Can Ears Crave?

Most of the time when I get cravings, it's for food. I love food. It doesn't love me but that's okay. The majority of my relationships are one-sided anyway. Sometimes I crave obvious things... like chocolate. Sometimes it's abstract things like something crunchy. And then there are the times when dammit, I want a specific brand of something. Because sometimes, the brand truly does make a difference. I like a very specific type of cheesies. I do not care for any other kind. May God be with my wife if ever we get the crazy idea that I should be the one to have our children.

I had a really odd craving today. No, I'm not pregnant and seeking out bizarre food combinations. And it's not dirty, so minds out of the gutter please! I don't know if this is just me, kind of doubt it, but does anyone else out there get a craving to hear a particular song? 

It was the strangest thing. I was getting ready to do the dishes and I randomly started singing this song. I don't even know all the words. After that, it wouldn't leave my head. I hadn't heard this song in forever. It's not a song that plays on the radio. At least not the four stations we get where I live. It came out of nowhere and I had to listen to it. 

If you want to talk random, the song I was itching to hear, the one that popped into my head was "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" from Evita. 

See. Weird right? I hadn't been listening to a Madonna song beforehand. I hadn't read/watched/listened to anything Glee related. It's been years since I saw the musical performed. I wasn't even watching the History Channel where something involving Argentina may have been playing. But there it was. Nagging me until I gave in. 

I decided on Lea Michele's rendition and then massacred it by singing along while washing the dishes. I'm presently amusing myself by picturing Lea Michele's face should she have witnessed that particular sight. Actually, it's more entertaining to imagine being busted by Rachel Berry while killing Evita's signature song.

Yup, that's what Rachel would look like if she heard me singing. Sorry Rachel.

I love music but I've never had the patience to learn how to play or the voice to sing well. I love listening to music. Nothing can change my mood faster.When the song ended, I felt satisfied. Just like when I eat the food I crave. I felt full and happy and ready to proceed with my day. At that point, my day consisted of watching old episodes of Sabrina the Teenage Witch while finishing the dishes. Whatever. At least I was happier. And at least I acknowledge my lack of superior ability. You're welcome Simon Cowell. 

Anyone else crave a particular song/musical piece? 

Lauren.

Susan Cain on Introverts (WE HAVE POWERS!)

Today's big adventure? Therapy. Yes, therapy. What? My life is quiet during the summer. I haven't found a job yet... Anyway, my therapist who goes by the name Angela, emailed me this video.

It's really interesting regardless of whether you're an introvert or not. She makes some good points all around and if you're like me (an introvert) you'll likely see some of yourself in what she says.

By the way, it's painfully true what she says about school and group work. I hated it when I was in school and I wasn't particularly fond of it when I was teaching. It serves a purpose, but dammit, I like my rows. I don't think there's anything wrong with rows. In fact, I think it's the ideal class set up. Screw the pods! Rows are flexible in a way that pods can never be.

First off, kids can work alone. Secondly, they're more likely to pay attention to the front of the room and not chit chat with one another or be distracted by other stimuli (like lizards, fish and crickets... no, that is not a potshot... okay it is). Thirdly, desks can be moved. So what it if takes ten minutes of your class time to get everyone organized. You lose ten minutes disciplining kids who are already in groups anyway. Fourthly, the kids who like to work alone can and won't be shooting death stares at you. Fifthly, you're encouraging independent thought and frankly, I'm all for people thinking for themselves and working through problems.

In teacher's college, I hated Tuesdays and Thursdays because I had upward of six hours of sitting in groups, being crammed in small rooms with the same people around me. I'm surprised I only had to leave twice to avoid a panic attack. By the end of the day, I was restless, I wasn't paying attention and pretty much the only concrete thought going through my head was: "I am so sick of seeing your face, get out of my space, your voice is making my ears bleed".

And you know, accommodating everyone isn't that hard. Some teachers managed it with me. As a teacher, I managed it with my students. Once, there weren't enough books so the students had to read in pairs. I usually ended up with three or four extras. I knew there was one girl who hated group work, so I always gave her one of the extras and offered up the others to whoever wanted them. No one even noticed aside from the two of us.

Extroverts have powers. Sometimes I envy those powers. My sister is an extrovert and when I watch her, sometimes I wish I could command attention the way she does. But introverts have powers too. Our powers are more discreet and you may not realize we're using them, but that just proves how awesome we truly are.

Lauren.

Stepping Away from Victorians

Between reading about Appeasement historiography and reading Lady Chatterley's Lover, believe it or not, both for the same class, I did nothing worthy of note. Though I suppose noting that I'm reading about appeasement and Lady Chatterley's Lover somewhat contradicts my previous statement.

I will admit to being a tad surprised by the first few pages of Lady Chatterley. I'm used to reading Victorian classics (and Harry Potter) where British literature is concerned. The difference was pretty obvious from the first pages. Right from the beginning I'm reading about Lady Chatterley's thoughts on sex. And the word sex does not refer to one's gender or necessarily, the roles associated with that gender. I was immediately intrigued and amused. From rather stuffy Victorian triple deckers where having a wife locked in an attic while attempting to marry another is considered risque to actually discussing one's first sexual encounters. How things changed! And I'm pretty sure I haven't gotten to the really scandalous bits yet. Bring on the scandal says I!

Incidentally, I don't think there are many comparisons to be made with Harry Potter. I just threw that in for the sake of being random. As I read on, I'll be sure to look for similarities. Just in case.

I might not read of Lady Chatterley before bed though. The last couple of nights, I've been reading Glee fanfiction and having messed up Glee dreams. I think I might have been Quinn and was trying to attack Santana? I don't really remember. Suffice it to say, it was weird. I really don't need hetero-sex dreams. That would be entirely too much.

And now, back to Chamberlain, Churchill and the problematic policy of appeasement. Eesh. Maybe I should read Lady Chatterley instead... Then again, I don't think I can afford the mental bleach in the event that I blend the two together. Yuck. Talk about a nightmare.

Lauren.

Redemption, Awkwardness and Anticipation

Three things. Because I like things in threes. I have a weird thing with numbers. It's not important.

1. Redemption Christmas Gift
2. Awkward Cookie Proposition
3. Much Anticipated Email is Porn

Those three things kind of sum up my day. Kind of all over the place emotionally, but I do enjoy variety.

Translated from Laurenese to standard English, these points mean the following.

1. I gave a very good friend a very crappy Christmas gift. It wasn't entirely my fault. If everyone respected deadlines and contracts, everything would have worked out fine. Since that was not the case, my gift sucked and I still feel bad about it. I loved what she gave me and that does not assuage guilt. Given that this friend will be coming to visit me soon, I decided to de-crappify (what the hell? De-crappify isn't pissing off my spellcheck? That's totally a made up word!) my gift. Or at least attempt to de-crappify it. Yes, I realize it's been a long time since Christmas... we don't see each other often... does the better late than never principle work here? I also have another gift in addition to the "I'm sorry my last gift sucked" gift. I'll tell you what the gift is after I give it to her. Because she occasionally reads my blog... you know who you are. Expect presents!


2. As previously suggested, I'm awful at getting gifts for people. I never know what they like, what they want, if they like it. I over-think it. I'll admit it. Anyway, one of my prof's has just... gone above and beyond. I've said all that before though. I'll eventually tell you what she did, but for now, I'm just keeping my fingers crossed until it's in writing. Regardless, I really want to give her something to show my appreciation. Due to my horrible shopping skills, I've gotten into the habit of baking. So, I cornered her after class and asked her if she had a preference for a particular food or if she has allergies. She kept saying it really wasn't necessary, that she was only doing her job. Hi, I just spent a year almost exclusively around teachers. I think I can recognize a good one by now. I just kept telling her that it was going to happen so she might as well tell me. I was slightly more polite... She gave up eventually. No allergies and freedom to bake whatever I want. Hmmm, what shall I bake?


3. I'm waiting for an email. I'm getting anxious about that email. So, like the paranoid, anxious, dork that I am, I've been obsessively checking my email. I think it's also partially out of boredom that I check it so often. In case that makes me sound less insane. Every time I would check, there would be something in my junk folder. That's where the email I'm waiting for would be! I'd get sort of excited, open the junk folder and realize: nope, just more porn. And very disappointing spelling I must say. I mean really. If you're going to be vulgar, at least do it correctly. 'Fuc' is not a word. It's laziness. Neither am I interested in 'sexy dating' or 'Santa's big present'. I'm really, really not interested in Santa's present if you know what I'm sayin'.

