Things I Learned on Placement 2

Okay, so, today was... well let's just leave it at that. There were shining moments, there were moments that I would have preferred not to witness. In the end, all my students are alive and complaining. Job well done I say. And really, I've come to realize that complaining is like breathing. It's a sign that students are healthy if not happy.

Anyway, on to the things I learned. Because I must share all newfound wisdom.

1. I was really tired today. I was yawning (discreetly from my seat in the back) and my AT noticed. She came over and asked what I was so tired about. I honestly didn't feel like discussing it. So I told her the truth. I'm PMSing. Conversation drifted away from me and she started talking about her own sleep patterns. Given other information I've gathered, near strangers do not want to hear about your menstrual cycle, regardless of gender. This is a very useful piece of information. 
2. I was hanging around after school, trying to sort out a few things. Then I got the bright idea to suggest a new seating plan. Big mistake. I wound up sitting opposite my AT and before I knew it, I had twenty five new assignments to grade and two math lessons to teach over the next two days. Prior to that fateful moment, I only had three activities (25 assignments for each) to grade and one lesson to plan. Let this be a lesson to everyone who lingers: Get your shit together quick and bolt! 
3. Time is a curious thing. When you're working your butt off to get to the end of the day, time moves slower. When you desire nothing more than to curl up with a book and go to sleep, time speeds up. I swear, I only sat down for an hour and all of a sudden it was ten o'clock. So... no grading for me tonight. I'm going to go to bed early and hope that I stop feeling like garbage by tomorrow morning.
4. When a middle aged man approaches you and says something along the lines of "laminar flow" he isn't interested in your menstrual cycle either. I kid... I didn't think he was. What he will be, is a high school physics teacher looking at the bulletin board behind you. When you tell him that you're about to teach a lesson on bridges and how density, viscosity and mass all affect the bridge, he'll look something like a kid at Christmas and proceed to explain all kinds of principles, show you youtube videos and make connections to material you've never even heard of let alone taught. It was amazing. I wish I could have gotten him to stay because he was really interesting and he knew his stuff. Unlike a certain former English/history major I know.

The last one was completely random, but it made my day. I learned some new things, the material made more sense to me afterward and if nothing else, I made him smile. I hope when I repeated some of what he told me that it made sense and helped the kids.

So, these are the things I learned. In short, talking about your menstrual cycle is a great exit strategy no matter who your audience is, always run when you have the chance, never trust clocks and always be on the lookout for someone who can teach you something new.

Lauren.

Taking Things for Granted

I had an interesting moment today.

It was a weird day in that I didn't have to teach much and the students weren't around. They were upstairs in music and home ec and shop. I stay away from those.

During the shop/home ec (it depends) class, one of the girls from my class came back downstairs. She's one of the students with particular needs. For instance, she can't hold a pencil to write. The EA scribes for her. Well, today, before leaving for her lunch break, the EA asked me if I could give this student a hand. I finished helping out the one guy, forgot about the girl, suddenly remembered, then made my way over there. I'm not lying when I say I'm a scatterbrain.

Anyway, I had the students make me age pyramids. I was mean and told them that they had to do it by hand. (GOOD LORD! NOT BY HAND MISS DAILY!) Actually, the reason was because I want them to understand what it is they're doing. If you're at the computer, you just put in the numbers and the computer does everything else for you. There's no learning involved. But are you seeing the problem yet?

So, I get over to her table and ask her what I can help her with. She says the graph. I asked her what about the graph was causing her problems. Clearly I was having a slow day. Finally she told me that I would have to write for her. It was at the point, that I realized that this particular assignment wasn't working for this kid. She wouldn't be able to do anything. And what's the point of watching someone else do it for you? I would find that boring, insulting and counterproductive. I might also start to feel bad about myself. Finally, I felt like a moron. She was so sweet about it too. She never said anything, she never asked me to modify it. And when I apologized to her, she just laughed it off.

It took me about twenty minutes, but I managed to find a way to set up her computer (because she can type) so that she'd be able to do the graph herself. I couldn't believe that I hadn't thought of this girl when I set the assignment. Before she left, I asked her to tell me if I did something like that again so we could work out a way for her to do the assignment. I also asked the EA to help me in that regard.

Talk about taking things for granted.

Hopefully I learned to take all of my students' abilities into consideration.

Lauren.

A Winner of a Day

I... did not have a good day.

It was one of those days where the students couldn't give a crap about learning (more so than usual), where my lacklustre management skills came to light, where I had a grading issue with one student, where I was being blamed for losing another student's work, where I got called "uncool" because the students aren't working and I'm finally putting my foot down, where I nearly get into an argument with my AT (God bless my self-control) and on my way home, nearly cause a car accident.

You know how I always say that it's never anything major that comes to disrupt my life? It's always something minor that's simply annoying. But then the little annoying things build up and put together, form larger annoying things.

I honestly don't care that I was called uncool. I've been called that all my life and I really have no intention of being friends with my students now or after my placement. I was annoyed with a student harassing me over one lost mark. Just one mark. Everything else was perfect. Seriously, you have ten other assignments. Stop bugging me and go work on those. As for the kid who said I lost his paper, well, I looked through all my things. I knew it wasn't at home. I had to sit through a lecture from my AT on how she's devised a system that prevents work from being lost. I could not remember him handing it in. Finally at the end of the day, I asked him to look in his desk just to make sure. Surprise. There's the assignment. I now know what my first question will be if I'm ever faced with this dilemma again.

The argument with my AT... I'm truly surprised that didn't happen. Last Friday I heard a lot of "That's retarded" and "That's gay". Both bother me because students are saying them without knowing what it is they are actually saying. So I brought it up and I told the students that it was unacceptable to use a part of someone's identity as an insult. I said that whether you're gay or "retarded" you can't help being who you are and that no one has a right to make you feel bad for being yourself. I was less eloquent.

When I was alone with my AT, she decided that my little talk was inappropriate and could land me in a lot of crap with parents. She asked me what the Bible's take on gays is. I'm in a Catholic school, I get it, and I told her. But God was it hard not to also tell her that Jesus advocated understanding, kindness, respect and compassion, not judgement. She told me that parents would come back with things like "You told my kid he has to be nice to gays?" Firstly, that's not what I said. I approached it from a respect angle and it was not a conversation about being gay. It was a conversation about language and being respectful of others. I wouldn't tolerate a kid shouting out "nigger" either, I just haven't had to have that conversation. Secondly, I was very tempted to respond that "Your kid should be nice to everyone without question". She went on about how my words could be twisted. Her spiel concluded with being able to take more liberties at the secondary level and if I'm going to talk about gays, to not use the word gay. I should be indirect about it.

And we wonder why gay kids kill themselves and why homosexuality is still an issue in 2012. Really? We actually wonder about that?

I kept my mouth shut. I'm unsure how, but I did.

On days when nothing feels like it's going right,  (today) I like to eat. Unhealthy? Yes. Does it work? Also yes. I was driving to the grocery store, entirely focused on buying ice cream. I went to change lanes and a car appeared. I jumped back into my lane, received a shocked, sort of dirty look and continued driving to the grocery store. In the end I got my ice cream. It tasted good.

Add in three more hours of planning lessons and making up worksheets and you've got yourself a kick-ass day.

The sun'll come out, Tomorrow!

Lauren.

FrankenFreud

So... I did stuff today. 

I know you don't think I do anything anymore... since I'm in teacher's college and have no life. Well you're wrong! ... okay, you're right, but it's not my fault!

All of my friends live out of town at the moment. And one of them is plotting to leave the country. I can't hang out with people if they aren't here. Although, I haven't seen my grandma in a while... Beside the point!

Whatever. I wouldn't even have time to hang out. Between grading and procrastinating and writing lessons and procrastinating and sleeping and procrastinating. Where do I fit people into that schedule! Tell me that!

No, I don't want ice cream as a comfort food. I want it because it tastes good! So what if I spent today in my room alternating between grading and watching Are You There, Chelsea? on my computer. You know what would have made that better? Ice cream. Maybe I'll pick some up after school tomorrow... that would be good motivation.  I mean- yeah.

Freud: Lauren, who are you talking to?

Lauren: BLAH! Where the hell did you come from?! I thought I got bored of writing you last season! Can I call years on my blog seasons? I certainly have episodes...

