GLEE Caution and Umbrella Rant

I had a really, atrociously long morning. I was only in class for four hours but it felt so much longer. And I was always sitting in front of a clock so I could always look up and see that only five minutes had passed. I was not in the mood today.
Near the end of my Spec Ed class I caught sight of Guy A, one of the members of my Ed Tech/Tech Ed group for that Garage Band presentation. I turned to make sure he wasn’t making faces at Girl A but after a minute, I caught on. He needed to talk to us after class. Sometimes I’m really, really slow. Class went to the very last minute but Guy A and P were standing next to me and Girl A almost immediately. That’s when I learned an important life lesson. NEVER, EVER, QUESTION GLEE!

I questioned Glee yesterday. I didn’t understand why being a Gleek qualified me to sing for our Garage Band project. Because I questioned Glee, my group was “randomly” selected to present first. Next week. We have to write our song during our breaks Tuesday and finished everything up on Wednesday in order to present Thursday. So again, I say this with fear and love to my fellow humans: NEVER, EVER, QUESTION GLEE OR YOUR GLEEKY ALLIANCES! BAD THINGS WILL HAPPEN!

Following that I got to walk home which was kind of horrible. It was raining and it was cold, really cold. I also answered one of life’s most important questions. I’m not kidding. I don’t carry an umbrella. People ask me why all the time. First off, why do I want to carry around a lightening rod? Secondly, umbrellas always blow out and inside out. Not so useful. I need it to keep water off my head, not to enable water to collect above it. And thirdly, when the heck does rain ever fall straight up and down? Never. That’s when. It always rains sideways. I have proof. My front was soaked, my back was completely dry. Why don’t I use an umbrella? Because they don’t work. 

Only Mary Poppins can rock an umbrella. Maybe if they invent one that will allow me to fly, maybe then I could get into it. Otherwise, I think they’re more of a hassle than anything else. Who invented umbrellas anyway? And why are they called umbrellas? What is the root of the word umbrella?

Let us ponder these things. Because they really are vitally important.

Lauren.

What Happens When You Lose Your Mind

I had an oddly amusing day today. It’s a Thursday, one of my extremely busy days, so I’m usually comatose for most of it. But today, there was quite a bit to keep me entertained.

In my first class, we got to watch and participate in a representation of idealist theory teaching. Basically, that means there’s only one right answer and the teacher will question the students incessantly until they get to that answer. The Socratic Method apparently. The group in question chose to represent their theory using religious education. It felt like I was in a 1910 classroom with a nun patrolling up and down the rows with a metre stick (which the one group member actually did). The presentation included corner time for tardiness, gum on the nose for unfortunate gum chewers and the always iconic Dunce Cap. My cousin T was in that group. He started goofing off and was directed to wear the dunce cap. The guy sitting next to me asked me if T was in the group. I could only reply that with T it was very hard to tell. He’s a class clown even when he’s not a plant. It was terrifying but also very interesting. T kept the cap on for the rest of the period.

After that I got to eat lunch in the WC. I have to admit, I’ve missed the WC. All the quirky people, the crazy conversations, the bowls of condoms and lube sitting on the lunch table like centre pieces... What? Most people don’t eat lunch with condoms and lube as center pieces? We discussed how weird it was that none of us found it weird and then we started playing with a dental dam. They’re very stretchy. I felt extremely safe.

When my Methods class ended I was faced with an hour break. What would I do? Nap? Do homework? Draft information about the revamped Pride group? Work on my Master’s application portfolio? No. I did none of those things. I instead became an Eddie (what we call education students). I lost my mind completely and partook in a song and dance ritual that had no rhyme or reason, it was almost out of character but it was a wonderful stress relief. Yes... I sang and danced to the following:

And now that I’m on the subject of song and dance, I have news to relate. One of my classes is EdTech or TechEd. I can never remember. Either way, we’re learning about applying classroom technologies. We have to do a teachers teaching teachers presentation on one program. My group chose Garage Band. We were discussing it today and apparently, I’ve been chosen to sing whatever song we come up with. That was a surprise to me. What are my qualifications you may be wondering? According to my group, I’m singing because I’m a Gleek.

Really Glee?! I write a post to you every Tuesday in tribute and this is how you repay me? I’ve been betrayed before Glee, but never like this... NEVER LIKE THIS!

See? Crazy day. And that’s not including the sort-of emergency email I got about a website I designed.

Lauren.

Year 3 begins

I made something of an oversight. Not a big deal, but I finished up my second year of daily blogging. It creeps me out that I’m now able to trace trends. It’s interesting, but creepy. For instance, the first snow for the last two years have occurred within a week of each other. No regular person should know that trivia.

And now for a subject change.

One of the things I love about writing is the variety. I get to research and learn about all kinds of things. I get to solve all kinds of problems. For a while I was writing a story with a veterinarian for a main character. I got my characters together by the means of a pregnant cat. I knew a whole lot about pregnant cats for a few months. I love collecting knowledge.

I was quite pleased when that characteristic spilled over into my teaching stuff. I’m writing lesson plans at the moment. While the format we were given makes little sense when we’re instructed to complete it backwards, it does cover pretty much everything. The one question asked me how I would differentiate learning for students with IEPs or exceptionalities. I realized I didn’t know enough about exceptionalities to even begin thinking about how I would differentiate learning. Off I went researching! There are a lot of really great websites out there. I learned quite a lot.

People keep asking me why I want to be a teacher. I try to explain my reasons but it always comes out like teaching is option B. And it’s not. Teaching has a lot of the same characteristics that I love about writing. I could be happy writing as a hobby. But if writing is a hobby, I need a career. I can be happy teaching and writing. So there. Not option B. It’s more like... alternative option A.

Yeah... that still kind of sounds like plan B doesn’t it? WELL IT’S NOT! IT’S NOT I TELLS YA!

Lauren

Glee and New Title

I rarely advocate this as a solution, mostly because I really don’t like touching people, but I think Quinn Fabray needs a hug. She’s screaming “Hug Me!” on the inside. I can tell. And she might fight, but she really does want that hug. So... anyone up for hugging her? ‘Cause I can’t do it.

