Ugh... if I thought it would help, I would rip off my ears. But then I realize, that won’t help. Besides, only one ear is bothering me, but for the sake of balance and symmetry I would have to do both. And lopping of one ear just for the sake of lopping of an ear is far crazier than I’m willing to get. Therefore, both ears must remain.
That rant, while true, was mostly just a way of luring Freud away from his vacation. I do have a non-ear related matter I wish to discuss with him. Though, it is about my grandfather so a parallel could be drawn.
Freud: Lauren, couldn't you jast call me vhen you need me? Vhy are all zese games necessary?
Lauren: It’s fun?
Freud: Vhatever. Can ve get on vith your issue? I vas havink a lovely holiday... since Angela has proclaimed you ‘OK’.
Lauren: You should be nicer to Angela. She travelled to England to see your couch. Okay, she has family there, but she still went to see your couch. There’s a picture in her office. And you know what? I don’t think you can afford to lose the fans you have...
Freud annoyed: Ze point of ziss visit?
Lauren: Right! So, I went to see my grandpa today and I have a question. What is up with the play fighting and the pushing and snapping at me?
Freud: I thought your mother answered ziss question. Iss it not because your grandfather is incapable of demonstrating affection by ozer, healthier means?
Lauren: Well yeah... she did say that... I was looking for a second opinion. He has always been a kind of miserable man. I was just checking.
Freud: Vell, zere you go. You do not need me at all. You answer your own questions. May I go now?
Lauren: No. I have a follow up question. If I refuse to push, snap or hit him back, am I then rejecting his affection?
Freud: Possibly, but do you really vant to be responsible for punching your grandfather in the face and landing him on his ass?
Lauren: Part of me says yes... but the more dominant part says no.
Freud: Vell, again, you answer your question. If you vish to test ze theory, jast punch him beck. Can I go now?
Lauren: No. I have another question. Could he just be jealous because I’m the female equivalent of everything he wants to be? Strong, able to stand upright, I have hair...
Freud rubbing temples: Lauren... I sink you should stick to your first theory.
Lauren: Right. So, in your opinion, should I punch my grandfather?
Freud: I am not answering zis question. Vhy are your family relations so complicated? No vonder you heve so many problems. Far too much repression.
Lauren annoyed: Okay, you can go back to your Gwen Stefani fanfiction conference now.
Freud: WHO TOLD!
Lauren laughing: Maggie of course. She knows everything.
Freud: GAH!
Lauren: You were saying about repressed urges?
Freud disappears with a 'POP!'
So yeah, that’s my problem. I don’t know how to interact with my grandpa and he doesn’t know how to interact with me. He was play shoving today. My grandma keeps suggesting I hit or push him back. I have a feeling that I would probably physically hurt him if I ever did. I also have a feeling my grandma’s vicariously trying to vent her own frustrations.
To punch or not to punch, that is the question.
Why didn’t Shakespeare ever ask that question... it’s far less philosophical. Much more useful. Another reason to dislike Hamlet.
Lauren.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Big Catholic Italian Wedding
Okay, first things first. If your baby or infant gets ear infections or has had them, I will now speak for them. IT SUCKS AND IT HURTS! The screaming is not merely to annoy you. If I didn’t have the ability to speak, I’d probably be screaming too. And I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I think the main reason it’s bothering me so much is because I can’t actually touch it if it gets uncomfortable or feels funny. It’s very frustrating and I do not enjoy being deaf in one ear.
In spite of all that, I went to my cousin’s wedding. Yup another cousin. It was in the Cathedral. His wife’s family is really, really Italian. I know it’s a terrible stereotype, but they really did look like they belonged in the 1920s American mafia. I don’t know if it was done on purpose, but the car, the suits, the hats...
I didn’t hear much of the ceremony. I don’t know if that was me or if the mic wasn’t working. I think a bit of both. The father of the groom, my uncle, is almost entirely tactless and hysterically funny. He was making all kinds of funny comments under his breath. I think the big, showy nature of the wedding was kind of contrary to his personality. It was very nice though. Hot, but very nice. My aunt, the mother of the groom, suggested that should I ever get married, to have the ceremony in October or December. She even promised to dress up like Santa Claus should I have it in December. I know these decisions must be made with my future bride, but seriously? If she has any sense of humour at all, she’ll let me call in that promise. Because my aunt Leanne in a Santa suit? PRICELESS!
Since our house was closest to the hall where the reception was being held, most of my aunts and uncles met up here. It was pretty fun. Hard to follow when everyone started talking at once because I couldn’t make out what was being said, but definitely funny. I think I like my dad’s family’s sense of humour more than my mom’s. Though, I may find them funnier because I see them less.
I decided that I wasn’t going to go to the reception. I had a headache, my ear and jaw were killing me, I didn’t feel like chewing with my mouth open (yup, hurts to chew), I was tired. My mom of course turned her guilt beams on me. I was a horrible person because the meal had been paid for and we’d RSVPed for five... blah, blah, blah. My sister managed to avoid the guilt because she was working. See, to me, that’s less of an excuse. She had how long to book it off? And is it my fault that because my sister was absent, her boyfriend would be too? No. No it’s not! Stupid guilt...
In conclusion, the wedding was lovely. I may have a Santa look-a-like at my wedding. Ear infections are annoying and painful. It’s cruel that small children have to go through them.
Oh, and interestingly enough, my mom also tried to guilt me when I didn't say the... Our Father? Is that what it's called in English. She told me I could have said it in French. Took me a while to figure out what everyone was saying. Besides, all I could think of was Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act saying grace and slipping in and out of various prayers and legal documents. Telling my mom what I was thinking of made her laugh and shut down the guilt.
Lauren.
In spite of all that, I went to my cousin’s wedding. Yup another cousin. It was in the Cathedral. His wife’s family is really, really Italian. I know it’s a terrible stereotype, but they really did look like they belonged in the 1920s American mafia. I don’t know if it was done on purpose, but the car, the suits, the hats...
I didn’t hear much of the ceremony. I don’t know if that was me or if the mic wasn’t working. I think a bit of both. The father of the groom, my uncle, is almost entirely tactless and hysterically funny. He was making all kinds of funny comments under his breath. I think the big, showy nature of the wedding was kind of contrary to his personality. It was very nice though. Hot, but very nice. My aunt, the mother of the groom, suggested that should I ever get married, to have the ceremony in October or December. She even promised to dress up like Santa Claus should I have it in December. I know these decisions must be made with my future bride, but seriously? If she has any sense of humour at all, she’ll let me call in that promise. Because my aunt Leanne in a Santa suit? PRICELESS!
Since our house was closest to the hall where the reception was being held, most of my aunts and uncles met up here. It was pretty fun. Hard to follow when everyone started talking at once because I couldn’t make out what was being said, but definitely funny. I think I like my dad’s family’s sense of humour more than my mom’s. Though, I may find them funnier because I see them less.
I decided that I wasn’t going to go to the reception. I had a headache, my ear and jaw were killing me, I didn’t feel like chewing with my mouth open (yup, hurts to chew), I was tired. My mom of course turned her guilt beams on me. I was a horrible person because the meal had been paid for and we’d RSVPed for five... blah, blah, blah. My sister managed to avoid the guilt because she was working. See, to me, that’s less of an excuse. She had how long to book it off? And is it my fault that because my sister was absent, her boyfriend would be too? No. No it’s not! Stupid guilt...
In conclusion, the wedding was lovely. I may have a Santa look-a-like at my wedding. Ear infections are annoying and painful. It’s cruel that small children have to go through them.
Oh, and interestingly enough, my mom also tried to guilt me when I didn't say the... Our Father? Is that what it's called in English. She told me I could have said it in French. Took me a while to figure out what everyone was saying. Besides, all I could think of was Whoopi Goldberg in Sister Act saying grace and slipping in and out of various prayers and legal documents. Telling my mom what I was thinking of made her laugh and shut down the guilt.
Lauren.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Infection Conspiracy
On Wednesday I went to my doctor’s. I just needed to refill a prescription. I was feeling great.
Yesterday my jaw was kind of sore but I didn’t think much of it. This morning, my jaw hurt a lot more and so did my ear. At first it wasn’t so bad but by 4:00 I decided I should probably get it checked out.
No one wanted to brave the walk-in clinic with me and I think that was probably a good thing. After half an hour of waiting outside the office and waiting about an hour and a half in the office, it was discovered that I have a Eustachian tube infection. Apparently the last time I had an ear infection I was six months old. Clearly doctor’s offices are breeding grounds for contagion and illness.
Picture it, Wednesday, 2011 (been watching too many reruns). I walked into the office. It was mostly empty but I still sat as far away from any other people as possible. I didn’t touch their pens, I didn’t touch any magazines. I just sat down. I didn’t even lick the chair!
According to information passed on by my father, a greater conspiracy is at hand. Remember how I said I had to wait forty minutes after my appointment to get in, I must have fallen into a boredom induced coma. While I was vulnerable, Coughey McCougherson, a fiend riddled with infections, snuck up on me and coughed in my ear. It’s all a scam run by doctors and pharmacists. Let that be a lesson! Always be vigilant. And if you have any information regarding Coughey, pass it along to local law enforcement. Disease trafficking is just plain sick.
Now I have to take ear drops that feel awful and antibiotics. At least it’s not probiotics because I can’t really imagine shoving yogurt in my ear. My mom actually made the hideous suggestion that I put a cotton ball in my ear. A COTTON BALL! I can’t touch them because I don’t like the sound they make. How could I possibly keep one in my ear?!
My doctor happened to find it very amusing. I go five months without seeing her and I happened to see her twice this week.
At least I had an excuse when I definitely did not hear Elvis sing “peanuts”. My parents are watching one of his movies... something about a world fair. The little Chinese girl is nearly out-acting him. He still sings better than her though.
Lauren.
Yesterday my jaw was kind of sore but I didn’t think much of it. This morning, my jaw hurt a lot more and so did my ear. At first it wasn’t so bad but by 4:00 I decided I should probably get it checked out.
No one wanted to brave the walk-in clinic with me and I think that was probably a good thing. After half an hour of waiting outside the office and waiting about an hour and a half in the office, it was discovered that I have a Eustachian tube infection. Apparently the last time I had an ear infection I was six months old. Clearly doctor’s offices are breeding grounds for contagion and illness.
Picture it, Wednesday, 2011 (been watching too many reruns). I walked into the office. It was mostly empty but I still sat as far away from any other people as possible. I didn’t touch their pens, I didn’t touch any magazines. I just sat down. I didn’t even lick the chair!
According to information passed on by my father, a greater conspiracy is at hand. Remember how I said I had to wait forty minutes after my appointment to get in, I must have fallen into a boredom induced coma. While I was vulnerable, Coughey McCougherson, a fiend riddled with infections, snuck up on me and coughed in my ear. It’s all a scam run by doctors and pharmacists. Let that be a lesson! Always be vigilant. And if you have any information regarding Coughey, pass it along to local law enforcement. Disease trafficking is just plain sick.
Now I have to take ear drops that feel awful and antibiotics. At least it’s not probiotics because I can’t really imagine shoving yogurt in my ear. My mom actually made the hideous suggestion that I put a cotton ball in my ear. A COTTON BALL! I can’t touch them because I don’t like the sound they make. How could I possibly keep one in my ear?!
My doctor happened to find it very amusing. I go five months without seeing her and I happened to see her twice this week.
At least I had an excuse when I definitely did not hear Elvis sing “peanuts”. My parents are watching one of his movies... something about a world fair. The little Chinese girl is nearly out-acting him. He still sings better than her though.
Lauren.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Gone Straight
What did I do today? I went grocery shopping for a few last minute essentials. I booked my G2 exit test. I sang along obnoxiously loud to one of my old French CDs. And then, I cooked.
Jenny was going to come over right after her class. That meant she’d be arriving at my house sometime after 6:30. It was only logical to assume the poor girl hadn’t eaten. I used that fact to try out a recipe I’ve been wanting to try for some time. It’s a tofu, peanut salad. Yup, I totally exploited the fact that Jenny is also a vegetarian. Thing is, when I started thinking about it, I wasn’t at all satisfied with just serving her a salad, no matter how filling. So I made an apple pie in thousand degree weather. Not exactly the smartest move. Thankfully, Jenny was a bit late so I got a chance to shower before she got here. I was quite gross.
The meal was only part of the evening however. The real purpose of tonight was to introduce Jenny to the L Word. It’s not a very realistic view of lesbian life, not mine anyway (except Dana... she stole some of my lines) but I find that it is a pretty catchy show and I did learn quite a bit about certain grey areas relating to sexuality. Jenny did a good job keeping up with all the characters. I was very impressed. While various actresses were engaging in sex scenes, Jenny actually took the time to straighten my hair (HOLY F*** IT’S LONG!). She claims to have found grey hair.