All in a day's work. Good times. 

Lauren.

Eggs. Always Use Eggs.

I learned an important lesson today. Cakes made in cups require eggs.

I have a recipe that makes a pretty decent cake. You assemble your ingredients in a coffee cup, you microwave it for three minutes and presto! Cake done. Like I said, it's a decent cake if you're craving dessert/chocolate and there's nothing else to relieve your craving.

My parents have been camping over the last week. They went grocery shopping and amassed a huge bill. So they say. When they left, they took pretty much all the food with them. Not that I minded for the first few days. I got to practice my cooking. But by Thursday... there actually wasn't anything to cook. Thankfully, my parents returned Friday. Though they brought back a decent amount of food, they did not go shopping. As of today, we have no bread, no eggs, we don't even have parsley. Parsley! Really?

Of course I would have to get a craving for chocolate. I stupidly started assembling ingredients. And then I remembered. No eggs. Well shit. I made a few quick substitutions that I'd tried in previous recipes. Yeah... that was a bad idea. I think the egg does stuff that I'm not aware of. In my defence, the batter looked fine. Normal even. When I put it in the microwave however, it became less of a cake in a cup and more of a cup in a cake. It was kind of fun to watch overflow. To every parent who has ever made a baking soda volcano, this recipe works even better when you mess it up. That is my contribution to science. So it wasn't a complete waste. It's funny because if this had happened last week, I probably would have burst into tears. Today I just laughed. I gave up, pulled it out of the microwave and just stared at whatever the hell my batter had become. It was a slimy, shiny, sticky black mass that sort of smelled like chocolate. In short, not very appetizing. And trust me, it tasted gross. Yeah, I tried it. After all that I figured I might as well.

(This one isn't mine. Mine was somehow worse... if you can imagine...)

Obviously I declared it inedible and threw it out. As I was washing the cup, and plate, and the cutlery I'd used to remove it from the cup, it reminded me of tar. It just globbed together and stuck to everything. I vowed to only try the cake again when we had eggs.

So, cakes in cups need eggs. Don't try any fancy substitutions. You'll end up with nasty black crap on your hands. Although, now that I'm thinking of it, it could have been an awesome prank prop. I always think of these things too late...

If you want to see what it usually looks like here's a successful attempt.

Lauren.

Single Box

I once again participated in my year end cleaning ritual. Throughout the year, I accumulate an enormous amount of crap. Handouts I'll never use again, notes I can hardly make sense of, assignments, various propaganda items for this or that program. You get the point. I finally got to the point where I was sick of seeing it. So I cleaned.

As usual, I had an enormous amount of crap. Far more than I usually have. I mean, the amount of paper I collected this year is probably equivalent to the amount of paper I got rid of after four years of undergraduate work. Here's the problem. Most of that paper is still useful. They're all my handouts, my lesson plans, various activities, examples, marking sheets/schemes. Incidentally, I kind of hate the term 'marking scheme'. It makes me feel like I'm out to get students. Which is what they think... but that's a different story. My point is, I don't want to throw that stuff out. I'll likely not use it again... but I'm weirdly attached to it. Maybe it's the hours upon hours I spent writing something that's usually under 500 words. Or trying to understand something that I had to teach in twelve hours. Maybe it's because I remember how students reacted or  I'm remembering a funny thing that happened. I don't know.

A lot of stuff did wind up going to the recycling. Most of my things however, I packed away in a box. Rainy day teaching materials? It'll be a nightmare to find anything because it's pretty friggin' disorganized, but it's all there. I'm actually surprised I managed to fit both my PT binders, a few folders, my professional portfolio, my books and a pile of paper about half a foot tall into a single bankers box. Scary that potentially the worst year of my life fits so neatly into one cardboard box, now stowed away in my closet. I shouldn't say it was my worst year... There were moments that were incredibly rewarding and moments of absolute goofiness and fun. Challenging. It was a very challenging year.

I'm imagining what it would have been like to do something like this at the end of every year. Take the things that matter most, put them in a box, put that box away. I would have 23 boxes. Next to all of those, this one box I just filled seems pretty insignificant. I've done so many other things. And I'm likely to do even more. Thanks in part to my anxiety and depression, I've been bitching about how all I've gotten this year is kicks to the crotch. And yeah, I still feel like I took quite a few kicks, but in other years, I've come out relatively kick free. So who cares about this one year?

Ah, perspective. So elusive when my medication isn't working properly. I mean... so useful in solving everyday dilemmas.

Lauren.

The Pets in Cups Question

Lauren sleepy. My brain isn't working. While we wait for it to get in gear, I have a question. Check out these pictures and see if you can guess what it is.

Here's my question: Why are we, meaning humans, either trying to drink our pets or cramming our pets into cups? It's cute, I will give you that, but they can't be happy in there... well, maybe the ducks. They aren't smooshed in there. Can you imagine not paying attention and trying to drink a hedgehog? I don't imagine that would go over well. I wonder how long they actually stayed in there. And I guess it's cheaper and more compact than a pet carrier. Maybe it's worth a try.

Let me know if you get bored/drunk/brave enough to try it out.

Lauren.

When to Glom

It's nearly two o'clock in the morning. Ha... it's a quarter to two, I'm a little tired and I need my sleep. Sing it! Okay, don't. But if you did let me know. 

I've written this post three times already and it's come out preachy every time. Simply put, I learned a lesson today. Normally, I operate under the assumption that everyone, and sometimes the universe, is out to screw with me. Normally, I'm pretty damn quick to say people suck. And then today, it felt like everyone was out to help me. They most definitely did not suck. I actually feel lucky that I got to know so many good people who were willing to step up for me. It's not something that happens to me very often so I'm not really sure how to express my gratitude or my amazement. 

I like to think that nothing surprises me anymore. A lot of the time I'm not surprised when I probably should be. People surprised me today, sheer luck surprised me today. 

People don't suck. Not all people. There are good people out there. You just have to find them and then glom on and never friggin' let go because they can be really hard to find. But they come through for you in the most amazing, surprising ways. I guess what I learned is to step out of my little world and give people a chance. Putting it into practice was harder given that I tend to be awkward and shy, but it's worth it. 

Lauren.

New Directions for Glee

I escaped town for the day. I didn't go very far but it was far enough. It's amazing what sitting by a lake can do for your mood. At least for mine. I'm going to enjoy it because I'll likely be back to being a basket case tomorrow. Speaking of which, tomorrow is today where Glee is concerned so here are my thoughts on last night's episode. Apart from being sad at seeing the original New Directions breaking up.

I think I usually start with the Finchel and subsequent Finn bashing but I can't bring myself to do it. Not to its full extent anyway. Yes, I was ridiculously confused when a song was dedicated to Finn and his efforts and selflessness with regards to starting the club. I don't remember this. I remember him being a douche to Kurt a lot before they were brothers. I seem to remember a lot of resistance to committing to Glee over football because one was infinitely cooler than the other. I remember him kicking over a lot of chairs and storming out about as much as Rachel... And let's not forget the kiss that ruined Nationals last season. So, I'm confused. Whatever. Glee isn't known for it's continuity. I do have to say, I thought the last scene with Rachel was actually quite sad. For that one moment, I genuinely liked Finn for knowing Rachel and letting her have what she needed. Pretty mature and selfless. Also, I'm glad Rachel took what he was giving her. Last thing on this subject: Finn settling for Rachel? Pft... please.

Dare I say it? Faberry is on! Yeah, still probably not, but I'm taking Quinn's ticket exchange as a sign that she'll be in the next season. I have a sense that Santana will be as well though I'm not sure where we'll be seeing her. They set up for Rachel and Santana being friends so New York isn't out of the question. Then again, with Brittany staying back? Who knows.

It's just a possibility. That's all I'm saying. And no, I did not make this. It was found via Google.

Actually, I'm curious how Glee is going to continue from here. Are they going to split episodes between New York and Lima? And is Whoopi Goldberg now going to be a recurring character? Are all the original Glee kids coming back? Can I call them Glee kids when in reality almost all of them are older than me? Regardless, I'm wondering if we'll see Mercedes, Puck, Kurt, Finn and Mike. I never really got a clear idea of where they were going (Mercedes aside) and with Finn in the army... Like I said, Glee: Great on music, crap on continuity. Quinn was walking again in two episodes. Finn may well be discharged when the season picks up anew.