Not too sure how I feel about this episode of Glee. I don’t like Shelby. I think she’s mean. I’m not really liking Quinn at the moment (in spite of wanting to give her a hug). Truth is, she kind of reminds me of someone and I wish I’d been able to give the Mr. Shue speech. I feel bad for Kurt but I saw that coming a mile away. And I’m practically blind. He is a unicorn. Although, I am kind of happy to see the Beth storyline re-emerge. I always liked Puck but I like him so much more now. I could probably suffer an awkward pat on the head to demonstrate that increased affection.

I also managed to find someone in my section who likes Glee. I principally like the music. It makes me happy. She agreed and we both warned the universe not to knock out our power because Glee was the only thing getting us through a ridiculously long day. It looked like a pretty bad storm was kicking up.

Actually, the whole day was pretty ridiculous. In my first class, we got shipped out to four other classes. We had to take down the room measurements, the layout and the various teaching methods we could employ in each particular room. One of the English profs laughed when I told her what I was up to. I couldn’t blame her.

After that I went to lunch and hung out with my usual people. It was rather pleasant. Before heading off to our next class, I decided it would be best to go to the bathroom. I did my thing and just as I’m washing my hands, a girl from my section comes up to me. She tells me that in one of her upcoming presentations her group does a bit involving homophobia and she just wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t be offended. I was thrown off and just looked at her for a second. Of course I don’t have a problem with it. I told her so.

When I left the bathroom with my friend I turned to her and asked: “Am I that open about it?” She snorted and said yes without so much as a second of hesitation. This girl has only known me a month by the way.

It’s kind of hilarious. I guess I’m the class lesbian. Represent! We also have a class gay guy who was asked the same questions. Once my surprise wore off, I was able to thank bathroom girl for being so courteous and respectful.

So there you have it. A new bit to add to my title.

Lauren Daily, Student Teacher, I/S section 3, Class Lesbian

Snoring Mystery Solved

I solved yet another mystery today. I do in fact snore.

I don’t know why but I was really tired today. I barely made it through class and when I got home around one, I happily plopped down in front of the TV. My sister came home and switched it to the food channel. About halfway through Iron Chef, I got really cold so I got up and grabbed a blanket. BIG MISTAKE! As soon as I got warm again, I just needed to lay down. So I did. I conked out about five whole second later.

At one point, I heard this really obnoxious sound and sort of work up. It stopped so I went back to sleep. I heard it again and this time, I fully woke up. I looked beside me where my sister had been sitting. She was gone. I looked at the chair where Meeko likes to perch. He’s all stuffed up so he makes horrible snoring sounds all the time. Yeah, he wasn’t there. One last person... moi.

I was kind of confused about it for a while until my sister said I was “snoring hard-core”. How can you wake yourself up snoring? That’s so... unnatural. 

Well, one more weird thing I do.

Lauren.

I Need a Life

I spent the weekend doing homework. I outlined my unit plan. It's all written out on PostIts. I finished my lesson plan. I finished my presentations and my journal entries. I think I finished the majority of the time consuming makeydoo assignments I was set.  (I'm trying to use all my twenty dollar words while completing them to add a level of difficulty.) Good for another week.

In case you don't know, makeydoo is a term my Mom started using when we still watched shows like While You Were Out and Trading Spaces. It's a term used to describe the usually ugly, time consuming, pointless arts and craftsy, projects they assign homeowners to keep them busy and out of the way. I will admit the usefulness of unit and lesson plans. That is my only concession. Thinking ahead and planning I can appreciate.

So, say it with me. The word of the day is "MAKEYDOO".

And somewhere in all of that, I did some personal reading, writing and a whole whack of laundry. I'm so aware that I need a life. Where do regular people go for those? Is there a store? There must be a store where I can go buy a life.

I had a meeting last week and met a new person. I don't exactly remember why but I wound up telling her that I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't drink coffee, I don't have Facebook and I don't have a cellphone. Her jaw pretty much hit the tabletop. Surprised, she asked me what I did for pleasure. Being me (sarcastic) and awkward, I told her: myself. Yeah, no innuendo there. Although, apparently my awkwardness is charming to some people. I guess it's because they never know what I'm going to say. Like when I was in a group with two relative strangers in my English class. The ratio of guys to girls was pretty standard (2 out of 10 are guys). I remarked that the odds should have been better for lesbians but they really weren't. Maybe I should look for a filter when I'm off looking for a life. They should be sold around the same area. Different aisles perhaps, but surely in the same store.

Lauren.

Learning by Accident

What I discovered today:

1)      There’s a slippery spot on the laundry room floor. It’s not because there’s something on the floor. It’s nothing visible. I guess it’s just the floor? I’ll give you three guesses how I found it.

2)      Lesson planning backwards still makes no sense to me. In theory it makes sense, in practice, it’s quite time consuming. The format we were given makes it so that working backwards isn’t a simple start from Z and move up to Y, then X and W. It’s more like start at B, move down to E, back up to C then back down to J1, 2 and 3 before finishing at H. It’s like mapping from the result in order to better dictate which steps to take to get there. Because I’m new to the whole process, doing it backwards messes me up even more.

3)      The living room couch is squishy which is excellent for napping. Once the squishy in the arms has deflated from having your head on it however, it will hurt your neck. Rotating sides every so often is required for optimum napping. I didn’t know this before because I seldom nap.

4)      I had a crazy dream in which I met one of my preferred authors in a locker room. I don’t know why I was in a locker room... Anyway, even weirder than that, she was a giant. I looked up what that could mean online. Dream Dictionary says:

a.       Giant
To see a giant in your dream indicates a great struggle between you and your opponents. You are trying to overcome an overwhelming obstacle. Alternatively, a giant symbolizes an issue, a person or a feeling that is dominating you. You are having an inferiority complex.

b.       Author
To see an author in your dream suggests that your mind is preoccupied with some story, essay, or report that you are working on.

c.        Locker Room
To dream that you are in a locker room suggests that you need time to cool off and calm down. You are involved in some tough competition or are trying to overcome. Perhaps you are trying to pursue a love interest.

Could my dream be a manifestation of my anxieties regarding the extremely competitive MA programs I’m trying to get into? Naaaaaaaah! Does my writing count as a love interest? Because writing is about the only thing I’m pursuing these days.

The things you can learn in a day.

Lauren.

My Favourite Class

Yup, I think I’m decided. Spec Ed is indeed going to be my favourite class. (I still reserve the right to take that back later). My prof is a bit hard to follow, but the material is very interesting. For instance, today, we watched an older movie where a guy was teaching “regular” people what it was like to live with a learning difficulty. He simulated dyslexia, anxiety and a variety of perception disorders. It was really incredible to see how something that comes so easily, so automatically to me can be so difficult to someone else. Perspective is a wonderful thing.