Jenny: I don’t want to worry you, but you have grey hair.
Lauren: Really? Where? I haven’t seen any lately. You can pull them out, I don’t care.
Jenny: Don’t pull them out! Four more grow back!
I admit, when I got home, I looked for these grey hairs, apparently three in total, but I was unable to locate them. Whatever. My cousin is 25 and over half grey. If I wind up half grey by 25 I’m going to rock it. I rather like my hair straight but I'm way too lazy to put all the work in to keep it that way. Still, it's a nice change.
After that we ate the pie. Well, half of it. The rest of it is tormenting Jenny. Hehehe...
When Jenny drove me home, we got onto the topic of waxing. I don’t know why. Jenny wanted me to feel her armpits. I’m kind of glad she didn’t suggest something else. Nonetheless, I refused to feel her armpits... Imagine how weird that would have looked if my sister had been looking out the window? Jenny then tried to coax me into getting something waxed. I think her plan was to start with the option least likely to succeed in order to eventually win me over. We’ll put it this way, I’d rather go to Brazil. Her strategy worked. I did give in. So, next time she goes to wax her legs, (LEGS JENNY!) I will accompany her.
Food, hair, lesbians, more food, talk of hair removal. Sounds like a typical day to me.
Lauren.
Jenny was going to come over right after her class. That meant she’d be arriving at my house sometime after 6:30. It was only logical to assume the poor girl hadn’t eaten. I used that fact to try out a recipe I’ve been wanting to try for some time. It’s a tofu, peanut salad. Yup, I totally exploited the fact that Jenny is also a vegetarian. Thing is, when I started thinking about it, I wasn’t at all satisfied with just serving her a salad, no matter how filling. So I made an apple pie in thousand degree weather. Not exactly the smartest move. Thankfully, Jenny was a bit late so I got a chance to shower before she got here. I was quite gross.
The meal was only part of the evening however. The real purpose of tonight was to introduce Jenny to the L Word. It’s not a very realistic view of lesbian life, not mine anyway (except Dana... she stole some of my lines) but I find that it is a pretty catchy show and I did learn quite a bit about certain grey areas relating to sexuality. Jenny did a good job keeping up with all the characters. I was very impressed. While various actresses were engaging in sex scenes, Jenny actually took the time to straighten my hair (HOLY F*** IT’S LONG!). She claims to have found grey hair.
Jenny: I don’t want to worry you, but you have grey hair.
Lauren: Really? Where? I haven’t seen any lately. You can pull them out, I don’t care.
Jenny: Don’t pull them out! Four more grow back!
I admit, when I got home, I looked for these grey hairs, apparently three in total, but I was unable to locate them. Whatever. My cousin is 25 and over half grey. If I wind up half grey by 25 I’m going to rock it. I rather like my hair straight but I'm way too lazy to put all the work in to keep it that way. Still, it's a nice change.
After that we ate the pie. Well, half of it. The rest of it is tormenting Jenny. Hehehe...
When Jenny drove me home, we got onto the topic of waxing. I don’t know why. Jenny wanted me to feel her armpits. I’m kind of glad she didn’t suggest something else. Nonetheless, I refused to feel her armpits... Imagine how weird that would have looked if my sister had been looking out the window? Jenny then tried to coax me into getting something waxed. I think her plan was to start with the option least likely to succeed in order to eventually win me over. We’ll put it this way, I’d rather go to Brazil. Her strategy worked. I did give in. So, next time she goes to wax her legs, (LEGS JENNY!) I will accompany her.
Food, hair, lesbians, more food, talk of hair removal. Sounds like a typical day to me.
Lauren.
Sisterhood Everlasting: No Kidding
So apparently living with acid reflux is neither necessary nor normal. Who knew? More meds for me! I really hate medication... Having to take one pill daily was irritating enough. And all of that is what I learned when I went to the doctor’s today. It only took 40 minutes after my appointment time to get into the office. Why didn’t I bring a longer book? Better question! Why did I bring a book I was 20 pages away from finishing?
Speaking of which, I finished a new book! I read Sisterhood Everlasting, the fifth book in the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants series by Ann Brashares. My friend Charlotte lent me her copy and I was rather surprised. As in, I didn’t know there was a fifth instalment. I’ve read and enjoyed the other four. This one... I’m on the fence.
The book takes place ten years after the fourth novel so the girls are twenty nine and living their lives out in the real world. It was a typical Travelling Pants book. It was entertaining, very readable, the characters are wonderful as always, the style was accessible, it had light humour that offset the heavier events. The writing was nice. The only thing that bugged me writing-wise was the use of the word ‘you’. I may do it here, I try not to, but I find it irritating. Is the narrator speaking to me specifically? Is she ordering me around? Is she claiming to know my thoughts? I think that’s a pet peeve I picked up from one of my teachers.
Anyway, thoughts on the story. I didn’t dislike it, but I didn’t quite like it either.
I was happy with where she left it. I didn’t need a fifth book. They lost the pants in book four and they realized they could grow individually and together without external help from the pants. I was fully confident that the girls were heading into a wonderful life. I was sad the series had come to an end, but I was happy where she left it. How often does that happen?
Because I was so content, I was expecting a lot from this book. I don’t think this book added all that much, if anything, to the series. I can’t even really look at it on its own because it depends so heavily on the previous books. In fact, there isn’t all that much new material. Lena and Kostos’ dramatic love story continues. Tibby and Brian are still together. Bee and Eric are still dealing with Bee’s inability to stay still. Carmen is still essentially single. Still as much about the boys as it is about the girls. As for the girls, Carmen is still spoiled and unsure of what she really wants, Lena is still shy and reclusive, Bee is still free... so on and so forth. STILL I say!
On top of which, the ending is kind of weird. A little bit. I dunno... kind of reminds me of a hippy commune. I’m afraid you’ll have to read the book to know what I mean.
This one doesn’t really feel like an end to me. I’m half expecting: Sisterhood Ongoing: The Story of Another Decade.
It was an entertaining read, but I wasn’t wowed. I think Brashares went that one step too far. I hope this is the last Travelling Pants book. The characters are just so likeable and so relatable. I don’t want to be indifferent, but I really don’t want to hate them. So... enough. Please.
I have something of a recurring nightmare that all the writers I critique will find and destroy me if I ever get published. Note to self, start growing thick skin.
Lauren.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Random Day with my Grandma
Okay, so everyone remember the movie Taxi with Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon? While I’m nowhere near as bad a driver as Jimmy Fallon, I am a really nervous driver. Today, I had to pick up my grandma. We were going out to lunch and then we were going to watch the DaVinci Code. In Taxi, Jimmy Fallon gets over his horrible, dangerous driving by singing a Natalie Cole song. Turns out Abba works just as well. I was driving my parents’ car... I’m never going to tell them I was singing along to Abba. I expect all of you to keep that secret by the way.
Lunch was good, the movie was fun, when I drove my grandma home I got a really cool family history story. She has a bunch of pictures of her great-grandparents in the basement. As suspected, my grandfather’s side of the family was filled with less than happy campers, though, at least now I know that camper unhappiness is genetic. I now also suspect that my mental illness comes from his side of the family. Yay for genetics! I couldn’t really keep track of who was who and what they did. The names I didn’t know before today did not stick. But I did enjoy the discussion. Plus! The funny new French words I learned were entertaining. If only I could remember them...
I’m pretty tired. After singing Abba and getting home safely, I made supper and watched Master Chef. The comebacks the judges throw out can be quite clever, but I always feel kind of bad when the camera turns to the person they’re yelling at. Talk about humiliation. I think Gordon Ramsey is kind of worse than Simon Cowell.
By the time that ended, I was craving a snack. I called my sister because she was out. She didn’t answer. I was very disappointed. After a bit of thought, I came up with the most obvious, logical solution to my snacking woes. I decided to candy nuts. I have no idea how they’re going to turn out but it’s mostly sugar so I’m assuming fine. At this point, I don’t really care. When I know more about how the nuts turn out I’ll let you know.
For now, I’m going to watch Combat Hospital. I initially suspected it was going to be a MASH remake. So far... from what I’ve seen, it kind of is but less the comedy. I’ve only seen a few episodes so I don’t want to critique too much. I think I’ve already found the “Hawkeye”, the “Margaret” and potentially the “Sherman Potter”. I’m not quite sure about Sherman yet. I'm still working on the "BJ", "Frank" or "Charles".
Lauren.
Lunch was good, the movie was fun, when I drove my grandma home I got a really cool family history story. She has a bunch of pictures of her great-grandparents in the basement. As suspected, my grandfather’s side of the family was filled with less than happy campers, though, at least now I know that camper unhappiness is genetic. I now also suspect that my mental illness comes from his side of the family. Yay for genetics! I couldn’t really keep track of who was who and what they did. The names I didn’t know before today did not stick. But I did enjoy the discussion. Plus! The funny new French words I learned were entertaining. If only I could remember them...
I’m pretty tired. After singing Abba and getting home safely, I made supper and watched Master Chef. The comebacks the judges throw out can be quite clever, but I always feel kind of bad when the camera turns to the person they’re yelling at. Talk about humiliation. I think Gordon Ramsey is kind of worse than Simon Cowell.
By the time that ended, I was craving a snack. I called my sister because she was out. She didn’t answer. I was very disappointed. After a bit of thought, I came up with the most obvious, logical solution to my snacking woes. I decided to candy nuts. I have no idea how they’re going to turn out but it’s mostly sugar so I’m assuming fine. At this point, I don’t really care. When I know more about how the nuts turn out I’ll let you know.
For now, I’m going to watch Combat Hospital. I initially suspected it was going to be a MASH remake. So far... from what I’ve seen, it kind of is but less the comedy. I’ve only seen a few episodes so I don’t want to critique too much. I think I’ve already found the “Hawkeye”, the “Margaret” and potentially the “Sherman Potter”. I’m not quite sure about Sherman yet. I'm still working on the "BJ", "Frank" or "Charles".
Lauren.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Am I Really the Dog?
My family is sneaky. I think they had a plan, a sneaky plan.
They left me here without food so that I would have to go grocery shopping. They left without vacuuming knowing that I would do it because it would drive me insane.
They specifically reminded ME about the litter box knowing that I would be the one to clean it.
My sister keeps leaving her dishes on the counter knowing that I’ll eventually need that pot/pan/whatever and that I’ll wash it.
DAMN my obsessive compulsive... compulsions regarding cleanliness!
This kind of reminds me of the difference between cats and dogs. Alas, I feel I am the dog in this particular situation. So predictable, so simple, so willing (sort of). Darn them for knowing me!
7 am- Oh boy! A walk! My favourite!
8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favourite!
2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite!
3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mum! My favourite!
7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favourite!
8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite!
11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite!
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair - must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait. It's only a matter of time..............
(From: http://www.reconnections.net/difference_cats_dogs.htm)
It’s true by the way. Cats really are that sneaky. Meeko's tried to kill me in the stairs countless times. I should be thankful though. He hasn't thrown up anywhere... yet. Please God let me get through the week without having to clean up cat barf. I'll be your best friend!
Lauren.
They left me here without food so that I would have to go grocery shopping. They left without vacuuming knowing that I would do it because it would drive me insane.
They specifically reminded ME about the litter box knowing that I would be the one to clean it.
My sister keeps leaving her dishes on the counter knowing that I’ll eventually need that pot/pan/whatever and that I’ll wash it.
DAMN my obsessive compulsive... compulsions regarding cleanliness!
This kind of reminds me of the difference between cats and dogs. Alas, I feel I am the dog in this particular situation. So predictable, so simple, so willing (sort of). Darn them for knowing me!
THE DOG'S DIARY:
7 am- Oh boy! A walk! My favourite!
8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favourite!
2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite!
3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mum! My favourite!
7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favourite!
8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite!
11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite!
THE CAT'S DIARY:
Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair - must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait. It's only a matter of time..............
(From: http://www.reconnections.net/difference_cats_dogs.htm)
It’s true by the way. Cats really are that sneaky. Meeko's tried to kill me in the stairs countless times. I should be thankful though. He hasn't thrown up anywhere... yet. Please God let me get through the week without having to clean up cat barf. I'll be your best friend!
Lauren.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
I Needed Food
I got to put on my big girl clothes today and do something I have never done before. My parents have gone on their yearly pilgrimage to the nearest Elvis festival, leaving me and my sister behind (oh darn). According to my dad there was an impersonator there that ranked a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the equivalent of seeing the original Elvis. That is beside the point. The point is, before they left, they asked me if they should leave a bunch of vegetables and stuff for me. Given that my sister usually only shows up to sleep here, I told them not to leave me with a ton of food. For once they listened and left me with next to nothing.