Other things I liked. Santana's mom is really supportive. I actually really liked that she gave Santana the option of going to college. We're slowly but surely (maybe not so slowly) making our way back to the old elitism where only the richest can afford higher education. For all the education I've had, I often wonder if what I learned wouldn't have come with maturity and my own drive to learn. And honestly, I think experience, common sense and personal knowledge are hugely undercut and undervalued because of degrees. I could go on for a while on that one... so, I'm glad other options were presented.

I loved the return of All the Single Ladies. Amazing. Cannot be beat. Enough said.

I think that's everything... I can't really think of anything else. Guess we'll revisit this post come season 4.

Lauren.

Real-Life Application of Rom and Com

Once, I had a couple friends come over to bake. I'd never had them over before. For whatever reason, we made a giant cheesecake and some other cream cheese cookie (I think we cleared out the cream cheese section at the grocery store). The baking was done reasonably early so we decided to watch a movie. I led my friends up to my room and indicated the drawers in which I keep my movies. They set to perusing while I sat and watched them pull out one DVD after the next. They were shocked at the movies I owned. They didn't think my DVD collection at all reflected who I am. What the hell was in those drawers you may be asking. A lot of romantic comedies, several action films and cartoons. I think they were expecting documentaries or something... Ironically, I generally find documentaries problematic, hence the reason I don't own any.

Why am I telling you this story. Because I think I fell into a romantic comedy today and accidentally acted out several cliche characters.

So, I had a really shitty day. I didn't feel like cooking and frankly I didn't have a clue what to cook. I decided that I would pick up something from the grocery store (the same one I rid of cream cheese two years ago) and while I was there, hit up my always dependable bad day buddy: Haagen Dazs. But first the food.

I walked up to the counter, scanned the board quickly and decided on what I wanted. As usual, I decided it was a chicken finger day. I placed my order and the woman behind the counter asked: For how many? I was confused. Why did that matter? I only ordered one meal. I answered: "For one?" The woman then turned around and shouted at the kid working with her: "SINGLE!" For no logical reason, the first thing I thought was "Oh my God! Is it that obvious?!" I eventually realized she wasn't accusing me. She was talking about portion size. (Movie reference: Two Weeks Notice, Lucy Ordering Chinese Food)

I don't remember liking this movie. Which is weird because I like Sandra Bullock and usually like Hugh Grant.

Following that adventure, I made my way to the dairy section. There I saw my high school guidance counsellor. I determined that I would not address her unless she addressed me. Because really, what could I have told her? "Yep, just getting this carton of ice cream because I had a bad day. Initially it will make me feel better but I'll probably eat the whole thing and then bitch about how I'm fat." That monologue would have likely been followed by something along the lines of "Well, this isn't going to eat itself. Nice seeing you."

The following is from Less Than Perfect with Sarah Rue. Fast Forward to about 4:00. You'll know when you've seen enough.

And lastly, while I was paying for my pity party products, I had another incident. I can't remember what movie/show it's from, but I'm sure it's been done. Possibly Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail? Except I didn't have Tom Hanks to smooth things over with Sara Ramirez. Yes, Sara Ramirez was in You've Got Mail. Anyway, I'm in line with my dinner and my ice cream and the guy behind me asks: "Do you know if that ice cream is on sale?" I turned and stared at him, wondering if he was indeed talking to me. I think he was. In any case, I replied: "I don't know. But I'm having a crappy day so I don't care. It tastes good." Yeah, I became the psycho in the check out line that you regret talking to. Kind of nice to be on the other side for once though. He didn't say anything to me after that.

It should be criminal to de-gorgeous-efy Sara Ramirez even the slightest bit.

See. It's like I fell into a RomCom without the Rom or Com. If my life really was a RomCom, Sara Ramirez would have been serving me at the counter. Then, she would have told me she was getting off work in ten minutes and that she would take it upon herself to significantly improve my day. Rom and Com. That's how it's done. Actually, the Com is the richness that is my fantasy life.

An odd day. A bad day. But I liked the last episode of Glee! I'll talk about it tomorrow when I'm in a better mood.

Lauren.

How to Avoid Unsolicited Criticism

Like many people, I assume, I have a list of things that I prefer my parents not know about me. You'd probably be surprised by what tops that list. Normally, when they go out of town, that list expands. Make sense? No? I have a terrible fear of failure and being judged. That's why I prefer to work alone, to work in private and to try new things when I'm by myself. So, when my parents are away and I'm left to my own devices, I use the opportunity to try new things and improve on my skills. Yes. I'm that big a nerd.

For instance, in the last two days, I've:

Cleaned the pool based on instructions I partially forgot
Learned to cook giant meatballs, a really good mushroom quiche and orange chicken.
Figured out how to unlock the damn gate. It's harder than you think.
Minimized my post-cooking cleaning time

All of these things I can do well when no one is looking. When someone looks it all goes to hell. Tonight for instance, I decided that I was going to make spaghetti and meatballs. I've never made meatballs before. There's a first time for everything! So, I found a recipe and I followed it unless I really hated a particular ingredient. Like nutmeg. Gross... I hate that shit and I don't even know what it is. I know it's a spice but beyond that, I only know I don't like it. Following that omission, I made huge meatballs because a) the recipe told me to and b) I felt like it.

Up until then I was feeling pretty good about myself. In spite of the chopping, my fingers were intact. I got to play around in squishy stuff. There were no eggshells anywhere there shouldn't be. Step 3 in the recipe arrived. I'm was to heat oil in a pan and brown my meatballs on all sides. First off, it's a ball, it doesn't have sides. Second, oil is the food world's llama. It spits. Third, I have nine huge meatballs and a pan of questionable size. Well nuts to all that because I did it anyway! I was browning away, quite happy that nothing was burning, charmed to my toes that nothing was on fire. At last, the balls of many sides had sufficiently browned. I was mighty pleased with myself. I pulled them out of the pan to drain the excess fat and took the moment of relative calm to show my sister what a great job I did browning. That's how clumsy I am around people. Browning and not burning is significant. She shared with me the following:

"Did you just fry those? Because they're probably not okay."

Thanks. Thanks a lot. That's a lot of confidence you have in me there. I assured her that I was well aware that the meatballs were not fully cooked. I swear, it's like I never painted over the stupid sign in my forehead. Once she went away, I continued about my business, only slightly deflated.

See, when people watch, they just make you feel stupid.

And when I finished, everything was cooked through. My sister ate supper. Neither of us have yet suffered from food poisoning symptoms. I got similar comments about the quiche from last night and that got eaten with no adverse effects.

So there. Keep your skills private and you'll never face unsolicited criticism. That and people won't ask you to do more stuff. If you're like me and the word 'no' is not in your vocabulary, it's a survival skill. Survival, not sloth or selfishness or other sins of the deadly variety.

Sloth- illustrated by gummy bears. Look it up. It's amusing.

And so you know, the meatballs were awesome!

Lauren.

Dumb Moves and Statements of Interest

Boneheaded move:

Putting duvet cover in the wash at the last minute because "you feel like it".

This is a boneheaded move because your duvet cover will inevitably get tangled around one of your sweaters in the dryer. This is problematic because not only will you spend five minutes untangling everything, your duvet (and the sweater) will still be soaked. Therefore, at midnight, you will not have your duvet. It seems obvious but it's not.

Enemy of the year:

Statement of Interest. I wrote one. Took three drafts. I'm writing another and moving into the third draft. I have come to the conclusion that there is no word in the English language (or among the French swears I know) that adequately describe how much I hate writing those five hundred words.

Shouldn't "I'm willing to drop ten thousand dollars for you to teach me for a year," be sufficient to make me interesting? I'm also tempted to fall back on "let me in dammit". For whatever reason, I don't think those statements are what the admissions committee are looking for. I just have a weird feeling. So, back to the drawing board I go. And when I decide to stop procrastinating by drawing cats riding dinosaurs, I will write my statement. Maybe I should open with a joke!


So this guy decides to have his penis replaced with an elephant's trunk...

Hmmm... it's going to be really difficult to get from an elephant trunk penis back to Nazi doctors.

Maybe a story would work better.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Lauren. She wanted an MA. She first decided to apply to a writing program. The writing program was housed in a building made of strong immovable bricks. She huffed and she puffed but very little happened. The windows rattled a little and one of the little pigs came out and told her to scram because the rattling windows were really annoying. He then kicked her in the crotch because pigs are rude like that. That's why bacon is so satisfying. In case you didn't know.