Other than that I got PostIt happy. In a few weeks I’ll be teaching the poetry unit in a grade nine class. My associate teacher is a very organized, seemingly very particular woman. I appreciate those qualities. As a result I’m trying to get her my unit plan as soon as possible so she can go through it, make suggestions and ensure that I’m not going to mess up her kids. I was having a hard time planning and visualizing so I pretty much made a chart out of PostIts on the dining  room wall. Now I just have to go into more detail. Woo.

I’m back in the land of a million things to do.

-          Unit plan (for placement)

-          Lesson plan (for Methods class)

-          Week 2 quote cards (for Intermediate English)

-          Read 40 pages/ write journal entry (for Senior English)

-          Plan short presentation (for history)

-          Plan short presentation (for Methods/Management)

-          Finish Spec Ed chart thingy (obviously for Spec Ed)

-          Read a bunch of articles and chapters for all my classes

Yeah, I can totally do that... haha. I’ll get right on it... just as soon as I finish watching Walle and get about ten hours of sleep. I got my Senior and Intermediate English classes mixed up today with irritating results. Clearly need some shut eye.

Incidentally, why is it called ‘shut eye’? I have more than one eye. I have two. Shut eyes?

Lauren.

Word of the day: Arrrrrrrg

Sleepy.
Long day at school.
New project getting under way.
Need to write a unit plan.
Have to be up early tomorrow.
Did I mention sleepy?

Aaaaaaaaarg!

Lauren.

The Bus Strategy

It’s taken me five years but I’ve finally mastered taking the bus. I know that probably doesn’t seem like a big thing, but when you have my luck, you’re always leaving school just as the bus you need is pulling out, forcing you to stick around another half hour just waiting.

I’ve discovered two strategies that involve minimal use of violence.

As you can see, the natural tendency is to group together in front of the bus door. We don’t do lines at my school. That would be practical and logical and we just don’t believe in silly things like that.

Piling in at the back of the crowd will assure you miss the bus. If you kind of blend into the side of the crowd, you can cut off the majority of the people ahead of you and get on. That was today’s strategy. Of course, you do have to shove a bit and not back off when people try to step in front of you. Because they will try to step in front of you. Shoulder bumping is okay. Anything beyond that is kind of stepping over a line.

Over the years I’ve threatened to fake seizures, to flail violently, unleash a baseball bat, to spread deadly flu buggies, I’ve said awkward things really loud, all to get that split second advantage and sneak in front of someone.

Another strategy that works is getting behind someone really determined. They part the sea and I benefit. Mwahahaha!

I did manage to get on the bus today thanks to the side-intrusion strategy. I had to stand for a bit, but two seats eventually opened up and I plopped down in one of them. Some blonde girl sat in the other one. I didn’t know her, I still don’t know her, but we started talking and had a more in depth conversation than I’ve had with some of my friends recently. I kind of love that about living here. You know, when it happens with a genuinely interesting, sane person. She was cute too. Yup, that’s where my mind goes.

Lauren.  

Glee's Back and I'm Annoying

I have to admit, I was filled with a strange energy today. It wasn’t sugar based. Basically, that translates to: “I was kind of hyper and had random bursts of hyperactive energy”. It was quite fun.

After spending about a week and a half with my fellow eddies (education students) I discovered that pretty much none of the new people I’m palling around with like Glee. In fact, they pretty much hate it. Given that today was the season premier of Glee, I took it upon myself to be annoying. This is probably why I have a limited number of friends.

I brought up Glee at every logical point in the many conversations I had today. And it was a long day. We started at 10:30 and didn’t finish until 6:30. When our last class let out, I looked up at my one buddy and said: “Guess what’s on in an hour and a half?” My two guy buddies just groaned and were silently begging girl buddy not to indulge me. She finally realized where I was headed and sighed while I giggled. Guy buddies promptly told her: “I can’t believe you let her get that far!” and “She’s been talking about it all day!”.  We had to do an assignment in my Management class about how we felt regarding managing a classroom. I was worried that I would just be ignored, because it seems very easy for people to unintentionally ignore me. Apparently if I talk enough about Glee, people pay attention. The only thing I have to figure out now is how to work Glee into commands to return to order. Maybe something along the lines of “Everyone! I’ll Rachel Berry Rant until your ears bleed unless you quiet down! And I have the vocabulary to do it!” I felt kind of like Peter when he discovered that the Bird is the Word.

So yeah. Good day for me. Not so much for Stewie.

Now that I’m on the topic, Glee’s back on! That means the return of my Tuesday list of Glee questions and complaints! Okay, missing characters? No Sam, I liked him! He finally gets and interesting storyline then they kick him off! Is he coming back? Better be. No Lauren which means no more snarky comments. Thank God no Vanessa Lengies... what was that about? Eek! Quinn apparently lost her mind... that or it got run over and she’s using the remaining mutilated bits as best she can. Rachel and Finn... bleck. Rachel and Kurt (love the hag pamphlet Miss Pillsbury) YAY and kind of mirroring some of my own anxieties at the moment.

 

After all my hype, I rather enjoyed having Glee back. I’m interested to see how this season is going to develop because of course, many of the characters are now seniors. So I guess they’ll be bringing in a bunch of new characters to keep Glee club going. Perhaps that’s why Quinn has gone off the rails (to keep her around that extra year), although I’m not really surprised. Speaking of Quinn... anyone else still sensing lesbian subtext between her and Rachel? I know you're out there. Speak!

These are my thoughts. Until next Tuesday.

Lauren.

Questioning BEd

This probably isn’t going to come out the way I mean it to but teacher’s college seems to be the cure for insomnia. I think it’s because I’m being active while awake and I’m going to bed at the same time every night. I’ve never, ever, slept better. So... yay for that.

