My mother has come up with a new motto for me. It's in French, but it translates to "Charge". To be honest, I'm really good at charging due to the fact that I have an extremely hard head. This fact is both medically and metaphorically proven. The only problem with the whole "charge" philosophy is that I don't really know what I'm charging at. I feel like a bull trapped in a circular arena with half a dozen dudes waving red sheets at me. So many directions and so many little dudes to trample. I don't know which to attack first. All I know is that the matador representing an English MA has managed to flee the arena unscathed with next to no possibility of becoming scathed in the future.
I suppose I'm making tentative steps toward the other dudes, sizing them up before I attack the weakest one and destroy him under...hoof? Have we had enough of the bull metaphor yet? I'm choosing to ignore its principle flaw, namely that bulls are male while I am not. Meh.
So, yesterday I talked about the possibility of doing something good today. A friend and I organized a workshop to promote awareness of and sensitivity toward non-heterosexual students in classrooms. We had tons of resources, a couple of simple activities, lots of info and I think for putting it together so quickly, we were pretty damn organized. Problem? You need people to present to. The first day we got no one. It wasn't surprising, but it was slightly disappointing. There was other stuff going on at the school, the announcement for our workshop was made very last minute (stupid school) and it was scheduled on a Friday. Like I said, not surprising. Today I had higher hopes. Several people told me they'd be there, they'd try to come out (no pun intended) but I guess that didn't work out for them. We got one person.
We didn't really talk about it or question it. When the time to start came, we started. Obviously we modified the presentation, but we hit on all of our main points and still took over an hour. I'm really happy we got to do the presentation at all. And I'm really happy that at least one person got something out of it. At the same time, it's still a bit disappointing.
I charged and I hit the wall... again. I do that a lot.
I'm reminded of a line from The Princess Diaries (the first one): "Wanting to rock the world but having zip power like me, that's a nightmare." Oh Lily, how right you are.
One day I shall wake from my nightmare and be a benevolent dictator. Yes, dictator. I've waited long enough for the power to affect change. I'm not sharing it when I get it.