Lauren kept walking and came upon another MA program, this one housed in a building made of sticks. She got really excited thinking about all the things she could talk about. So she huffed and she puffed but nothing happened because she hadn't yet submitted her statement of interest. The little pig came out, told her to write a statement and bring it back with three letters of recommendation, a transcript, a writing sample and a copy of Oprah season 25. Lauren left, hoping the second pig wouldn't kick her in the crotch later.

How is this related to what I want to talk about? Obviously the Grimm's brothers wrote fairytales. They were German. Naziism developed out of German fascism. Some doctors practicing in Germany between 1939-1945 were Nazis. There you go. So obvious.

Yeah... I'll keep working on it. And these "programs" were ordered in terms of accomplishing dreams, not in order of interest. I have a profound interest in both history and English.

Maybe a song...

Lauren.

The Young Victoria Review

I just finished watching The Young Victoria. Given that Victoria Day is coming up and I am presently in a British pop culture class, I felt it was too ridiculously appropriate to pass up. This version stars Emily Blunt as young Victoria, some guy who looks really familiar as Prince Albert, Paul Bettany as Lord Melbourne and I believe, Marc Strong as yet another villain. Lots of British actors. Duh. I wonder why... And yet, I did not see Judy Dench. Her manager must have missed this one.

I don't actually know enough about Victoria as a monarch to really comment on her as a ruler. Prior to watching this movie, I knew that she had a very long reign, that she was an important matriarch and that she had a lot of kids. After watching this movie, those points were confirmed. I didn't learn a whole lot more though the movie did indicate that she had a social conscience. So, historically, I can't really comment. Though I do know that sciences, arts and education did very well during the period she was in power.

As a movie, it was a love story. There was the classic love triangle, which Anne Medina assured me (and only me) afterward was movie-magic. Regardless, the triangle is resolved in Albert's favour when he shows himself to be more interested in helping Victoria grow in her opinions and role rather than controlling her. It seemed as though Victoria and Albert had a strong, loving marriage which to me seems very odd. I would have imagined power being a rather contentious issue to negotiate. It can't have been easy to walk the line of "subordinate"wife and monarch, nor could it have been easy to be the husband of a powerful queen. Talk about messing up Victorian gender norms.

Outside of the love story, control is the other issue most explored. At the beginning of the movie, we see Victoria at age 17 being led up and down the stairs, always holding someone's hand. It was apparently a rule that she couldn't climb or descend the stairs without being supported by an adult. Ah, injury prevention. I imagine that if she fell down the stairs, gravity would ensure that both fell. And what if the adult slipped and fell and dragged her down with him/her? Her mother was also painted as being particularly controlling, along with her advisor, played by Marc Strong. And he really is awful. I did not like him at all. Is there a movie where Marc Strong plays someone likeable? Later of course, she feels controlled by various politicians and the media.

_______________
Lauren Nerding Off

I thought it was interesting that they showed some of the newspaper coverage surrounding Victoria. At this point in time, with growing literacy rates and a growing middle class, more people were subscribing to papers. More and more people were becoming socially literate and involved which must have been a total pain in the ass for any monarch to get used to. The humble beginnings of our modern paparazzi. Another thing that amused me, all the characters are reading The Times. I'm learning in my class right now that The Times was more of an upper class paper catering to people who actually had time to sit and read. The articles tend to be quite long and are dense. I've read issues of The Times from the 1880s... It's not the easiest to get through when you're used to today's media standards. Still, the obvious class divisions make for an interesting study. (Working class and lower middle class papers were far more concise and less dense as a result of depending on advertisers. They were about getting out the information quickly to a busy readership. In case you wanted to know...)

Nerd Off Complete

If you want to see a movie about royals, see pretty dresses and palaces, and visit the Victorian period for two and a half hours, this movie will suit your fancy. If you're a romantic, you'll likely love this movie. The scenes between Victoria and Albert are very sweet. If you're looking for something with historical substance, move along. If you're looking to learn about Victoria, there are better resources. It's an entertaining movie. I enjoyed it. But the focus really is only on the love story and the teeniest bit on how Victoria adapts to being Queen. There are quick text mentions at the end of the movie that Victoria and Albert reformed education, well fare, that art and science flourished. What I found lacking, is actually seeing her implementing some of those reforms. More than once in the movie she comments that she wants to be an agent of social change for the working poor. Words. Nothing more than words. You don't see them implementing any changes at all. Unless you count changing their clothes... because in that case, they do it quite frequently.

In the end, worth a watch. It's well done. It could be a good springboard if you're looking to peak interest or research a particular topic about Victoria's early life. If you just want something easy to watch, The Young Victoria works.

My final question: Where was Judy Dench?

Lauren.

Seeds of Rage

You know how smells can trigger memories? Well, the sight of certain items causes me to react a particular way. Cotton balls for instance, cause me to cringe. I hate them. One of the darkest days of my placement was when the student I will lovingly refer to as my "Pain in the Ass" discovered that I cannot tolerate cotton balls. He threw one at me. The monster! He learned that day that Miss Daily gots some dodgeball skills. He got a good laugh out of it. I actually did like him a lot. 

Anyway, cotton balls make me cringe. Shrimp makes me gag. Bubble wrap makes me happy. Books make me comfortable.

I discovered a new visual stimulant today. One that makes me angry. You won't believe what it is.

Yes, sunflower seeds!

Not only do they require an absurd amount of effort to eat, they upset my neat freak tendencies. The shells are everywhere I turn. In the carpet, on the couch, in my dishwater, stuck to dishes, on tables. They are everywhere. I don't know if they're multiplying or if the person eating them is doing it on purpose to drive me absolutely insane. Most likely the latter.

It's really gross to clean. Tonight I was doing the dishes. They were stuck in the bottom of a bowl. I had to pick them out. First off, they've been in someone's mouth and are covered in their icky spit. Second, the bowl goes in the dishwasher. Third, I think it encourages the revolting habit of spitting. Fourth, I don't want to have to scrape spit-covered shells out of a ranch dressing and spit bowl when I don't have to. I don't eat sunflower seeds! I'm too lazy and I don't like finding the shells everywhere!

I'm very tempted to take the bag with the remaining seeds and hide it or throw it out. I just really don't want to have to explain where it went. Maybe it's worth the risk...

I swear, if I see one more seed-

You've been warned.

Lauren.

Grey's Anatomy: The Show Where Everyone Dies

I just finished watching the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. I really have to say that I'm not impressed. Let's review shall we?

In no particular order (okay, in the order that I'm remembering them):

1. A bomb is lodged in a patient and blows up part of the hospital, nearly killing Meredith. 
2. There's a mass murder at the hospital when a grief-crazed gunman goes on a rampage.
3. George gets run over by a bus and dies.
4. Meredith nearly drowns (over the course of three episodes)
5. Izzy gets cancer and nearly dies. Repeatedly.
6. Callie and Arizona are in a car crash. Callie nearly dies.
7. Lexi breaks Mark's penis.
8. Izzie cuts Denny's LVAT (LVAT?) wire to get him a heart transplant. He dies after receiving the transplant.
9. Chief gets fired for alcoholism.
10. George's dad dies.
11. Christina gets stabbed by an icicle.
12. Bailey gets divorced. Her husband and son nearly die.
13. Noxious fumes from a patient nearly cause everyone to die.
14. Christina has to have one of her ovaries removed (she passes out but doesn't die).
15. Meredith's mom dies.
16. The Chief's wife has Alzheimer's. 
17. Lexi's mom dies of the hiccups.
18. Rebecca nearly dies then develops a personality disorder.
19. Alex's intern loses her baby.
20. Teddy's husband dies.
21. April loses her virginity to Avery (Hey, she's treating it like a death. By the way, I'm gay and I could go for Avery... she could do worse.)

And now, introducing NUMBER 22!

Derek, Meredith, Lexi, Mark, Christina and Arizona are on a plane. For no apparent reason, it crashes and Lexi dies. Mark is on the verge of death. Derek will likely lose a hand. Something is going on with Arizona and people have just now discovered them missing. There's also a pilot who's paralyzed... in case you wanted to know.

Now, my question: Who the hell wants to go to this friggin' hospital? Stay away! They should be treating it like a nuclear site. Set up a perimeter! Anyone who Seattle Grace dies or becomes seriously injured. I know I've said they have a huge cast and that it causes storyline problems, but really, they don't always have to die. Addison left for another job. That works. One of them can leave because he/she wants to be a stay at home parent. I think that could be lovely. The sad thing is, I've probably forgotten some deaths/injuries/tragedies that have occurred.