Otherwise, I’m still struggling with most of it. At least I can get up without feeling like I’m going to die. What’s really bugging me is the way the classrooms are organized. I hate the tables. They’re trapezoids (is that how you say it in English?) and then they’re shoved up against another table to make a hexagon. I don’t like not having my own space, I don’t like having people around me all the time, I don’t like being that close to people. And as of today, I really don’t like it when the tables aren’t parallel to the wall. It drives me nuts and for some reason I just kept noticing if the edge of the table wasn’t parallel to the wall. It wouldn’t even have to be parallel so long as one of the points was at a ninety degree angle with the wall. Yeah... I guess I have OCD tendencies. (A little off topic, but if we're spending so much time learning about how to cater to all students' different needs, why can't my profs realize that I'm going crazy and need some space and a desk?)

The other thing I’m struggling with is the relative lack of challenge. Compared to my undergrad, this stuff isn’t really an intellectual challenge. So far, the challenge has been more... organizational. There’s a lot to do, a lot of planning, a lot of filling in of form documents, but so far, that hasn’t really been a problem for me. I get things done. I always have. And I’m good at it. Then again, it has only been a week and a day. I also miss the variety. Everything is about education. How to teach this, How to teach that, How to manage a class, How to work with spec ed kids. It’s kind of irritating to be around teachers while being taught about teaching. It’s just a bit much on a long day.

I can’t help but wonder if all this is really necessary. I’ve had teachers that I’ve loved and the things I remember about them are personal traits, not necessarily how they taught me or how skilled they were at integrating this and that principle. I had one teacher in grade 12 and I loved coming to class because of the feel in the room. It was quiet and calm but also fun and spontaneous. No amount of class will teach me how to recreate that. I managed to take most of my undergraduate history classes with one prof. He was a slow marker, he assigned a ton of work, talked a mile a minute, had massive amounts of reading and subject matter to cover, but I loved him because he was so passionate about his subject that you couldn’t help but be interested.

I’ll admit that some things in the faculty of ed must be taught, but for the most part, what am I learning? I’ve had horrendous teachers who obviously hate kids and they’ve made it through the BEd program. The Ontario government wants to extend the program to two years but I can’t fathom what more they could teach me. So much of what my profs now are telling me comes from anecdotes. It just makes me wonder how much a person can be taught to teach and how much of it is experience, instinct and personality. None of which a formal education will be able to give me.

Worth the question?

Lauren.

Special Pre-Monday Tired

You know the two Muppets who sit on the balcony and comment on things? I’m sitting in the basement with my mom and my sister and it feels like I’m watching TV with those two Muppets. They’re kind of giving me a headache.

My sister claims she's the one with the moustache...

For instance, we just saw the Kia Soul commercial. My sister is currently hyperventilating she’s laughing so hard. Yeah, she noticed something kind of awkward between the lead hamster’s legs. Let's see if you can spot what she's giggling over.

They’ve been dubbed “Horny Hamsters”.

My sister keeps asking: Why would they do that! Why would they put a bulge there? Don't they screen commercials?

My mom just replied: He was just poorly padded.

Nothing worse than a hamster that stuffs... that's what I always say... you know... when hamsters that stuff come up in conversation. Which happens ALL the time.

And yes, we watched the commercial twice.

That is the ‘Post first week/I don’t wanna go back on Monday’ vibe at my house. It’s a special kind of exhaustion that brings about the most random, bizarre, perverted, rude, crude, yet always entertaining comments.

And then, when the stress has sufficiently built up, we giggle for no apparent reason and can’t stop. My mom is slowly winding down. My sister is still going strong.

I’m going to crash. I need to be up early tomorrow.

Lauren.

Marriage of Another Cousin

Oh my. Busy day. Yet another of my cousins got married.

The ceremony itself was pretty short, very... traditional I suppose. Still very nice. Except when the organist (giggetty giggetty) played Pachelbel’s Canon it sounded a lot like a dirge. I’m not sure but I don’t think that was the intention. Also, before the ceremony started my sister was making a bunch of biblical hymn titles sound dirty. She didn’t have to work very hard either.

I got to hang out with some cousins I rarely see. Cousin "I" lives in Ottawa. I chatted with her about teacher’s college and such. Her husband seemed to find my comments amusing. Cousin "L" was making a bunch of rather hilarious jokes about how she hadn’t been invited to a previous wedding. It was a pretty big family scandal actually. The politics of weddings.

Dinner was by far the most interesting part of the day. Two people at our table didn’t show up so we were five at the table. I was sitting with my sister and her boyfriend as well as Cousin "A" and his fiancée. I don’t know when they’re getting married but I probably won’t be invited. My sister and Cousin "A" were the only two drinking so naturally, they each got a bottle of wine. The guy at the table behind us kept eyeing our wine and looking for an opportunity to strike. I initally thought he was checking out "A" and kept thinking, 'you could not have made a worse choice buddy'. When the creeper finally got up his nerve and asked Cousin "A" for our wine, Cousin "A" grabbed both bottles and held them close to his chest repeating: “F*** no!” and claiming that our family doesn’t give away alcohol, we drink it. That we do... 

One of our candles also went out. So, we took a twig out of the centerpiece, lit it and lit the other candle. It smelled like burnt twig for a while. Because we’re classy, we promptly placed the flaming twig in a spare water glass. Can we look any crazier? Yes, we can.

And now the moth-creature! We still don’t know where from, but a large, moth-like insect dropped onto the table right near my hand. I didn’t even have time to react before my sister crunched it with a bread plate. The waitress who looked completely disgusted, stared between me and my sister and asked what it was. When my sister moved the plate, there was a squished moth-like thingy. It was big enough that it bled on the table cloth. We eventually had the corpse removed... the reddish blood stain remained.

Near the end of the evening I was really cold. Cousin "G"’s wife (with whom I spent some time this summer in Newmarket) came over and shared her poncho with me. Yup. When we were at the same hall for Cousin "M"’s wedding she was cold and so this time, had the forethought to bring a woolly, warm poncho. I wore it the rest of the night and it was absolutely wonderful. So darn warm. And it smelled nice though "G"'s wife continues to claim it's only hand sanitizer. Whatever. If it's hand sanitizer it smells good.

So yeah. I have a lot of cousins. As you can see. I wasn’t enthusiastic about going, but I did have a pretty good time. I love my big, crazy, drunk, French family.

Lauren.

Teacher Power

I had an interesting experience today. I’ve finally cycled through all my classes and I think the last one may well end up being my favourite. It’s a class about teaching and being aware of Spec Ed students.

Why was it interesting? My professor was naming a bunch of scenarios we may find ourselves in. Eventually though, he wound up telling my story. Kind of makes me feel good, but sad that my story is so typical.

