My Four Weddings

For someone who's never dated, I've been proposed to a lot. Yeah, that seems weird to me too. Thus far I've had four weddings planned out for me. I'm not fond of any of them and I hope to God none of them come to be. For anyone, let alone myself! I'm not the little girl who had her wedding planned by age six, but I definitely think I can do better than this.

Naked Beach Wedding. Yup, you read that right. I don't know how this came up, but apparently that's how my former best friend wanted to marry me. Naked, on a beach. I hope we were standing and not sitting. There are places I do not want to have sand. This wedding is not the reason she's my former best friend. Actually, I think this is the most appealing of the options I've been presented with. 

Shotgun Wedding. No I'm not pregnant, the theme is shotguns. Our wedding song will be played on the banjo. I don't want to describe much more but there will be moonshine served in jugs marked XX. Another friend from high school being funny. God I hope she was being funny.

Shrek/Pirates of the Caribbean Theme Wedding. I have no clue how those two things came to be mashed together. The friend who suggested it was probably stoned at the time. Either way, she was dead set on being Jack Sparrow. I on the other hand would wear acid washed jeans with a tear in the ass and ride off in a "rapist van". How low my standards are...

The Naked, Drunken, 24 Hour, Star Wars Wedding. We came up with this one tonight at the Pride meeting. I think we were all a bit stressed. Apparently the marriage is only to last 24 hours (inspired by Kim Kardashian), we're to be drunk out of our minds, the venue is a strip club in town and naturally, we're naked. I was unsure how Star Wars fit in but my random fiancee has proclaimed that we will simply wear helmets. Classy and awkward. I would have to be drunk out of my mind.

See what I mean. I think I can do better. Also, is it just me or is the naked beach wedding the best option. I mean, it can still be nice... just... naked. I don't remember why I'm supposed to be naked. I think it's one of those things that simply is. Just like how I clearly need better friends.

For the most part, I actually don't understand weddings. I understand the purpose, it's not rocket science, but I don't understand having a bunch of people meet you here to stare at you, then split up to meet you there and eat and stare at you some more. It's not like you get the time to talk to half of them. You probably won't even remember who was there or not unless they were a part of your wedding party. I assume an absence would be noticeable there. I've seen five of my cousins get married and they've all gone the big wedding route. They were nice, but I just don't get it. 

I suppose I'm a simple girl. The point of the whole thing to me is being with the person you love. Who cares about everyone else. I'd be quite happy being married in front of the smallest number of people possible then going out to a nice dinner where I'd actually talk to my guests. 

Think I'd win the honeymoon?

Lauren.