Freud: Yah, you did. Don't remind me. But, apparently you heve gotten so bored that you are resurrecting ideas from your past. I must ask you, how does zis make you feel?

Lauren: I don't know. I feel kind of floopy. Scattered. Like I want to chase a butterfly around a field of wild flowers. 

Freud surprised: Really?

Lauren: No, of course not! I'm bored not insane! Though, I'll admit that the line is becoming increasingly fine...

Freud annoyed: Indeed. Vhy do you sink you resurrected me?

Lauren: Honestly, I have no idea. I didn't know what to write about. You kind of popped into my head and voila! We're having a tête-à-tête. Pun intended. 

Freud: I wonder why I never diagnosed you before. This is a clear case of penis envy.

Lauren: You cannot be serious about that crap!

Freud: Of course not! DO YOU SEE HOW IT FEELS!? SINK ABOUT ZHAT NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO BE AN ASS! storms off

Lauren: I see why I got rid of him...

Are you getting the impression that today was a slow day?

On to tomorrow!

Lauren.

The Bleeped Homo Question

I had a quiet day today. I watched some movies, I folded my laundry and did other such mundane tasks. In the process of my movie watching, and yes, it is a process, I came across something interesting.

My mom absolutely loves the movie In and Out. I admit, that probably sounds like a bad porn title. Are there any good porn titles? It's an older movie (1997) starring Kevin Kline and Tom Selleck. Basically, Kevin Kline is getting married to Joan Cusack. They've been engaged three years and finally the day is upon them. Until of course, one of Kevin Kline's former students wins an Oscar and outs Kevin, his quiet, clean, well dressed former English teacher. From then on, Kevin tries to prove to his small hometown that he's straight. He does a bunch of crazy, funny things to prove that he isn't gay but the damage has been done. Enter Tom Selleck, the handsome reporter with plans to show Kevin that he doesn't have to deny his true self.

It's pretty hilarious. Favourite parts include dancing to "I Will Survive" while trying to assert one's masculinity and a priest pointedly declaring Kevin to be really gay during a comically awkward confession scene. There are a couple of good Barbra jokes as well. You know which one I mean.

So, here's my question. Yup, this is one of my question posts!

We were watching this movie on Bravo at about three in the afternoon. We were warned about all the usual stuff, sexuality, language, blah blah blah. Here's what I find strange. Of all the words to bleep out, the word "homo" was bleeped. Gay is okay, homosexual is okay, but homo isn't? I don't get that one.

Technically speaking, homo is a prefix for a number of words. In some cases it simply signifies "human". In the context of homosexual, homosocial, homoerotic it means "same". "Homo" in the context of this movie is obviously slang for homosexual. But I don't find homo nearly as offensive as faggot or queer when spoken with disgust or derision. And I've definitely heard the words "fag" and "queer" on TV and I didn't have to read lips to do it. So... why the bleeps at all? In fact, I would consider the word "homo" to be MORE correct than "queer" and "faggot". At least it comes from the correct term. Queer means weird. Faggot is a pile of sticks.

I would ask about our lack of dedication to precise language, but clearly no one cares. Instead, I'll simply ask Bravo what the hell was up with the random bleeping. It's a movie that supports same sex relationships and makes jokes putting down what could be considered offensive stereotypes. I doubt the people at Bravo were concerned about offending gay viewers. Hey Bravo, what's up?

Inquiring minds (okay, maybe just me) want to know.

Lauren.

I Figure Out Management

I don't know what was up today, but I was aching to get home, sit on the couch and fall asleep. As it turns out, I fell asleep in the bathtub instead. I like to live dangerously. What can I say? I suppose I can suggest falling asleep in the bathtub as an excellent way to find out what you'll look like when you're 105. If that's what you're in to...

Otherwise, I discovered a few interesting things. I've been saying that students have power. Well I found out today that I do too! I never feel particularly authoritative. It's kind of hard when I'm not even a decade older than the kids I'm teaching. That and it's very difficult to work with someone else's routines and establish yourself as an authority figure when you're only in the class a few weeks. Still, I managed! And management has been my issue all year... stupid management.

I got two kids to stop screwing around and making a mess. I got two kids to stop play fighting. I got three kids to move their asses back to class. Turns out the secret is having a headache and running out of patience. I finally get the concept of being "firm". I feel as though a mystery has been solved, as though doors and windows have been opened, as though I can go forth and manage! I understood what the words meant, but never how to implement them. But with the sentences:

1. "Okay, you're both going to pick up this mess and throw all these bits of paper in the garbage. It's not the janitor's job to walk behind you cleaning. Get moving! And there's a piece under your boot."
2. "Hey! Knock it off and keep your hands to yourself! I don't care if you're joking. Get back to class."
3. "Look, I'm out of patience for today. Let's move a bit faster shall we?"

I had people doing my bidding! I was too exasperated at the time to fully bask in my accomplishment, but now, I'm basking and it is good. Got to love it when just being annoyed is enough to get you what you want. Why didn't I think of that sooner?

So, to other student teachers, if you have a pleasant enough demeanour and you suddenly show your students how irritated you are, magic can happen. Think about it.

Lauren.

News from Placement

So tired.

I just finished writing a lesson on maps. Thank God that's the only lesson I have to teach tomorrow. My brain is absolute mush. And watching Derek flipping out at random white women on Grey's did not help. I don't know why I watch that show anymore... It's not particularly funny anymore, this episode was more drama than it was surgery, they're no longer focussing on characters I find interesting, they're fiddling with the same old triangles and it's boring me.

Sorry, I just remembered why I watch Grey's. Reading requires thinking and I'm incapable of thinking at the end of the day.

In ironic news:

I was supposed to bring a helmet for DJ the EA. She was going skating and policy states that the kids must wear helmets. The teachers, by extension, must wear them to be good examples. Turns out my dad pitched our helmets. No head protection for DJ. That turned out not to be the problem. She did fall but she didn't hurt her head. She broke her wrist. So now she's out for a couple of weeks. I miss her already. Seriously. We were at a point where we could smirk a certain way and one of us would know what it meant and start laughing. I made her a card today and drew her as a super hero. Yes, it was that kind of day.

Tomorrow I pick up a geography assignment I set. I'm kind of excited to see what the kids wrote. I have a feeling reading them will lift my spirits enough to get me through another few days.

It's amazing to me how many things about teaching just... bug the crap out of me. But then, even when you put them all together into one big ball of annoying, frustrating, loud crap, being able to interact with the kids is still a positive enough experience to push the ball away. I got three really great compliments today from my students. Even if they hadn't said/done anything, just the fact that they're willing to joke around and participate in class means something to me.

Talk about a David versus Goliath situation. The reasons I don't think I could teach keep mounting, but the students keep fighting them back.

Perhaps I'm simply a glutton for punishment... and cookies. Definitely for cookies.

Lauren.

13 Jobs, 7 Hours

One thing I like about teaching is the variety. It would drive me crazy having to do the same thing, day after day, sitting in the same chair, at the same desk, waiting to eat at the same time. There's no way a teaching day could ever be repeated. Thankfully. I only have so many backup pairs of glasses. But here's the thing. While teaching, I'm actually doing about a dozen other jobs.

Don't believe me? Well, here's my day:

1. Shepherd Grade 8 and Pre-K students to Church for Ash Wednesday mass
2. Canvas. Some woman drew a cross on my forehead. 
3. Act as crossing guard for students
4. Act as Kleenex dispenser for literally the snottiest child on the planet.
5. Act as personal dresser to children under the age of 6
6. Actor. I act like I know what I'm talking about. 
7. Computer technician solving issues on two operating systems.
8. Factotum. I know all!
9. Film critique and yes, Magic School Bus counts as a film.
10. Social commentator. Literacy and education are major factors for ensuring quality of life.
11. Stand-up comedian. It's the only way to get their attention.
12. Temp-Mother. Because I pick up more stuff, repeat more requests and information and listen to more whining than I would if I was in another profession.
13. Mental patient. Seriously, they've given me a complex. 

See, I came up with thirteen. If I'd written this post yesterday, I would have added "target" for an even fourteen. 