After going through a couple cookbooks and planning a week’s worth of meals, I actually made a list of ingredients and went grocery shopping all by myself. It was a proud moment. There should have been applause, maybe a medal ceremony, for getting groceries was not only my new first, it was also the highlight of my day.
Shockingly, I did not get the cart with the squeaky, twisty, demented wheel. Of course, because I wasn’t concentrating on where my cart was going, I nearly took out three people (how did I get to the grocery store? I drove a far more deadly vehicle). It was their fault. They walked into me. How could they not see me? I was wearing a red shirt. Like fluorescent red. The world very nearly lost an old lady, a grocery store employee and some other woman who seemed to be paying as much attention to handling her cart as I was. On the other hand, imagine if the wheel had been crazy... maybe its non-craziness enabled me to stop before running those people over. All hail the grocery cart maintenance men, saving lives one cart wheel at a time! There are no small parts, just small actors... or, maintenance men.
Our fridge is now stocked with food that will never again be seen under this roof once it's gone. I guess I was feeling a little nostalgic. I bought a giant bok choy and some tofu. I haven’t had tofu in... forever. I found a really neat peanut tofu salad that I’m going to try feeding to Jenny. Fingers crossed. And should that not work out, I have plenty of take-out menus. I’m always one step ahead. Except when I’m not. Somehow, even with a list, I managed to forget certain items. I’d really like to know how I managed that. It’s not like it was something obscure that I never pick up or see. I forgot friggin’ hamburger buns. I only went by the bakery... six times or so.
I was rather surprised with what I picked up. I only realized this when I was going through the check out, but everything I had was vegetarian. It’s funny because in spite of not eating a lot of red meat, I can probably eat my weight in chicken and various pork products. I am so not a vegetarian. My cousin showed me a poster reading PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) and I laughed.
Next time, I’ll tell my parents to leave me the veggies. I apparently miss them.
Lauren.
After going through a couple cookbooks and planning a week’s worth of meals, I actually made a list of ingredients and went grocery shopping all by myself. It was a proud moment. There should have been applause, maybe a medal ceremony, for getting groceries was not only my new first, it was also the highlight of my day.
Shockingly, I did not get the cart with the squeaky, twisty, demented wheel. Of course, because I wasn’t concentrating on where my cart was going, I nearly took out three people (how did I get to the grocery store? I drove a far more deadly vehicle). It was their fault. They walked into me. How could they not see me? I was wearing a red shirt. Like fluorescent red. The world very nearly lost an old lady, a grocery store employee and some other woman who seemed to be paying as much attention to handling her cart as I was. On the other hand, imagine if the wheel had been crazy... maybe its non-craziness enabled me to stop before running those people over. All hail the grocery cart maintenance men, saving lives one cart wheel at a time! There are no small parts, just small actors... or, maintenance men.
Our fridge is now stocked with food that will never again be seen under this roof once it's gone. I guess I was feeling a little nostalgic. I bought a giant bok choy and some tofu. I haven’t had tofu in... forever. I found a really neat peanut tofu salad that I’m going to try feeding to Jenny. Fingers crossed. And should that not work out, I have plenty of take-out menus. I’m always one step ahead. Except when I’m not. Somehow, even with a list, I managed to forget certain items. I’d really like to know how I managed that. It’s not like it was something obscure that I never pick up or see. I forgot friggin’ hamburger buns. I only went by the bakery... six times or so.
I was rather surprised with what I picked up. I only realized this when I was going through the check out, but everything I had was vegetarian. It’s funny because in spite of not eating a lot of red meat, I can probably eat my weight in chicken and various pork products. I am so not a vegetarian. My cousin showed me a poster reading PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) and I laughed.
Next time, I’ll tell my parents to leave me the veggies. I apparently miss them.
Lauren.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Single Girl’s Instant Gratification
Today was quiet in the extreme. Dana’s been working a lot lately so when she came over, we grabbed some coffee and made our way to the waterfront. While it was very hot today, there was a very nice breeze. After walking around for a bit, we found a bench under a tree, near the water. The wind coming off the lake was very refreshing. When we got back to my house, the lazy day continued with a swim. My pool is at 84 degrees (that’s with the heater off by the way). We kind of just floated around. I regret to report that sitting around out of doors does carry a price. My face is horribly burnt (again). Dana’s face, arms and legs got some sun as well. Curses!
I also initiated another experiment. It should be interesting though I find most things interesting. It’s hardly a secret that I can be a tad... anal. My family collects movies. My parents have their movies, I have movies, my sister has movies. Lots of movies. Our collective movies are often in total disarray. Sometimes finding a particular movie takes quite a while. So, for the hell of it, and because I didn’t have anything better to do, I organized the movie cabinet.
I’ve made the mistake of alphabetising the DVD cabinet before. No one pays attention to the alphabet. I suppose it requires too much effort when putting things back. All the movies that are part of a series are in the door along with the Christmas movies. The DVDs in the middle section and the other door are organized by actor. To make that point clear, I made labels from Post-Its and masking tape.
Now the experiment. I’m rather curious how long my system will last. I’m fully aware that it’s not the most practical, alphabetical order would probably suit that purpose, but I think this method requires less thought and less time. We’ll see. Should be fun. I managed to get all the movies into the one cabinet with plenty of room for more movies. At the very least I managed that.
I don’t think I’ll be organizing the few VHS movies we still have out... We’ll see how bored I get. I do love to organize. I shall now christen organizing the single girl’s instant gratification.
That’s my little bit of crazy for the day.
Lauren
I also initiated another experiment. It should be interesting though I find most things interesting. It’s hardly a secret that I can be a tad... anal. My family collects movies. My parents have their movies, I have movies, my sister has movies. Lots of movies. Our collective movies are often in total disarray. Sometimes finding a particular movie takes quite a while. So, for the hell of it, and because I didn’t have anything better to do, I organized the movie cabinet.
I’ve made the mistake of alphabetising the DVD cabinet before. No one pays attention to the alphabet. I suppose it requires too much effort when putting things back. All the movies that are part of a series are in the door along with the Christmas movies. The DVDs in the middle section and the other door are organized by actor. To make that point clear, I made labels from Post-Its and masking tape.
Now the experiment. I’m rather curious how long my system will last. I’m fully aware that it’s not the most practical, alphabetical order would probably suit that purpose, but I think this method requires less thought and less time. We’ll see. Should be fun. I managed to get all the movies into the one cabinet with plenty of room for more movies. At the very least I managed that.
I don’t think I’ll be organizing the few VHS movies we still have out... We’ll see how bored I get. I do love to organize. I shall now christen organizing the single girl’s instant gratification.
That’s my little bit of crazy for the day.
Lauren
Religious Talk with my Grandma
I didn’t do a whole lot today. I watered my mom’s plants, trying very hard not to murder them. It’s been quite hot here lately so the outdoor ones require daily attention. I can identify certain plants, but I’m not particularly gifted at keeping them alive (the principal reason I haven’t asked my aunt for an orchid). That pretty much covers all my non-writing activities for the day. Good God, I’m boring.
Actually, I had a pretty interesting conversation about God today. That was not an intentional segue. God’s kind of a funny subject with me. I don’t subscribe to any religion. I believe in God, but I find organized religions to be very confusing. Most of the time, I keep my opinions to myself because I don’t think anyone should care about what I have to say on the subject. In spite of that opinion, people do seem to care. For instance, I was raised Catholic, but I don’t think I am... not really. I have kept this information from my grandmother for quite some time.
I always thought she was pretty conservative where religion was concerned. She always went to Church, she was in the choir, she knit really cute clothes for babies and the poor, she volunteered for things, she still gives me religious jewellery. When I called her today, I discovered that I’ve been wrong.
We talked about how the Catholic Church needs to adapt to the 21st century, we talked about priests being allowed to marry, about women being ordained, about all kinds of changes. My grandma is 78 years old and from a very religious family. Neither is she new to religion. So, I learned something new today. I was pleasantly surprised to be proved wrong.
There you have it Catholic Church. Change is not only being asked of you by the younger, upstart generations. My grandmother is many things, she’s not really what can be considered an upstart. She was a nurse, a translator, a tutor, a kick ass babysitter, she lived on a farm as a child... not really the jobs of an upstart.
Isn’t it interesting that new and improved cars come out every year. New computer gizmos come out every five seconds. Politicians that run our countries come and go (most of them anyway). We live in a world of constant change and yet religions are fantastically slow to adapt. Oh! Fun thought... do you think the Pope is on Twitter? What would the Pope tweet? “I am wearing my hat”, “I smite thee Dan Brown” or perhaps he’d tweet something more like: “Why do the tourists keep staring at my ceilings?!”. Twitter would be a small change, but I’d rather see changes made to some of those stuffy rules.
Anyway, that’s about all I’ve got for this topic. Kids, talk to your grandparents, they may just surprise you.
Lauren.
Actually, I had a pretty interesting conversation about God today. That was not an intentional segue. God’s kind of a funny subject with me. I don’t subscribe to any religion. I believe in God, but I find organized religions to be very confusing. Most of the time, I keep my opinions to myself because I don’t think anyone should care about what I have to say on the subject. In spite of that opinion, people do seem to care. For instance, I was raised Catholic, but I don’t think I am... not really. I have kept this information from my grandmother for quite some time.
I always thought she was pretty conservative where religion was concerned. She always went to Church, she was in the choir, she knit really cute clothes for babies and the poor, she volunteered for things, she still gives me religious jewellery. When I called her today, I discovered that I’ve been wrong.
We talked about how the Catholic Church needs to adapt to the 21st century, we talked about priests being allowed to marry, about women being ordained, about all kinds of changes. My grandma is 78 years old and from a very religious family. Neither is she new to religion. So, I learned something new today. I was pleasantly surprised to be proved wrong.
There you have it Catholic Church. Change is not only being asked of you by the younger, upstart generations. My grandmother is many things, she’s not really what can be considered an upstart. She was a nurse, a translator, a tutor, a kick ass babysitter, she lived on a farm as a child... not really the jobs of an upstart.
Isn’t it interesting that new and improved cars come out every year. New computer gizmos come out every five seconds. Politicians that run our countries come and go (most of them anyway). We live in a world of constant change and yet religions are fantastically slow to adapt. Oh! Fun thought... do you think the Pope is on Twitter? What would the Pope tweet? “I am wearing my hat”, “I smite thee Dan Brown” or perhaps he’d tweet something more like: “Why do the tourists keep staring at my ceilings?!”. Twitter would be a small change, but I’d rather see changes made to some of those stuffy rules.
Anyway, that’s about all I’ve got for this topic. Kids, talk to your grandparents, they may just surprise you.
Lauren.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Being a Good Friend
Today I practiced the art of—
My friend came over because she needed help writing a paper. I was totally helpful. While she worked at the kitchen counter, I made as much noise as possible baking muffins. The recipe told me to use an electric mixer and the only way to tell if they’re working is by turning it to the highest setting. The louder the better, that's what I always say. The timing of the recipe was also off so I had to set the timer about four times. BEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEP! I can't remember to look over every five minutes! That's a ridiculous level of commitment to a baked good. She also helped me do the dishes.
She again sat down to work. I was inspired by her dedication so I pulled down my white board and brought out my writing stuff. She was interested so I talked her ear off about everything I was planning. She flipped through my binder, looking over all my notes. She seemed to think it was very amusing.
It was hot. Very hot. I’d suggested beforehand that she bring her bathing suit. She was already standing up so we decided to go swimming. The pool was pretty hot. Over 30 degrees. The sun’s been working! We stayed out there quite some time, until supper really. The only reason we got out was because I’d gotten way too much sun. My friend was also getting a headache.
We talked about her paper for a bit once we were changed but by then she realized that it was 5 o’clock. She had to go home. I don’t think she wrote a full paragraph the whole time she was here.
I felt like I’d done my duty. I returned to my writing and TV watching before eventually making myself some supper. I had one of my muffins as a reward for my good work.
I don’t think I was that much of a jerk actually. I did make several suggestions, but I think she's just too blocked and worried about finishing her paper to really care anymore. It was a quiet day. I was amused. I probably got another good sunburn on my face. I’m quite proud of my Irish ancestry, but dang my fair skin! I’m going to have to invest in sunscreen.
Lauren.
My friend came over because she needed help writing a paper. I was totally helpful. While she worked at the kitchen counter, I made as much noise as possible baking muffins. The recipe told me to use an electric mixer and the only way to tell if they’re working is by turning it to the highest setting. The louder the better, that's what I always say. The timing of the recipe was also off so I had to set the timer about four times. BEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEP! I can't remember to look over every five minutes! That's a ridiculous level of commitment to a baked good. She also helped me do the dishes.
