On Fridays I have two classes. I have Senior English (meaning English for grades 11-12) at 8:30 and then I have what was Special Education but is now Psychology of Education at 10:30. Why do you need to know this? Because I'm going to prove to you that life is filled with ironies that aren't funny at the time but are in fact funny looking back.
I left a fairly high stress placement to come back to a pretty high stress week at school. I had an assignment due on the Tuesday and Thursday. On top of that I was working on launching the newest edition of the English department's journal (I'm one of the editors, I'm the web designer and I write for it). I'm also working on writing a proposal to get our Sexuality Awareness and Sensitivity workshop recognized by the school. Because I'm meticulous, it's taking a while. And in addition to all of this, I still have marking from my placement. So, lots going on in the land of Lauren.
Given all of these pressures, my anxiety disorder is acting up. It's actually going haywire and it's amping up the effects my dysthymia. Stab me in the face.
Today in psych, we were doing group work on Individual Education Plans. It got very noisy. I was sitting at the table in the back corner. My back was to the room. I could hear the noise but I couldn't see where it was coming from. I tried focussing on my work. I ended up re-reading the same thing half a dozen times. I felt surrounded by the noise. I couldn't block it out. I started getting uncomfortable, warm. I started feeling antsy and buzzy. Finally my professor called for a break. I waited a few minutes hoping the room would empty a little and I'd have the necessary quiet to regain some control. That didn't happen. So I stood up and walked out. I walked around the wing, stopped and stared at the geese and ducks on the pond and when I felt I was pushing my luck, returned to my class. Actually, I found two girls working in the hallway outside our class and decided that I would join them. Panic attack averted.
My prof came out to check on us and asked how things were going. She was curious why we were in the hall. The two girls with me told her they just couldn't concentrate. I blurted that I was about to have an anxiety attack. She asked if I was okay (the answer is always no... duh... I'm panicking...). I appreciate the sentiment, but in the moment, that's a really stupid question to ask. Anyway, I just thought it was funny because I was in psych class working on education plans for kids with disorders like mine. Of all places for a mental health disorder to rear its ugly head. We could have taken a moment to study me! Write my IEP... I could probably use one.
Oh TGIF! Are there any four letters that sound better together? I can only think of two other examples...