This is Grimey or Reappy showing up for his first day of work at Seattle Grace/Mercy West!
Let's wish him luck next season!

I think for next season, given that the writers seem intent on killing everyone, that they should hire the Grim Reaper. We'll call him Grimey or Reappy for short. He'll be the kind of awkward, comic relief character. Gee, I hope he doesn't die.

No! Wait! I get this episode now! It's a crossover! Grey's meets Lost! I'm onto you Grey's writers...

Remind me again why I watch this show?

Lauren.

Glee: Nationals

I only slept about three hours last night. And those three hours were not restful. I think I napped for about an hour and half today. In short, I don't know how I'm still awake, but I will do my best to provide a decent Glee commentary for yesterday.

Normally when a show's running time is two hours, I groan. I usually get sick of it and want desperately for it to end by the hour mark. Can you say three hour episode of Grey's? Anyway, I wasn't feeling the pain watching Glee. I felt it in the last fifteen minutes but that was mostly filled with the cast being showered in various... things. Could have made that a bit shorter. I'm also curious as to why the whole school throws confetti at them and is on their side just because they won a national championship. They made 12th last season, were greeted with similar fanfare, but everything went back to normal. Does McKinley like Glee Club or not? I'm going to need a decision on this.

Otherwise, I was impressed by the amount of continuity. They actually revisited three story lines that had nothing to do with Rachel, included character development for two of those characters and potentially set up for season 4 with Unique. I don't remember the last time the Glee writers were that efficient. Not to mention Tina getting a song, more than three lines and a hint of development. What the hell happened? I'm scared!

All that being said, I thought that Tina's knocked-out-in-a-fountain dream was hilarious. It was creeping me out and amusing me all at the same time. Rachel as Tina, bizarre but also cool. Puck and Finn as Kurt and Blaine. No damn Faberry but we can have that... it's just to spite me isn't it? Because I wrote that Faberry was more likely. I see how it is... Back on topic though, was Blaine Puck? It looked so weird I couldn't tell. A while ago I made a comment about Santana always wearing suits. I stand by that. But how the heck did she manage to look so... cute as Artie. It was nerdy-adorable.

Here's my answer to the Blaine question.

I loved that Tina got Rachel to go harass Whoopi Goldberg in person. If you're going to stalk someone, do it face to face I say. I actually hoped that something along those lines would happen. Tina was a surprise, but it made me like Rachel a little more. That mystifies most people, my liking of Rachel, but I love how she works for her dream. I think a lot of people are too willing to give up on their dreams because they hit a roadblock once, or twice, or three, or four times. I've said this before, and I guess I say it a lot because I've been in schools recently and seen it, but you don't get anything for nothing. You have to work your ass off for what you want. Especially if you want to excel and be at the very top of your given field. So I'm glad Glee is showing the effort, the perseverance, the dedication and downright insanity required to go after your dreams. I'm also really glad to see so many people going out on a limb for Rachel. Recently I've been having a similar experience and it's... amazing really, to know that there are people behind you, supporting you and going above and beyond your wildest expectations to help you. So, I can say that those people do exist.

Okay, this is getting long. So, final part. I really liked the Puck/Coach Bieste moment and story line. I thought it was pretty cool how they were brought together. It was oddly natural. I admit, I was also waiting for the moment Puck would ask to retake the exam. Yay for both of them.

Random crap: So, Quinn walks now. That was fast. Finchel, gross, please let the madness end. BRITANNA KISS! Thank you Glee for listening. Lindsay Lohan America's Sweetheart? Really? Emma's going to be pregnant next season isn't she? Lastly, was anyone really surprised they won Nationals?

This is my Faberry comment for the day. I would totally date a girl with a bucket on her head by the way.

These are my thoughts. If they were coherent put your hands up! And then tell me if you did because I can't see you. If this was not coherent, leave me an incoherent message and I'll do my best to get back to you.

Lauren.

The Truth About Faberry

Can't blog. Must sleep. Procrastinated too much. I forgot how long it actually takes to write an essay with academic substance. Still managed it somehow. Anyway, I can't write a long post about Glee (which I watched though I definitely shouldn't have) but, I did some research yesterday and will apply it here now.

This is how I feel regarding the single most important part of Glee:

Last episode: rife with Faberry opportunities. This episode, no Faberry to speak of. At least... none that actually happened. And you know he likes the tears. They only mentioned Finchel how many times?

Right. Bed. I need to sleep now.

Lauren.

Everybody Pees

I love awkward moments. Don't you? They always make for the greatest stories. Because there truly is nothing better than laughing at someone other than yourself. I've told awkward stories to strangers and come out of it having made a really good friend. If I remember correctly, that was how I became friends with Veronica. It became a ritual to tell her the awkward occurrences of my shifts and we would laugh about them. I'm going to consider those events aberrations.

For whatever reason, many of my awkward moments seem to happen in bathrooms. That's obviously the ultimate stage for awkwardness. I know there are differences in bathroom etiquette between men and women's washrooms, but I can assure you men that among the compliments on/bitching about our clothes, shoes, makeup and hair, there is plenty of room to be awkward.

Like when I was accused of stalking my prof. That happened in a bathroom. Or, when it was declared that I was apparently on the same schedule as another prof. That also happened in a bathroom. Actually, I'm seeing a new pattern as I type this. Awkward moments with profs in bathrooms. Cognitively, I realize that there's no reason to be awkward. As the good book says: everybody poops... or pees as the case may be. I guess it's a social barrier. Even when I'm given permission, I don't call my professors by their first names. I've been friends with some of my professors for years now and I still haven't gotten into the habit of using their first name. There's a kind of... divide there, a respect for authority perhaps. I acknowledge that it's a bit strange, but so am I. That's my excuse.

In any case, I had another episode of meeting a prof in the bathroom today. We were on break. I answered a couple quick emails, I ate a granola bar and decided it would be wise to go to the washroom before class resumed. As I walked down the hall, I ate the last bite of my granola bar. Naturally, that meant that as I entered the bathroom, I was still chewing. My prof was washing her hands and greeted me. My mouth was full. I covered my mouth, said 'hi' and continued to the stall. I had to pee! I wasn't trying to be rude. Anyway, I'm doing my thing when all of a sudden, my prof says: "I read your proposal. We could talk about it after class if you have a couple minutes." My friends and I talk over the stalls all the time but I wasn't aware I'd gotten to that point with my prof. She's been helping me out a lot and I've been seeing her rather frequently... I suppose it was time for that bridge to be crossed. I responded that that would be fine and continued what I'd been doing.

It's not that unusual, but I was caught off guard. Normally when I run into profs in the bathroom the most they'll say to me is "hi Lauren" and walk away quickly. Of course, now I think it's funny. It was funny then too but it's less awkward to be laughing about it now. Because I'm no longer alone in the bathroom. There's nothing creepier than somebody doing their business and laughing for an unknown reason.

And there you have it. Another awkward bathroom occurrence brought to you by me:

Lauren Daily.

(And no, I don't stage these things... believe it or not)

How To Kill Your Dragon

True story: BEd gave me a lot of time to watch TV and read. When I was on placement, that obviously wasn't true. But when I was at school, I had a lot of free time. I don't really know why. I guess I work quickly? Anyway, I picked up a lot of shows this year. One of them was Once Upon a Time. I think I talked about this once.

I thought the interpretation of the fairytales was really interesting. I liked the way they played into regular life. I liked a lot of the characters and I think the way the story developed in two realms was well thought out. How else would it be possible to watch essentially the same story develop twice in one episode.

Tonight was the season finale. I'll admit, I had pretty high expectations after Henry ate a pastry made of the poisoned apple that originally took out Snow White. Were those expectations met? Meh. I thought there was a lot of build up for how easily the story was resolved. I kept thinking "Thank God Emma's a blonde" (my apologies to blondes) because holy crap was she ever dumb. Had she never seen Walt Disney? He's the racist/antisemitic dude living in the fairy castle. He's friends with a talking mouse? Can't miss him. Somehow he became a staple of childhood?

When faced with a fire-breathing dragon, she decides to ignore everyone's advice and ditch her sword. Instead, she pulls out her gun. Because everyone knows if the princes of yore had guns, they would have turned them sideways a lit shit up. Needless to say, that didn't work out so well. We watched her run around for bit, fire off all her rounds, she acted confused... Oh right, I have that long metal thing scholars often describe as being phallic. What's that called again...? A sword! Perhaps I should use that like everyone told me. She ended up just throwing it and in one shot, kills the dragon. "You beginner luck" says Miagi.