She again sat down to work. I was inspired by her dedication so I pulled down my white board and brought out my writing stuff. She was interested so I talked her ear off about everything I was planning. She flipped through my binder, looking over all my notes. She seemed to think it was very amusing.
It was hot. Very hot. I’d suggested beforehand that she bring her bathing suit. She was already standing up so we decided to go swimming. The pool was pretty hot. Over 30 degrees. The sun’s been working! We stayed out there quite some time, until supper really. The only reason we got out was because I’d gotten way too much sun. My friend was also getting a headache.
LOOK! ANOTHER DISTRACTION!
 |
| Why did we ever consider these things cute? So creepy. |
We talked about her paper for a bit once we were changed but by then she realized that it was 5 o’clock. She had to go home. I don’t think she wrote a full paragraph the whole time she was here.
I felt like I’d done my duty. I returned to my writing and TV watching before eventually making myself some supper. I had one of my muffins as a reward for my good work.
I don’t think I was that much of a jerk actually. I did make several suggestions, but I think she's just too blocked and worried about finishing her paper to really care anymore. It was a quiet day. I was amused. I probably got another good sunburn on my face. I’m quite proud of my Irish ancestry, but dang my fair skin! I’m going to have to invest in sunscreen.
Lauren.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Kaley Versus Mark
Okay, so do we all remember the Cuoco Effect? In case your answer is no, I posted a picture of Kaley Cuoco and my daily page views pretty much quadrupled. I was fascinated. The sudden increase got me thinking. Personally, I find women far more beautiful to look at than men. Yeah, I’m aware that my gayness makes me a little bias. Regardless, I think a lot of people would agree with me.
To test the theory, I posted a picture of Mark Salling aka Puck from Glee as well as a picture of Brad Pitt. I discovered three things.
Here’s the Kaley/Mark view statistics. Mark’s getting there. It’s taking longer, but he’s getting there. GO MARK! I BELIEVE IN YOU! An award! I shall award Mark Salling with... an award, should he defeat Kaley.
These are the conclusions I’ve drawn. Interesting isn’t it? Amazing how much can be said about society using so little information. Thank God I was here to transmit this flawed and pointless bit of information. These are facts. They’ve been proven. They can no longer be questioned. That’s how facts work right?
As a random aside, when it’s closing in on 30 degrees, reading with your cat curled up against you is not advisable. Cats are like mini, living, space heaters.
Lauren.
To test the theory, I posted a picture of Mark Salling aka Puck from Glee as well as a picture of Brad Pitt. I discovered three things.
- The first: Brad Pitt is no longer a big sexy deal.
- The second: assuming that women are the ones looking up shirtless pictures of Mark Salling, they are slower to perv and overall, less pervy than, assuming men are the ones looking up pictures of Kaley Cuoco, men.
- The third: given that both actors are in their twenties and on teen/young adult oriented programs while Brad Pitt is considerably older and in generally more serious movies, I think it’s fairly safe to assume that the youth of the world are pervier than adults.
Here’s the Kaley/Mark view statistics. Mark’s getting there. It’s taking longer, but he’s getting there. GO MARK! I BELIEVE IN YOU! An award! I shall award Mark Salling with... an award, should he defeat Kaley.
These are the conclusions I’ve drawn. Interesting isn’t it? Amazing how much can be said about society using so little information. Thank God I was here to transmit this flawed and pointless bit of information. These are facts. They’ve been proven. They can no longer be questioned. That’s how facts work right?
As a random aside, when it’s closing in on 30 degrees, reading with your cat curled up against you is not advisable. Cats are like mini, living, space heaters.
Lauren.
Bested by Inanimate Objects
Like most people, I’m not a huge fan of failure. Granted, by failing you learn, but I like to learn by thinking ahead, researching and planning. When I apply my knowledge in a practical manner, I usually expect whatever I’m doing to work out the way I want. I do not accept defeat easily.
Today I was defeated by a cheap t-shirt. I really hate being defeated by inanimate objects. It unfortunately happens on a regular basis.
Dana and I were fully intent on creating t-shirts. We bought the t-shirts, we got our designs ready, we went to print them and then we discovered that Dana’s printer is not compatible with iron-on paper. I had Dana send me the file with our designs. I knew my printer did work with iron-on technology.
Due to boredom, I decided to print up the page. Everything went well. I took the printed sheet and started cutting out my design. I had some lettering and two images. Shockingly, I did not run into problems here either. I was half expecting to cut off Harry Potter’s head or his other various limbs. I’m not the handiest with scissors.
Pleased with myself, I set up the ironing board, placed my cut out shapes on my t-shirt and grabbed the iron. It wasn’t hot even though I’d plugged it in and turned it on. I should have taken that as a sign. After five minutes of farting around with it, somehow I managed to get it working. I ironed, making sure to distribute sufficient pressure evenly across my shirt. Iron-on is a no brainer and I’ve done it before. I never had problems. And then today happened.
When I pulled up the iron, I noticed that Harry’s head was missing. I was positive that it had been there a moment ago. Given that the paper backing was also missing, I assumed it had ripped off at some point. I looked everywhere for his head. I could not find it. I did not know where it could be. It had simply vanished. Sign number two.
I decided to just print up another Harry Potter. If only it had been that simple. After about six paper jams, a lengthy, bilingual swearing session and some unexpected printer maintenance, I got my second Harry printed out. I lopped off his head and placed it on his body. Of course when I decided to just print Harry, I didn’t take into consideration that he would be resized. My Harry Potter looked like a bobble-head. Whatever, I was sure it would still look okay. It was only a little bigger than the original. I did another quick sweep with the iron to make sure everything was stuck down.
After waiting for it to cool off a bit, I peeled back the paper. Yeah, it wasn’t stuck down quite as well as I’d thought. Parts were already starting to peel up. Not a happy camper. When I tried to iron them back down, things just got worse.
End result: wrecked t-shirt, frustrated and annoyed Lauren.
How could I have been beaten by a shirt, a printer, an iron and a piece of paper? None of those things can think for themselves, none of them have brains, none of them can adapt to situations. What does this say for humans with brains? Or at least, what does this say about my brain? So many questions...
Lauren.
Today I was defeated by a cheap t-shirt. I really hate being defeated by inanimate objects. It unfortunately happens on a regular basis.
Dana and I were fully intent on creating t-shirts. We bought the t-shirts, we got our designs ready, we went to print them and then we discovered that Dana’s printer is not compatible with iron-on paper. I had Dana send me the file with our designs. I knew my printer did work with iron-on technology.
Due to boredom, I decided to print up the page. Everything went well. I took the printed sheet and started cutting out my design. I had some lettering and two images. Shockingly, I did not run into problems here either. I was half expecting to cut off Harry Potter’s head or his other various limbs. I’m not the handiest with scissors.
Pleased with myself, I set up the ironing board, placed my cut out shapes on my t-shirt and grabbed the iron. It wasn’t hot even though I’d plugged it in and turned it on. I should have taken that as a sign. After five minutes of farting around with it, somehow I managed to get it working. I ironed, making sure to distribute sufficient pressure evenly across my shirt. Iron-on is a no brainer and I’ve done it before. I never had problems. And then today happened.
When I pulled up the iron, I noticed that Harry’s head was missing. I was positive that it had been there a moment ago. Given that the paper backing was also missing, I assumed it had ripped off at some point. I looked everywhere for his head. I could not find it. I did not know where it could be. It had simply vanished. Sign number two.
I decided to just print up another Harry Potter. If only it had been that simple. After about six paper jams, a lengthy, bilingual swearing session and some unexpected printer maintenance, I got my second Harry printed out. I lopped off his head and placed it on his body. Of course when I decided to just print Harry, I didn’t take into consideration that he would be resized. My Harry Potter looked like a bobble-head. Whatever, I was sure it would still look okay. It was only a little bigger than the original. I did another quick sweep with the iron to make sure everything was stuck down.
After waiting for it to cool off a bit, I peeled back the paper. Yeah, it wasn’t stuck down quite as well as I’d thought. Parts were already starting to peel up. Not a happy camper. When I tried to iron them back down, things just got worse.
End result: wrecked t-shirt, frustrated and annoyed Lauren.
How could I have been beaten by a shirt, a printer, an iron and a piece of paper? None of those things can think for themselves, none of them have brains, none of them can adapt to situations. What does this say for humans with brains? Or at least, what does this say about my brain? So many questions...
Lauren.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Too Tired to Think Clearly
I have no idea what to talk about today. My thoughts are all jumbled and I can’t find a way to sort them out.
My teacher’s college stuff came in the mail today, so I’ve got that in the back of my mind.
I had a not unpleasant, but unwanted dream about the first girl I fell in love with a few nights ago. That’s set me off thinking about her, wondering and worrying about her again. I don’t really like to think of her. We’re so different now... I wouldn’t be surprised if she thought the same about me. Does anyone ever get over their first love?
I got some interesting emails today as well. One was from a friend. Her mother recently passed away and she was offering us money from her inheritance to cover the start up costs of our not-for-profit organization. I thought it was pretty amazing of her. The other email was from a prof. She's unclear on what we want to do with our not-for-profit organization. I'm not entirely surprised, we still have a lot to flesh out. But now we have specific points to work on.
Not related to the our organization, I got an email from the woman who is essentially editing my novella. She should be finished or have comments for me by the end of the week. One step closer to that final submission.
I’m also really tired and I don’t know why. The tiredness is surely a contributing factor to my inability to string together coherent thoughts. I guess it’s from all the moving about, staying over with family and friends, not sleeping in my bed.
Lots to think about and I don't do my best thinking when I get moody and broody (two very different things). Took my meds too late today. Kids, let that be a lesson. Take your meds on time and as your doctor prescribes. That's today's educational moment. Use the information well.
Lauren
My teacher’s college stuff came in the mail today, so I’ve got that in the back of my mind.
I had a not unpleasant, but unwanted dream about the first girl I fell in love with a few nights ago. That’s set me off thinking about her, wondering and worrying about her again. I don’t really like to think of her. We’re so different now... I wouldn’t be surprised if she thought the same about me. Does anyone ever get over their first love?
I got some interesting emails today as well. One was from a friend. Her mother recently passed away and she was offering us money from her inheritance to cover the start up costs of our not-for-profit organization. I thought it was pretty amazing of her. The other email was from a prof. She's unclear on what we want to do with our not-for-profit organization. I'm not entirely surprised, we still have a lot to flesh out. But now we have specific points to work on.
Not related to the our organization, I got an email from the woman who is essentially editing my novella. She should be finished or have comments for me by the end of the week. One step closer to that final submission.
I’m also really tired and I don’t know why. The tiredness is surely a contributing factor to my inability to string together coherent thoughts. I guess it’s from all the moving about, staying over with family and friends, not sleeping in my bed.
Lots to think about and I don't do my best thinking when I get moody and broody (two very different things). Took my meds too late today. Kids, let that be a lesson. Take your meds on time and as your doctor prescribes. That's today's educational moment. Use the information well.
Lauren
Monday, July 18, 2011
Chickiest of the Chick Flick Marathons
Aside from commenting on my fantastically feeble-minded neighbour, I actually did quite a bit yesterday. I went over to Dana’s and we had what can only be described as the girliest night ever. We had chick flicks (lots of them), we had PJs, we attempted to decorate t-shirts, and not only did we have ice cream, we made our own ice cream. Yeah! Beat that!
The ice cream was a fun and delicious experience. Also fairly messy. I’d say it was my fault, but if Dana had remembered to put her ice cream maker in the freezer, we never would have had to resort to the Ziploc Method.
The recipe itself was really simple. Lots of cream, vanilla and sugar. The churning of the ice cream sans ice cream maker took a bit more time. But on the bright side, we worked off the calories we were determined to regain. Okay, probably not, be we definitely got a bit of a work out. The Ziploc Method consists of filling a large Ziploc bag halfway with ice, then sprinkling in some salt. In a smaller Ziploc, you mix your cream, vanilla and sugar, zip it shut and place the bag inside the ice bag. That`s when you get to shake it until it becomes ice cream. Shake it ‘til you make it? And don't trust the bag to stand up on its own... you'll end up with a salty, watery mess. Trust me...
In any case, I think it’s fairly safe to say that it’s the best thing Dana and I have made. It was friggin’ amazing. Dana, who is not friends with dairy, proclaimed that it was a worthwhile way to die. She recanted this morning, but the point is, while she was eating it and not putting it down, she enjoyed it. We found really awesome toppings too so it was just all around good.