I think most of my points are pretty clear. About my complex though. Two of my students never raise their hand to talk. They just shout out for me if they have questions. I was helping some girls across the room when I heard one of them call out "Miss Daily!". I continued to help the girls. "Miss Daily, Miss Daily, Miss Daily, Miss Daily, Miss Daily, Miss Daily!"It went on and on, even after I signalled that I'd heard them.  I finished with the girls, walked over to the two boys and I must have looked and sounded pretty scary when I told them to knock it off because they responded with "But we thought we were your favourite students!" I was just thankful to hear them say other words. I told them that I did like them, but that they were friggin' annoying. 

Ten minutes later, I was on the opposite end of the classroom and I swear I heard my name coming from the boys again. When I looked up, they were both working. No one was looking at me. No one had their hand up. I determined that I was hearing things. It's not the first time this happens...

My marbles are rolling away, one by one.

Lauren.

WTF Tuesday (Emphasis on Glee)

At the school where I'm currently doing my placement, they always name the day something cute and alliterative. Magnificent Monday. Fantastic Friday. Taco Tuesday. And no, there were no tacos. I don't get it either...

I know it's not alliterative, but I'm going to name today WTF Tuesday. I'll begin with what happened to me. Then I'll move on to Glee.

First off, I discovered that teachers need danger pay. If it wasn't obvious before, it's perfectly clear now. I was teaching the 2-3 class in gym, stupidly having them volley volleyballs back and forth. A group of kids were having a bit too much fun hitting each other in the crotch, so I stepped over to tell them to knock it off. I never got the chance because all of a sudden, I'm being hit in the face with a volleyball. And not only were my glasses knocked off, the frame snapped and my lens fell to the ground. I don't know which kid did it but I'm going to guess the one who kept shooting my shifty, guilty glances. I had to call my dad to bring me my old glasses because of all the days not to have the car, I didn't have it today. Probably not a bad thing considering I'm not supposed to drive without my glasses. It was still crappy. Later, my dad informed me that my glasses wouldn't be fixed until March 24th because my frames are on back order. See, it's nothing major, but it's just bad enough to irritate me. Oh well, I get glasses for my birthday this year. Woot!

And now on to Glee where most of my WTF is going to be.

First, Karofsky. That was awful. I applaud Glee for going there, it is a reality, but it's not really one I wanted to see. Then again, I don't think that part of this episode was directed at me. I'm very aware of the suicide rates for gay teens, I've had some experience with it (not me attempting it, others I know), and I've been working on raising awareness for some time now. That being said, I think a lot of non-activists probably benefitted from seeing how bad it can get. Also, this storyline illustrated the problem I have with the "It Gets Better" campaign. It's a great campaign, don't get me wrong. The thing is, for the kids who are that far gone, it doesn't have to get better, it has to be better and be better now because it's the now that sucks so hard they want to kill themselves. In my mind, there's only one way to fix that and I don't think we'll be seeing aggressive equality education and anti-bullying in K-12 schools for a long time still.

Rachel and Finn... gag me.

Found this thanks to google. Clearly someone is thinking straight by not thinking straight.
THIS SHOULD HAPPEN!
... but it won't... because they're attempting to MURDER Quinn

Quinn. OMFG! Seriously! What the hell is wrong with you TV people?! I know I said I wanted the wedding to stop existing but you really don't have to injure/kill Quinn to do that. Rachel or Finn can come to their senses. Just one of them. Pick one! I don't even care which one!

At the very least I want to see Quinn survive. Right after that, I want to see that her accident stopped the madness that is the Finchel wedding! At the most, I want to see Quinn fully recover and while she's in the hospital, maybe, and I'm just throwing it out there, maybe Rachel could finally realize and confess her love. Could happen. On another note, (ha! pun) I'm pissed about Quinn because she's finally gotten to a point where she's happy. Her life is finally coming together, she's moving forward, she's getting what she wants without being underhanded, she's finally a mature, sensible character. She's at long last made it through all the crap that was holding her back. So, they threaten her life. It's so unfair. I was rooting for her dammit! She is the one that can't be destroyed, who always picks herself up and I think that's a quality that should be expanded on. She's had no support, but she's still going. ...Until you bastards hit her with a truck...

And lastly, the "being gay is harder than being pregnant and giving up your baby" debate. Not a fan of that one. I think people like to create hierarchies of suffering. How can you really determine who suffers most when we all suffer differently? And who would want to win that contest anyway? Being gay sucks. No question about it and I don't think I need to elaborate. Being pregnant at sixteen and giving up your child? I don't think I'd handle that very well. The stares, the judgement and at the end, not only do you not have anything to show for it, you know that somewhere in the world, there's a piece of you and you have no idea what that baby is like, how it is, if you made the right decision. That sounds pretty shitty to me.

So, kind of hated this episode. Anxiously await the next episode. Hopefully it's better.

Lauren.

People I Want to Meet

The best part of today: No driving.

Otherwise, I did nothing of interest. Rather than boring you with my complaints, I'm going to sort of borrow Brahm's idea. I have a number of lists. They're all stored in my brain so they can't fall into the wrong hands. I have lists of people I dislike, people I find attractive, people I know I can trust, people I avoid. Lots of lists. I'm anal like that.

The longest list by far is my "People I Want to Meet" list. I find people fascinating and I find them fascinating for a variety of reasons. Some of them are people I admire, some of them I admire their work, some I'm just curious about. The truly funny thing is, I've imagined meeting these people and even in my imagination I get tongue tied. The only reaction I can honestly imagine having is simply staring at them. Which would be really creepy. I acknowledge it.

So here's a snippet from the list:

JK Rowling (because she's a brilliant author who created a beautiful work of art)
Rick Riordan (because he's a clever, wonderfully creative author who made something old, new again)
Dianna Agron (because she seems really intelligent)
Julie Andrews (because she's amazing)
Pink (because she's smart, talented and I think you could say fierce)
Lady Gaga (because she seems really smart and interesting)
Sarah Waters (because she's a really interesting historical fiction writer)
Ellen Degeneres (do I really need to explain this one?)
Sarah Palin (because she can't really be that... out of it)
Barrack Obama (because I've got issues)
Gordon Ramsey (I like food and I think he's funny)

There are others, but these are the people I'm thinking of off the top of my head.

Perhaps one day I'll meet these people and get to stare at them. I mean... talk to them. Definitely talk to them. I also realize the lack of men on this list. These aren't in any particular order so... I'm sure there are more men that belong with the above. I'll keep thinking about it.

Who would you like to meet?

Lauren.

Tired and Cranky

I've likely said this before. I'm simultaneously 5, 22 and 80 years old. That makes me 107, soon to be 108. There are days when I act my age. There are days when I show a shocking amount of wisdom. And then there are days like today when I really just want to have a temper tantrum and be sent to my room so that I can sleep it off. 

Overall, today was actually a good day. I finished the Percy Jackson series. I'm sad that it's over. I did some marking. I'm glad that it's over. I went out for coffee with Dana and we came back to my house to watch some movies. Rather productive and eventful for me. 

The thing that sucked was that my sister asked me to drive her to a party. I should have realized that if I drove her there, she would need a ride back. Cue the chanting of "stupid, stupid, stupid!. I had this same revelation last night when this same scenario played out. Talk about slow learner. 

Dana and I just got back from our coffee when my sister asked me to take her back out. This had to be done immediately. The party was literally a block away from the coffee shop I'd previously been in. Dana and I returned here and managed to get through a whole movie before my sister called again wanting to be picked up. I'd finally gotten warm from my last foray into the outdoors. I really didn't want to go get her. But I'm nice, so I did. I also drove her friend home. Dana and I were not happy. We were cold. 

I spent a good deal of time wondering why my sister was asking me for all these rides. She has a car of her own. She could at least get herself TO the party. Again, I can't believe it took this long, but I think I finally figured it out. Gas is about 1.32$ a litre. It's better to use our parents car than to use her own. If only you could see my face... it is the face of unimpressed. I don't mind going to get her from a party, especially not if she's been drinking, but it's cold, late and for once I was having a life. Couldn't she for the sake of my sanity and my toes call a cab? 

After two days of being a chauffeur, I can say with absolute certainty that I do not desire that particular career. It is off the table! I don't care how much time Mr. Fairchild gets to read! I'll envy his time, not his position. (Sabrina reference, not just me being random.)

And so, I'm am going to bed. 