She'll figure it out. She's getting closer.

After slaying the dragon with the correct weapon, she retrieved the potion that had been hidden inside it. The potion was True Love as concocted by Rumpelstiltskin. Gee... where does True Love usually come from in fairytales? It's okay, I'll give you a minute to think about it. A platonic hug? A firm handshake? Yeah... after Henry "dies" she tells her son that she loves him, kisses his forehead and TADA! breaks not only Henry's curse, but the curse that had been affecting the whole town. I'm unsure how that last part worked out. I am however positive that it had to do with Love.

So many problems arose over the course of the season. All of them led back to the evil Queen and Rumpelstiltskin. Neither of those two gets what's coming to them. In fact, they're both happy as a creepy greyish-pink fog engulfs the town. Obviously material for season two. Regardless of future intentions, it was kind of disappointing to see a kiss solve all the problems of the world. I know it's based on a fairytale but really? Emma wasn't the classic heroine. She was the tough, self-reliant chick, an investigator who allegedly had the power to tell when someone was lying. Clearly not Rumplestiltskin, but she had a lot on her mind so I'll let it slide. I was expecting an end that blended traditional fairytale and modern reality. Didn't really get that. It was very traditional, very fast and for me, unsatisfying.

But at least she believes in magic now. It only took a dragon. Clearly I have very high expectations of TV. Expectations that are seldom met. I still like the show. I even liked most of this episode. The thing with the dragon though... God!

Oh! I almost forgot! Happy Mother's Day to the Moms of the world. Yes, the World!

Lauren.

Irredeemably Brown

I don't know what to tell you about today.

I managed to get my computer's text reader to read me three chapters of Bulldog Drummond. We have to read it for history class. So far it's kind of Bond-like and it's amusing me. It is every bit the corny, bad, hilarious but it's not supposed to be funny, novel we were promised. I like when things live up to expectations. I hope it continues to amuse me. 

In any case, that was probably my major accomplishment of the day. Coming in close second is cooking a dinner that didn't suck atrociously. I was kind of impressed with myself. I'm a good baker, but that's where my culinary skills end. I like sugar... what can I say? I didn't burn anything, nothing tasted like it should be in a garbage can, I don't have leftovers coming out my ears (I always was proportionally challenged). It was in fact a rare occasion. And no, it didn't come out of a box or the freezer. I made a stir fry. Yeah, whatever, I know it's not that impressive, but when you're as kitchen-challenged as I am, anything that isn't irredeemably brown is a success story. That's why my third accomplishment of the day is cooking lunch. Because the quesadillas wound up being that wonderful shade of irredeemable brown. In case you're wondering, that's the shade of brown that precedes black and on fire. To be fair, it wasn't wholly my fault. My mom insisted on putting them in the oven. On broil. While neither of us was paying attention. The result? One side was burnt, the other barely browned. I later claimed that the one side wasn't in fact irredeemable brown, but completely normal brown for whole wheat. The taste gave me away. DAMN YOU IRREDEEMABLE BROWN! Or taste buds! I don't know who to blame for ratting me out... Damn them both. And the broiler too! 

It was a lazy day. Really lazy. The only thing left to do is for me to go to bed.

Lauren.

Sleepless in the Morning

The weird thing about having a day off, particularly after the last year, is that I get to sleep in. Opportunities  were few and far between due to morning classes and placements. Now that it's "summer" you'd think that I'd have plenty of opportunities. Well, I don't. I took another class and the majority of the world seems to operate on a before noon clock. This is one part of being a grown up that I do not approve of.

I had nothing to do today. I was planning on sleeping in. By the way, sleeping in is like... 9:00 if I'm lucky. I'm not lucky. One morning this week I had to drive my mom to work because my sister said she couldn't. Pft. Another day such and such a thing had to be done and for some reason, only I could do it. This morning, nothing and I mean nothing was going on. So naturally, my sister decided to blast her music. It wasn't a song I even recognized but I can assure you that it's a song I definitely don't like. It woke me up. I tried to ignore it but since there was nothing else going on in the house, it was that extra bit louder and couldn't be blocked out. I opened my door and reminded my sister that I was trying to sleep. My reminder was not well received. When she left, I managed to doze off again. About half an hour later, the phone started ringing... and ringing... and ringing. I was doing my best to get to it. Finally I picked up. I was just in time! Just in time to hear whoever it was hang up. Well, [expletive].

I gave up trying to sleep. But I didn't get dressed until 2:00. So there!

Besides, as it turns out, I fell asleep sometime around 4:00... I woke up and Ugly Betty was on. I didn't remember that happening.

I've decided that there's a conspiracy (mainly headed up by my sister) to prevent me from sleeping in. Vengeance will be wreaked! And I have the perfect plan! MWAHAHAHA! Now all that's missing is some tape, police riot gear, a pigeon, parental support (because I am not opening that can of worms without backup) and a megaphone. It will all make sense in good time.

Lauren.

Crotch Kicking

I received yet another kick to the crotch today. As a result, I'm not really feeling very talkative.

I was running some errands and decided to take the highway to get to my next destination. I was almost at the edge of the city limits. I had to take the off ramp. More than once I thought of just ignoring it. I wondered what it would be like if I just kept driving. Fortunately, I happened to look at my fuel gauge. I wouldn't have made it far on less than a quarter tank. Plus, I'm really not up to being charged with auto theft. At least that's a kick in the crotch I can avoid.

That's the kind of day it's been. I hope you'll forgive me this lack of post, humour and optimism. I hope the picture of the guy getting kicked in the nads at least provided a bit of a chuckle. I cringed then chuckled using my inside voice.

Lauren.

Job Interview!

For the first time ever, I have a job interview for a job that I've actually applied to. Unheard of! Usually I wind up getting jobs by chance or through family and friends because all my other attempts at getting a job failed. Although, I did get tipped off by a woman who used to work with my mom... Still counts! I'm still counting it!

Of course, now my mom is running around asking me if I'd like to practice interview questions. I said no but that wasn't good enough. I said 'no' in French which is still no but with an extra 'n' at the end. My sister asked me where I was being interviewed. It's a place that helps people find jobs. She then told me I should practice interview questions. Blast!

Here's the thing, I'm generally awkward and uncomfortable around people. As people get to know me, it just becomes part of what makes me, me. If I'm going to be awkward and uncomfortable, I would rather it come across as spontaneous rather than awkward and rehearsed.

Besides, I won't say anything intentionally stupid or offensive... Check it out.

What are my best qualities?
I'm persistent, I'm friendly (enough), I'm kind, I work hard, I'm efficient, I'm a very creative thinker.

How would I handle someone who's pissed off?
Remain calm. Yelling only escalates the situation. I'm also trained in CPI (very, very basic CPI).

Who would I bring with me to a desert island and why?
Steve Jobs so he could invent something to get me off the island.
Dianna Agron because she can entertain me with song and dance. And unless I'm mistaken, she's not a meat eater which is awesome because while I can eat meat, I can't kill it. Therefore, I'm making the rather large assumption that she would be well versed in eating plants. Plus, she's on my list of people I'd like to meet. Why not accomplish something while I'm stranded.
Dwayne Johnson because we're going to need someone to do the heavy lifting and he seems like a pretty nice guy. He has Canadian roots, we can bond over that. He'll also be a useful source of power provided he doesn't eat us all...

That's off the top of my head. It scares me sometimes that I can think of this sort of thing this quickly. And no, I wouldn't bring any of my friends because they'd be pissed at me and who's going to throw me a party when I get home if all my friends are pissed? Better to pick people I don't know and will likely never see again.

Why can't all interview questions be as fun as the last one!?

That is the news of today. I don't know why I'd ever be in the same place as Dianna Agron, the ghost of Steve Jobs and Dwayne Johnson, but wouldn't that make for a trippy story? Where would that place even be?

Lauren.

Glee Prom: Finn's an Ass

Sweet Faberry! Did you see Glee? We got actual mentions people. By 'we', of course I mean my fellow Faberry shippers and the mentions of Faberry in the show. And when there are mentions, lesbian content is sure to follow. Slowly but surely, there will be some Rachel/Quinn lesbian goodness. Am I right? Not likely but it never hurts to dream. 