I don’t know why I’m still awake. I’m off to bed.
Lauren
The ice cream was a fun and delicious experience. Also fairly messy. I’d say it was my fault, but if Dana had remembered to put her ice cream maker in the freezer, we never would have had to resort to the Ziploc Method.
The recipe itself was really simple. Lots of cream, vanilla and sugar. The churning of the ice cream sans ice cream maker took a bit more time. But on the bright side, we worked off the calories we were determined to regain. Okay, probably not, be we definitely got a bit of a work out. The Ziploc Method consists of filling a large Ziploc bag halfway with ice, then sprinkling in some salt. In a smaller Ziploc, you mix your cream, vanilla and sugar, zip it shut and place the bag inside the ice bag. That`s when you get to shake it until it becomes ice cream. Shake it ‘til you make it? And don't trust the bag to stand up on its own... you'll end up with a salty, watery mess. Trust me...
In any case, I think it’s fairly safe to say that it’s the best thing Dana and I have made. It was friggin’ amazing. Dana, who is not friends with dairy, proclaimed that it was a worthwhile way to die. She recanted this morning, but the point is, while she was eating it and not putting it down, she enjoyed it. We found really awesome toppings too so it was just all around good.
Ice cream in hand, we proceeded to watch movies. We started the marathon rather late so we didn’t manage to get through a whole lot. We began with Working Girl. I still maintain that vacuuming naked makes no sense. Did Melanie Griffith just spot some dirt on the carpet while she was dressing? Did she then get carried away, deciding that the whole floor was dirty and that she would have to clean it all before putting on a top and pants?
After that, we started Chocolat. Love that movie. I think Dana felt twinges of pain in her stomach every time there was a chocolate scene. In a movie called Chocolat, there were quite a few. But dang, that chocolate looks good. Too bad it’s not like the TV Willy Wonka invented where you can just reach inside and grab the chocolate. We gave up and went to bed about halfway through but we picked it back up after breakfast. So it still counts.
Pretty Woman was the last movie we watched before I needed to come home. Anyone ever notice the amount of similarities between Pretty Woman and Princess Diaries 1 and 2? Not only is half the cast in both movies, the opera songs, the dude catching the snail/bracelet gag, the intro to the less glamorous life scenes, among other things have all been recycled. Gary Marshall, you are a brilliant man, making millions repeating the same things over again.
The shirts did not go well. Dana’s printer is apparently not compatible with iron-on products. So I’m going to print our designs and we’ll do that another day. Should be fun. They’re Harry Potter themed. Because we’re that cool.
Had we been less tired, other movies would have included Ghost and Pride and Prejudice (because you can’t not have Jane Austen present at a chick flick marathon, it’s the original ‘chick flick’).
Saturday, July 16, 2011
My Neighbour is a Moron
I live in a semi. That means we share our front yard with our neighbours. My neighbours are morons. The front lawn has gotten quite bad so my neighbour decided it was time to fix it. He acquired some soil and came over, asking if my parents would like him to cover our half of the yard. I believe the immediate answer that came to mind was “duh” but the actual, polite answer was yes. Could we really only sod half the lawn? One half would be roughly three inches higher than the other...
A few minutes later, while we were all sitting in the basement, we heard a motor running. Why was there a motor running? Yeah... apparently covering the lawn with the soil wasn’t enough. My neighbour felt the need to till our front lawn. As far as I know, the plan was to sod it afterward and not to plant corn. I do have to admit, it was probably a good thing he thought it necessary to till because his soil was not soil. Turns out what he got came from the nearby high school. They’re redoing their track and what my dumb-ass neighbour got for free was the sand from said track. Had he not seen the need to till, our lawn would essentially be salted right now.
Finally, the light bulb clicked on. He came over and told my mom the bad news. I could barely stop myself from laughing. My mom, in spite of her irritation with his stupidity, also burst out laughing. Now he wants us to cover half the cost of soil (not sand) and the sod, bringing his initial estimated cost up by a little over two times what he quoted us.
I told my mom that they shouldn’t have to pay for more than what they agreed to do. I don’t think we should have to pay for the idiocy of others. I mean, come on. Really? A grade three student would have known what he was attempting to do wouldn’t work. My mom just looked at me and said: “Yeah, and then they’re going to be assholes and our lawn is going to look like shit.” I had to agree. It did sound like something the yokels next door would try. And when I say yokels, I’m pointedly excluding anyone with any kind of agricultural knowledge because that is clearly not my neighbour’s strength. My answer to my mother’s statement was: “They’re already ass-holes.” She had to agree.
Short of turning our front yard into a mini Carthage, I don’t think it can get much worse. Maybe we should plant corn... or carrots. At least I can eat carrots.
I just watched the movie Idiocracy with Luke Wilson this week. I think my neighbour is a pretty good representation of the future today. Quick! Hide the Gatorade!
Lauren.
A few minutes later, while we were all sitting in the basement, we heard a motor running. Why was there a motor running? Yeah... apparently covering the lawn with the soil wasn’t enough. My neighbour felt the need to till our front lawn. As far as I know, the plan was to sod it afterward and not to plant corn. I do have to admit, it was probably a good thing he thought it necessary to till because his soil was not soil. Turns out what he got came from the nearby high school. They’re redoing their track and what my dumb-ass neighbour got for free was the sand from said track. Had he not seen the need to till, our lawn would essentially be salted right now.
Finally, the light bulb clicked on. He came over and told my mom the bad news. I could barely stop myself from laughing. My mom, in spite of her irritation with his stupidity, also burst out laughing. Now he wants us to cover half the cost of soil (not sand) and the sod, bringing his initial estimated cost up by a little over two times what he quoted us.
I told my mom that they shouldn’t have to pay for more than what they agreed to do. I don’t think we should have to pay for the idiocy of others. I mean, come on. Really? A grade three student would have known what he was attempting to do wouldn’t work. My mom just looked at me and said: “Yeah, and then they’re going to be assholes and our lawn is going to look like shit.” I had to agree. It did sound like something the yokels next door would try. And when I say yokels, I’m pointedly excluding anyone with any kind of agricultural knowledge because that is clearly not my neighbour’s strength. My answer to my mother’s statement was: “They’re already ass-holes.” She had to agree.
Short of turning our front yard into a mini Carthage, I don’t think it can get much worse. Maybe we should plant corn... or carrots. At least I can eat carrots.
I just watched the movie Idiocracy with Luke Wilson this week. I think my neighbour is a pretty good representation of the future today. Quick! Hide the Gatorade!
Lauren.
Harry Potter at and End
I’m late. I know. Does anyone follow me closely enough to be angry? Somehow I doubt it. Anyway, my reason is that I just got back from the final instalment of the Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.
I won’t give anything away. Or I’ll try not to. I was impressed with how closely they followed the book until they got to the end. There were some... interesting alterations in the last hour or so. Personally, I thought Voldemort was funnier than he was scary. One chick beside my dad was apparently crying while me and Dana were trying with all we had not to burst out laughing. The fact that it likely sounded like we were crying only made me laugh harder. The movie was well done, I enjoyed every minute and well, no surprise, I recommend it. I think the majority of Potter fans will love it. I think the average movie-goer should be able to follow it and enjoy it. They really did do a good job taking a very dark, serious part of the book and weaving in moments of levity and humour. I thought it was a pretty balanced movie in terms of emotions.
I do however have to admit that I’m kind of sad. This part is probably going to sound like a combination hero worship and crazy fangirl. I was eleven when I started reading Harry Potter, I'm twenty two now. I pretty much grew up as Harry was growing up in the books. Harry Potter has kind of always been a part of my life, it was a pretty huge part of my childhood. I don't know how many times I've read those books. It’s a little weird to be leaving Harry behind again. I was sad when I read the last page of the last book. But I still had the movies to experience. Now, it really is over.
The hero worship part comes from my admiration of JK Rowling as a writer. The story she wrote is beautifully complex while being simple at its core. The way she expanded on that story through small details that become crucially important in later books amazes me. And though the story is packed with all kinds of allusions to mythology, history, astronomy and countless other disciplines, it is probably one of the most readable books I’ve come across. She sucks you in with characters you can’t help but care for and root for, she writes with humour, attention to detail, to background stories, to building her narrative and taking the reader along with her step by step. Harry Potter is such a complete, carefully crafted work. To me, what JK Rowling has done with literature is magic. How many people can get the entire world reading? How many people hit on something that good and manage to work it out so that millions can understand it too?
Yeah... she’s kind of one of my big influences... Surprised? And now you also know why I consider Twilight to be sensationalist drivel. No comparison stylistically. I feel like JK Rowling and Harry Potter will be considered a major hallmark of my generation while Twilight will (hopefully) be nothing more than a fad.
One of my dreams is to write a novel with a story as developed and complete as Harry Potter. One day I’ll get there...
Lauren.
I won’t give anything away. Or I’ll try not to. I was impressed with how closely they followed the book until they got to the end. There were some... interesting alterations in the last hour or so. Personally, I thought Voldemort was funnier than he was scary. One chick beside my dad was apparently crying while me and Dana were trying with all we had not to burst out laughing. The fact that it likely sounded like we were crying only made me laugh harder. The movie was well done, I enjoyed every minute and well, no surprise, I recommend it. I think the majority of Potter fans will love it. I think the average movie-goer should be able to follow it and enjoy it. They really did do a good job taking a very dark, serious part of the book and weaving in moments of levity and humour. I thought it was a pretty balanced movie in terms of emotions.
I do however have to admit that I’m kind of sad. This part is probably going to sound like a combination hero worship and crazy fangirl. I was eleven when I started reading Harry Potter, I'm twenty two now. I pretty much grew up as Harry was growing up in the books. Harry Potter has kind of always been a part of my life, it was a pretty huge part of my childhood. I don't know how many times I've read those books. It’s a little weird to be leaving Harry behind again. I was sad when I read the last page of the last book. But I still had the movies to experience. Now, it really is over.
The hero worship part comes from my admiration of JK Rowling as a writer. The story she wrote is beautifully complex while being simple at its core. The way she expanded on that story through small details that become crucially important in later books amazes me. And though the story is packed with all kinds of allusions to mythology, history, astronomy and countless other disciplines, it is probably one of the most readable books I’ve come across. She sucks you in with characters you can’t help but care for and root for, she writes with humour, attention to detail, to background stories, to building her narrative and taking the reader along with her step by step. Harry Potter is such a complete, carefully crafted work. To me, what JK Rowling has done with literature is magic. How many people can get the entire world reading? How many people hit on something that good and manage to work it out so that millions can understand it too?
Yeah... she’s kind of one of my big influences... Surprised? And now you also know why I consider Twilight to be sensationalist drivel. No comparison stylistically. I feel like JK Rowling and Harry Potter will be considered a major hallmark of my generation while Twilight will (hopefully) be nothing more than a fad.
One of my dreams is to write a novel with a story as developed and complete as Harry Potter. One day I’ll get there...
Lauren.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Stalkers
I’m back home again! The drive was quite pleasant. I got to drive home with yet another cousin and we talked non-stop. I’d never really had the opportunity (as an adult) to have a real conversation with him, so it was nice. He was on a business trip and so he was travelling with a co-worker. I think we must have driven the poor guy insane. We jibber-jabbered about family stuff that he couldn’t have possibly followed. Rude perhaps, but we didn’t intend it. I only realized when we got back into town and my cousin asked him a question.
But now that I’m home, I can be far more honest. There was a darker, far more terrifying side to my visit. I can talk about it now that I don’t have to worry about being dropped in on. I was being stalked. Stalked by the cats.
It started out innocently enough. They would rub up against my leg or jump up on the chair beside me, wanting me to pet them. I like cats. I was happy to pet them. But then things started slowly to get out of hand. What could I expect? Not only do these cats have extra toes, they’re named after wrestlers (I’m not sure why).
China (or possibly Chyna) is the overlord. I learned this quickly. She always sits higher than everyone. When she wants someone to pet her, she gets someone to pet her. When she is finished, she hisses, swats at you and trots away.
Stratus is much more chill. I don’t know that anything bothers her. She followed me like China but she wasn’t as demanding about the petting and she never physically abused me. She would eventually leave and go hide somewhere.
But now that I’m home, I can be far more honest. There was a darker, far more terrifying side to my visit. I can talk about it now that I don’t have to worry about being dropped in on. I was being stalked. Stalked by the cats.
It started out innocently enough. They would rub up against my leg or jump up on the chair beside me, wanting me to pet them. I like cats. I was happy to pet them. But then things started slowly to get out of hand. What could I expect? Not only do these cats have extra toes, they’re named after wrestlers (I’m not sure why).