Lauren.

Movie Behaviour

I don't have a lot to say about today. It was a quiet, boring day. I watched some movies, visited some family, nothing special really.

Right now, I'm watching Back to the Future.

I have a weird habit when it comes to this movie. I don't know why, I don't know how or when it started, but I always watch Back to the Future shortly after watching Karate Kid. I watched the former about a week ago with my parents. Since then, I've had a nagging urge. It's like craving food only in 80s movie form. The reverse is also true. If I happen to watch Back to the Future first, I'll have a Miagi craving.

I should be clear, I don't have a desire to see any of the sequels to these movies. The second sequels aren't... horrible. But seriously, has anyone seen Karate Kid 3? If your answer to that question is 'no', I strongly recommend that you keep it that way. Same with Back to the Future 3. When you turn a steam train into a time machine, you've gone too far. Too far.

Anyway, I'm going to get back to my compulsion.

Lauren.

Earning Your "TGIF"

Week two of placement comes to a close. Last week felt kind of like a whirlwind. I was getting used to the class, to the students, to teaching subjects I haven't taken since high school, to teaching things that I don't understand, to a new school. I felt it went by rather quickly. This week however, probably largely because I've been sick, time has crawled by. And dammit! I earned my Friday this week.

When I was retelling my day to my mom, she just sat, stunned at everything that happened today. She then asked if it was a full moon. I haven't looked out the window, but if it isn't, I'm terrified about what will happen when it does come.

Before lunch, I had a kid in the 2-3 class whip a marker down a flight of stairs, then run down screaming. The staircase echoes and he pissed off a few teachers. Woot. Following that incident, a couple of students drew crude drawings of one another. One got pissed off, he stormed up to the other kid and tried to strangle him. My AT got in the way, forcing him to adopt a new strategy: attempted punching. And between those two incidents, I got a stern talking to regarding a little girl who constantly wants to be holding my hand. Yes, this is the state of our society. Should she one day become angry with me and misrepresent that physical contact, my life could apparently be made miserable. All in all, a good morning.

Following lunch, the kids had their electives. My AT went skiing with a few kids. Because I value my life, I decided that bowling was a safer alternative. That meant that I was in class and watching the swimming and bowling students while we were waiting to leave. All of a sudden a grade eight from the other class pops up in the doorway and waves me out. He hadn't come to tell me Timmy was in the well, but he did tell me that another of my students was having an issue. I followed him upstairs and there was my student, looking rather miserable. He told me he didn't want to come back to class because everyone hated him. I asked why but got a garbled answer that I did not understand. Since I wasn't teaching anything, I told him he could stay with the other class so long as he came back to our class in time to copy his homework. Rather pleased with myself, I descended the stairs. I got to the landing and two of my students were sitting there. One of them was in tears. I asked her what was going on, sat with them and made her laugh, but that was about all the time I had. The drama had just started to unfold and the bus had arrived. I didn't understand teenagers when I was one. There's no way I'm going to understand them now. It took one of the other teachers about two hours to get the drama sorted with everyone.

At last we returned from bowling. No, my day wasn't over. I caught one of my students at her locker preparing to leave school. She was telling her friends to tell my AT that she'd received permission to go home. Whens he saw me coming, she told me the same story. Yeah... my AT wasn't there and I had a feeling that if the shit came down on this one, that it would come down on me. I politely asked her to accompany me to the office to double check with the principal. I was sure what she was asking me was against school policy but I played innocent. She's a cooperative kid anyway, but I didn't want to flat out accuse her of anything or be a grump about it. She told the principal what she told me and I was right! I WAS RIGHT! That was my pat on the head moment of the day. No one did pat me on the head but I imagined it for myself.

When I finally did get home, I sat, I watched movies, I read and I absolutely refused to watch Kindergarten Cop with my mom.

Hey, at least it's a long weekend... that's at least three days I won't have students requesting to hear me say "Turn to page 394" in an English accent. To all the English-accented people of the world, I am sorry and I'm suffering the consequences of mimicking you poorly. Please, accept my apology.

Lauren.

Power to the Students!

I realized something today. Kids are powerful. Some of them know it, other's don't, but they wield a mighty power. Those who realize that adults will do just about anything to make them behave, hold us in the palm of their hand... waiting for the right moment to crush us. If you're wondering where I'm going with this upbeat description of today's rosy cheeked youths, I have to tell you, it's a scary place. It's a place of psychological warfare and I have no clue who comes out victorious.

My first battle occurred this morning sometime after 11:00 hours. My AT was again teaching the grade 2-3 class. One of the kids forgot his shoes and so couldn't participate in the gym lesson. He was adamant that he wouldn't set foot in the gym if he was the only one not having fun. I can't really blame him for that. So he didn't. He sat out in the hall, with me supervising him for most of the class. When it was time to go back to their classroom to get their lunches, he decided that he didn't want to eat or hang out with his classmates. He barricaded himself in his locker and refused to come out. Like an idiot, I sat on the floor outside his locker and talked to him about Family Guy, The Simpsons and his imaginary pet minotaur-devil-mouse named Scratchy who just happened to be red. He was particularly happy when I told him that I probably looked like a crazy person talking to a locker. It soon became clear that as long as I was willing to indulge his behaviour, he'd be willing to hold up in his locker. So, I made a show of giving up and I left. About two seconds later he was walking down the hall toward me with his lunch. Of course, my AT then spoke to him about his behaviour, he got angry and threw his lunch on the floor. I'm unsure who won this battle.

My second battle occurred closer to 14:00 hours. I was back in the grade eight class attempting to teach a geography lesson. The class is chatty... one kid in particular. I wound up, for whatever reason, telling him to shut up... while speaking in a British accent. So you know, my British accent is awful. I admit it's awful. British people around the world, if you all felt some unexplained twitch around 2:00 today, that was my fault. Naturally, the kids thought it was hilarious. They asked me to conduct the remainder of the lesson in the British accent. I really didn't want to, but I struck a bargain. I told them that so long as they were attentive, didn't make random noises (because they do that) and worked diligently, that I would conduct the remainder of the lesson in a really crappy British accent. They agreed. So for the next fifteen minutes or so, I was the worst Englishwoman on the planet. But they paid attention. Or at least they were quiet so the kids who pay attention anyway could pay attention. Before they let me return to my regular Canadian accent, one of the three Harry Potter nerds requested (read: told me to) that I say "Turn to page 394". It took me a minute, I was confused, but I eventually recognized it as a line from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, spoken by Alan Rickman. I figured I couldn't do any more damage, so I acquiesced her request. Who won that battle? Again, I'm unsure. And just to be clear, we were not studying werewolves.



As you can see, children have powers. That or they've realized I'm pretty goofy and that I'll do quite a few stupid, goofy things without giving it too much thought and they're exploiting me. I'm surprised my AT didn't say anything about the accent... maybe she's gotten to a point of "don't ask don't tell", ignorance is bliss, plausible deniability. A lot of people seem to go there after meeting me... In case you haven't figured it out, I enjoy children largely because they not only allow you to be silly, they encourage you to be silly. It's another of their special powers.

Lauren.

Math Plots, Beat Box Flute and the Usefulness of Menstrual Periods

I have a new idea for an experiment. I think I'm going to go back to my high school, find my grade 10 math teacher (oddly enough, she's married to my grade 8 math teacher) and tell her that I'm teaching math.

My hypothesis: She will frown in confusion, smirk in amusement, ask if I'm serious and upon confirmation of that fact, burst into an uncontrolled fit of laughter. Once the laughter is under control, she may ask how it's going.

I don't even want to know what my final math teacher would say. We had a mutual agreement to thoroughly dislike one another. I went back for my observation placement two years ago and the first words he said to me were "What are you doing here?" He's not a very pleasant man. Maybe he overheard how I wanted to throw him out the window but decided that that was a stupid plan considering his weight, the width of the window and the window's height from the ground. I never would have been able to lift him... he never would have fit through the window. Now there's some practical math! And I imagine I would probably have to push on his butt pretty hard to get it through the window should I actually manage to accomplish the first two steps of the Out the Window Plot. That would just be awkward and gross for everyone.

My hypothesis for him: He would laugh in my face, make some snide remark, laugh some more and waddle away. Yes. Waddle.