On that note, does anyone else have a problem with Finn? Dude has anger management issues. I foresee Rachel pissing him off sometime after they're married and a physical altercation taking place. Naturally, Quinn will then run in (since she can walk again), save Rachel from a life of misery and use her newly acquired Yale law logic to destroy Finn once and for all. And the Faberry fans will rejoice!

But back to the actual episode instead of the ones that run through my mind. He attacked a girl in a wheelchair. I believe that is the definition of jack ass. Also, I'm confused about his perspective regarding Quinn's ability to walk. What was his problem? I think I might have sneezed and missed part of his rant. I definitely missed something. On top of which, he again essentially ruined prom for Rachel and Quinn. He failed to support his fiancee (gag) and then, after disappointing his fiancee, decided to retract support from his ex-girlfriend, thus threatening her happiness. I would also argue that Quinn has lost a lot over the various seasons so again, I don't really see where he's coming from when he says that she's got everything. . In the end, it's all for nothing because everyone acts like nothing happened. Stupid Glee... I would like to point out that Quinn and Rachel redeemed prom for each other. Rachel showed Quinn that she is a good person and Quinn showed Rachel that she's special and appreciated by giving her prom queen. Stupid Finn... FABERRY!

Ugh... so true. But see, I'm not alone. Someone else has their thinking cap on.

As for Rachel, I want to see her putting that board back together next episode. One set back does not destroy a dream. I'm hoping that's what the clever writers of Glee were hinting at with Rachel's closing monologue. Dreams aren't easy. That's why they're dreams. If you want them, you have to work your ass off for them and you aren't going to get there following a predetermined path of least resistance. Especially not if you have luck like mine. And for the few people who do manage to achieve their dreams this way, I think life has a way of coming in a complicating things later on. There's no one way to do anything. If you fail one way, you're one step closer to succeeding a different way. Yes, thinking that way is mentally exhausting. It's why I sleep so well. So, Rachel, pick up your knee-socks, put your board back up and find a different road to Broadway. I'm sure Dorothea could have taken any number of roads to get to the Wizard. It just so happens that your yellow brick road has a roadblock on it. Find a detour. 

Brittana. I need to stop seeing this mushy, vomititious Finchel nonsense and see more Brittana loveliness.   I could go for more Klaine as well. Where is the affection between the gay kids? We get that Rachel in Finn are in love... it's the reason that eludes us. I would like to see the Glee writers level the playing field where kissing is concerned. Because I can assure you that gay people don't just hug and talk about hair products. 

What else... YAY Puck. I would love for him to graduate. He's such an undercover (no pun intended) sweetheart. Something good has to happen to him. How is Brittany graduating if she's failing all her classes but Puck isn't and he's only failed one? Again, I think I've missed something.

Anyway, it's midnight, I have a class tomorrow, I'm sleepy and I've thoroughly abused the word "Faberry". So, this has been my weekly criticism/report on Glee. Oh, forgot. The dinosaurs made me laugh.

What the hell, one more time won't hurt.

Faberrily yours,

Lauren.

"The Year of Being Crapped On" Revisited

I think I've reflected back on my BEd year twice now. I won't be doing it a third time. Don't worry. Actually, I would like to reflect back on this year as a whole and share what I've recently discovered.

I am naming this year: The Year of Being Crapped On

I hit so many minor, irritating setbacks this year that I've probably broken a world record. BEd was a test of endurance that I was not expecting. I dealt with personality types that clashed most violently with my own. I went back into the closet for three months. My cat became ill, apparently terminally so. I found out that I am not going to be published after all. I was rejected from grad school. I had some pretty serious family issues to contend with. The majority of my friends moved back home (out of town in other words). It felt like one thing after another. Every time something good happened, something that would set me three steps back occurred to counter it.

Here's the thing. I may have been crapped on a lot, but a lot of good things have come of that crap pile. Is there a more inelegant way of phrasing that sentiment?

The last few weeks have been the hardest. I've never not had a plan or a direction. It's confusing not having one for the first time at age 23. I felt like I was being pulled in all kinds of directions. I had to make decisions immediately, before too much time passed and I missed out on something important. Or, I had to wait and weigh my options so that I didn't make the wrong decision. Obviously those two things don't really go together that well.

I think I've finally gotten to a point where I've waited long enough for the dust to settle and make the best choice. The other day, I don't really know why, but everything clicked into place. I suddenly knew what I wanted. Hopefully the window hasn't closed, but if it has, I have Plan B ready and waiting. It's funny actually because I wrote a blog post two years ago saying that I wanted to do an MA in history. Odd how it took this long for my brain to catch up again isn't it? I was reluctant because I didn't know what I wanted to write about. That problem has been solved.

As for the friends thing, I'm always reluctant to call people my friends because I find it difficult to gage if it's reciprocal. However, in my opinion and without getting really mushy, I found some wonderful friends in my professors. Three in particular, yeah I've got a team, have suffered my rambling, my indecision, my sudden and inexplicable decision making. And they're still willing to help me. They've been supporting me through the crap and I've been buried so deep in the crap that I didn't notice the extent to which I've been relying on them. So, while I've been all mopey and broody, I've had three lovely women pushing me when needed, guiding when necessary and listening to my incessant chatter. Because I do talk a lot. They've been going out of their way to help me.

This was the year of dealing with minor crap that was sufficient enough to unbalance me. There was a lot of crap compared to other years. There was a lot of stress. But in the end, I still had people looking out for me and in my worst moments, dragging me through. I guess a change in perspective was in order.

Lesson learned: Crap is fertilizer. Sometimes it just takes a bit of time for the flowers and stuff to break the surface. But they do and you'll eventually realize that they were always there. You will be grateful.

Corny? I don't know if mentioning poo makes it more gross or awkward than corny.

Lauren.

The Trench Warfare Question

The most interesting thing that happened to me today? I cleaned my room and found... a ton of fluff. My damn socks are shedding. Either that or the reason I noticed is because my cat is no longer eating the fluffs... It's a mystery.

Where am I going with this? Absolutely nowhere. I spent the day procrastinating. You try reading ten pages of why sunsets and sunrises were significant in WW1 literature. Eventually it becomes more of the same. Sun goes up, soldiers peek over the trench, many of them die. Sun goes down, soldiers climb over the edge of the trench and dig more trenches or put up wire.

Actually, reading those articles again called into question the whole idea of trench warfare. I really don't get it. It's not all that complicated, but why the hell would the nations of the world, not just one, think that both sides using defensive strategies would be a good idea? As soon as you stick your head above ground you're screwed. If you don't stick your head above ground you don't move. In order to move forward a kilometre you have to kill a third of your total force. Proportionally, it doesn't make much sense to me. Granted, the trenches themselves could be extremely complex, but the logic... seriously, who thought that strategy up?

From my readings tonight, I got an added perspective. You're literally living in a disease-ridden hole in the ground. Why not just live in a grave? Dirt below you, dirt to your left, to your right? And for kicks, pardon the pun, you lose your foot to foot rot. You only have the sky to look up at and if you're at all religious, well, you're looking at where you're hoping to live once you die. Trenches don't seem to be morale boosting environments. And I haven't even gotten to bombs being lobbed into them yet! It just gets funner from there!

I suppose this is going to be my question for the day: Why was trench warfare employed in WW1 and with what goal in mind?

I suppose it would go along with the idea that it was supposed to be a quick war, an easy way to grab some glory and head home. Just dig a hole and stick it out until the world leaders come to their senses. If you look at it that way, trench warfare would seem more like a reluctant way to conduct war. Attack when you absolutely have to, lay low the rest of the time. Theoretically, I suppose it would seem like a way to preserve life. An interesting contrast to WW2 which was intentionally more aggressive and all-incompassing.

Is this what it's like to think again? Oh, I love that buzz of ideas connecting! Okay, that was my nerd-off for the day. I'm now going to bed.

Lauren.

Crunchy Hair, Gross Wrap

I went to get my hair cut today. I've gotten used to it being shorter which now requires more upkeep. I really don't mind getting my hair washed. I rather enjoy it. I don't mind seeing chunks of my hair hit the floor after a rather alarming diagonal cut.

What bugs me is the styling part. They use so much damn hairspray I'm amazed my hair came down at all. I like a great many things to be crunchy; chips, toast, peanut butter. I don't however like my hair crunchy. When was the last time you were complimented on the crunchiness of your hair? Never. Because it's not a compliment. I'm not especially fond of the styling portion of the day either. I always wind up with a diffused mass of crunchy curls bobby-pinned to the top of my head. But I'm the one that gets in trouble for taking the dead thing on my head apart and desperately brushing out the knots before we get home. Madness! It must be madness! Personally, I think a few too many of us left looking country. And not Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood, pretty country. Old school, I used up a can of hairspray and may spontaneously combust kind of country.

