total douche. The cockiness was awful and I kind of wanted to throw up a little. I’m back on the fence about Quinn but for some reason I’m only now noticing how pretty she actually is. I guess it’s all the close-ups lately? I can’t say she’s very lucky in love though. I think maybe out of everyone she should be the one without a significant other. Is it just me or does anyone else think there’s not a whole lot of character development going on there? She always goes back to the same place where she does the same things. (I was also imagining her storyline was happening with Rachel and not Finn... so it was less gross for me.) As for Sam... so my Karofsky theory was just me being silly... I don’t know. I think if I were him I’d want to punch Finn in the face. Actually, I do kind of want to punch Finn in the face. This is going to be on my list of wants. I have a feeling that one won’t take too long. Even better! Sam/Santana vengeance plot! That may amuse me. Would their couple name be Samtana? Hehe.

Rachel! I award her the best insult/comeback of the episode! I think telling Santana her only future involved a pole may have topped some lesser Sue-isms. I seriously hope the whole Rachel/Finn debacle is done. The way things turned out with Rachel, Mercedes and Kurt kind of made me happy because I think that Mercedes handed me my Valentine’s Day mantra this year. She took the words out of my mouth. No really, I’ve been saying that for months now. As for Kurt, I have been there and wanted to beat my brains out. Good job. I’m still waiting for him and Blaine to get together, (some Jeremiah guy over Kurt? Puh-lease), really get together, but I’ve decided not to mention it anymore since the TV people seem content holding out on me. Damn TV people.

More general comments: Lauren is now my favourite character. I would high five her if she were real. Do people still high five? If only more girls were like her. I mean in terms of character (kick-assy, confident, comfortable with themselves) though it was pretty funny watching her throw Santana across a hall (tough). Credit to Santana’s stupidity on getting up every time. I also believe that Tina demonstrated perfectly what Oprah would call “the ugly cry”. It was hysterical, but wow!

So there we have it. Valentine’s Day Glee. Does that mean there won’t be another episode next week?! To the TV GUIDE!

Lauren

Word of the Day and Celebrities I am Not

I honestly don't have much to say today. I spent a good portion of the day working on Pride's Blog. Yes, Pride's Blog and it's nowhere near done yet. It'll probably take me most of the week to get all the main info on it and longer to seek out info I don't quite have yet. But it looks pretty! That's what's important right?

In any case, I was writing yet another paper for my dreadful English seminar. This one is only supposed to be 2 pages. It's a response to the book we're reading. While writing it, I discovered my new favourite word. Or at least a new favourite word. It's up there with fisticuffs (which is my favourite word though I seldom get to use it in a sentence). What's the word? THE BIRD IS THE WORD! Nah, I'm kidding. It's actually:

Shillelagh

Why? Because for the life of me I can never remember how to spell it and I think that's annoying but interesting. You already knew I was weird, lower your eyebrows please. Plus, it barely sounds like how it's spelled. Which I also think is cool. So there.

In other news, now that you know what I look like (albeit in cartoon form), we can all agree that I do not look like the following individual. Therefore, I am not this individual.

We've never met but I don't think we have much in common aside from the obvious. Yes, I'm now talking about wealth and fame.

And while we're on the topic, neither am I in any way affiliated with this man.

Hi Ralph! I'm waving back! You just can't tell! But I am! Your belt is distracting!

Why am I denying knowing these people all of a sudden? Well! I recently googled myself, don't pretend like you haven't done it, and they popped up. Should I feel special? The Internet thinks I'm an elderly fashion designer and a... whatever the hell Lauren Conrad is.

Lauren. Not Ralph. Daily. Not Conrad. I'm Lauren Daily.

TV Control and Glee

Why does a minute in football last so friggin’ long!? Gimme GLEE DAMMIT! Stupid Superbowl holding up my Gleeness! Putting my life on hold! TV People, do you realize how much you are actually affecting my life because you’ve not only changed Glee’s TV day, but its time as well? Inconsiderate!

