Sarcastic to a fault and an undercover optimist, this is the weird little world that is my life. For some reason and in spite of being really boring, all kinds of wonderful, funny things happen to me. This is my writing experiment. How it’ll turn out or what I’m trying to do, I’ll find out somewhere along the way.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Fly Hunting (Not to be confused with fly fishing)

Today was a slow day. Rather dull. The only way I can properly explain the dullness of today is to recount how I spent half an hour of my time. Half an hour is all I need.

I was sitting in the living room attempting to read Lady Chatterley's Lover. My cat was sitting on the floor next to my chair. The house was completely silent. So when I heard Meeko chattering, I don't know what else to call his series of short meows, I had to wonder what he was looking at. Sometimes he does it for no obvious reason and it's creepy, but I like knowing what's around me if possible. I glance around the room and I hear it before I see it. There's a fly in the house.

I watch it buzzing around for five minutes, get good and dizzy and watch as Meeko takes a few swipes at it when it stupidly flies low enough. The cat got bored before I did. When it stopped buzzing about and Meeko went to eat, I returned to my book. But the buzzing started again shortly. I was having enough trouble focusing without the stupid fly so I got up, in true classic form, rolled up a few flyers and started swatting about like a lunatic. To make matter more interesting, Meeko stood in the doorway supervising.

I'd like to say I conquered that first time. But I didn't. The fly eluded me. I returned to my chair, returned to my book and was entirely ready to let the whole incident slide. I'm gracious like that. The damn fly just couldn't keep quiet. I was on my feet again! I flailed around in the living room. The fly escaped. I tracked it to the dining room. The ceiling fan knocked it back a few times but it refused to die. Finally, it landed on a dining room chair. Meeko was in the stairs watching as I stalk toward my prey as quietly as possible.

And yes, in between hunting sessions, I scolded Meeko for forcing me to do his job.

Thankfully, I have very long arms. I swatted the fly and nailed it. Actually, I kind of smeared it across the back of the chair. Oops. Whatever, it's a wooden chair and I cleaned it. I flicked the carcass onto the floor, kind of expecting my cat to eat it. He usually does. Instead, he made a wide arc around it, meowed once and jumped up two of the nearby stairs. He turned and watched as I shook my head and disposed of the body.

That's how I used half an hour of my day. And believe it or not, that's the most eventful thing that happened. I need a job. Or for my friends to be in town. Or a girlfriend. Any of the three will do. A combo would be asking too much. Because I am not willing to put forth the effort it would take to make fly hunting an official sport. If it's not already.

Lauren.

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