China (or possibly Chyna) is the overlord. I learned this quickly. She always sits higher than everyone. When she wants someone to pet her, she gets someone to pet her. When she is finished, she hisses, swats at you and trots away.
Stratus is much more chill. I don’t know that anything bothers her. She followed me like China but she wasn’t as demanding about the petting and she never physically abused me. She would eventually leave and go hide somewhere.
They wore collars with bells. I started hearing bells going by my door at night. I would hear them behind me, in corners, when I was sitting in the living room. China got into the habit of sitting on the kitchen chairs to watch me during my breakfast. Within five minutes of being awake, one of them would find me. Usually Stratus. Just to test a theory, I started walking around the kitchen island. Stratus followed me. I did not smear catnip on my pant legs, I did not have treats or food of any kind.
Finally, this morning my anxiety hit its peak. I was eating my breakfast and all of a sudden I saw a mysterious shadow. It looked like a cat head. I hadn’t even heard the cat jump up. It was slightly concerning.
So I bent over and looked under the table, trying to find the offending cat. The chairs were all empty. I sat up straighter, looking at the carpet in front of the patio window. No cat there. I was baffled at what was making the shadow. Finally I figured it out. I present the culprit.
Not a cat. They had me looking for them everywhere, expecting them, anticipating their kitty-routines. They were successful stalkers... crafty... hiding behind seemingly innocent, cute, cat faces. THEY ARE NOT INNOCENT! Especially not China... she knows things. She is skilful and deliberate. She must be watched.
I feel safe now that I’m home. Meeko’s pretty independent and thank God we stopped making him wear that collar. I really was getting paranoid.
On the upside, I finally found a job. Apparently I’m now the Pied Piper of Cats.
Lauren.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Bad Teacher Review
Uh… not much to say today. I went to see a movie with my cousin’s wife. They do this thing where moms get in to one particular movie cheaper, they can bring strollers into the theatre and they set up a change table right outside the theatre. It’s kind of neat. Today’s movie was Bad Teacher.
I wasn’t overly impressed with it. Basically, the funnier bits are pretty much in the commercials. The thing is, I think the story was missing something... like a moral or more a significant purpose, or... more plot? I guess maybe I wanted to see Cameron Diaz’s character be a bad teacher but still manage to out teach the psycho teacher. Like if she’d been Inappropriate Teacher instead of ‘bad teacher’ I think I would have liked it more. (If you see it or have seen it, you probably know what I mean.) I don’t really know why they called the movie Bad Teacher. It was more like Woman with Bad Attitude who Happens to Teach. I guess that title is too long. She never really taught. Whenever she was in a class she was sleeping or throwing something. The movie could have just as easily been about… knitting. Bad Knitter. OR! it could have been about canning food in a massive company. Bad Canner. The story had plenty of holes, not a whole lot of background on the characters, probably too many drug and sex acts and references. What's funnier is that the kids weren't really central. I think they had names... Who was she teaching? Oh the philosophy...
A lot of the movie was bad teacher versus psycho teacher. They were fighting over Justin Timberlake who was essentially a psycho teacher as well. Cameron Diaz sort of, kind of, maybe wins... Sorry... SPOILER ALERT!
My baby cousin slept through the whole thing. It is not however a 100% foolproof way to conk out children. There were a couple babies crying and fussing.
I don't think I'll be buying this one. It had funny bits, it was entertaining enough but it wasn't amazing. Three stars of ten? My cousin's wife agrees with my assessment.
Lauren
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Exciting News!
Overall, today was pretty quiet. I went grocery shopping at a store that requires you to sign over your first born before rummaging the shelves. They made pretty good cupcakes though… And! I got to see a functional doctor’s office. That was quite an experience let me tell you. Kind of funny that I was on the meditation chapters of Eat Pray Love while sitting in the waiting room though.
I did however, get some really exciting, really good news! I’m a little sad I wasn’t home when I got it, but I got it and that’s what matters. For a few months now I’ve been trying to start a not-for-profit organization with two friends I’ve enlisted. Thank God they signed up because they know far more about this stuff than I do. Anyway, today, I got a bunch of emails. We got our funding! It’s enough to cover our start up costs.
I’m pretty excited. If all goes according to plan, there will be a safe, welcoming place for LGBTQ youth, adults, family and friends, to come for answers and support in Northern Ontario. Lord knows, I could have used some help. We can actually do stuff now, maybe even start planning our programs in more detail. EEP! My idealism is showing.
For that reason, I can’t wait to get home and start working. Well, I can wait. I’m having fun. My cousin and his wife are being really great. They make me try new things, which I love. Today it was red velvet cake and goat cheese. Separate, not together. And his wife has been amazing letting me tag along with her everywhere while enduring my seemingly endless questions about Greenbelts and gated communities and… other random stuff I bring up.
So, having fun, but also excited to get back home.
Lauren.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Silliness in Newmarket
So much happened today. Silly stuff first. I got my cousin’s wife to name her GPS Navigation system Jub-Jub. His actual name is Jeeves Underbridge (we were under a bridge) Bellevedere. We spent the remainder of the day muttering Jub-Jub and giggling about it. While my baby cousin is still a mystery to me, the cats seem to love me. They follow me around and sit next to me. I think one of them is outside my door right now… And lastly, chocolate ice cream, cookie dough and strawberries aren’t that bad when mixed together.
And now on to other points.
I got to check out the University of Guelph-Humber today. On the bright side, I will not get lost if I do get accepted. It was also interested to be inside a school that seems to have money. Everything looked new. At my current school most things haven’t changed in about thirty years. Everything just looked so bright and shiny and pretty. And there was even goose poo to remind me of home. Yes, goose poo.
Some of the less glamorous experiences of this trip were:
We thought we got stuck in an elevator. There was a scary sound, the elevator didn’t feel like it was moving anymore and the number wasn’t going down. I looked at my cousin’s wife really quickly, neither of us said anything. We just stood there, waiting and as if by magic, the elevator started again. We burst out laughing. Our laughter in combination with the squeaky elevator door awoke my sleeping baby cousin. She fell asleep again three seconds later.
Call me observant. We walked into the main entrance of the building and there was a flight of spiral stairs. It looked kind of neat, but given that we had a stroller and were headed up several floors, we took the elevator.
Yeah, this is what we discovered was opposite the neat stairs. We had to go up a few floors to see that. A giant-ass wall covered in plants that goes up at least forty feet and we didn’t see it. … Not one of my finer moments.
We also went to check out the residence. The rooms were literally one room. Just a bed, a desk and a cupboard. That’s not what bothered me. Actually, I could probably be quite comfortable there. I just really hate the idea of sharing a bathroom with a whole floor. I like my business private and I need a bit more privacy than that.
After the university visit, which was lovely, we went to the grocery store and I discovered the true powers of “Lady with a baby”. My cousin is friggin’ cute. There is no denying. But I think it’s really weird that some woman in the parking lot randomly stopped her car to essentially catcall a baby.
It weirds me out. I’m sorry to say. Why is it acceptable to touch someone and invade their space simply because they are or they have a baby? It would be considered assault or harassment otherwise. So babies and mothers forfeit that right because they commit the sin of cuteness? Yeah… I guess my future wife will probably be having our children if we go that route… It’ll save me spending the better part of my child’s life in prison for snapping at or attacking a random stranger. They would have started it!
I think that’s about it for today.
Lauren.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Car Seats?
Lauren sleepy!
By the time I was packed and ready to leave, it was 2:30 in the morning. My aunt was driving me to meet my cousins and told me to be up at 10. I was up around nine.
I was in the car with my cousin's family for maybe an hour or two before I started to nod off. The whole bobbing head thing... yeah, that happened. And let me tell you, there is nothing that makes you feel more mature than falling asleep in the back of the car with your six month old second cousin. I’m kind of jealous though… her seat looked way more comfortable than mine. Of course, I didn’t get to test it out… I don’t think she would have liked it and I don’t think my ass could fit in it. Perhaps we should all have car seats and travel in our own little pods. I think that would be lovely. Like… Walle! Except, maybe we should keep the pods to cars because the floaty chairs look dangerous to everyone’s health.
I was in the car with my cousin's family for maybe an hour or two before I started to nod off. The whole bobbing head thing... yeah, that happened. And let me tell you, there is nothing that makes you feel more mature than falling asleep in the back of the car with your six month old second cousin. I’m kind of jealous though… her seat looked way more comfortable than mine. Of course, I didn’t get to test it out… I don’t think she would have liked it and I don’t think my ass could fit in it. Perhaps we should all have car seats and travel in our own little pods. I think that would be lovely. Like… Walle! Except, maybe we should keep the pods to cars because the floaty chairs look dangerous to everyone’s health.
Can we consider the pod chairs?
Lauren.
Stag and Doe Discoveries
When the first words you hear upon waking up in the morning are: “We have to do the vacuuming”, it’s kind of hard to hold out high hopes for the rest of the day. For the most part, that opinion proved true. I was pretty bored for the majority of the day. But one of my cousins was having his stag and doe. A little bit of excitement to break up the monotony!
Normally, I’m not fond of get-togethers because I tend to feel awkward and out of place. I don’t like crowds and I don’t like loud noises for extended periods of time. Yeah, I’m a real socialite.
When we got to the hall where the party was being held, it was small, extremely loud, pretty crowded and I felt awkward. I found myself a corner fairly quickly and stayed there. I had company so I wasn’t all creepy by myself.
Things I discovered:
In spite of how loud it was, which was really the worst part, I had fun. And I must say, I’m really glad I didn’t win the door prize. I have no idea how we would have gotten it home or what I would have done with it. The door prize was an actual door. Get it? Har har...
Lauren.
Things I discovered:
- When everything is loud, conversation is discouraged, therefore, throat soreness is increasingly likely.
- If someone has a really annoying laugh, find someone with a really expressive face and watch them. It makes the annoying laugh hysterical. My cousin's pregnant wife was about ready to kill this guy. So funny.
- Be prepared to make spontaneous travel arrangements. Yup. Heading into the hall, the only thing I had planned for this week was going to see Harry Potter 7 part 2 on Friday. Leaving the hall, I had plans to spend four days in Newmarket. So... that’s where I’ll be headed shortly after 10:00 tomorrow morning.
- This bit of info is by far the most useful. Husbands say no. Wives make them say yes. Didn't really believe it, but I saw the phenomenon in action.
- Thanks to the man of the hour I discovered that having Joe Louis’ slap shot at you doesn’t hurt. At worst it only stings a little. One of the games was well... hurling a Joe Louis pastry at my cousin (or his bride to be, though most seemed to choose my cousin) by means of a hockey stick. Eye protection was provided.
- And lastly, should one of the raffle prizes be labelled: Sexy Mystery Box, chances are it’s a case of Molson Canadian. Yup... beer. My sister and father happened to win it. Which sounds really gross. My sister found out it was beer and used all her tickets on it. My dad bought the tickets. Ownership still hasn't been decided. I love my family.
In spite of how loud it was, which was really the worst part, I had fun. And I must say, I’m really glad I didn’t win the door prize. I have no idea how we would have gotten it home or what I would have done with it. The door prize was an actual door. Get it? Har har...
Friday, July 8, 2011
Hop on Seuss
A significant portion of my day was spend doing something that four years ago, I would have avoided at all costs. Scansion. I still hate it, but it was necessary. I finished my Seuss parodies and had my parents read them over for me. My mom liked one but found the other two to be less smooth and a little harder to read. My immediate first thought was that my meter was screwed up, making the other two poems more jarring. So I scanned all the lines and quickly discovered that there was no regular meter in any of my poems. Like... not even close to regular. Interestingly enough, pentameter is supposedly the most like speech. Often, I write the way I talk. On average, my lines were in hexameter. I suppose that qualifies me to be in one of Homer's epic poems.
I read them over from start to finish again. I couldn’t really see much of a difference but the one that worked best seemed to have a more... better flow in terms of storyline. I went back over The Cat in the Hat (my version) and filled in some gaps, added some details, cut longer lines. I haven’t retested it yet, but if it’s not that, I only have one more theory.
The poem that works, ‘I Don’t Want to Get Up Today’ (my version) just happens to feature a straight couple with a new child. My version of ‘Cat in the Hat’ features a lesbian couple. My version of ‘One Fish. Two Fish...’ has a very promiscuous main character. I don’t really think that’s the issue, I just find the coincidence interesting. Tomorrow I’ll rework ‘One Fish, Two Fish’. Hopefully I’ll be able to test them out on an audience and get more feedback.