Because I won’t have time to blog once Glee ends, I have to change how I write my blog posts. No one will notice, but I know... Do you see what this setback has forced me to do? You know what? If you can take over my TV, I take over yours TV People! MWAHAHAHAHA!

Excellent! THE POWER IS MINE! I’m even a cartoon!

And now for my Glee review.

Well! I can’t continue my longstanding Finn-dislike. He has broken the streak. He made me really like Quinn. I know, confused after all my Faberry talk? Yeah, I like fanfiction Quinn, the actual TV character I don’t usually know what to think about her. For not pissing me off and giving me a new perspective on Quinn, Finn can be temporarily liked.

Aside from that, there are a whole lot of triangles developing! It’s going to be interesting to see Quinn and Rachel go head to head over Finn again and see where Sam fits in. Sam... maybe he could get together with Karofsky? I still maintain that if Sam’s not gay, he must at least have tendencies. I’m also interested to see where the whole Lauren, Puck, Santana, Brittany thing is going to end up. My sister passed down some rumours regarding Brittany and Santana. Given that Brittany was facing death this episode I figured something might happen between them. Maybe with Puck going after Lauren Santana will make a move. I don’t dislike Lauren... she has a strange... attractiveness factor that I cannot explain. More Lauren says I completely impartially. As for Sue (how could I not mention Sue?), I think she may have hit the crazy wall. How much farther can she really go without being fired again? Provided of course that she doesn’t have more blackmail material on Figgins or school administrators.

I liked this episode. I laughed, the music was amazing, Rachel walking onto a football field smiling and about to get crushed was also kind of great and Tina! I've been that girl on the soccer field. GO GIRL! Closing comments: blue hair and bangs are not the best combination, I STILL DIDN’T GET MY KURT/BLAINE KISS! and I may now go around chanting “BRAINS!” just to see what happens. Thanks to the Superbowl, I will see you all Tuesday with another Glee report.

Lauren (in both human and cartoon form)

Platonic Girlfriend Power!

Today was a good day but it didn’t start out that way. I hadn’t slept well due to what I think is acid reflux caused by my anxiety disorder (I now sleep with Gaviscon close by) and I was still... annoyed with some of my grades. Yeah, got them back. My presentation grade was, unfortunately as expected. The essay grade was unfortunately worse than expected. Bad grades are frustrating to me on two levels at this point. The first is that I really don’t care anymore which goes against who I am. I can taste the end and I’ve had enough of the stress and pressure. The second is that for four years I’ve been beating my brains out trying to appeal to my various professors' requirements, barely ever succeeding and it’s very discouraging. That and it frustrates me that my ideas are good but some of the comments are along the lines of “abrupt intro”. WTF? I have approximately 1500 words to prove to you, the professor, that my opinion is right or at least, persuasive. What do you want? A page of rambling introductory info or numerous proofs and arguments suporting my actual point? What in the grand scheme seems most advantageous to me? I’m still irked as you can see. (This paragraph is 213 words by the way).

Where does the good come in? Veronica was up? for the weekend. She had to travel north to get here so I’ll go with up. We watched a movie with my parents, baked a cake, just hung out and watched a few other movies. All of my really close friends live out of town so it was nice to have one nearby. MSN really doesn’t fill the void. We talked about books and movies, boobs were a returning topic for a while which surprised me. I probably shouldn’t have been so taken aback. After greasing the center of the Bundt pan... well, the sexual innuendos were kind of let out of the bag (no pun intended?).

I think I said something like: “Well, I don’t do this very often”. By “very often”, I actually mean “never”. I mean, ew. Really.

Veronica was also kind enough to read the comments on my papers (those that were legible) that I just didn’t want to read. The grade and the few comments I’d glanced over quickly were enough to piss me off. When she finished, I was told not to read the notes on my presentation and that she hated my prof. He’s really not a bad guy... I’m a little curious now, but I’m also in a good mood. She couldn’t decipher much of the notes on my paper though she didn’t think they were as bad as my presentation. It was then that she reminded me of something I tend to lose track of: perspective. I don’t have another presentation to do in that class. My professor’s comments will not help me improve because I don’t have the opportunity to improve. I don’t need to read them and get upset and angry. He typed those so I would actually be able to read them. As for the paper, I probably will try to unscramble his pig-Latin. I very much doubt there’s anything useful there, but you never know. Three months. Only three months left.