I don’t remember if I’ve written about this before but when I was sixteen, I was pretty messed up. I thought I was going crazy. I kept having weird thoughts. I got angry and frustrated very quickly. I felt out of control. If I was sufficiently riled, I’d react on a whim, saying and doing things I knew I shouldn’t. It literally took me twenty minutes to talk myself into getting out of bed in the morning. I remember walking out of classes, not doing my work, mouthing off to teachers and once the principal (he still dislikes me for that). It was... not a good time in my life. I was still a good student, still somehow managed an A average, but people (including the teachers) knew when to back off and leave me alone.   

My Spec Ed teacher told us how important it is to talk to your students, to let them know that you’ve noticed a change in their behaviour and ask them if there’s anything you can do to help. Can’t likely be that direct... Some idiot at my “pod” (aka group table) was going on about how he wouldn’t be comfortable talking to his students and how it wasn’t his job. My thoughts: If I hadn’t had a teacher tell me that she’d noticed I wasn’t smiling anymore, I’d probably be in a very different place today. She talked to me every day, asked me how I was every day, stayed after class to make sure I was okay.

At that point I was still undiagnosed. Three years later though, I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and dysthemia. Surprise! It’s taken seven years of therapy and currently three years of medication. I’m much more aware of myself now and how to control my emotions and behaviour. That teacher is the one who made me realize that something was really wrong.

I don’t like thinking about what could have happened if that teacher hadn’t said anything.

When I told her how grateful I was for what she did, she told me that one of the reasons she became a teacher was to make a difference. I guess it’s a pay it forward kind of thing. Suppose I should thank her for that too. I haven’t seen or in any way communicated with her in about six years, but I still vividly remember conversations we had and things she did for me. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.

There you have it. Teachers can be very powerful people. Good ones anyway.

Lauren.  

Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

I somehow got tethered to a dark, rainy cloud. Qu’est-ce-que what? I did not have a good day.

Stop number one on the day of atrocious happenings: Doctor’s office.

I have to book an appointment for an upper GI. It was explained to me, and it doesn’t sound entirely pleasant. I have to drink some liquid that appears on X ray and then they’re going to make me sit and lay down in various positions (I snorted due to mental images) to see how my acid reflux is doing. I also have to watch my chocolate/coffee intake because that apparently doesn’t help. Bah humbug!

Stop number two: Class

I showed up late and everyone, according to class policy, said hello. I responded in kind. Flustered, I went around the room disrupting about six people only to discover that there were no seats on that half of the room. I disrupted another five people to get to an empty chair across the room. Half an hour of class, didn’t follow it much... shouldn’t have bothered.

Stop number three: Driving Test.

I finally got to do my driving test after having to reschedule and wait and renew my licence. Everything was going well enough. I managed to parallel park (though somehow I’m able to avoid doing that in real life), I did the three point turn, I did about fifty lane changes. There were random burst of rain. I had to turn on my wipers, turn off my wipers. He took me through construction four times. And then, about two minutes from the office on the way back, he made me change lanes again. I looked. There was nothing. I looked again. Still nothing. And then I started changing lanes only to hear a horn honk and the dude yelling at me. Because one wasn’t enough. Yay for blind spots! By the way, the sound of failure is a car horn. I jumped back into my lane and eventually made the lane change, but apparently people don’t make mistakes. I scheduled another test and paid yet another seventy five dollars. F my life.

Stop number four: Class

My driving test took a lot longer than I anticipated so I was late for my next class. Late twice in one day. I think I once again missed the point of the class.

Stop number five: Library Class.

We allegedly had to learn how to use the library. On the way in, I set off the alarms. I had to take a bunch of crap out of my bag for them to demagnetize or whatever. Only when I was under an air conditioning vent in a teeny, tiny room did I realize how hot I was and how smelly I was.

Stop number six: Class

Group work followed. And not only was it group work, it’s group work that’s going to be presented to our whole class! Yippee! In true group-work fashion, I wound up not having a group and got placed with a couple of girls. They seem nice. It took about twenty minutes to figure out topics and presentation times because it had to be discussed. My group discussed three seconds.

Member 1: I want to get things over with quickly.

Member 2: I agree.

Me: Cool. Do it up.

We were set to present on the first available day. We then needed a topic.

Member 1: How’s topic two?

Member 2: All the topics are good.

Me: I agree. Number two it is.

Not everyone was as practical as we were. Thankfully, it did end. I came home, ate supper, made a cake in a cup, curled up with Meeko and watched The Good Wife on DVD. Long day over.

Lauren.

Strike Nailclippers

My university is attached to a college. I know in the States those terms are pretty much interchangeable. Here however, they are very different things. I suppose you could say that universities teach you to think while colleges teach you to do. Anyway, we’re all technically in the same building. We share the cafeteria, the bookstore, the library, two out of the three Tim Hortons locations. Yeah, you can walk across campus (inside and out) in about ten minutes but we have three Tim Hortons’. Why am I telling you all this? Because some of the college employees are striking. They’re picketing and blocking the entrance to the campus which in turn messes up the bus schedules, it backs up traffic and makes it very difficult to get to class on time unless you want to leave an hour early (which is what I’ve been doing).

It’s a minor inconvenience for me personally. I don’t go home between classes so when I do need a bus, I usually have the time to wait for one. I just have to walk a little farther for the stop because of course, the buses will not cross the picket line. I kind of wish students could strike but we don’t really have all that much to lord over people. We’ve already paid our tuition.

And now for a very abrupt change of subject that will relate back to this whole striking mess. One of my friends was interviewed for the local news regarding the strike. Huge tip off that they’d be having something about the strike on the news. I wanted to catch it and see what was going on. I didn’t learn a whole lot. I did however see a piece about a woman with fingernails totalling about 20 feet in length. My first thought: EW! According to the nail-clipper-phobe, she lives her life normally and doesn’t let her nails stop her. That’s when I started thinking.

Questions for the current Guinness Record Holder for Longest Fingernails.

1.      How do you bathe? Because nails get soft in water. How do they not break?

2.      Please don’t describe, but how do you wipe after using the toilet. I would think the experience would be complicated and potentially painful.

3.      Do you dial the phone with a pencil between your teeth? If not, how do you press the buttons? Is there double-jointedness involved? The same question applies to texting and typing.