I spent yet another night delving into the magical world of math. Lessons thus far have been... interesting. Today I got to say "Okay, forget everything I just told you. I made a mistake. THIS is how you're supposed to do it." Nothing inspires confidence more than when a teacher has to do a lesson twice because she messed up. But tonight, I actually did the kids' worksheet. It's trigonometry, the one subject I never managed to even remotely understand. This is seriously my nightmare come to life. I don't know how, but I managed to get all the answers right. If only that could have happened on a test in grade 11. I'm not sure why you have to cross multiply. I'm not sure why you set up the measures in fraction form. But the process works.

I emailed my AT asking for help. Hopefully that happens before I have to teach tomorrow. If not, it will be another day of fake it 'til you make it.

All of that, pales in comparison to the awesomeness I stumbled upon while researching videos for my religion lesson on the beatitudes. Yes, I'm incorporating Inspector Gadget in religion. That's just how I roll. But look! He plays the flute and beatboxes at the same time!



You have to admit, that's a weird but nifty talent. I wouldn't want to sit in front of him though. I imagine there would be a lot of spit flying around.

High point of today? A student raised her hand and asked "Miss, what are hormones?" During religion of all things. I answered that hormones are chemicals generated by various parts of your body that regulate things like your menstrual period--. She stopped me after 'menstrual period' and seemed rather disgusted with me. I think she was hoping to embarrass me? So, bringing up your period to shut down a conversation also works on fourteen year old girls. Keep it in mind teachers. It might come in handy.

Lauren.

Glee Valentine's Day Vomit

So... I watched Glee. I don't know if I'm just annoyed with it because I'm really sick and feel like garbage or if it annoyed me because of my usual Valentine's Day cynicism. Perhaps it's neither. Perhaps I was annoyed because the episode was annoying.

Loved the songs though. Whitney was unfortunately timely... but such a good song! I think it's one of those songs that is truly timeless.

Finn and Rachel. WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?!?! That whole storyline is just bugging me. We all know it's not going to work. Why don't they? I'm sick of watching it. But, because Quinn said no and Kurt said no, it's going to go on and on and on and on. Flog it 'til it's dead right? Rachel's parents (I thought one of them was black?) should use parental disapproval to put a stop to this clearly ridiculous situation. It's honest, it makes you think and probably 8 times out of 10, it will be effective. Yes, I just made up that statistic. Side Note: One of my guilty pleasures is Faberry fanfiction, and I thought it was hilarious that Rachel's parents had the two most popular names I've seen in fanfiction. Do the creators/writers of Glee read fanfiction? If so, I beg them to see sense.

My attention is now turning to the renewal of the Kurt/Blaine/David triangle particularly since Blaine and Sebastian seem to have some weird relationship that is ongoing but unexplained. Although, having rock salt thrown at him may resolve that... whatever it is. I'm thinking that something awful is going to happen to David at the hands of the douchy jock guy from the restaurant. As awful as he was, I think the poor guy's been through enough. I'm not really a fan of that kind of karma.

Sugar... why is she there again? Does she have a purpose other than to irritate me? And I'm pretty sure that people with Aspergers aren't aware that they've said or done something that is socially incorrect. So knock it off... self diagnosis. She bugs me. Flighty, high pitched, whiner... Though, since the Irish guy's purpose is unknown to me, I suppose they make a decent couple. Out of interest, how did Artie rig up Sugar's locker? I'm assuming that giving his... limited reach, that he had someone help him?

Oh! And how could I forget! Santana and Brittany! Finally! I squeal girlshly at them and scowl at Figgins. And I'm happy that they acknowledged the incredible amount of Finchel (gross) and fantastically limited amount of Brittana. MORE BRITTANA! It was lovely. Santana was so cute. And weirdly supportive of Rachel. I'm choosing not to hold that against her. She made me smile.

As a side note, Simon the gay apostle made me laugh. Great reasoning behind that one Mercedes. I laughed and it hurt, but it was worth it.

What else...  Not much else. I'm not feeling well, I'm tired, my nose is burning, it feels like my throat is on fire and collapsing at the same time. Good times. I think I'm going to read a bit before passing out.

Lauren.

Dodgeball Inspiration

I'm sorry but today's post will be short.

I'm really not feeling well. I barely slept last night. I've been sneezing and now coughing my face off. Drinking cranberry juice feels like the equivalent of drinking skin melting acid. Yay! I love that feeling.

It's mildly hilarious that I'm sick because so is my AT. We're a very upbeat team. (The EA won't come near us.) We both considered calling in sick. She couldn't because she was on office duty. I couldn't because I read the section on absences in the practice teaching handbook. It requires less effort to go to school and teach.

Girls hate playing dodgeball with guys. The guys whip the ball as hard as they can. The girls are afraid of being hit. Even though the balls are foam. I discovered that there is a way to motivate girls to play rather than cower at the back of the gym. Tell them the story of how when you were in high school, one of the super jocks thought it would be funny to whip the ball at you. Little did he know, you would catch it, whip it back at him "accidentally" hitting him in the nuts and subsequently get him out of the game. He would then endure razzing from the other boys while I was momentarily glorified.

It's apparently inspiring. I'm amused at how many people think I suck at sports because I look nerdy in my glasses and cardigans. I'm actually extremely competitive, fairly aggressive and possess an excellent strategic sense. Not to mention a mean arm... as one super jock discovered the hard way. No pun intended. I'm not always as nice as I seem.

My math lesson actually went well today and I received compliments. Achievement! Later, I photocopied tomorrow's math lesson and only wasted one sheet trying to get everything onto one page. SUPER ACHIEVEMENT!

That's pretty much today.

I'm going to finish my throat melting acid drink, read a little and go to bed. Hopefully I'll be better in the morning (unlikely).

Lauren.

The Twins Question

I am presently managing an impersonation of at least three of the Seven Dwarves. I'm Grumpy, Sneezy and Sleepy. While all three have to do with having a cold, I'm also a bit grumpy about having to spend a considerable amount of time understanding tomorrow's math content and figuring out how I'm going to teach it. This was never a part of my academic career I wanted to revisit.

But blah blah blah, you already know that. So, sort of in line with math and science, I have another question. I've wanted to put it out there for a while but I kept forgetting. Besides, it's not even really my question. My sister thought of it and it all stemmed from this commercial.



It's not as strange as you may be thinking. Here's the question.

If one set of identical twins (in this case female twins) marry a set of identical twins (in this case male twins) and they both have children, are their respective offspring identical as well?

As we all know from shows such as Law and Order and CSI, identical twins have identical DNA. So, if they're passing on the same genetic information to their children, it seems plausible that their children could also be identical. It's probably not, but it's fun to think about.

I know it's much more complicated than what I'm making it out to be. I also know that there are a crap-ton of possible combinations of genetic material. For instance, my sister and I have the same parents and we look nothing alike. Yet, the source of our genetic material is identical.

Okay, but even if the twins kids don't physically resemble each other, what would their DNA say about them? Because sciency people are able to tell if you're cousins, siblings or if you're the child of this or that person. So... would they genetically be siblings (because they have the same genetic make-up) while socially and actually being cousins? There. That's MY question.

Think about it. It gets pretty trippy.

No, I'm not currently on cold medication. This is just me... for better or worse.

Lauren.

Preventative Medicine

Hello everyone and thank you for tuning in to the Lauren Daily Experiment.

Today I'm going to talk about schools. Yes, schools, those places of learning, of self-discovery, of hard work, discipline and disease. Indeed, schools may look innocent, but within those walls, disease lurks, looking to attack anyone with a weakened immune system.

It doesn't take long. Only a week. A week of touching desks, glue sticks, mittens and sporting equipment. A week of receiving hugs from seven and eight year olds. A week of shuffling passed cute little kindergarteners blocking the hall the way cows/sheep always seem to be blocking roads in Scottish or Irish movies. In such an environment, bacteria thrives and easily attaches itself to unsuspecting victims.

Those most vulnerable to bacterial/viral attacks are:

1. Student teachers
2. The elderly
3. Young infants
4. Guests in the school

These people have not had the time required to build up an immunity to the illnesses being carried by children. They should enter schools with caution. Beginning a regimen of vitamin C would not be ill-advised. Washing hands frequently with a strong industrial cleanser would also be advantageous.