I know I complained about my school crap for the majority of this post, but the conclusion will be about my visit. Nothing is better than hanging out with a friend. I feel recharged. And that’s not just because the cake we made has chocolate, coffee and brandy in it. Long live the platonic girlfriend! Girl who is also a friend is just too long for me. Sorry Sheldon.

Lauren.

A Letter of Paranoia

I beg that you will all indulge me in a moment of paranoia.

Dear Netherlanders,

Firstly, are you called Netherlanders? My spell check isn’t yelling at me so I’m assuming that it’s not completely wrong. Reminds me of Newfoundlanders which then reminds me of Great Big Sea which reminds me that I should probably get back to my point.

I have never been to the Netherlands and to be honest, know very little about it. I believe I once wrote a paper on fascism in the Netherlands but that is neither here nor there. I have noticed that I get random spikes of viewers from your country. While I love and bask in the attention you have bestowed upon me, I feel I must ask: am I being studied in some manner? I must admit, that I am fascinated and slightly afraid. Okay, throw curious in there too.

Any answers to this query would be greatly appreciated. So would discounts for when I get off my ass, get a passport and set out on my world travels. Yeah... that’s going to be a while so I’ll need to get any agreement to reduced prices in writing... Please and thank you.

Should your purposes be nefarious, which I hope they are not, (but isn’t nefarious a neat word!) I will gladly present you with more suitable alternatives to myself. Given my location, finding equally random and crazy people will not be a hassle and your nefarious plots need not suffer any delays.

Thank you! Love from Canada! (Unless your purposes are in fact nefarious... in which case I only send a polite good day.)

PS: I don't actually think you have nefarious plots. But I have managed to use the word nefarious six times.

Okay, now that my formal letter writing is out of the way... Whew. One worry taken care of. Now I can get back to my Kim Possible fanfiction. I mean... reading Shirley... which is a good book that I am reading... for class... and I love it. Ahem.

Lauren.

Cosmic Ha-ha

I discovered today that what I am now going to call “Cosmic Ha-has” do in fact happen to other people. Not that I’m overly happy about it... but it’s nice to know that the higher power that governs our planet finds amusement away from me. In this case I am more than happy to be less interesting.

I was supposed to visit my unnamed prof today. I’ve been bouncing essay ideas off her and she was going to bring some stuff for me. She emailed me today and said that she had the flu and wasn’t going to be coming. I was sad because I enjoy our chats, but the part that made me giggle was that in her email, she assured me that she had everything ready to go. Naturally I replied with what essentially boils down to: if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plan. Which I firmly believe in. I have evidence!

For instance, I have to read Shirley by Charlotte Bronte. I am not a fast reader. At all. I can read for hours without noticing when I’m interested. I can read faster when I’m interested. But for whatever reason, school books, though interesting, never manage to capture my attention the way the books I pick up for fun do. And it’s stupid, because in this case, Shirley is a book I would pick up for fun. Nonetheless, I have to read this thing and I have to do it by Tuesday if I want to be on time. I have Thursdays off and because I’d been bustling about all week, I was determined to sit down and make a serious dent in this novel. Yeah... Cosmic Ha-ha. Turns out I was really tired from all that bustling about because I haven’t even been awake twelve hours yet. I went to bed shortly after midnight last night and woke up at noon today. Well... Goodbye chances at that serious dent.

To break up my attempts at covering lost ground, I watched Grey’s. Here’s what I thought.

Avery=idiot, he should know not to mess with Christina.

Christina=evil, glad to have her back

Karev= yay for telling Derek off

Derek = irritating me. I think he has a stick up his butt.

