The Sleep Rules

I found out today that there are three rules to sleeping late when you've had a crappy night's sleep.

The first: Phones will ring.
The second: Alarms will sound.
The third: Doorbells will chime.

Most likely, these rules will be enacted sequentially rather than simultaneously. Sure the latter would scare the crap out of any normal sleeping person, but the former is so much more irritating that the adrenaline rush caused by the latter would be worth it.

Before leaving for work, my mom opened my door. She claimed it was so I could hear the phone if it rang. I don't know why it was important to hear the phone today unlike all previous days, but I was sleepy so I acknowledged her with some primitive sound and fell asleep once more. The phone did not ring.

Maybe half an hour later, my sister's alarm went off. It starts off with lovely beach sounds. A seagull in the background, waves hitting the shore. And then a fog horn goes off a couple times. And then it goes into the BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! we all know and love. I don't know why, but every time this happens, I wrongfully assume that it will stop on its own. It never does. By the time I found it my sister's phone, (in the kitchen, in her purse) it was in its third cycle of beach noises and beeping. Normally I don't go through people's crap without asking or being told to. Turns out when my sleep is in question, I throw that rule out the window.

I managed to get up to my room, throw the blanket over my head and sigh. That sigh turned into an angrily grumbled "YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!" when my sister started ringing the doorbell. I don't know why I didn't anticipate that. Her purse was on the counter. My sister likes tight pants or dresses... they don't have key accommodating pockets. I unlocked the door and stomped back up to my room. At that point I was a bit cranky.

For the next half hour I listened to my sister cook herself breakfast and watch TV in the living room which is just down the hall from my room. I sighed when she left for work and the house grew quiet once more. I tried to go back to sleep, but soon came to the realization that I was awake. I got up, read a bit, I think I brushed my hair. Eventually, I started getting sleepy again. Yeah, there's a fourth rule.

The Fourth: Cats are persistent.

Just as I laid down, Meeko jumped onto my bed. I tried ignoring him but he was having none of that. He nudged my arm. I groaned, begging him to go away. He nudged my boob which is even harder to ignore might I add. I think at that point I was on the verge of crying and said "Nooooo! Leave me alone! Sleepy!" That's the thing about cats. They don't speak English and they probably wouldn't care if they did. I turned around, glared at him and as threateningly as I could said: "Fine! You stay on your side and I'll stay on mine!" He flopped down right against me and promptly took up half my damn bed. My bed is a single by the way. Not the extra long one either... my feet hang off... At least he stuck to our bargain and didn't encroach on the little space he left me.

My mom woke me up when she came home for lunch. She woke me up when she was leaving to go back to work. I gave up. It was not meant to be.

Lauren.