I’m shocked that I’m not speaking or writing in rhyming couplets yet. It’s pretty fun though. Thus far I’ve skilfully managed to avoid the colours orange and purple. Seuss is proving to be a more difficult exercise than I anticipated, but I’m still rather enjoying it. I’ll have to look over the portfolio requirements again, but I think I have all my pieces chosen. I believe that means the fun part is pretty much over and now I have to focus on the paperwork portion of my application. Bleh. Since I definitely won’t be heading down to the States, I’m going to need one hell of an application. The program I want to get into only takes seven people. The other program only takes twelve. Thank God I have flexible fingers and toes. It’ll make them easier to cross.
Alas, that’s all I have to report today. Hope I haven’t ruined Seuss for anyone. My parodies are obviously not meant for children. Actually, in two of them children are the problem. My sense of humour can be... special.
Anyway, Seussing it up really does take it out of you.
Lauren.
I read them over from start to finish again. I couldn’t really see much of a difference but the one that worked best seemed to have a more... better flow in terms of storyline. I went back over The Cat in the Hat (my version) and filled in some gaps, added some details, cut longer lines. I haven’t retested it yet, but if it’s not that, I only have one more theory.
The poem that works, ‘I Don’t Want to Get Up Today’ (my version) just happens to feature a straight couple with a new child. My version of ‘Cat in the Hat’ features a lesbian couple. My version of ‘One Fish. Two Fish...’ has a very promiscuous main character. I don’t really think that’s the issue, I just find the coincidence interesting. Tomorrow I’ll rework ‘One Fish, Two Fish’. Hopefully I’ll be able to test them out on an audience and get more feedback.
I’m shocked that I’m not speaking or writing in rhyming couplets yet. It’s pretty fun though. Thus far I’ve skilfully managed to avoid the colours orange and purple. Seuss is proving to be a more difficult exercise than I anticipated, but I’m still rather enjoying it. I’ll have to look over the portfolio requirements again, but I think I have all my pieces chosen. I believe that means the fun part is pretty much over and now I have to focus on the paperwork portion of my application. Bleh. Since I definitely won’t be heading down to the States, I’m going to need one hell of an application. The program I want to get into only takes seven people. The other program only takes twelve. Thank God I have flexible fingers and toes. It’ll make them easier to cross.
Alas, that’s all I have to report today. Hope I haven’t ruined Seuss for anyone. My parodies are obviously not meant for children. Actually, in two of them children are the problem. My sense of humour can be... special.
Anyway, Seussing it up really does take it out of you.
Lauren.
Things that didn't Happen
I was a bit bored today, kind of felt sick. This translates to didn’t do a whole lot. Because I have next to nothing to say, I will now write a list of things that didn’t happen but that would have entertained me if they did.
1) Walking into the bathroom only to find Meeko flossing
2) Hearing my mom fall off the toilet (the seat broke at the hinges... and I missed it!)
3) Watching my neighbour choke on a cigarette he inhaled by accident
4) Watching my mom pull the weeds in my other neighbour’s garden and finding a gnome clinging to one of the roots
5) Getting a letter from the North Pole telling me that Santa found my grad shoes. Better late than never
6) The Royals paying me a visit and drinking tea from cups with MY face on them. Creepy much?
1) Walking into the bathroom only to find Meeko flossing
2) Hearing my mom fall off the toilet (the seat broke at the hinges... and I missed it!)
3) Watching my neighbour choke on a cigarette he inhaled by accident
4) Watching my mom pull the weeds in my other neighbour’s garden and finding a gnome clinging to one of the roots
5) Getting a letter from the North Pole telling me that Santa found my grad shoes. Better late than never
6) The Royals paying me a visit and drinking tea from cups with MY face on them. Creepy much?
7) Watching Mary Poppins and the Flying Nun duke it out in an aerial battle.
 |
| My money's on Julie. Sorry Sally. |
None of these things happened. But if they had, it would have been an awesome day. Well, there’s always tomorrow.
What didn’t happen that would have entertained you?
Lauren.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
I Geography Challenge You!
My sister introduced me to this website during essay season. That was really mean of her. This site is addictive, it tests your brain and there are all kinds of categories. You must check out sporcle.com
For the hell of it and because I like to pretend I’m really smart, I decided to play in the geography category. I figured, I’m doing this world domination thing, I can probably do this. You have fifteen minutes to name as many countries as you can. I got 81 of 195.
When they all pop up in red some of the countries are so obvious. Others, I have no idea why they popped into my head. I’m sorry if I missed you. Clearly my South American and African geography are particularly deficient. It’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I’ve been busy studying other parts of the world. My school didn't have history classes for either continent. The closest I got was North African Apartheid literature (which was really quite good, the course and the literature). I wish there had been courses in those continents. My education has thus far been very Eurocentric. (If you feel like giving it a go: http://www.sporcle.com/games/world.php)
Anyway, after that, I decided to take the states of the United States Challenge. They did it on Friends and said it was impossible. I wanted to see. I think they give you seven or eight minutes to name them all. The first time I got 35 of 50. Frankly, I was embarrassed by some of the States I missed so I did it again. The second time I got 43 of 50 and ended up giving up. No more were coming to mind. It’s funny because I do know them all, it’s just a matter of remembering them all. Interestingly enough, I got Connecticut and Indiana the first time, but not the second. Thank you Canada for our few provinces and territories. My memory is grateful. We have absolutely no excuse for not knowing them. Also, thank you for making them easy to spell. Massachusetts! Really? Could it be any harder?! You guys need to come up with a crafty little rhyme for that... like Mississippi. There must be one. If there is, please let me know. It will save me some frustration! (If you want to give it a go: http://www.sporcle.com/games/states.php)
Okay, that’s sporcle. It really is addictive, especially if you’re like me and are hyper competitive. So be careful! And good luck! I love the Harry Potter ones... I killed those. Yup... I know Harry better than I know geography. If only JK Rowling had written the atlas.
Lauren.
For the hell of it and because I like to pretend I’m really smart, I decided to play in the geography category. I figured, I’m doing this world domination thing, I can probably do this. You have fifteen minutes to name as many countries as you can. I got 81 of 195.
When they all pop up in red some of the countries are so obvious. Others, I have no idea why they popped into my head. I’m sorry if I missed you. Clearly my South American and African geography are particularly deficient. It’s not because I don’t care. It’s because I’ve been busy studying other parts of the world. My school didn't have history classes for either continent. The closest I got was North African Apartheid literature (which was really quite good, the course and the literature). I wish there had been courses in those continents. My education has thus far been very Eurocentric. (If you feel like giving it a go: http://www.sporcle.com/games/world.php)
Anyway, after that, I decided to take the states of the United States Challenge. They did it on Friends and said it was impossible. I wanted to see. I think they give you seven or eight minutes to name them all. The first time I got 35 of 50. Frankly, I was embarrassed by some of the States I missed so I did it again. The second time I got 43 of 50 and ended up giving up. No more were coming to mind. It’s funny because I do know them all, it’s just a matter of remembering them all. Interestingly enough, I got Connecticut and Indiana the first time, but not the second. Thank you Canada for our few provinces and territories. My memory is grateful. We have absolutely no excuse for not knowing them. Also, thank you for making them easy to spell. Massachusetts! Really? Could it be any harder?! You guys need to come up with a crafty little rhyme for that... like Mississippi. There must be one. If there is, please let me know. It will save me some frustration! (If you want to give it a go: http://www.sporcle.com/games/states.php)
Okay, that’s sporcle. It really is addictive, especially if you’re like me and are hyper competitive. So be careful! And good luck! I love the Harry Potter ones... I killed those. Yup... I know Harry better than I know geography. If only JK Rowling had written the atlas.
Lauren.
The Importance of Being an Idiot
So, today was pretty boring until I went on a really awesome coffee date. The conversation was great, flowed really easily. It was late so the restaurant was almost empty. My hot chocolate was delightful. And then she drove me home. I showed her the second draft of one of my Seuss for grownups pieces. She thought it was clever. After all that we played with my Legos... oh right, and my coffee date was with Dana, my straight friend.
Yeah... we spent about an hour and a half, maybe two hours, building fortresses. Dana said that she was building a secret club and that I couldn’t join. Naturally that pissed me off, so I started building my own fortress. I equipped it to be able to destroy not only her fortress, but everything she holds dear as well.
Dana’s fortress looked really messed up and ugly and mismatched. Mine on the other hand was sturdy, cool looking, symmetrical, and the pieces matched. I didn’t randomly put heads on trees. Friends fans will enjoy this reference. The difference between my fortress and Dana’s was very much like the difference between Monica and Phoebe’s dollhouse. I only wish I had said it, but that credit must go to Dana. She later added that people were defecting from my fortress because they were tired of everything being perfect. Who gets tired of things being perfect?! Here's the clip in case you don't know what I mean.
In the end, the war came. Mainly because we’d been trash talking too long not to attack one another. Yes, full blown trash talk! I started throwing projectiles with my working catapult. Dana on the other hand started tromping my mountain stronghold with a horse. Pft... like that would happen. That’s when I brought out the missiles and started whipping them at her fortress. When that didn’t work, I brought out more heavy duty weapons. She was crushing my things! So I used my mobile fortress’ anti-gravity ray to chuck the hull of a ship at her crappy castle thing. I won. That’s all that matters.
She was claiming that she should be allowed to use magic, but that would have been completely ridiculous. At least my anti-gravity ray has some foundation in science. This was how I spent my Tuesday night. It was really fun! Surprisingly, cleaning up wasn’t as bad as I’d anticipated. I’m also surprised we didn’t wake anyone up. We were giggling pretty loud and well, throwing things does make noise.
Dana had to go home after our battle. It was twelve thirty... pretty late... she had to work in the morning...
Another day in Lauren Land?
Lauren.
Yeah... we spent about an hour and a half, maybe two hours, building fortresses. Dana said that she was building a secret club and that I couldn’t join. Naturally that pissed me off, so I started building my own fortress. I equipped it to be able to destroy not only her fortress, but everything she holds dear as well.
Dana’s fortress looked really messed up and ugly and mismatched. Mine on the other hand was sturdy, cool looking, symmetrical, and the pieces matched. I didn’t randomly put heads on trees. Friends fans will enjoy this reference. The difference between my fortress and Dana’s was very much like the difference between Monica and Phoebe’s dollhouse. I only wish I had said it, but that credit must go to Dana. She later added that people were defecting from my fortress because they were tired of everything being perfect. Who gets tired of things being perfect?! Here's the clip in case you don't know what I mean.
In the end, the war came. Mainly because we’d been trash talking too long not to attack one another. Yes, full blown trash talk! I started throwing projectiles with my working catapult. Dana on the other hand started tromping my mountain stronghold with a horse. Pft... like that would happen. That’s when I brought out the missiles and started whipping them at her fortress. When that didn’t work, I brought out more heavy duty weapons. She was crushing my things! So I used my mobile fortress’ anti-gravity ray to chuck the hull of a ship at her crappy castle thing. I won. That’s all that matters.
She was claiming that she should be allowed to use magic, but that would have been completely ridiculous. At least my anti-gravity ray has some foundation in science. This was how I spent my Tuesday night. It was really fun! Surprisingly, cleaning up wasn’t as bad as I’d anticipated. I’m also surprised we didn’t wake anyone up. We were giggling pretty loud and well, throwing things does make noise.
Dana had to go home after our battle. It was twelve thirty... pretty late... she had to work in the morning...
Another day in Lauren Land?
Lauren.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Parents Have Working Ears
Lauren sleepy. I don't even know why I'm so sleepy. My unnamed prof came over tonight. We didn't have tea but I did make cake. My grand scheme worked! My mom has finally understood that there are grants. Now of course she's going to be on my ass about applying for each and every one of them. I'm considering buying my prof a microphone so that when I want to tell my parents something, I can send her a script and she can send back the recording. It would save me so much time. We'll see what she says about that.
I was quite productive today. Made a cake, did my laundry, wrote bits for my portfolio. I suppose tomorrow will be much the same with the addition of working on grant applications. I may also consider applying to history programs... in the event that I don't get accepted to a Creative Writing program. We'll see.
To anyone with concerned/over protective parents who want to do an MA, I recommend having your parents meet your favourite, friendly, charming professor for a sort of Q&A session. Parents not only listen to, but actually hear, outsiders.
Anyway, I'm off to bed. Night!
Lauren.
I was quite productive today. Made a cake, did my laundry, wrote bits for my portfolio. I suppose tomorrow will be much the same with the addition of working on grant applications. I may also consider applying to history programs... in the event that I don't get accepted to a Creative Writing program. We'll see.
To anyone with concerned/over protective parents who want to do an MA, I recommend having your parents meet your favourite, friendly, charming professor for a sort of Q&A session. Parents not only listen to, but actually hear, outsiders.
Anyway, I'm off to bed. Night!
