Protect the Lawn!

Last year, we redid our lawn. No, that is not a euphemism. My neighbour decided it would be a brilliant idea to till the soil. Yeah... that idea was in fact brilliant. The chunks of lawn had to be ripped up by hand after that. Following that delightful escapade, he announced that he had acquired some soil for free. Turns out gravel and soil mean the same thing in the mystical language of the imbeciles. Not that we had much faith to begin with, but after that, whatever there was, was shot. Professionals were called.

Finally, the lawn was finished and all was right with the world. Summer faded into fall and fall into winter. With winter came snow, a cold white substance that obscured our view of the grass. Until recently anyway. It's been unseasonably warm here over the last few days. Today it was +22 degrees. I felt the need to add the + sign just so you wouldn't be confused. I find it confusing and I live here. Yesterday, we hit +20 degrees. In other words, no more snow and the lawn reappeared.

With the resurgence of our treasured grass came the resurgence of stupidity. We live on a busy city road. My neighbour put these delightful things along the section of our lawn that touches the sidewalk.

We have four of them lining our front yard, creating an extremely ugly, semi-functional protective barrier for the lawn.

My first reaction was curiosity. Where the hell had those come from. I woke up one morning and looked out the front window to see red reflectors glaring back at me. The reaction that followed was something along the lines of: Either he takes them down or I'll find a more creative place to stick them. My sister was of the same mind, as was my mother. My dad hasn't really expressed an opinion. Of course, he drives a big-ass truck. He can run them over no problem.

I don't really understand their purpose. There's no reason for anyone to walk across our lawn. There's the street, parallel to that is the sidewalk and a few more feet back is our house. There's nowhere to go if you cut across the grass. So what's the point? On top of which, they're sticks. Walk around them and you're still on the grass. My sister's friend did it yesterday and wasn't deterred or electrocuted by the protective barrier. By the same token, the protective barrier doesn't appear to protect our lawn from inanimate garbage either. I found a Timmie's coffee cup right beside the barrier post this morning. If garbage can make it through, none of us are safe!

And when I suggested an electrified fence separating our lawns, everyone thought I was stupid... pft. Who's stupid now? Yeah! My neighbour!

This has been your moment of stupidity. I hope you enjoy the remainder of your day.

Lauren.