If you are in one of the at risk categories and have recently been in any of the previously described situations, be on guard for:

1. Sore throats
2. Fatigue
3. Stuffy nose/excessive sneezing
4. Coughing
5. All around feeling icky

Should you experience any of these symptoms, I regret to inform you that you are sick.

Today's episode was brought to you by these fine products:

 



And let us never forget that when entering a school, the best offence is a good defence.

If only I took my own advice...

Lauren.

I Am Taught

Today was an odd day where teaching was concerned. I think I wound up learning more than the kids did. For instance, I learned that:

1. I should be an artist when I grow up (When do I grow up?)
2. The complete history of Angry Birds
3. The modern human female is not doomed to admire abusive relationships
4. President Obama has no legs 
5. Sammy the class lizard is officially my boyfriend. 

If you're looking at that list and wondering "What the hell is she talking about?" I would like you to know that I'm doing the same thing and I lived it. Let's take this point by point shall we?

My AT also teaches a gym class to the grade 2/3 kids. On Fridays, she brings them to the library. The second I got to the door, one of the girls blocked me, looked up at me and asked: "What are you doing?" I thought it was kind of an odd question, but I told her that I was coming in. She smiled and immediately claimed me as her work buddy. She pulled out an illustrated dictionary of animals and a pad of paper. She took the time to show me all of her drawings before stopping on a blank page. She happily flipped through her dictionary and stopped when she got to a picture of a horse. "Can you draw me that horse?" she asked, pointing to a specific picture. I haven't drawn in years but I told her I would try. Horses are hard! But it actually turned out decent. She was thrilled which obviously meant that I should also draw a specifically chosen dolphin, a flamingo and for some reason, a really tiny crab. The whole time, she'd just watch me draw and only say anything once I'd finished. I think she's going to grow up to have an excellent work ethic because she wasted no time commissioning me to draw something new. 

As for Angry Birds, I somehow amassed a small following. While I was drawing, I was talking to three kids about Angry Birds. I've never played it so it wasn't hard to be clueless. They explained the whole sad story of how the pigs got sick of eating grass so they stole the birds' eggs. They explained what the different coloured birds did and to what degree of efficiency. I was pretty impressed with the depth and detail of their explanation. Finally, after hearing why the birds were so angry, I had to ask "Do the birds get their eggs back?" The kid looked at me with the calm appearance of an expert and said: "Only at the end of the game". I was quite relieved that Angry Birds has a happy ending. On a personal development level, seven year olds are excellent for practicing my questioning skills. 

Back in grade eight, the inevitable occurred and I made a Harry Potter reference. I showed the following image to one of my students and she promptly began to laugh. 

She showed two other girls and before I knew it, we were actually discussing feminism in children's lit. These girls singlehandedly restored my faith in teenaged girls. They actually hated Twilight for it's awful depiction of women. They said "those books make it seem like your life is only complete if you have a boyfriend." They're fourteen. All I wanted to say was "You go girls". I may have... Yes, I am that uncool.

The last two are just amusing to me. A girl ended up writing on the board that President Obama doesn't have legs and that's why he's always behind that podium. I thought about it for a while before telling her that it was entirely plausible. Hey, if Roosevelt did it... (I'm aware that Roosevelt had legs.) And yes, the lizard has officially been dubbed my boyfriend. I'm thrilled. So, so thrilled. It's a joke I have with the EA. I'm Sammy's girlfriend and the EA is now called DJ (Dark J---). I get a boyfriend with scales and a weird, crooked toe while she gets a cool nickname. I'm not liking this deal...

So yes, I bitch about placement and teacher's college a lot. Okay, I bitch A LOT! but sometimes, like on days like today when I just get to hang out with the kids, it's all worth it. Somehow. I don't know how that math works, but they make up for all the crappiness. 

Don't tell them I said that.

Lauren.

Carnival Contradictions

Today was Carnival day at placement. Translation? I was outside from... nine-ish until noon-ish. The grade eights had the privilege of hosting the event for the rest of the school and I was to be the "responsible adult" at station eight.

Station eight was stick handling. Basically, you have a hockey stick and you have to weave a wiffle ball through pylons. It's not very complicated (though it is adorable to watch barely coordinated six year olds attempt it). The first few times the event was done, it was pretty subdued. Like... pretty sad. The kids walked through the pylons and when they were done, they sat down staring at us like "Yeah, so what's next?" Damn the mandatory eleven minutes at each station! It was after the second team left that I did something I never thought I would do.

I told the two students manning the station to stand at the end of the course. I told them to really play up that it was a race. I told them to make it a best two out of three. And then I really outdid myself by asking them to add some enthusiasm by cheering on the kids who were racing. The one student... is a lot like me in a number of ways. She grumbles, she talks a big game, she's got attitude buried under her fairly quiet demeanour, but she's a softy. When I told her to be enthusiastic, she just looked at me, completely unimpressed and said "What? Like a prep?" and then mimicked a cheerleader on crack. Unfortunately, my Me-ness shone through and I cringed. I told her she should probably tone it down a bit. She snorted and walked to the end of the course calling back "I don't do happy!" I think I've actually said that to people... so it was really hard not to laugh. She was actually a very good sport. And yes, I cheered along (as much as I ever cheer for anything) to be the good example.

Is this that principle that parents threaten their children with coming into play? You know, when you're a horrible child, as a reward, you give birth to a horrible child that stresses you out the same way you stressed your parents out? Does that apply to teaching?

Carnival continued with a visit from Bonhomme Carnaval. It's a French thing. The only issue with our Bonhomme is that the costume is really old and kind of creepy looking. So it scared kids. While funny, that's not really the reaction loveable snowmen are supposed to elicit. The day ended with a volleyball game between teachers and students. I nearly had to play. I'm dangerous while walking, I don't play volleyball for a reason. Didn't stop two of my students from trying to coax me into playing. It would have made for excellent blackmail material. I'm so onto them it's insane. Crafty little boogers.

This isn't our Bonhomme. Ours has a glossy plastic head that's yellowed with age. Super sexy.

Tomorrow I go bowling. What will happen when I return to my former summer workplace? Probably nothing because they didn't know I was working there when I was working there. But I know they have banana slushies... so we'll see.

Lauren.

The Tired Of List

I say I'm tired a lot. And I am. I'm mentally tired, physically tired, emotionally tired. But tired of what? What makes me so tired?

Because I need to vent and because I like lists, I've provided you with a list of things I am really tired of.

1. Succeeding in spite of people. For once, I would like to succeed with the help of someone, with the guidance of someone. I'm really tired of having crappy experiences with crappy people and only having an eventual, distant end to console myself with. I'd like to have a positive experience to look back on. 
2. Coming out better for it. That's what people like to tell me by means of consoling me for all the crap I've endured at the hands of others. I'm already a good person. I don't need to be better. It's crappy people who should treat me better for being a better person. But they won't. Because they're crappy. 
3. Closets. I came out four years ago. I've enjoyed my time out. I have no intentions of going back in and I'm really starting to get pissed about having to be there for the sake of my career. When I finally find someone I love, I don't want to deny her because of her gender. Not to keep my job, not to get a job. A job that doesn't let me be me, isn't for me. And it's really their loss because I'm good at what I do. 
4. People watching me. I'm really over people sitting back and watching how I work and judging me. I'm new. I know I'm new. I know I need to learn, that I'm not even remotely close to perfect. I'm tired of people telling me. Just help me learn. Show me, let me practice and shut up about it.
5. People telling me that I have to do something because it's my job. Guess what! There are things that I cannot do. There are things that no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I may want to, that I will not be able to do. I realize it's my job, I realize I need to be flexible, so be flexible with me. If I honestly cannot teach a subject, if I'm only confusing students, for God sake, stop torturing us and let me teach something else!

So, not a good day to be Lauren. I'm really pissed off right now. I'm sure you could tell. This list represents today's five point indictment of the BEd program. Consider carefully before applying. It murders your soul, crushes your spirit and spears your brain with thoughts of "you paid to have your soul murdered and your spirit crushed". 

Is there such a thing as a soul defibrillator?

Lauren.