Callie= crazy, I am praying that my future wife is not insane... or that I don’t turn out to be. At least I’m medicated for that.

Mark= stupid... I just... ugh... No self respect. That’s what I think of him. He bugs me.

Lexi=really pissed and I’m trying to work out whether Mark cheated on her or not. I don’t remember.

Arizona= Still like her, still more on her side than Callie’s.

Twitter: If I ever find out my doctors were tweeting while operating on me, I would be horrified and possibly want to stick their phone in a place that would require surgical removal. See how much they like it. That’s awful! Is being connected really that big a need? Some part of me is absolutely horrified at what twitter in the OR means. And yes, I’m fully aware that Grey’s is fiction, but... put your phone down! Solitude is good! Try it! No one understands the benefits of silence anymore. It’s a shame. Plus... phones are so unsanitary! Sterile environment my ass!

Okay, unexpected mini-rant there. But really! I’m going to start an anti-technology movement. I think I’ll start in senior homes and bingo halls. Unless they’ve invented a Bingo App! I’d be screwed!

Lauren.

Another Random List

Because I’m at a loss for something clever or insightful to say today, I think I’m going to write a random list of stuff. How long has it been since I’ve done that? I dunno. A while... And because I want to, I will be calling my points ‘items’. Why? You should know not to ask that question. The answer is and always will be: Because I’m Lauren.

Item 1: Bubble baths and chase scenes do not go together. I discovered this not an hour ago while I was attempting to relax in my Brazilian Watermelon scented bath and the soundtrack of Mission Impossible very rudely intruded. I almost wanted to turn around to make sure there was no one behind me, just waiting to drown me or something. My parents were watching MI in the basement. Damn you surround sound!

Item 2: On occasion I indulge in bubble baths. I do not seem the type. Looking at me, you may be reminded of that scene in Miss Congeniality when Candace Bergen declares that Gracie-Lou Freebush enjoys taking “long, luxurious bubble baths” at which you snort with laughter. Except that I do enjoy long, luxurious bubble baths... sometimes... I like things that smell pretty... Okay, enough on this topic.

Item 3: As I once mentioned in a comment on someone else’s blog, the only SuperBowl I am interested in, is filled with ice cream and cookies. This magic Super Bowl will then be enjoyed during the episode of Glee that will follow some football game. This is where my priorities lie. If that comment was blasphemous to some, I apologize. Or at least I will if you give me my requested Super Bowl.

Item 4: When you present people with a painting of... patterns rather than distinguishable objects and ask them to look for something dirty, they will come up with some amazingly interesting stuff. Kathryn’s comment made me curious as to what else was in my parents’ painting so I asked around. Turns out there was a lot of stuff I missed! I’ve since found MALE REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS!, breasts, a few positions... some other things I can’t mention. Good times. I suggest buying a similar painting for a potential party game. The person to find the most obscure sex related pattern wins!

Item 5: The random tidbit of the day is that: In the United States, more children know how to use the Internet than ride bicycles. This tidbit was passed along by the husband of my psychology professor who also happens to teach my psychology class on occasion. A random tidbit from me is that I call Laughing Cow cheese “Haha Moo”. Why? Because I’m Lauren. Laughing Cow just doesn’t sound fun enough. Pass the Haha Moo please!

Tada! Actually... most of those are from today. God I’m weird! But I do actually suggest the painting as a party game. These are my random items. This was my day. I am now going to fall asleep. Or read. Or both. I’m working on reading by osmosis. Haven’t perfected it yet, but I think I’m getting close.

Lauren.

The Pile

Oh gosh... what to say? Shall we go with an image is worth a thousand words?

I have a horrible sense that tomorrow will be as aggravating and tiring as today. Perhaps more considering my school day will be longer. Why does life throw stuff at you all at once? Better yet, why is it that things that are important often take up more time than one has to give them? More on that when I know more on that.

In the meantime...

Great... Maybe the massive blizzard will miss us. If not, I guess I'll add frozen poo to the pile.

Lauren.