Either way, I feel lighter and it was a drive. I even got lunch out of it.

While I was cruising the menu, I came across the most bizarre menu item I've encountered. I ordered it out of sheer curiosity. My suspicions of it being kind of gross were confirmed. Whole wheat wrap, romaine lettuce, carrots, breaded chicken, crispy "chinese" noodles all drowned in a honey mustard dressing. I'm pretty sure there was more Ramen to the noodles than there was chinese. Seriously though, when something is that obviously bizarre it's begging to be tried. And now that I have, I don't recommend it. Maybe it's hangover food... If anyone out there wants to try it after a night of drinking, please feel free to share your findings.

Anywho, my dad and my cat are both snoring. I think that's a sign that I should go to bed as well.

Lauren.

Universal Truths Proven

Hi, welcome back to Universal Truths. I'm your host, Lauren Daily and today, we're talking about universal truths. At least, they seem to be universal. They're stereotypes and cliches for a reason am I right?

Okay, here is today's list of universal truths proven.

1. Men will not take directions from women, even if they're right.
2. Irony will always pop up at the most inconvenient times and embarrass you.
3. Everything convenient is inconvenient to the powers that be. Therefore, everything inconvenient to those subject to the powers that be, is actually convenient. 
4. If the girl is cute, you're going to make yourself look like a moron.

Truth number one. My father and I, fresh from a coffee run, decided to bring my mom some coffee as well. Upon leaving her workplace, my dad decided to turn left at the end of the street instead of right. It's harder to turn left because the street he's attempting to turn onto is a busy one. Moreover,  we'd have to turn onto another even busier street. I suggested he turn right because in the end, it's faster. There are only two traffic lights and two stop signs. His way, there are four traffic lights and you're at the mercy of douche bags who won't let you change lanes. He declared a hatred for my way and did as he pleased. Before he completed the turn, he decided he wanted a haircut. His barber is located on the street we would have gone down had we gone my way. But! We went his way, turned right down some side street and waited at a stop sign because at that juncture, the street we would have been on had he listened to me, is busy. 

The next point regards the ongoing saga of taking a summer course. I'm starting to feel like I'm infiltrating enemy territory every time I walk into the registrar's office. Plus, the doors open backwards which never ceases to confuse me. Today I was dropping off my acceptance of their letter of admission. Which is stupid considering I've been at this school five years already... So, submitted that page which only required my signature and a checkmark.

Woman: Okay, so if you'll see Debbie, she'll help you with registering.

Lauren confused: Why?

Woman confused: To register for classes.

Lauren: Can't you do that online?

Woman surprised: I... Yes, if you feel comfortable doing that.

Lauren: I think I can handle it. 

In a strange twist of irony, the ever trustworthy Internet has decided that "I can't register at this time". Piece of crap. Now I have to go back and see Debbie. AAAARG!

Following that lovely excursion, I went to the book store where I discovered that the course pack for my class was out of stock. We're only ten people in the class. How it can be out of stock amazes me. Particularly since it's printed in the basement of the school. As it turns out, it was mislabelled which prevented me from buying it last Wednesday when it was in stock. So, I paid sixty dollars for a receipt and travelled down to the basement of the school. It looks like somewhat like a warehouse where someone is going to jump out at you from around the corner and drag you into the janitor's office, never to be seen again. Still, placed my order with the printer's. I get to pick it up Monday afternoon, after my class. Perfectly inconvenient. 

Popped into my doctor's office today because we were in the area and calling them is next to impossible. I showed up around closing time so the usual receptionist wasn't in her usual scrubs. I thought she was cute in the scrubs. Damn casual clothes! Anyway, I wanted to change my appointment from Friday to Thursday. She promptly looked up my information and told me that my appointment was on the 10th. Yeah... the 10th is a Thursday. She laughed, I blushed, it all went exactly according to plan. I got her to write down my appointment on a card before I left. 

This has been Universal Truths. I hope you've learned something. I certainly have. 

I'm Lauren Daily, signing off. Yes, I felt the need to narrate that.

To the Conference!

I am sleepy. I had some crazy nightmare last night that left me drenched in sweat when I woke up this morning. I don't remember all of it, but there was a Hunger Games aspect with some Lion Witch and the Wardrobe thrown in. There was also a church for some reason and a guy I went to grade school with but haven't really spoken to in years. Made no sense, but I got out alive. Two of the others were left in dangerous situations. Not going to lie, kind of curious what happened to them. But aside from that weirdness, I had to be up early because I was heading off to my first ever conference.

It all began with coffee. We ordered, chit chatted and piled into two cars. I was in the car with the alleged speed-demon, though I'm definitely not one to judge given that I'm always at least 10km over the speed limit. We didn't hit construction, we didn't hit animals, we didn't hit some of the stupid drivers who deserved it or even the parking lot barrier that would not open. Driving wise, it went quite well I think.

A little over halfway to our destination, our driver/professor asked us a question that had been plaguing her. She asked us if we were in a room and there was a fire, if we would try to put out the fire or if we'd jump out the window. She was looking for us to answer with either one or the other. We weren't that cooperative. We kept asking her for specifics: what floor are we on? is it a big fire? She was rather stunned and reminded us that there was a fire in the building. I really didn't see why that would matter. I'm not going to jump out a window if there's another option. Meanwhile, opening the window might cause the fire to get worse due to the increased oxygen. It was determined that we think too much. Eventually, we all agreed that we'd jump out the window... apparently that says something about our personalities. I'm unclear about what it indicates, but there you have it.

Finally we arrived at the university where the conference was being held. We relied on GPS to get to the campus but Emily was not useful when on the actual university grounds. We had no idea where we were going. Much swearing and turning around followed. Of course we were not supposed to mention that the former occurred. Here's the thing. Since watching Taxi, my mom has uttered the same line every time we get into our car. Quoting Queen Latifah, she giddily declares "Buckle up for safety mother f---ers." I was not going to be scarred by a bit of blasphemy and a few well placed f-bombs.

The conference itself was interesting... I had a giggle. The presenter that went before us kind of mimicked the BEd experience. When I announced that fact, I was met with a "Great... something to look forward to..." Our profs were not impressed. I think it served as an indictment of the education system more than anything else. I think our profs presentation went much better and was received much better. It was an in and out experience. Kind of glad because after my bit was done, I was freaking tired. And hungry... they fed us but I have this thing, I don't like food that's been left out. You never know who touched what before you pick it up. That's gross.

On the way home it ended up just being me and one my prof. The other four decided to make a few pit stops. I rather enjoyed the conversation. And lunch because apparently my prof had similar issues with the food provided. So a good day. Just tiring.

Yay for going out of town!

Lauren.

Indecision and the Iris Comparison

I don't have a whole lot to say about today. I went to class. Class ended early. I was trapped at school until three. I went to a quick meeting regarding a mini-adventure out of town with some other students and profs. My first conference! I could go for a bit of a trip right now. This trip probably doesn't qualify as a trip, but I'm calling it a trip anyway.

I'm now watching one of my favourite movies, "The Holiday". I'm quite a bit like Iris (Kate Winslet's character) and it's mildly embarrassing. The consolation I take from this fact is that by the end of the movie, Iris is absolutely kick ass... plus, Kate Winslet is just a little gorgeous. Well, if we're being honest, I think Iris was always kick ass, she's just outwardly kick ass by the end. I think she slams a door in a guy's face. God I love doing that. There's something deliciously satisfying about the whoosh of the door and the finality of the slam, the rattle of the walls... Try it next time you're angry.

I could very much go for a spontaneous vacation as well. Except for the fact that I'm not spontaneous enough to actually do that. Then again, I don't know what the hell I want to do in any aspect of my life, so any decision will likely be spontaneous... for me. I've actually slowly been whittling down my options. I'm down to doing a qualifying year and applying for an MA or flocking off, working for a year and then reconsidering the MA option. So, still no big decisions made. On the small decision front, I have three things to accomplish before I go back to therapy. Woot woot. I forget what the last thing is, but I've already done one. I'm in the process of accomplishing the second.

Alas, I have to get to bed. And bathe. I think it's only fair that I bathe if I'm going to be trapped in a car with people who aren't my family. I'd want them to do the same.

Lauren.