Diapers, I Hate You

Alright. There are a lot of things that I do not like. Onions, shrimp, Hummers, the number 6... I have a new item for that list. I hadn't anticipated adding it because I've never been in a position to actually consider it. Times have changed, positions have changed, the list must be changed. I hate diapers.

When I say diapers, I'm not talking about adult diapers for myself. I have not reached that day. Nor am I talking about dirty diapers or a particular brand of diapers. I dislike them all: clean, dirty, princess themed, Cars themed, tab things at the back, tab things at the front. Don't care. Don't like 'em.

I've noticed that one girl has been put in the position of changing diapers. I don't know why. For whatever reason, all the girls are asking me if I WANT to try my hand at changing diapers. I wonder if any normal person has ever said yes to that. I was shown yesterday how this task is accomplished. Today they got me to do it on my own. I wasn't overly enthusiastic.

I got the kid on the table, changed him, all was going well, felt pretty good about myself and my accomplishment. I lifted the kid to put him back down on the ground and whacked his head on an stupidly placed shelf. Why is there a shelf there? Seriously! Normally this kid cries. He wasn't crying. I immediately started panicking about how hard he'd actually been hit. I checked his head, I was a total crazy woman asking if he was okay and then I noticed he was looking at me like "why aren't you pulling my pants up?" He was perfectly fine. I was not. After I was sure he wasn't just... stunned, I set him down on the floor. He instantly ran off to play with his friends. He actually was fine.

After that, I got one changed with no problems. It was kind of idiot proof in that they were pull ups. That's like pants! Pants I know how to put on! By the way, when I say idiot proof, I mean yesterday, while attempting this incredible feat, I'm pretty sure I gave the poor kid a wedgie. I'm just that good.

Next kid had a different kind of diaper. I put it on backwards. Damn velcro tab goes in the back... Meanwhile, this kid is laughing at me. I can't blame him really. If I were in his place... twenty-ish years ago... I'd probably be laughing too. Two university degrees and I can't figure out velcro tabs? I'm going to leave that comment there.

I got the hang of it eventually. Meaning by the last kid. Tomorrow I'll likely have to do it again. Hopefully without injuring anyone. Please God without injuring anyone. I never would have thought changing a diaper would be so stressful. Surprise!

They're so on the list...

Lauren.