4.      How heavy are your fingernails?

5.      How do you keep your fingernails clean? Because crap is bound to collect on them and that brings me back to question 1.

6.      What do you wear on your hands in the winter? Or, do you live in a warm climate to avoid that particular problem?

7.      Can you still scratch if your nails are that long or do you just have to ignore it? I imagine ignoring an itch would be irritating.

There we go. I don’t understand how nails that long DON’T affect her daily life. I’m curious. Not curious enough to grow my nails out to find out, but curious nonetheless. What do you think?

Lauren.

Tuesday's the New Wednesday

Tuesday is this year’s Wednesday. Long ass day. Two hour class followed by a two hour break and four hours more class. It probably doesn’t sound long... but I’m stuck in rooms that all look alike, at tables surrounded by my classmates. I’m hoping next week is better because if I see another syllabus on Monday, I may have to scream.

I met three new professors today. The first one, thank God, appears to be borderline insane. Why is that a comfort? Because it’s an early class and the course is called Curriculum and Evaluations. Yes, all my classes sound this fascinating. That’s why I’m relying on professor insanity to keep me entertained. This guy opened the door because the classroom was disgustingly hot. Of course, then we were assaulted by hallway noise. He clenched his fists and proclaimed: “Urge to kill... rising!” He also suggested that he’d be okay with a girl throwing herself out the window (she’s afraid of ventriloquist dummies and he threatened to bring one) the open window would provide us with fresh air.

...they are kinda creepy...

I also learned a crap-ton about Spitfires. It was kind of a random demonstration of how metaphors and hooks should be used in lesson planning. My prof was rattling off facts like he owned a Spitfire. It was pretty impressive. I suspect he’d be an interesting man to talk to outside of class.

Can’t say much more about today... I hate how all I have to talk about is school. How I long for my undergrad years... the variety, the desk space, the topics I'm specifically interested in, flexibility, independance. Didn't think I'd be saying that. Especially not after only two days.

Lauren.

I Know Someone Who Knows You

Oh... first day.

It started with bumper to bumper cars trying to get onto the campus. Yay for strikes and picket lines! My mom had to open at work so I just had her drop me off as close as she could get, I got out and I walked in. The strikers were very nice. One wished me a good morning. I’m glad I left early.

I met new people and was rather proud of myself for meeting new people. In fact, when the buses proved to be slightly less reliable than last year (because of the strike) I ended up walking one of those new people back to her residence. I don’t know why I made the decision to continue walking from there but I did. Now I hurt. But it was a good walk.

Funnest part! I went to my “option” religion class. It’s... definitely a religion class. I ended up sitting with my cousin who kept making me laugh. Which normally wouldn’t have bothered me.  But here’s the thing. Our professor is the superintendant of the catholic board where I’m currently doing my placement. She got me my placement. She taught and loves my host teacher. She kept looking at me. And then, in the middle of class, while she was explaining that parents are surrendering their children to complete strangers and trusting strangers with their well being, she points at me, says “Mademoiselle, I forget your name.” I told her. “I am trusting YOU with my daughter.” Because I’m in a grade nine English. Guess which grade her daughter happens to be in. I feel afraid...

Long day. Tomorrow’s also going to be pretty long. I went to high school with the daughter of one of my profs. Got to love how you can’t escape knowing people here. Does that increase my chances of doing well? Hey, at least I have about 100 witnesses if my religion prof was threatening me (I don't think she was...).

Lauren.

Last Day of Summer

I was lazy on my last day before classes. I read. I watched an episode of The Magic School Bus (as a continuation of a conversation had last night). I looked up my schedule for this week and groaned when I saw that I have not only an 8:30 class, but a three hour long 6:30 class. Uh... what's the word I'm looking for... Oh yes, BOO! I also discovered that frying strips of tortillas makes for a delicious salad element. Thank you cooking shows.

I must pack a survival kit for tomorrow. I will require the following:

- laptop (because they're mandatory)
- book (in case I have spare time)
- notebook and pens (because I have a shitty poker face and my prof will know if I'm using my computer for non-class related things... though I suppose it will also be suspicious if I'm writing in a notebook and my laptop is open. I'm rethinking the notebook.)
- student card/bus pass (so I can get home)
- snacks (to keep me from being too cranky)
- wallet (in case I need a caffeinated beverage because snacks just aren't cutting it)
- Advil (because if they make me spell out 'education' cheerleader-style again, I'm going to need it)

I think that will do. I'm only sorry my MP3 player isn't working. It's a great way of telling people to f-off without having to say it. Also, it's nice to have while walking home. Good God I'm cranky in my old age. Yes, my old age.

While I was on placement (Friday) I was helping a student choose a book for her independent study. She picked up Little Women and was reading the back. I told her that if at any point she wasn't enjoying it, she could just put it in the freezer. She stopped reading and looked up at me as if I was a total moron. All I could think of saying was "Not a Friends fan?" She looked bored and turned back to the book, declaring that she didn't watch TV. After explaining the joke and barely getting a smirk I just said: "That all sounded like a bunch of random crap to you didn't it?" She nodded and we stopped talking about it.

I mentioned this on Friday, but these are the details in their awful, dating-me, glory. I'm only 22. We're what, 8 years apart? I'm not that old... though I think I did say "I liked that book when I was your age..." Eep! Must locate and destroy all grey hairs!

Lauren.

Surpise, it's Unexpected!

I can’t say that today was an average day. For one, I wound up somewhere I never thought I would. I met new people, hung out with them and wasn’t incredibly uncomfortable. When my friends were late I did not get all suspicious like I usually do. I also sang... in front of people.

I have a few friends that I hadn’t seen in a while due to my summer obscurity. Anyway, with all of us having finally arrived in town in anticipation of the school year once more beginning, we decided it would be a good idea to get together. Here’s the part about ending up somewhere unexpected. We were going to meet and hang out at the Mother House. In case the words ‘Mother House’ aren’t enough to explain the strangeness, it’s a huge, beautiful building on the lake where the nuns live. They rent out part of the building to female students.

I’m not going to lie, I still feel uncomfortable around religious institutions. I am religious but I not everyone believes quite the way I do. Whenever I walk into a church or religious establishment, I feel like the word ‘lesbian’ or ‘deviant’ is seared into my forehead. It’s kind of irrational because so far, nothing scarring has happened. And obviously I don’t have anything seared into my forehead. Surprisingly, I was very comfortable. Once the initial anxiety passes, I’m always able to kind of melt into the quiet, serene atmosphere. Too few people recognize the beauty of silence.