I'd Rather Stick Chalk Up My Nose

When I was in high school I usually spent more than an hour doing my math homework. When I did it. I usually got frustrated and threw my book somewhere. By grade ten I was spending time with my teachers during lunch and sometimes after school. In grade eleven, I took it to the next step. I wound up getting myself not one, but three tutors. Even with all that help, I’m pretty sure that I only passed because everyone did so poorly on the final exam that my teacher had to bump our grades. I’m amazed we evoked that much pity.

Finally free of math, I basked in my numberless paradise, my calculator-free existence, my binders empty of graph paper. I basked! To complete my science requirement in university, I took computer science thereby avoiding the math hidden in biology, astronomy, physics and the other one. CHEMISTRY! I avoided having to take it in teacher’s college by applying to the intermediate/senior stream. That means that I haven’t actually been in a math class or thought about math in about... five years.

Until today.

After years of struggling with math and avoiding it the way a skilful dodgeball player avoids being nailed in the face by half a dozen stray balls flying at her face, I have to teach math.

WHAT THE HELL! I did everything right! I can only think of one person who must understand how I feel but she’s on a whole other level where holiness is concerned.

I finally decided to start lesson planning and had to stop. It took an hour, but I finally understand it and know how to explain it. I don’t think people understand when I say that I’m not good at math. It’s not modesty. For me, it’s like being spoken to in a foreign language. Kind of like watching parts of this week’s Glee less the catchy beats.

Thank God for youtube. I got some strange woman to teach me how to rotate a shape using proper English terminology. Yup, another plus of my education. Prior to university, all of my education was done in French. Meaning that on top of not understanding the majority of the concepts, I don’t know the words that are being used.

Why can’t my one educational hurdle ever just go away?

BLAST YOU MATH! THIS MEANS WAR!

Lauren.

My New Neighbours

I've always lived in the same house. For most of my life, I've had the same room. Therefore, I've always had the same neighbours. My parents' room to my left, my neighbours' house to my right.

When I was on my last placement, my neighbours were a row of books and the teacher's desk. Actually, if we're being specific, my neighbour was the garbage/recycling bin. I had better conversations with the teacher though.

Now that I'm on my new placement, my neighbours are the EA on my left and to my right, I have an assortment of critters. There are grasshoppers, maggots, fish and lizards oh my! When I first sat down, I was really quite grossed out by the maggots. I decided not to look at them. The grasshoppers weren't an immediate issue, but the longer I sit here, the more I happen to look over, the grosser I find them. I don't know what it is... maybe it's the twisting of their fine, little legs as they move about and crawl over each other. Yup, that's definitely part of it. Still doesn't compare to a rearing maggot though. The fact that they're lizard food kind of makes it better. So long as I'm not the one that has to pick them out.

As for the fish, they don't bother me at all. They just float around, occasionally open and close their mouths. They're actually pretty nice looking fish. Except for the ones in the second aquarium. I wasn't able to see them initially so I asked a student what was in the aquarium. He responded with: "Dead fish". I just started to laugh. As did the EA. After staring really hard for a while longer, I was in fact able to see at least one live fish in the dead fish aquarium. Hilariously enough, that one is pirate treasure themed and so the dead fish fit in well with the skulls and other bones at the bottom.

And then there's the lizard. I don't know what kind he is, but I'm going to call him Sammy the Staring Lizard. Every time I happen to turn around, he's staring at me. Not in my direction. At me. And then he'll do this crazy little hop-skip bashing himself against the glass of the aquarium as if to say "HEY YOU! I'M LOOKIN' AT CHOO! LEMME OUTTA HERE!" Sorry Sammy. As neat as you are to look at, you're on your own. Just because I'm new doesn't mean that I'll magically grant you your freedom. Where would you go? This is Canada. In winter. You'll freeze your little tail off (possibly literally) before you even get to the door of the classroom. So knock it off! Stare at something else. Stare at the kid sitting in front of me with the really curly hair.

I have a sense that I'll become allied with Sammy in the coming weeks. Can I threaten to feed the naughty children to a lizard a little bigger than my hand? Somehow I don't think they'd believe me.

Lauren: Pssst! Hey, Sammy, how do you feel about eating people?

Sammy: Not good Lauren, not good.

Lauren: Fair enough. Besides, I don't want to be the one that has to touch the maggots and grasshoppers.

Sammy: You're such a wuss. You know, you could just put the whole container in here. I'll take care of feeding myself.

Lauren: Yeah... I don't think that's how it's supposed to work.

Sammy: You're new. What do you know. Now, give Sammy his precious.

Lauren: You've seen Lord of the Rings?

Sammy: Maybe...

Lauren: So... I'm here, you're here...

Sammy: I really don't date outside my species Lauren.

Lauren: Yeah... thanks. Because that's what I was going to ask. Actually I was wondering if--

Sammy: I'm sorry Lauren. I'm really not playing hard to get. I don't want to have dinner with you.

Lauren: Riiiiiight. So what I was actually going to ask is if you'd be interested in--

Sammy: Oh fine! We'll go see a movie but you're paying. Can we see the one with the Justin Bieber creature? The kids are always talking about him and I'm curious.

Lauren: No! I'm not trying to ask you out! You know what? I give up. I'll see you tomorrow morning Sammy.

I'm talking to a lizard... I have a date with a lizard. Meh, at least he's a literal lizard. I have to say, BEd is horrible for your mental health.

Lauren.

'Twas the Eve of my Placement

'Twas the eve of my placement and all through my head
Stirred thoughts of sleeping, warm, in my bed
I wasn't yet worried for what tomorrow would bring
Though getting up that early... that's just not my thing

I would once more don my wardrobe of dress pants and shirts
On the odd days I'd wear cardigans, but never would I wear skirts
Once more I'd become a pack mule carrying everything on my person
At Christmas I should have asked for a rolly-bag... I didn't learn my lesson

A bunch of new students' faces and names I will soon have to learn
The thought of teaching math makes my stomach churn
The principles of "fake it, 'til you make it" in my class I'll apply
Hopefully it will be enough to get by

So, you've probably guessed that today's the day before I go back on placement. I know I said I respected poetry as an art-form, but parody is also art. ... I didn't say it was good art.

Here are the things I'm looking forward to at my new placement:

1. I'm nearly ten years older than my students this time. That should help remedy my problem of speaking too informally.
2. It's close to where my mom works so I'll always have transportation!
3. Though I'm teaching math, I'm more likely to understand it now. I'd still be screwed with high school math so I'm glad that's not the case. 
4. I'm in an elementary school so they still have field trips and stuff. I believe my new AT mentioned something about a carnival and skating.
5. I'm with the same kids most of the day. Which could be a good or bad thing, I realize. I'll learn their names faster, they'll get used to me faster, I'll get used to the routines faster...

We'll see. Wether I'm ready or not, I start tomorrow. Seven weeks! Bring it!

Lauren.

Movies, Activism and Boredom

I'm watching GI Joe, Rise of the Cobra and I'm trying to remember when I saw it. This is all very familiar, I know I've seen it, can't remember when, or where. I mustn't have been very impressed.

Other than that, I hung out with some girls I was friends with before BEd. They both happen to be in BEd programs now, but that's beside the point. We all worked on the... how to phrase it... non-heterosexual awareness for teachers seminar we're planning. We got quite a bit done. The plan is in place. We just have to make it look pretty, pitch it to the dean, get approval, get funding, confirm one more speaker, book a room and hold it. Oh! and get people to come. Easy peasy.

That's the only productive thing I did today. Since a retelling of my boring day would be boring, I think borrowing the words of Jack Prelutsky is entirely justified. For those people a least my age, maybe a bit younger, I first learned about his poetry on Arthur. I learned many things from Arthur, the most important of which was how to spell aardvark and nervous. I hope you enjoy the poem as much as I did when I first heard it.

It s a very boring day
There is nothing much to look at,
There is nothing much to say,
There s a peacock on my sneakers,
There s a penguin on my head,
There s a dormouse on my doorstep,
I am going back to bed.

Today is very boring,
It is boring through and through,
There is absolutely nothing
That I think I want to do,
I see giants riding rhinos,
And an ogre with a sword,
There s a dragon blowing smoke rings,
I am positively bored.

Today is very boring,
I can hardly help but yawn,
There s a flying saucer landing
In the middle of my lawn,
A volcano just erupted
Less than half a mile away,
And I think I felt an earthquake,
It s a very boring day.
 
