How to Avoid Unsolicited Criticism

Like many people, I assume, I have a list of things that I prefer my parents not know about me. You'd probably be surprised by what tops that list. Normally, when they go out of town, that list expands. Make sense? No? I have a terrible fear of failure and being judged. That's why I prefer to work alone, to work in private and to try new things when I'm by myself. So, when my parents are away and I'm left to my own devices, I use the opportunity to try new things and improve on my skills. Yes. I'm that big a nerd.

For instance, in the last two days, I've:

Cleaned the pool based on instructions I partially forgot
Learned to cook giant meatballs, a really good mushroom quiche and orange chicken.
Figured out how to unlock the damn gate. It's harder than you think.
Minimized my post-cooking cleaning time

All of these things I can do well when no one is looking. When someone looks it all goes to hell. Tonight for instance, I decided that I was going to make spaghetti and meatballs. I've never made meatballs before. There's a first time for everything! So, I found a recipe and I followed it unless I really hated a particular ingredient. Like nutmeg. Gross... I hate that shit and I don't even know what it is. I know it's a spice but beyond that, I only know I don't like it. Following that omission, I made huge meatballs because a) the recipe told me to and b) I felt like it.

Up until then I was feeling pretty good about myself. In spite of the chopping, my fingers were intact. I got to play around in squishy stuff. There were no eggshells anywhere there shouldn't be. Step 3 in the recipe arrived. I'm was to heat oil in a pan and brown my meatballs on all sides. First off, it's a ball, it doesn't have sides. Second, oil is the food world's llama. It spits. Third, I have nine huge meatballs and a pan of questionable size. Well nuts to all that because I did it anyway! I was browning away, quite happy that nothing was burning, charmed to my toes that nothing was on fire. At last, the balls of many sides had sufficiently browned. I was mighty pleased with myself. I pulled them out of the pan to drain the excess fat and took the moment of relative calm to show my sister what a great job I did browning. That's how clumsy I am around people. Browning and not burning is significant. She shared with me the following:

"Did you just fry those? Because they're probably not okay."

Thanks. Thanks a lot. That's a lot of confidence you have in me there. I assured her that I was well aware that the meatballs were not fully cooked. I swear, it's like I never painted over the stupid sign in my forehead. Once she went away, I continued about my business, only slightly deflated.

See, when people watch, they just make you feel stupid.

And when I finished, everything was cooked through. My sister ate supper. Neither of us have yet suffered from food poisoning symptoms. I got similar comments about the quiche from last night and that got eaten with no adverse effects.

So there. Keep your skills private and you'll never face unsolicited criticism. That and people won't ask you to do more stuff. If you're like me and the word 'no' is not in your vocabulary, it's a survival skill. Survival, not sloth or selfishness or other sins of the deadly variety.

Sloth- illustrated by gummy bears. Look it up. It's amusing.

And so you know, the meatballs were awesome!

Lauren.