Anyway, I walked in, had my initial freak out, then spoke to a very kind woman at the front desk. She called up to the student wing but it turns out no one was there. Turns out my friend would only be back around dinner time. It was about four thirty so I decided I could probably wait. I went back out to my car (my parents’ car), cranked the AC and listened/sang along with Glee. Oddly enough, I think the song was Gives you Hell. After about ten minutes, this girl came out and awkwardly asked if I was the one who called up. I awkwardly responded that I was. And so, after she extended an invitation, we awkwardly returned to the building together and she showed me around a bit.

By then my friends appeared. We all made supper, ate, came up with really strange names for one another (I was Token Lesbian) and then they decided to swim. Somehow, the four who went in the pool thought that playing dodge ball was a good idea. It’s only funny because three of them are blind and weren’t wearing their glasses. An interesting, poorly aimed game to be sure. I spent my time on the sidelines throwing balls at whoever I felt needed to be hit. Once that was over with, we went outside to play soccer. We used an emergency medical kit, a tool kit, a blanket and anti-freeze from the trunk of my car to mark the goal posts. The goalies ran more than all of us combined. For a while I tormented Failure Face by playing keep away. Then I determinedly kicked the ball out from under Kat’s foot. I don’t think I did anything to Soup Boobs, but I know there was something going on with Failure Face’s bra. Actually, I think at some point 5’2” Soup Boobs tried to tackle 6’ Failure Face. In the end, we did not keep score, we hit a few cars, beat the crap out of a hedge, destroyed a strawberry bush and cheered loudly at random things of little significance.

Discussions of Arthur and Magic School Bus followed. After laughing hysterically at the joke “why was six afraid of seven” and telling it wrong 12 different ways, we decided it was time to go home. This is what we’re like sober. And I’m leaving out the Glee Sing Along I led as I dropped people off.

It was an unexpected day but the surprise was lovely.

Lauren.

What I Learned on Placement

Today was my best placement day but it also happens to be the last day of my observation placement. I got to sit in on Grade 9 English, Grade 10 math, Grade 10 history and then my host teacher used her prep period to help me out. She caught me up on the things I missed Monday (because neither of us knew I had a placement yet) and then she gave me some guidelines for the poetry unit I’ll be teaching. I’m kind of excited about it. I think it’ll be fun. Though that probably won’t stop me from freaking out when I have to do it.

So, things Lauren learned while on placement:

1)      Photocopiers are evil but can also provide a decent upper body workout.

2)      Saying “What the Heee—” rather than “What the Hell!” is cool because it annoys teachers.

3)      There is no room 352. The room you’re looking for is 325.

4)      There are no washrooms on the fourth floor. They will not appear by walking back and forth down the hall. There is no Room of Requirement.

5)      Nice shoes are overrated. They give you blisters and are uncomfortable for day long wear.

6)      Use other teacher’s logins at the photocopier if at all possible, particularly if the administration has started to monitor photocopying.

7)      I must expand my work wardrobe because my mom only has so much clothes she can lend me. Though it’s all been really comfy.

8)      My title is “student teacher” which I think is an oxymoron.

9)      Making Friends references (about Joey putting Little Women in the freezer) does not make you funny. It makes you random or old. I haven’t figured out which I am but I suspect that I may be both.

10)  Contrary to what I usually believe about people sucking, turns out people can be really nice and very helpful. I met about forty thousand people in the last three days, but each one shook my hand, asked how I was doing, invited me to their classroom, gave me advice, or tried to help demystify the photocopier. My host teacher even drove me home today.

11)  Photocopiers are really important.

It was pretty fun but I’m really not used to working full days like that anymore. It takes a lot out of you. I’m used to going to class, having a couple of hours off, reading, going to another class and going home. I can’t remember how I made it through high school. Ah, the power of routines. Oh well, I’m sleeping well at night. It’s all good.

Lauren.

Rise of the Machines

I made a horrifying discovery today. The rise of robots against humans has already begun! How could we not have known?! Well! No more secrets I say! And don’t go thinking that the robots rising up against us are all flashy and scary. No... The war begins with the photocopier!

Not only do they keep their numbers low by being ridiculously expensive, they are constantly breaking down, jamming or otherwise making life miserable for humanoids. Clearly it’s their scheme. The lack of machines, the overwhelming number of problems, both cause increased levels of frustration, anger, anxiety and impatience in humans. Those emotions, compounded by having to wait in line for the single working photocopier, cause the humans to turn against one another. The photocopier leaves the skirmish unharmed due largely to its high cost and the fact that it is indispensable. The humans however leave the photocopier’s lair emotionally riled and possibly on less than civil terms with their co-workers. When students complain about the clarity of the print or the faulty stapling, memories of the unpleasant visit to the photocopier’s lair are recalled, once more summoning feelings of anger and frustration that teachers will have to try not to take out on their students.

It’s all a plot! A plot to turn humans against one another!

Yeah... I got a crash course in Photocopying 101. My host teacher sent me down to photocopy about 70 pages from a book. The copies were for me so I only needed one set (thank God). It took nearly ten wasted sheets of paper before I gave up and asked for help. The maintenance guy who was fixing the other copier didn’t know how to help me. He brought in the front desk receptionist. She set me up and away I went. And then a teacher came in. She played around with the broken copier for a bit before she started freaking out that she was going to be late for class. I told her she could use my copier because I was going to be there all day turning pages and copying. So she did and left. Another receptionist came in. She discovered that the other machine wasn’t working and so I offered her mine. She hopped on, did her thing and left. When I resumed my photocopying I didn’t notice that she hadn’t deleted the command to print 25 copies. I realized and button mashed after about six copies of the same page. Somehow I got everything working again. Then another teacher came in. The photocopier is also a printer. She jumped on, printed her stuff and left. I kept flipping and printing. Another teacher arrived. She tried to fix the toner and all kinds of things on the other machine before I suggested taking my machine. She did and was gone five minutes later. I finished my photocopies ten minutes later, just in time for another teacher to show up with photocopying to do.

See what I mean? Photocopiers are plotters. They’re plotting to overthrow us. Thankfully the skilful application of logic, reason and patience on my part thwarted the photocopier and saved the world. You’re welcome.