Again, this is by Jack Prelutsky. Not me. I don't write poetry because I respect poetry as an art form.
 
Lauren.

Journey for Cheaper Gas (FAIL!)

Final day of classes! For seven weeks. It's going to be weird being away from my cousin for so long. Saying that is weird. Prior to this experience, I could go months without seeing him. Now it's unusual if I don't see him every three days or so. We had placement at the same school last time. We even shared a classroom. It went a long way in the comfort department to know that he was there and that I could goof off with him or bitch about something with him. As I discovered, teachers are awful gossips and the staffroom is where all the details get passed around. I liked having a safe person I could just vent to. But now we're separated! Separated I tells ya!

Anyway, I was eager to leave school. I'm at a point where I'm pretty fed up with everything. The change of pace will be good. My dad was waiting for me when I exited the building. He had a strange proposal.

There's a town about forty five minutes away from here. Apparently the gas at one of the gas stations there was 11 cents cheaper than here in town. For those savings, my dad wanted to make the trip. If that sounds ridiculous to you, gas prices here in the Middle of Nowhere are hovering somewhere around 1.30$/L. When you get to that point, 11 cents is a big deal.

Given that I had nothing better to do and the weather was... cloudy but decent for travelling, I opted to accompany him. Provided I got food. It was noon. I was hungry. I wasn't anticipating a random road trip. I would have packed a lunch otherwise. Because my dad is a wonderful man, he got me food and we were off!

The drive was uneventful. For a while we puzzled and puzzled 'til our puzzlers were sore, but we couldn't figure out what the hell a backhoe was doing on some random highway offshoot. There was also a new tower thingy that hadn't been there before. Fascinating!

Finally, we got to the gas station. I had three predictions. Guess which one happened:

a) the price of gas went up
b) due to the low price of gas, there was no more gas
c) it was all an illusion
d) a and b

It's A! But I was secretly anticipating d... Yup, by the time we pulled in, gas was 1,27.7$ I feel like the .7 is a personal insult. Like, they've already nickel and dimed me so now their going to tenth of a penny me? How rude. The irony is that when my dad did the calculation, he saved about 2$ but used about 3$ worth of gas to get to this fabled low gas price. Plus, there were three other stations along the way advertising that price. So... he could have saved money if we'd stopped sooner.

We returned home and on the way I saw two ponies! One was brown and the other one was white! They were facing opposite directions but standing really close together so I think they were just mad at each other and too stubborn to apologize. It's so sad when these things happen...

And that was my adventure for today. I hope you see where I get my terrible luck from. Could be worse.

Lauren.

Fantasy Fulfilled!

I live a pretty rich fantasy life... in my head. Seriously, it rocks in there! If you're me... or if I like you. If I don't like you, I don't suggest visiting. In any case, the majority of the time, I do not act to fulfil my various and assorted fantasies. Get your mind out of the gutter if that's where it went. I'm talking about fantasies that can be fulfilled in public without fear of arrest. And today, I fulfilled one!

It was a rather unexpected occurence. I'd just gotten out of a class that I thoroughly dislike. I have serious issue with my professor... namely that I don't like him as an educator much less as a person. Needless to say, I was in a terrible mood. My day wasn't over yet though. I had a meeting with my group from another class. We're presenting on child abuse when we get back from our placement and we wanted to assign tasks. The meeting went well.

Beside us, some other students kept playing all kinds of songs ranging from Gloria Estefan to Brittany Spears to the Backstreet Boys. It was very memory lane and we all wound up singing and dancing along at one point. It was impossible not to. Here's the thing. My MP3 player has speakers so I can share music. Once our meeting broke up, I turned it on, put on a Glee does Brittany Spears classic and along with two friends, sang and danced my way through the halls and out of the school. Yes, we were stared at. The point?

I've wanted to do that for at least a decade!

You know that scene from The First Wives Club with Diane Keaton, Bette Midler and Goldie Hawn? At the very end when they sing You Don't Own Me and sing and dance their way down the street? It looks like this if you have no clue what I'm talking about. For years! YEARS! I've wanted to do that! I don't know why. It just seems like such fun!

And now I know what it's like! I finally did it! AND IT IS FUN! We started out to Glee's version of Toxic. After that we moved on to Glee's version of Firework. We added a lyric: Do you ever feel like a plastic... spoon. I don't know why that came out, but it was fantastic. Oh Glee... I don't sing or dance, but you make me sing and dance. I Imagine we looked very much like The First Wives only less synchronized. We weren't scripted after all.

I can now check this off my list of things to do. Thank you to the girls who made this fantasy possible. The fact that it was random and spontaneous makes it even better. If you're surprised by the strangeness of having this as a fantasy, well, it's me. That's the only explanation I can offer you.

I highly recommend doing this. It put me in a much better mood. Wonder what fantasy I'll accomplish next. 

Lauren.

Quinn Fabray Needs to Learn Reverse Psychology

Okay! I stayed up late (for me). I watched Glee and since I haven't done a full on Glee post in ages, I shall write a full on, all out Glee post today.

So, last night's episode. Shall I begin with the music? I'll admit, I like a number of Michael Jackson songs, but I only know the really popular ones... Thriller (of course), Billy Jean, the one they sang in the parking lot... probably a few others. Point is, I rather liked the music. I think what they did with the songs was really neat and they were so catchy! I wonder why I didn't dream of Glee instead of dreaming of messing up on MasterChef. It's more likely that I'd be on Glee than get to that stage of MasterChef. Anywho, I liked the music.

Now, I can't believe I'm going to say these words, but I'm actually on Finn's side here. For now! It's only temporary I swear! I see him getting the short end of the stick on this one and I realize it's for the sake of drama, but it was kind of douchey. I don't like him, but I feel bad for him. I mean, Rachel initially tries to sleep with him for the sake of her career.  The writers temporarily lost their minds during that episode so we'll ignore it. And then in this episode, she only agrees to marry him once she's convinced herself that her dreams will never come true. I Finn bash a lot because he's... Finn which is synonymous with dim-witted and man-child. But in this season, Rachel's been using him right back. He's her consolation prize or her career experiment. What is it with unhealthy relationships being glorified these days (Bella and Edward)? Firstly, they have nothing in common. Secondly, they want two completely different lives. Thirdly, beyond saying "he's nice, I love him" what reasons do they actually have for being together? Big emotional breakup: hopefully imminent.

I rather enjoyed the reversal of fates in this episode. Quinn the Lima-loser realtor married to Finn wound up getting her escape while Rachel got to fester in Quinn's former shoes. Yes, Quinn has suddenly snapped out of her crazy phase, but I like her so much more like this. Glee needs a... sane character. Since it's Quinn I'll use the term sane kind of loosely. And now that I'm on the topic of Quinn and her newfound wisdom, why does Rachel keep asking for Quinn's opinion on matters? Have you noticed that whenever Quinn gives her opinion, Rachel does the exact opposite? "Rachel, don't sleep with him." She slept with Finn. "Rachel don't marry him" She agreed to marry Finn.  "Rachel, don't dump that whining, dead-weight boyfriend of yours and definitely do not make a pass at me because I'm not interested at all. Faberry is the last thing anyone wants to see." And then Rachel dumped Finn, asked Quinn out and they-- Oh... sorry. That hasn't happened. Just... putting the idea out there... Yup.

So, now that I've finished with those three, on to Blaine, Kurt and the other dude. If my girlfriend hated someone that much, I would not associate with that person. I don't ditch my friends for no reason, but if someone I love and trust reacts that badly to someone, obviously there is a reason. And what the hell is Blaine doing hanging out with Dude anyway? Isn't he aware that he's trying to break up his relationship with Kurt? That happened right? Or was that a conversation between Kurt and Cranky-Pants? Either way, I hope Blaine has learned his lesson. Listen to Kurt or you get rock salt chucked in your eye.

Artie's blow up, kind of random... Being joined by Mike, also kind of random, though I was entertained by the musical number that followed. Mercedes and Sam, hopefully you've gotten it out of your systems because it was getting on my nerves. Santana, lovely argument. She probably has a point. If Kurt had taped a tape recorder to his junk, no one would have complained. Stand up for the under boob Santana!

And that's what I thought of... GLEE!

Lauren.