Lauren.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Sunny Day Redhead
It was beautiful outside today. Hot, sunny, nice cool breeze. Even I was outdoors most of the day. How could I not be? The pool was at 80 degrees and not swimming would have been criminal.
The only thing is, I am currently bringing new meaning to the term ‘redhead’. Here’s a hint: It has nothing to do with my hair. From my forehead down to the bottom of my nose, I am again sunburnt. I don’t know why that’s all that got hit. It’s not like I was doing that creepy thing crocodiles do (though it looks that way). I mean, I do need to breathe so my head was in fact entirely above water for significant periods of time. Does my jaw repel UV rays? For some reason that seems unlikely.
Otherwise, I spent the day hanging out with some of my parents’ friends and their daughter. It’s the strangest thing. Their daughter is sixteen and for some reason, she seems to think that I’m cool. Dork, nerd, funny, sarcastic, these are words I’m used to. Cool? Qu’est ce que what? I have to wonder, what is this coolness? I definitely didn’t have it in grade school, really didn’t have it in middle school, didn’t inherit it in high school. Does one grow coolness? Did I buy it somewhere and I’m just not aware? Is it something I ate today? What did I eat today? Ricotta? Is ricotta cheese the secret to coolness?
I also played with their dog. She likes biting my hands. It’s pretty entertaining. Meeko however, is pretty pissed off. I can’t believe it. The dog has to weigh about two pounds... at the most. I can pick her up with one hand and barely know I’m holding her. Meeko is sixteen pounds, you need two hands to pick him up and the flub flows over your arms. Big kitty. Well, my big kitty spent the day hiding from that tiny ass little dog. Meeko could have sat on her and all disputes would have ceased. From what I hear, the dog didn’t even bark at my cat, she just sniffed at him. Meeko truly has been hanging around me too long. I now scratch like a cat and he’s apparently inherited my anti-social behaviour.
Pretty fun day actually. Tomorrow should be fun too. I’m baking a cake and later, my unnamed prof is coming over for tea.
Lauren.
The only thing is, I am currently bringing new meaning to the term ‘redhead’. Here’s a hint: It has nothing to do with my hair. From my forehead down to the bottom of my nose, I am again sunburnt. I don’t know why that’s all that got hit. It’s not like I was doing that creepy thing crocodiles do (though it looks that way). I mean, I do need to breathe so my head was in fact entirely above water for significant periods of time. Does my jaw repel UV rays? For some reason that seems unlikely.
Otherwise, I spent the day hanging out with some of my parents’ friends and their daughter. It’s the strangest thing. Their daughter is sixteen and for some reason, she seems to think that I’m cool. Dork, nerd, funny, sarcastic, these are words I’m used to. Cool? Qu’est ce que what? I have to wonder, what is this coolness? I definitely didn’t have it in grade school, really didn’t have it in middle school, didn’t inherit it in high school. Does one grow coolness? Did I buy it somewhere and I’m just not aware? Is it something I ate today? What did I eat today? Ricotta? Is ricotta cheese the secret to coolness?
I also played with their dog. She likes biting my hands. It’s pretty entertaining. Meeko however, is pretty pissed off. I can’t believe it. The dog has to weigh about two pounds... at the most. I can pick her up with one hand and barely know I’m holding her. Meeko is sixteen pounds, you need two hands to pick him up and the flub flows over your arms. Big kitty. Well, my big kitty spent the day hiding from that tiny ass little dog. Meeko could have sat on her and all disputes would have ceased. From what I hear, the dog didn’t even bark at my cat, she just sniffed at him. Meeko truly has been hanging around me too long. I now scratch like a cat and he’s apparently inherited my anti-social behaviour.
Pretty fun day actually. Tomorrow should be fun too. I’m baking a cake and later, my unnamed prof is coming over for tea.
Lauren.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Gots to Get my Seuss On!
I have to get my Dr. Seuss on. I borrowed a bunch of Dana’s old Dr. Seuss books and I’m writing my parodies. Dana and another of my friends think the parodies are a good idea. I guess the least I could do is write them. If they aren’t good for my portfolio, they’ll still be fun to write. We’ll see how they turn out. I have the draft of one finished.
I’ll be working with parts of “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish”, “The Cat in the Hat”, and “I Am Not Going to Get Up Today”. The draft I have is for “I Am Not Going to Get Up Today”. Perhaps I have to stop questioning what others will like when looking at my portfolio and just focus on being me... I think I’m pretty Seuss.
Other than that, I went out for coffee with one of my friends. She was in town for a few days and I hadn’t seen her in a while. She was blonde! As soon as I told her about blonde-power she seemed to warm up to the colour a lot faster...
Hanging out with her was... refreshing, re-energizing and encouraging. I met her in first year. We have very similar taste in books, we’re both quite clumsy, both kind of loners and we’re both hoping to go off to grad school. I think she’s been accepted though... so I’m still hoping. Either way, we had a lot to talk about. Next time she comes over I think I’m going to try to convince her to ambush my parents with a “this is why Lauren should go to grad school” speech. It was amazing for my ego to hear that she had so much faith in me. Later, when we got onto books, we dismissed Twilight as sensationalist trash that advocates essentially abusive relationships and raised JK Rowling to god-like status for her creativity, artistry and contribution to children’s literature. We also talked about Anne Brashares’ fifth book following up on the lives of Tibby, Carmen, Lena and Bridget ten years after the last adventure of the Traveling Pants. I haven’t read it yet but Charlotte lent it to me so I should have it read soon. She wasn’t impressed by it so I have to weigh in with my thoughts. She said she needs someone to discuss it with. As soon as I focus and finish off Eat, Pray, Love I’ll jump straight into it.
I like hanging out with her. It’s like talking to someone who just gets you without trying. And God do I appreciate that. The coffee was good too. I don’t usually go to that particular coffee shop (no real reason) and I tried their “iced cappuchillo”. If I remember correctly, it was chilled espresso and other stuff with whipped cream on top. I’m not a big coffee fan, but I could have had another one.
Good day. Too hot for my liking, but a good day.
Lauren.
I’ll be working with parts of “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish”, “The Cat in the Hat”, and “I Am Not Going to Get Up Today”. The draft I have is for “I Am Not Going to Get Up Today”. Perhaps I have to stop questioning what others will like when looking at my portfolio and just focus on being me... I think I’m pretty Seuss.
Other than that, I went out for coffee with one of my friends. She was in town for a few days and I hadn’t seen her in a while. She was blonde! As soon as I told her about blonde-power she seemed to warm up to the colour a lot faster...
Hanging out with her was... refreshing, re-energizing and encouraging. I met her in first year. We have very similar taste in books, we’re both quite clumsy, both kind of loners and we’re both hoping to go off to grad school. I think she’s been accepted though... so I’m still hoping. Either way, we had a lot to talk about. Next time she comes over I think I’m going to try to convince her to ambush my parents with a “this is why Lauren should go to grad school” speech. It was amazing for my ego to hear that she had so much faith in me. Later, when we got onto books, we dismissed Twilight as sensationalist trash that advocates essentially abusive relationships and raised JK Rowling to god-like status for her creativity, artistry and contribution to children’s literature. We also talked about Anne Brashares’ fifth book following up on the lives of Tibby, Carmen, Lena and Bridget ten years after the last adventure of the Traveling Pants. I haven’t read it yet but Charlotte lent it to me so I should have it read soon. She wasn’t impressed by it so I have to weigh in with my thoughts. She said she needs someone to discuss it with. As soon as I focus and finish off Eat, Pray, Love I’ll jump straight into it.
I like hanging out with her. It’s like talking to someone who just gets you without trying. And God do I appreciate that. The coffee was good too. I don’t usually go to that particular coffee shop (no real reason) and I tried their “iced cappuchillo”. If I remember correctly, it was chilled espresso and other stuff with whipped cream on top. I’m not a big coffee fan, but I could have had another one.
Good day. Too hot for my liking, but a good day.
Lauren.
Friday, July 1, 2011
CANADA DAY TRIBUTE
I don’t have a whole lot to say about today. Mostly, I sat watching Top Chef Canada. And let me tell you, I’ve never felt more sophisticated eating chicken fingers and curly fries. Gorgeous seafood pales in comparison to my curly fries! I wish I could have reached into the TV and snatched some of those dishes. Damn you Food Chanel! The only thing that interrupted my Top Chef marathon was Jenny. We went out for ice cream. Nom!
However, today is Canada Day so I do think I should address certain points.
“The Canadian
I am not a lumberjack, or a fur trader. (TRUE)
I don't live in an igloo, (TRUE, I LIVE IN A SEMI)
or eat blubber, or own a dogsled, (I DON’T EAT BLUBBER BUT MY COUSIN DOES OWN A DOG SLED)
and I don't know Jimmy, Suzy, or Sally from Canada, (I KNOW A JIM, A SUE AND A SANDY)
although I am certain they are really, really nice. (JIM ISN’T BUT SUE AND SANDY ARE)
I have a Prime Minister, not a President (TRUE)
I speak English and French, not American (TRUE EH)
I pronounce it "About" not "a boot" (I DON’T GET THE ABOOT THING...)
I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack (TRUE THAT! STOP STEALING IT!)
I believe in Peacekeeping, not policing (TRUE)
Diversity, not Assimilation (TRUE)
and that the Beaver is a proud and noble animal. (AND ALSO REALLY COOL!)
The Toque is a hat, (MY GRANDMA MADE MINE!)
A Chesterfield is a couch, (I DON’T OWN ONE)
and "Z" is pronounced "ZED" not "ZEE", "ZED" (IT’S TRUE.)
Canada is the second largest land mass, (TRUE)
The first nation of hockey, and (TRUE)
THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!! (IN MY HUMBLE OPINION)
My Name is "Joe", and (OR LAUREN)
"IAM CANADIAN!!!" (VERY TRUE)
And now that I've cleared that up, I love Canada because I can be French, I can be English and by law, that’s okay. I can marry the woman I love, you know... when I find her and provided Stephen Harper doesn’t prove himself to be an astronomical douche bag. I also happen to love that my tuition is 6 000$ as opposed to 5 times that amount south of the boarder. This one almost goes without saying, but healthcare! Yay for not having to take out a second mortgage when I commit the crime of getting sick.
For further tributes to Canada, please indulge in the following youtube videos.
This one gets stuck in my head. Gotta love it. Yup, “Canadian Please”.
How could I not mention the Arrogant Worms' “Canada is Really Big”?
There you have it. Celebrate well my fellow Canucks! Happy 144th birthday Canada!
Lauren.
However, today is Canada Day so I do think I should address certain points.
“The Canadian
I am not a lumberjack, or a fur trader. (TRUE)
I don't live in an igloo, (TRUE, I LIVE IN A SEMI)
or eat blubber, or own a dogsled, (I DON’T EAT BLUBBER BUT MY COUSIN DOES OWN A DOG SLED)
and I don't know Jimmy, Suzy, or Sally from Canada, (I KNOW A JIM, A SUE AND A SANDY)
although I am certain they are really, really nice. (JIM ISN’T BUT SUE AND SANDY ARE)
I have a Prime Minister, not a President (TRUE)
I speak English and French, not American (TRUE EH)
I pronounce it "About" not "a boot" (I DON’T GET THE ABOOT THING...)
I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack (TRUE THAT! STOP STEALING IT!)
I believe in Peacekeeping, not policing (TRUE)
Diversity, not Assimilation (TRUE)
and that the Beaver is a proud and noble animal. (AND ALSO REALLY COOL!)
The Toque is a hat, (MY GRANDMA MADE MINE!)
A Chesterfield is a couch, (I DON’T OWN ONE)
and "Z" is pronounced "ZED" not "ZEE", "ZED" (IT’S TRUE.)
Canada is the second largest land mass, (TRUE)
The first nation of hockey, and (TRUE)
THE BEST PART OF NORTH AMERICA!! (IN MY HUMBLE OPINION)
My Name is "Joe", and (OR LAUREN)
"IAM CANADIAN!!!" (VERY TRUE)
And now that I've cleared that up, I love Canada because I can be French, I can be English and by law, that’s okay. I can marry the woman I love, you know... when I find her and provided Stephen Harper doesn’t prove himself to be an astronomical douche bag. I also happen to love that my tuition is 6 000$ as opposed to 5 times that amount south of the boarder. This one almost goes without saying, but healthcare! Yay for not having to take out a second mortgage when I commit the crime of getting sick.
For further tributes to Canada, please indulge in the following youtube videos.
This one gets stuck in my head. Gotta love it. Yup, “Canadian Please”.
How could I not mention the Arrogant Worms' “Canada is Really Big”?
There you have it. Celebrate well my fellow Canucks! Happy 144th birthday Canada!
Lauren.
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