By the way, I graduated my crash course in Photocopying 101. I also became acquainted with half a dozen new people. I shall be well known by the end of my placement tomorrow!

Student Teacher, Lauren Daily.

I'm a Mouse

Six thirty looks atrocious! Why do people do this to themselves? I shall lead the revolt! Besides, it’s been proven that teenagers retain information and therefore learn better when they’re forced into school at later hours. The current educational system is a holdover from the British Industrial age. That ended. Let’s also end early mornings. For the good of humankind.

Due to my last minute knowledge of my placement, I was terribly, almost embarrassingly disorganized today. Not a feeling I enjoy. I did the best I could though. I showed up early. Really early. Like... an hour early. I didn’t have the necessary forms and I got to sit in the office waiting for my teacher. I felt a bit like a delinquent. Then people started noticing me and asking questions: “Who are you?”, “Are you Miss Farmer?”, “Are you waiting for someone?”.

Nearly half an hour after my arrival, I met my host teacher. She was very nice. And shiny. Lady likes her bling. So, I’ll be sitting in on and later teaching grade nine English and grade eleven world religion. I get poetry in English and think I get the unit on Islam in religion... I’m not sure. My host teacher also teaches math. She asked if I wanted to teach that. My answer was immediate and decisive: “I stopped understanding math in grade ten.”

Given that it’s the second day of school, there’s still not a whole lot to observe. I think it must be disconcerting to have people watching you because my teacher sent me down to the library to start working on stuff. Well, that didn’t go so well. I don’t have access to the computers. I guess I looked fantastically confused because one of the library ladies started asking me a bunch of questions. When I finally told her that I had no idea where my host teacher was now, she said: “Well, it’s lunchtime. Do you have a lunch? I’m about to go to lunch. Wait there. I’ll take you with me.” And she did. She walked with me down the hall to the staffroom. I was apparently still looking awkward because she told me “Sit there.” She pointed at a chair and I plopped down. Throughout lunch, every time she got up she told me that she wasn’t leaving me, she was going to get her water, her tea, her cup. How terrified did I look?

Either way, I was grateful. I followed her back to the library and hung out there for the rest of the day. (Where I was thought to be a high school student and not a student teacher). When I was told I could go home, I popped into her office and thanked her for taking me to lunch. She then asked me if I wanted to stop in on her elearning class. I told her that if I was free I’d go. Look at me go. Making friends by looking confused and awkward. Always knew it was endearing.

Lauren

Thunder Thighs Solution

I am pleased to report that I did not have any random emotional outbursts today, though my summer was once again extended. When I called school around 10:00 o’clock this morning, nothing had changed since Thursday. Big surprise there. So I went about my day. At about 2:30, someone finally called me and told me that I had a placement in a local school. One of the classes I’ll be sitting in on is a grade nine English, the other is World Religions. I’m cool with that. You can’t study history without studying religions at least a little. Of course now I’m going to have to show up extra early because I’ve never been in this school and I have no idea who my host teacher is. I also don’t know what time the school day starts. I love being informed!

Other than that episode, I experienced the WalMart photo printing kiosks today. There were three elderly women, a pregnant chick and her boyfriend. The girlfriend/boyfriend duo were using two kiosks and it didn’t look like they were in a hurry. They chatted and examined photos on each other’s screens. It was a darling moment. As for the three elderly women, two of them were obviously grandmothers. The one appeared to be printing this summer’s camp photos. She went back and forth and back and forth through her files selecting, deselecting and printing multiple copies of just about everything she gave final approval. I couldn’t really see much of what the other grandmother was up to, but she was scanning document after document after document. In short, they weren’t moving any time soon. My sister, the one who actually had pictures to print, decided that she most likely had time to duck into McDonald’s. After buying some food and a drink, she led me back to the line to camp out. The duo and the grannies were still at it, but a new young couple had mysteriously appeared. They were quick and we promptly swooped in. After nearly five minutes of effort, my sister decided that she felt sick. So after twenty minutes of waiting, we left.

Currently, I’m watching Golden Eye with my mom. We’re pretty much taking it apart which means we’re not really watching it at all. We snorted at the stupidity of the scene where Xenia Onatopp (yes, Onatopp), is pretty much as close to James as she can be without having sex with him and James, all macho, says: That’s close enough. Really? You don’t say. What’s even more impressive is that James doesn’t have sex with her. He was powerless to resist Pussy Galore... I guess he doesn’t like having the woman on top? Well... I suppose the name Pussy Galore does carry a certain amount of promise. That and Xenia had a habit of crushing men’s ribs with her thunder thighs. Of course, my mom’s solution to the thunder thigh imprisonment tactic was “Punch her in the crotch”. Probably would have worked.

Anyway, I have to be up early tomorrow. Yay!

Lauren.

About Bureaucrats

Another fantastically uneventful day... well, if you discount the weird, random emotional fit I suffered today. It was very strange. I was messing with Meeko and laughing about how he looked funny without ears. I was laughing waaaaaaay too hard because it was not that funny. Before I was finished laughing, I just started crying and then all of a sudden, I needed a Kleenex because my nose was running and the tears were out of control. For about ten second my mom looked at me like I was possessed. Luckily, she concluded that I was only having a stress reaction. I can't say total mental breakdown, but it was definitely some kind of breakdown.

It’s odd because I don’t feel particularly stressed. Although the whole placement issue is still hanging over me. I hate not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing. However, I must say, I prefer the emotional fits to the hives. They don’t last as long and they don’t make me itchy.

Hopefully the whole kerfuffle gets resolved tomorrow. My parents were asking me if I was going to be getting up early tomorrow and what I was going to wear. They also told me how important it was to be ready to go. I told them that I’ll get up when I get up, I’ll call when I call and that will be that. I also told them that I'm not a rapid-deployment teacher. I signed up to teach, not pack up and move out in five minutes or less. Neither does it matter how early I get up. I'll just have to wait for the office to open before I call. Then I'll be tired AND pissed that they still have no information for me.

In order to reduce my stress level, I’m rationalizing and getting either defensive or aggressive. Possibly both. I did everything I was supposed to do. I paid a crap-ton of money to do this. It’s up to them now to do their jobs. F***ing admin. Useless bureaucrats.

And on that positive note, I’m off to bed because I’ve been feeling kind of crappy all day.  Wish me luck in my latest battle against the system.

Lauren.