Alright. There are a lot of things that I do not like. Onions, shrimp, Hummers, the number 6... I have a new item for that list. I hadn't anticipated adding it because I've never been in a position to actually consider it. Times have changed, positions have changed, the list must be changed. I hate diapers.
I've noticed that one girl has been put in the position of changing diapers. I don't know why. For whatever reason, all the girls are asking me if I WANT to try my hand at changing diapers. I wonder if any normal person has ever said yes to that. I was shown yesterday how this task is accomplished. Today they got me to do it on my own. I wasn't overly enthusiastic.
I got the kid on the table, changed him, all was going well, felt pretty good about myself and my accomplishment. I lifted the kid to put him back down on the ground and whacked his head on an stupidly placed shelf. Why is there a shelf there? Seriously! Normally this kid cries. He wasn't crying. I immediately started panicking about how hard he'd actually been hit. I checked his head, I was a total crazy woman asking if he was okay and then I noticed he was looking at me like "why aren't you pulling my pants up?" He was perfectly fine. I was not. After I was sure he wasn't just... stunned, I set him down on the floor. He instantly ran off to play with his friends. He actually was fine.
After that, I got one changed with no problems. It was kind of idiot proof in that they were pull ups. That's like pants! Pants I know how to put on! By the way, when I say idiot proof, I mean yesterday, while attempting this incredible feat, I'm pretty sure I gave the poor kid a wedgie. I'm just that good.
Next kid had a different kind of diaper. I put it on backwards. Damn velcro tab goes in the back... Meanwhile, this kid is laughing at me. I can't blame him really. If I were in his place... twenty-ish years ago... I'd probably be laughing too. Two university degrees and I can't figure out velcro tabs? I'm going to leave that comment there.
I got the hang of it eventually. Meaning by the last kid. Tomorrow I'll likely have to do it again. Hopefully without injuring anyone. Please God without injuring anyone. I never would have thought changing a diaper would be so stressful. Surprise!
They're so on the list...